*teleports behind you*

*teleports behind you*
The closest object to you is your only weapon.
How fucked are you?

Tea towel I was gonna masturbate into

Very

Plastic Laundry Bin

maybe if I do his laundry he will let me live?

>teleports behind me
so he teleporting into a wall?

My dick, which is always in my hand as I browse Sup Forums

I'm thinkin I'll be fine

I didn't kill his dog or try and bring him back into the Game, I think I'll be fine.

...

it's literally a keyboard or laptop or phone for everyone reading this

>computer
He's no match to my shitposting abilities, it's not even fair.

Or a wall

Fuck you bitch, my phone cord is closer to me than my phone.

My extracted wisdom tooth that i cant stop touching

Wouldn't the closest object to all of us be our chairs/desks/mice/keyboards/phones? We literally have to be touching one of those things

Half a liter cup of scalding hot water

Could be worse I guess

>a mattress with a bunch of holes and really sharp bed springs sticking out

He's fucked. I'll just offer him a good night's rest without telling him that if he doesn't sleep in a certain position a really uncomfortable spring will pop up and scratch him.

Thank fuck I'm strong enough to wield it

Buy a new bed, Jesus Christ

I'm currently touching a chair, a mouse, my clothes, and the floor

Which is closest to me?

>Hairbrush or Chocolate Milk
I'm fucked, kiddo.

HB pencil. If I was a better man I could make this work, but alas, I am not

How many hands you got bro?

The closest object to all of you faggots is you computer chairs if not your clothes.

These fucking threads are always retarded.

Well I didn't do anything to him so it doesn't really matter, does it? I'm safe.

His intention is to kill you with your own disarticulated penis.

My onahole, maybe he can slurp the cum out of it.

My closest weapon is my glock I carry on my side. I have an open carry. lol rip mr. wick. i dare him to try me.

Dab torch - if u burn his eyes out I can get a chance to break one of his legs with the bat I've got then I can kill him

Im taking a shit...fuck it ill kill him eith a bar of soap i guess as hes gonna be stuck behind the toilet