Steel drums start playing

>steel drums start playing

My penis...It's getting harder!

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Man when I think of the vanilla things like girls flashing I used to fap to compared to what I fap to now I wonder at how innocent I used to be.

Haha me and my buddies used to suck each other off when these commercials came on and we would blow our loads all across the room. Good times

back in middle school i would literally look up "big boobs" on the internet and just jerk it

shits foreign to me

iktf

where does the time go?

Jesus Christ that brings me back.

>those episodes where they'd get identical twins to make out

That's so fucked up now that I think about it.

>tfw almost broke into neighbors car for a cd with a cover of a girl in a bra
>tfw fapping to One Piece hentai

I'm such a fucked up PoS these days

We've really been spoiled by internet porn havent we? Carl was right, it has to be friggin bananas to get me interested anymore

...

>laying in bed past midnight
>it's a school night
>watching comedy central
>your dick is out
>hand at the ready
WARNING

Cant fuck with Doggy Style though

Think about modern kids who haven't had that transition period. Little kids playing on their tablets can access hardcore porn at anytime in the privacy of their own rooms with headphones on.

Law of Diminishing Returns

It's not too late to quit, guys.

youtube.com/watch?v=Hx-p9Wr6xg0

>tfw someone probably got rich off this shit
>tfw these roasties are probably in their 30s

mah nigga

I'd stay up late waiting for this to come on desu

Didn't even masturbate yet at that point. Still wanted to see it tho.

Not only are you a faggot, but you literally sucked your friend off. That's fucking weird as shit. You probably are a low life piece of shit. Into the oven.

I would google "Trish Stratus" and then jerk it to her pics and then meticulously delete the form and browsing history.

I remember this awesome site called "hallpass" that had like vids and games which is dead now that had lots of tit vids like Keeley Hazell shoots and stuff. Good times.

>>tfw someone probably got rich off this shit
No, I think he got bankrupt.

>Youth, stealing a copy of your dad's Heavy Metal magazine and jerking off like a fiend
>Teenage years, loading up the Duke Nukem 3D editor because it didn't check for the parental lock and you can look at pixelated animated boobs
>Modern day, downloading hardcore snuff porn and incest at the speed of light from around the world

It's pretty weird to think about.

Man, I remember getting in trouble for having one of these commercials on tv after I fell asleep with my eyes open once.

>Trish Stratus
>not Torrie Wilson

>watching softcore porn with the volume at the threshold of hearing
>one hand in my dick, one hand on the channel jump button
>interrupting my fapping whenever the slightest sound is heard

Good times.

Yep fled to Mexico to avoid arrest. Must have been a hell of a ride for those first few years of GGW though.

>be 12 yo me
>literally discover fapping my rubbing my dick on my bed face-down thinking of some bitch from a shampoo commercial

>be 24 yo me
>can't get off without a bad-dragon dildo 16 inches into my ass with my balls in a vice and my cock and nipples hooked up to a pumping machine and slowly asphyxiating myself with a plastic bag and dildo gag in my mouth while watching POV CGhentai depicting elf girls being raped to death by monsters with serrated cocks and Yakuza punishment snuff porn

Your progression has been much more severe than my own. I only started looking at hardcore a few years ago and still look at doujins.

>one hand in my dick

i developed supersonic hearing by doing that

>Yakuza punishment snuff porn

You son of a bitch, I've only seen a webbum or two and never got any actual videos of it.

>americucks

I had completely forgotten about these commercials until I watched the Curb episode with it

>age 12
>masturbate to a woman's shoulders when there's a post coitus scene on network television

>age 32
>dual monitor setup playing incest roleplay porn on one screen and rape play on the other, both on mute while listening to some cunt from an fsa thread on /soc/ pretend she's jerking off her dad

What a time to be alive

>sex in the city
>TV MA,Okay time to fap
>any minute now
>where are the tits?
>god damn it I've been had!

God this was so me. I had a shitty door without a lock and had parents who were just down the hall (who often had to get up to piss in the middle of the night). Im half convinced the risk of getting caught jerking it was half the fun

All you have to do to get your sensitivity back is to go cold turkey for a few months. I worked on a fishing boat in Alaska one summer and when I got back women in tank tops were enough to give me wood.

You are not even memeing, you are really a faggot. Homosexuality is a result of brainwashing your mind with media and the internet. Porn turns people into faggots.

Cold turkey as in no porn or no fap?

>literally discover fapping my rubbing my dick on my bed face-down thinking of some bitch from a shampoo commercial

This is me at age 28 except for the face down thing. I can't get off to porn anymore and I could never get into the extremely exotic stuff. Incest and all that weird Jap shit, I did that. Like it just doesn't get me hard at all. I look at it and nothing. Only thing that gets me off is the most beautiful of women or girls and you can't find that in porn.

>a few months

>I had a shitty door without a lock and had parents who were just down the hall (who often had to get up to piss in the middle of the night).

Same

And nothing has changed ;_;

This

>pre-teen me
>instant cum from bra pic in target ad

>now
>1 hour of constant searching for anything to even give me half a chub

>young me
>stay up long enough to watch shit like Nuke Em High and Chopping Mall
>"who the hell are these people"
>"that guy sounds like he parrot from Aladdin"
>"just play the stupid movie already"
>never realized until way later what I was missing
Who remember?

This is by far the greatest post I've ever seen on this board

The former for sure and the latter if you can manage it. I didn't masturbate for something like two months because I was basically sleeping on the top shelf of a bunk bed with someone underneath me but my balls eventually became so blue that I couldn't help it. I just used a sock and crammed it way at the bottom of my sea bag.

Yep.

anyone else become adept in computer usage as a result of having to to hide your porn browsing habits from family growing up?

[glass breaks]

I used to google "illesbean" because my friends always talked about how that was the best porn, but I didn't know how to spell it

Never found it

Like what... learning how to delete your browser history? It really doesn't take much.

god I miss enjoyable teenage masturbation.

adult post-virginity fapping just makes me depressed

haha yea I manually broke the speaker on my modem so it wouldnt do the dial tone out loud and I learned how to use shortcut commands

I got a prostitute was i was in LA and I couldn't get it up to fuck her because I masturbate so much for so long between being able to have sex that it gave me brain damage or something and now my brain is wired wrong.

>be 13

>Would time it so woke up Saturday morning just in time to watch Saved by the Bell

>Spank the morning wood to Kelly Kapowski

Such simple innocent times

So long as it's Robin it's fine

stop fapping for a week and you'll probably get hard at anything

I find the opposite. If I go a week without fapping I wind up having less urge to fap not more as if my cock just completely disengaged.

Anyone else stealth fap to Chyna's playboy pictures?

>up late watching some shitty stand up special on comedy central with my older sister
>GGW commercial comes on

Dead silence.

>ITT: Things you fapped as a lad to before you discovered internet porn

>Heartbreakers
>American Pie 1/2
>What Women Want (the 1 scene where Mel fucks the hot chick from the Sopranos)
>Degrassi (the ep where Manny grinds on Craig)
>Sopranos sex scenes
>Nip/tuck sex scenes
>Blind Date (particularly desperate times)

THIS Holy shit

I would jump to the history channel

The first time I ever tried searching for porn, I typed "pictures of men and women having sex".

It's Chopper x Zolo

>tfw innocuously downloading kiddie porn in the early internet days since I was a 12/13 year old searching for 12/13 yo shit on torrents

Thank fuck I'm not growing up in today's world.

>random HBO shows
>Lingerie ads
>literally nothing

mfw I didn't even have dial up when I was in middle school

The first time I ever searched for porn on he internet I typed "naked ladies" into the google search bar.

Nothing came up, so I thought "NAKED LADIES" would work better. It didn't, so I jerked off to HBO latenight instead.

Those Cathouse specials on HBO were prime early 2000's 1am fap kino

>Porn is now incredible and instantly streaming now that I'm too old to actually enjoy it

Data, Mister Darvison

Blowing up the food

Take out for lunch, Pete?

A

e

Fasdf

I hope you're joking
that's not real, right?

>mfw was 13 and only looked up softcore erotica vids or titplay vids on video sites because vaginas were weird

>Accidentally stumbled across porn at FIVE years old
>Didn't jerk off but for some reason really enjoyed watching it, got a weird kinda high off it
>18 years old I'm a fucking sexual fiend with fetishes that would make a pornstar cry
>Read that kids who are introduced to sexuality too early tend to end up like this

Just another statistic.

this made me kek very hard

meant 18 years later*
I'm 24

A fairly famous webbum of it gets posted on Sup Forums sometimes of a girl getting a garden hose rammed down her throat and choked with water and shit. They're not really as bad as Mexican/South American cartels and shit but basically if you do something to piss off theJap mobsters they'll take your sister, wife, daughter, etc close female relation and rape her and do humiliating things to her and in extreme cases kill her and film it all.

The garden hose one is pretty hot. Japs really know how to make a girl's misery get your dick hard. Cartels just fucking cut people's hands and faces off or rip their bowels inside out through their ass and that's just gross desu. Although at my rate of degeneracy maybe in a couple years liveleak will be my porn site who knows.

early mandy moore and britney spears music videos which i recorded on vhs from TRL

>limewire
>cp
>real obscure shit you will never ever find again

>Back when I was 13 or so I would try to google porn of other girls my age

I really wonder how the FBI never came knocking

>Could access internet porn on family computer, but had to wait for no one to be home as the screen was in a high visibility area
>Solution: late at night print out physical photos of internet porn and stash them

Seriously like just photos of tits

>Didn't know to clear history
>Was so young I would just type "A boy needs sex" and shit like that in the search bar
>Heard my mom discussing it with my dad one night asking if it was him

They never brought it up to me but I was so embarassed.

>real obscure shit you will never ever find again

Man, there was so many great video sharing sites before youtube that had content just on them people would upload. NSFW content but not straight up porn, like lewd cartoons or a girl playingwith her tits on cam or dancing for webcam. Never to be seen again. I remember this one Carmen girl who did Big Tits and Sexy Dance +18 to "Promiscuous Girl". Classic vid, and part 2. All these memories, rain, tears.

>>Solution: late at night print out physical photos of internet porn and stash them

My fucking friend this and his mom happened to find them when I was hanging out and we both got in trouble for it. I didn't even fucking know he had em

kek your dad'd be arrested.

>N-no officer it was my son googling "13 year old dick sucking pov" not me! Son tell him!

>Find Sup Forums at early age (2006, was in 6th grade)
>Browsing Sup Forums after school, find one of those "anime girls arranged in order of tit size" pics
>Open it, very enjoyable for me at that age
>Oh shit here comes mom
>Hide the browser with lightning keystrokes
>Mom sees nothing, makes some conversation while she looks for something
>Decide to purge evidence in case she wanted to use the computer, close the browser from the dock (it was an old imac)
>Fucking safari suddenly brings all the windows back up with a "you have multiple windows open, are you sure you want to quit" message
>Anime tits in full view
>Panic, click the box that allows me to close the browser
>Miraculously this all happened when my mom's back was turned, and I killed the window right before the monitor was back in her line of sight

Scared me enough that I stopped browsing Sup Forums while she was still awake. For a while.

>Read that kids who are introduced to sexuality too early tend to end up like this
Fuck. So that's why.

>dad walked in on me watching Man Show
>accused me of masturbating in the bathroom because I'd spend so much time in there
>it was only because I had a nervous colon and couldn't shit because of the fear of people knocking on the door
>eventually had my first fap to a Magnum magazine because he kept accusing me of it and it frustrated me

>spend 2 hours download blowjob.avi
>it's a gay blowjob

>I was into girls giving blowjobs to horses when I was 14-15

whew

All those times I'd try to download some Allysin Chaines or Katie Morgan scenes from lime wire in 2003 and would accidentally get that fucking bill Clinton impersonator or r@ygold shit. The Internet really was the Wild West until like 2005.

>Used to go www.boobs.com and fap to the free previews
>used to go to Playboy and play Playmate strip poker flash game and fap

>Now I fap to only kink.com hardcoregangbangs and sexandsubmission

oh, so that's why I can only jerk it to asphyxiation and urination vids now

>Look up literally anything
>Top result is "Hot 13 year old cums on huge dick"

I might be paraphrasing but it was definitely something like that

>spend 2 hours downloading it
>what am I supposed to do, not fap to it?

Lmao.

That was me. Theres no worse feeling that wanting to fap, but all you can watch is some chick tv show.

H-hahaha yeah

...

>tfw learned what masturbation was from the Man Show
>Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla taught me how to jerk it

I came for the first time to hot girls jumping on trampolines