"Do you have any samples?"

"Do you have any samples?"

>GOATs
1. Robert
2. Kevin

>thinking with your dick
3. Lori

>meh
4. Daymond
5. Mark

>complete shit
6. Barbara "I'm so confused"
7. Any and all meme guests

Daymond is the shittiest, he is only there for the paycheck.
>a brotha in the hood could do the same and for that reason im out

I wish she would sit on my face

Nobody can be worse than Barbara

>first you're saying you want to make the stuff, then you want to sell the stuff. It doesn't make any sense, and you know what, I don't trust you. There was a kid in high school who looked just like you and he kicked my cat. What's the internet? I'm out.

I'm in, therefore I'm out.

"I want yo make you an offer"
"ok go ahead"
"I'm out"

sensible kek

Why is Daymond such a baby? Everytime someone doesn't immediately say yes to his deals he's out under the guise of "I like decisive partners".

>thank you Robert, this deal is an even higher evaluation than we were looking for. Not only that, your distribution skills are exactly what this company needs. However, I saw Mark getting mad at basketball games so we're going to give him 85% for a bag of cheetos.

Are Robert and Lori fucking? There's something going on isn't there?

Robert is the cuck

everybody in corporate is fucking. i run Security for a law firm and can confirm almost every day after people go home and only a few are left everybody fucks

How much equity would I have to give up to lick her feet?

kek'd

Sure, pick one.

What's an .srt? I don't download stuff pls no bully

subtitle

It's a type of file extension that usually deals with just subtitles in a notepad format.

>You have no business model and no sales. Your product makes absolutely no sense and not a single person will ever buy it. But you did bring your dog to the presentation and let me pet him so here's 2 million dollars. I want no equity.

>Have more money than any person could ever need
>overcome with pure joy when he sees a dog

Why is he so perfect, bros?

You know what kid, i like you. You remind me of myself when inwas younger: Ambitious, intelligent, and a cock the size of a toddlers forearm.

But heres the thing, user. Im a shark. Im a great white. You're just a baby great white. I'm the apex predator around here, and i cant afford to let any younger sharks grow big and strong. Im going to buyout your piece of shit company so fast and bury it so far beneath the earth that the only memories of your potentially world changing meme will be of this episode that will never be seen.

And for those reasons, im out.

DUDE UBER LMAO

Accurate list

>it's a no Robert or Lori episode
RRREEEEE

kek

Guys other than the fact that Lori looks fucking amazing (with makeup obviously) for a 47 yr old with the amount of stress that is probably on her. What is it that makes her so fucking attractive...?

In hindsight I guess that could be the only reason you need but I still think there is something else I'm missing...maybe I want a hot sugar momma to brutally destroy me everynight and buy me all the vidya and tech I could ever want the next morning...

She looks absurdly thicc in those dresses she wears. Plus, she's a successful intelligent woman while not being a bitch. She's so sweet and fun, which is rare in successful women. It's really an amazing combination

>it's a dumb single mom whore peddles rags episode

W-was she horny tonight?

Who are all the guests we've had so far?
>Ashton
Way too shy in the beginning, out of his element, lightens up a little his second time
>Sacca
Not bad, brings some good bantz
>Black music guy with glasses
Boring and forgettable
>Stadium guy, Tisch something?
Old, reminds me of a male Barbara
>Tequila guy who created Petron
Pretty cool, I liked when he made the deal with that random farmer to help grow trees

I had no idea most of the agreed on deals usually fall through. Yes, Robert might come off as a total bro but his deal finalizing rate is the lowest of any of them.

it's amazing how many snub Rob-bro even after he offers them EXACTLY what they asked for

Is there any other show as comfy as this bros? I have every episode on my dvr and an watch 2 a night when I'm winding down

She accuses men of being sexists and she gave the meathead peanut butter bros a deal purely on lust

Who has made the most money?

Everyone was teary on that farmer pitch. Such a feel good moment.

I wonder what she's talking about.

Units sold has to be scrub daddy no?

On tonight's episode, they had a weight-loss candy that gave you a tingly feeling in your mouth. Sorry to ruin the suspense

>that episode where Lori and Barbara accuse the guys of being sexist for not wanting to invest in ass-lifting yoga pants
>based Kevin doesn't even give a shit, tells them he would never invest in a product designed to trick men anyways

Robert>Mr.Wonderful>Mark>Daymond>Lori>Barba

Fight me

Robert is great for a while but overall Kevin is the GOAT.
Pull Lori ahead of fibula man

>That episode where Kevin talks about his wine drinking secret society,
Holy shit I might have peed my pants

I'd lick that lazy eye

Someone post the africa copypasta

idk why this always happens either

Is it because they get shocked that DO get exactly what they asked for and therefore they should talk to the other sharks and make a better deal?
Is it because he doesn't randomly get salty and drops deal negotiations for no reason like Daymond or Mark?
Do they think he's incompetent as a helpful business aid?

shit's weird

I think he does it just to flex/create a persona (also probably a lil bit of a baby).
Also gives the added bonus that contestants on the show might rush a deal because of they are worried about his salt I guess?

He doesn't have le star power

Im pretty sure its partially because of your number 1 and 3, mainly 3 but not cause hes incompetent, just that they have probably watched the show and realise that most of his deals are shitty, they are the fewest on the show, besides maybe Daymond, and compared to the other sharks and their deals/companies he really hasn't done anything too spectacular or is much of a great partner (apparently)..

That being said hes still rich as fuck, seems like a super nice dude, and seems like a guy Id get a beer with and talk about how much we hate niggers and arabs...
And also what Lori smells like in person...

I feel like people with more commercial-able products don't give Lori enough of a chance. I don't think they realize how much Boomers buy random shit from QVC. It's free sales.

Unless the contestant has a clothing company or possibly a swimming academy, Daymond should never even fucking offer a deal, dude is so shit its hard to watch the episodes hes in. I mean I seriously can't think of an episode where his wardrobe didnt contain some kind of FELT/SOMETHING FUZZY....that fucking style of his amazes me every single time....

>You asked for $500k for 10% of your company, I'll give you the $500k for 50%
>You have until the end of this sentence to accept I'm out
Mark every fucking time.

Can you give an example of one or a few products you mean? I think i can maybe name a few of what you mean but cant really visualize the products or the episodes, and I know Im missing some, I havent seen the past 2 seasons...

Contestant -"w-woah that's crazy. i-i-is it okay i-if I t-think about it f-for a second and h-h-hear the other Sharks offers??"

*every Shark drops out 5 seconds later*
*contestant walk out of room, with head down*

Sharks - "geez so indecisive!"

This so fucking much. I find Mark pretty gud for a laugh at the expense of his peers on the show or when he just shits on a terrible pitch/idea.
But Jesus Fucking Christ does he "dance" around deals alot...course hes got his share of completed deals, but compared to the rest of the sharks its obvious he really doesnt care or possibly even want to be on the show, regardless of the free advertisement and shit.

For example there was an episode where he asked these 3 asian sisters "If I were to offer you $30 million dollars for your company...would you take it?" The show makes it sound like hes 100% serious, especially when Robert says some shit like "he just offered you 30 million dollars and you turned him down?"...

Then I see that fucking ABC special with some news anchors and the cast of the show, and when they come around to asking Mark about that offer he tries and say that it was obviously a 100% hypothetical deal (even though he didnt mention that in the actual episode in front of the asians...) I guess just 99% of the ultra-rich have ultra-shit personalities. (Cept for like Warren Buffet)

This
If I ever went on shark tank I'd want to make deal with Robert

I saw that exact special too. He says it was """'hypothetical"""" but it's clear to anyone that he 100% dead serious. All the anchors and other sharks called him out on his bullshit after they all saw the clip. I think it's just part of the CEO rich asshole personality: you have to believe your own lies, truly think that you are never wrong, and all of your miscues were due to outside scenarios. If those asian woman accepted the deal I'm sure who would felt like he's the shit

I agree with you about the roasting shit pitches and banter with the other Sharks tho. Basically the only reason he's on the show.

One thing I like about Kevin is that if he makes an offer then 9/10 times he doesn't do any bullshit like "you have 5 seconds to accept my offer or I am out, 5... 4...". Fucking Daymond is always doing that shit. And Mark is unpredictable as fuck usually.

...

Fuck this guy... I'd punch him in his rich faggot face if I could.

This.

I think I only seen her get mad once in the 3 seasons I've watched so far.

barb has apparently doubled her networth from investing in shark tank, shes really good for herself but bad for a show because she only invests in actually good ideas and not meme shit that might make her lose money

goat is Kevin though for sure

...

>There is a small island in the Himalayan Sea called Malderiki, upon which I own a large mansion. Every year afer the first rain, the Newport Beach Wine Society (of which I am a member) gathers at my mansion to watch the island's natives grovel in the mud as their pathetic straw dwellings are ripped apart by the rising waters. On this island there is also a fish, called a Piranha Giganticus. Coinciding with the first rain, this fish swims into the flooded island and begins to feed on the older and weaker natives of Malderiki. Unable to defend themselves from the killer fish and uttrly helpless, the natives make their way to my mansion in makeshift canoes. At this point, the Newport Beach Wine Society opens a bottle of pre-revolution French Chardonnay, dated no later than 1760, and places wagers on which native will be the first to reach the high ground of my sprawling lawn. Once the fish has fed and returned to the Sea, there are typically a handful of natives left on my lawn, at which point we activate the electric fence and release the crocodiles. Last year, during the crocodile feeding, a tiny speck of native flesh was flung from the lawn up to the balcony where the Newport Beach Wine Society was gathered and landed on my shoe. I retrieved the piece of flesh and placed it in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of Moldovan Pino Griggio. Right now, YOU are that piece of flesh.

SAMPLE THIS *unzips dick*

Is she, dare I say, /ourgal/?

hola red.dit

>that episode where a black couple tries to guilt trip daymond into investing in their diversity dolls
>gives them a fair offer
>they get greedy and try to milk him for more.
>"it's for a noble cause! Think of all the little oppressed niglets"
>Daymond offers the same amount for the same equity with the stipulation that 10% of their profits must now be donated to charity
>they accept otherwise they would look like the biggest hypocrites on the earth

BTFO
T
F
O

Elite.

they'll get a nice tax deduction year in and year out off that, and plenty of goodwill/attention in the eyes of the public and consumers. hardly a loss.

kids don't want nigger dolls though so it's all for nothing

>Mfw security poorfags actually believe this

t. M&A legal counsel

True in my experience

T. Senior PwC accountant

Robert is the worst with that from what I remember. He usually pulls the 'say yes to me without hearing another offer or I'm out', which leads them to decline him, which leads the other sharks to go out because he didn't go with Robert. Or maybe that only happened once and I can't remember shit.

Definitely your first point, they assume that getting their deal means they are worth more and they get greedy, which sometimes pays off. It's satisfying when someone accepts a deal purely because they got exactly what they asked for from one of the sharks.

Yeah Kevin doesn't put a timer on his deals, also usually doesn't jack up his deal once other sharks drop out. He throws it out there and leaves it on the table until it's accepted or denied

Most of the time his deals are shit for the entrepreneur though

The one time I can think of was the ex-NASA engineer who was selling the bed heating system

>Guy getting torn to shreds by other 4 sharks
>Lori trying to ask legit questions
>The guy ignores her for a few minutes to respond to other sharks
>Lori gives a warning she will drop out if he doesn't answer her question
>The guy turns to start talking to barb
>Lori angrily drops out
>Guy tries to get her to come back in after all the other sharks drop out
>Noway

His own fault desu

yet shockingly the British version is better

"I can't see any way to eat this product. And for that reason, I'm out."

>and his fashion brand Literally Whubu

Why does Robert always hand Lori her sample?

it's hard to lean forward and get your own sample in a dress

It's Robert's fault for being a nice guy, him offering people what they ask for gives the other sharks a chance to come in and undercut him

I OFFERED YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO ME REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

he wants to fuck her

now that he's divorced he probably has or at least has tried

I don't get it :(

>"Here's my final offer: 50% of your company for $50,000. I want $0.10 royalties on all products but every tenth product is a $0.50 royalty. Every time these royalties add up to create $100 you have to liquidate 0.5% of the quarter's profits to me. Once I double my initial investment I will loan $25,000 to you which you will half to then pay back to me through the stock market. I think you won't get a better offer."

>I'm willing to go in with Kevin on that offer, also will you please come to a Mavs game with me? I'm extremely lonely

>"WAIT! Don't say yes to them yet. I'll drop my equity to 20% and... Let's see- okay 20% and I'll let you rub my feet every weekend.

Fuck me

JUST BE MY FRIEND AND I'LL GIVE YOU 100,000 FOR FREE PLEASE

let's do it

>"Your dairy-free yogurt with tree bark snack idea is just plain awful and wont work. But you said your dad was an immigrant and sniffled saying this is your dream. Ill give you double the asking price for 1%, sniff."

Robert is a beta orbiter, lol. He wishes he was fucking Lori but that's reserved for Mark

>7. Any and all meme guests
But Sacca is great, he shits on Mark constantly, everyone else seems afraid of him

underrated
>I don't know this product and I think I'm gonna be out on this one
>I come from a family of immigrants who came here with nothing...
>I'll give you double asking for 1%

>its a sheltered user doesn't know what fubu is post
every shark tank thread

>it's a middle-class mom cries about her kids that have lived a great life

Jeff Foxworthy was on a few episodes and seemed pretty cool.