Why don't they just kill everyone who is sorted in Slytherin?

Why don't they just kill everyone who is sorted in Slytherin?

that's called murder

Why is English Bob having a giant ass beatd and looking at that young girl in a pedophiliac way?

Greater good

Why don't they use spells and potions to convert slytherins and ravenclaws into acceptable wizards?

Yes yes well done, Slytherin, well done Slytherin, HOWEVER - there are some last minute issues we need to take into account.well, actually there's only one issue, and that's that Slytherin house is a part of one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

they pretty much put them in wizard version of internment camp base solely on the fact they are in house slytherin

So real talk are these movies any good?

From the outside it looks like as they go on they get darker which is one of my favorite memes.

Are you implying that it's wrong to murder people you're ideologically opposed to?

>tfw you realize slytherin was a containment house to keep potential dark wizards in check

Because then what would JK Rowling accuse Pewdiepie of being in 2017?

>dude let's send a couple of students into the dungeon and make sure every other house hates them
>also let's make sure to steal the house trophy from them and give it to some rule breaking fucks
No wonder they all turned evil

>hasn't seen harry potter films
>real talk
>favorite memes

My guess is you are no older than 15 or 16.

Someone has been watching Harry Potter weekend on Freeform.

>So real talk are these movies any good?
Yeah sort of. The whole magical universe doesnt make any sense, but if you start watching from the first one until the 3rd, you cant stop anymore and have to watch the rest.

>From the outside it looks like as they go on they get darker which is one of my favorite memes.
The tone gets darker by each movie, so that's nice. Even Harry gets much better as time goes by. The 2 last movies have some really dark shit going on there.

Would have been nice to see them in a few more little kid comfy adventures like the first one.

As a 29 year old man, who only pretended to like HP films to try to get close to a friend's sister so many years ago today, should I try to watch them again? Will it provide me with any amusement or food for thought?

Why not just play with 7 Seekers?

The mental image of Dumbledore sitting behind those kids with a shotgun ready to fire when the hat calls Slytherin is killing me

Yep, if you like that comfy shit, you get only 3 movies like that. I would like an animated series, so the kids wont ever grow up and they can do like 9 seasons for the first three years.

Because it did such a great job with Voldemort, Snape, Beatrix, the Melfoys - every death eater really except for that rat guy.

People who leave """"funny"""" reviews on amazon need killed tbqh

what a waste of invisibility cloak those movies were

The girl's lavatory was always empty because of orgasming Myrtle and she wanted to be watched. That wouldn't have worked.

>Yes yes well done, Slytherin, well done Slytherin, HOWEVER - there are some last minute issues we need to take into account.well, actually there's only one issue, and that's that Slytherin house is a part of one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises.

Well done.

That's like the American system of putting petty criminals in jail with lifers and gangbangers. Literally crime school 1.01.

It worked like a charm. They would have won easily if Snape hadn't been such a pussy.

No. It's terrible.

There isn't a pause or reset after a goal in quiddich, if your whole team was looking for the snitch they could just chain goals and get 150 points long before you caught it.

So have the 1 defender guy and 6 seekers

Then their beaters would be uncontested and use the bludger to beat the shit out of the defender.

>beat the shit out of the defender
That's ok, it's just Ron

>Snape dark wizard
>Melfoys

The series has a lot of internal consistency issues from movie to movie and a lot of details and plotting decisions won't make a lot of sense if you haven't read the books, doubly so for some stuff that didn't make a lot of sense in the books from the start. I wouldn't recommend them to somebody who wasn't already a fan of the books.

it's hufflepuffs that should be eliminated. slytherin is best house, then raven claw, then griffindor. and hufflepuff should lured onto trains and sent to the camps

New favorite intro

But user! Merlin as a Slytherin!
Just Ignore that he lived centuries before Hogwarts would have been built.

*the hall goes silent, only an occasional almost inaudible murmur*
- Slythe
- BOOM!
*little kid's body is thrown away from the chair by the sheer force of the shot, falling on top on the previous Slytherins-to-be. Close up - Professor McGonnagal takes a pause, then coldly announces the next student to proceed with sorting. Close up - Dumbledore's shotgun reloaded with a dry click*

If Harry Potter had gone to Slytherin, would he have practiced the Dark Arts (as every shitty fanfic seems to suggest) or just been delivered to Voldemort way, way sooner?

That'd be hard to explain to the odd Muggleborn's parents when their child gets sorted into Slytherin and then gets his brains sprayed across the floor.

he would have been bullied so hard by Snape and the other kids to the point that he'd off himself or go running back to the Dursley's world with his tail between his legs

And then become an Obscurus by suppressing his magic. Voldemort doesn't have to lift a finger.

Good stuff.

Best copy pasta

Obliviate

Explain what to who now?

Memory Charms are to be performed by Ministry professionals only. Are you suggesting Dumbledore would murder a child in front of five hundred witnesses, memory charm them all, memory charm everyone who ever knew the kid existed, and then memory charm himself to cover up the crime?

The greater good

maybe

#justfaggotheadmasterthings

the fuck is an obscurus

What happens when a child wizard suppresses his magic. It becomes a parasitical smoke demon and possesses him, eventually killing him and everyone around him.

this is fanfiction right?

I rewatched first three HP movies and damn Watson in the first one is a 10/10 cunny material.

Nope. Unless Fantastic Beasts is considered non-canon.

If in the Harry Potter universe there are magical artifacts which suppress magic (as in they're invulnerable to all spells) why not enchant yourself with such a spell (suck it abrakdadabra) and mow everyone down with a machinegun?


In the 4th movie it is established that Wizards know of gunpowder and know what it's used for.
Why don't they use firearms?

War with the Muggle World is inevitable. We know that one day there will be security cameras, cell phones, the Internet. Backup files of memory that wizards know nothing about. Muggles WILL realize that magicals hide among them, kill them, erase their memories, kidnap their children.

no idea

a good glock is quicker than the avada kedavra

I could fire 3 shots before the words left my lips

some sort of liberal bias, I guess

Read the books. The movies arent as good on average

Or why Hogwart's house elf army (which was huge in the books) isn't trained to fight the deatheaters if they're "beings of pure magical nature" and can violate wizard spells freely.

A large C4 charge on a vest/backpack and make them apparate (teleport?) onto the baddies backs, hug them and detonate. Voldemort without his followers wouldn't be half as dangerous.

I'm suggesting that there's a solution that allows for people to forget that they ever had kids to begin with. As soon as a magical child is born in Britain, their name is put on the list for Hogwarts. That's 11 years of intel that the magical community can gather on any kid and their families. If it was well understood in the magical community that Slytherins were to not be tolerated, then who'd raise a fuss if little Billy Bathshire got his brains shot across the floor of the Great Hall? All of the other kids would understand why it had to happen and nobody in the community would raise an eyebrow.

welcome to enlightenment

Still, by eleven years old, a lot of people will know that Mr and Mrs Bathshire had a son named Billy. They'll want to know where he went and when the parents legitimately don't recall having a son, eyebrows will be raised.

Someone pointed out that happening to Hermione's parents. They'd probably be arrested for murder.

>she joined a cult and ran away
Works everytime

It's not even a lie. The Wizarding World is really just one big medieval cult.

But they wouldn't remember her and wouldn't know to use that excuse, since as far as they know, they have no daughter. At least when they could still remember her they were able to just say she went to boarding school, whenever anyone asked where she was during the school year.

What would have happened if Harry had been shipped to an orphanage when the Dursleys first found him?

>tfw prisoner of azkaban is on right now
the only HP kino

Besides, one huge irk for me is the fucking Hogwarts Express.

So you have wizard families from all over the fucking UK (which I assume is the area from where wizard go to Hogwarts) having to travel to London, get on the train station only to leave their kids instead of using more personal way of transport. It was established that a pair of 12yo could get here by a flying car, I don't get why everyone else isnt' doing this.

Sure wizards can use the chimneys to get there quick and easy but what about non-magical families?
>Oi cunt get up it's 3am already and we have a 8 hour long ride to London so you can catch ur train

We don't know if the Hogwarts Express only leaves from London. Maybe there's one leaving from Crewe.

>high tier
>Invisible Man, 1984
>the trial being anywhere but shit tier
>Brave New World, Notes and Hamlet being anywhere but god tier
>Tolkien, Huckleberry Finn and Alice in Wonderland being anywhere but high tier

Because Slytherin was just looked down upon by the wizard elite and media. So, as a fuck you they turned a guy who they knew was evil but still talked to their nostalgia for when things were perfect for purebred wizards. No matter how ridiculous his shit got, they still went with it.

Has it been addressed how does the economy of the wizard world work?

So far the only professions I picked up is either crafting and selling random magical junk and working for the government which by itself does not generate income.

In the second movie you see Hermione's parents in the diagonal street (or whatever it was called).
How the fuck could they afford all the shit she needed? An exchange office for muggle money?

Why was affording books a problem for the Wesley family if all of thame save for few do not posess any magical characteristics and you can make stuff appear from the thin air?

Ran out of chinamen again.

STOP SAYING THAT!!!

>but if you start watching from the first one until the 3rd, you cant stop anymore and have to watch the rest.
Haha joke's on you! I saw through Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire, whichever one of those is farther along in the series, and I stopped after that!

10/10 intro

nice

Fair point, but the station looks like it's capable of accomodating only a single train and the amount of students in Hogwarts looks to be between 200 and 300.

I can't imagine a staff of only a few teachers and a janitor managing a horde of teenagers larger than 300.

Add to that limited job market the extremely lacking education in all "normal" areas (math, sciences, history, language arts) and the fact that they stop going to Muggle schools when they attend Hogwarts, you've got a lot of adults who could not at all qualify for any job in the normal world and limited prospects in the wizarding world.

How does it fucking work?

magic

>tolkien
>shit
you take that right back now motherfucker.

Sounds awfully familiar

>he wait with baited breath that someone talk about HP to post that copypasta
May as well shitpost like that "Barneyfag" guy on Sup Forums

>Ten year old boys body

Anyone else think Dumbledore is gay? He always seemed a little 9 Bob notish to me

Spend a lot of time looking at ten year old boys, do you?

hufflepuff is the best house
never did a bad wizard

I'll give you that. However, your tradeoff is being in fucking Hufflepuff.

Nothing wrong with that Based Newt was from Hufflepuff, loving nature, valuing life and shit

it is literally the best house

Still need a look at their common room, though. Gryffindor and Slytherin are pretty comfy.

>not wanting to live in a hobbit hole

Just got done googling all the common rooms. Of them, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff actually look really cheerful and nice. Slytherin is just depressing and Gryffindor looks so crowded.

Hufflepuff is the most simple and looks, fittingly to have the friendliest atmosphere. I stand corrected, friend.

Gryffindor: redditors
Slytherin: Sup Forums

I'd be utterly miserable surrounded by either for 7 years.

>revenclaw /r9k/
>hufflepuff Sup Forums

>you'll never watch comfy horor movir with your hufflepuff bros while eating pizza and other garbage

>EVERY
>TIME

#notallslytheryns

It's no wonder Slytherins end up going dark with the way their common room looks. Spending their teenage years surrounded by black and dark green while everyone else in school tells them they're evil will do a number on their psyche.

>tfw you realize that Salafi mosques serve as containment units to keep potential Islamists in check

Yeah nah dawg, didn't do a particularly good job keeping them in check did they now?

Better get used to it Achmed, here in the free world we have the right to ridicule and mock religion

Slytherin is basically the dumping ground for all the kids who are inherently shit stains.

The sorting hat actually belonged to Godric Gryffindor, which is why the good kids always end up in his group.

Like half of Sup Forums doesn't belong in Slytherin.