*blocks your path*

*blocks your path*

*gives your favourite flick a Rotten score*

Other urls found in this thread:

scaruffi.com/vol1/beatles.html
alumnus.caltech.edu/~ejohnson/critics/white.html
yourstupidminds.com/2010/10/rant-armond-white-and-endangered.html
nationalreview.com/article/443118/rogue-one-review-uninspired-star-wars-franchise-gareth-edwards
twitter.com/AnonBabble

my favorite flicks are adam sandler movies though

>based armond will never shit on my movie while sexually satisfying my wife in ways i can only dream of

just fucking kill me desu

Fucking newfags not knowing based Armond is a homo and knows women are too pleb to even bother with in relationships.

what part of my post implied that i didnt know that you fucking turd

Is he the Scaruffi of film criticism?
scaruffi.com/vol1/beatles.html

No, because Scaruffi doesn't give a high score to every new pop shit that comes out.

Also, Armond White tends to have fairly conventional tastes when it comes to the classics (check out his top ten he submitted to the Sight & Sound poll).

"doesn't care because i form my own opinions instead of using a review aggregate site to make them for me"

Armond's annual top 10 films includes multiple years where he has Spielberg on there twice, lol

alumnus.caltech.edu/~ejohnson/critics/white.html

...

He's going to score GiTs highly and then all of Sup Forums will be on suicide wtch

Pardon my asking, but what in particular is Harold Bloom known for?
I only know him for "no discernible talent."

Doesn't matter. My love for Boorman's Excalibur will last forever.

Why should he score it low? Because it's a sin to praise a Hollywood adaptation of animu?

Some /lit/ pastas.

He's known for his theories on "the anxiety of influence," his work on Shakespeare, his defense of romanticism at a time when Eliot & friends made it uncool, and his defense of aestheticism in the face of SJWs who want to turn literary studies into cultural studies.

But most people just know of his because he talks shit about DFW, J.K. Rowling, and Stephen King.

These are mostly well respected movies. Not contrarian at all. Did he change or did movies change?

>Not contrarian at all. Did he change or did movies change?

People kind of selectively pay attention to the one of several wacky reviews he puts out yearly.

He does a shitton of work and at the end of the day has the reasonable opinion of a person who's watched a lot of movies in their life (boner for Spielberg notwithstanding)

>DFW, J.K. Rowling, and Stephen King
Holy shit, after a quick Google search, I just found out that Bloom wrote the "stretched his legs ... trained to read Stephen King" part of the Harry Potter copypasta.
Holy shit, what a fucking legend.

stop posting

So is this guy a Sup Forums favorite because he's an edgy contrarian who makes pretensions of being far more intelligent than he actually is via word soup.

Because that's honestly the suspicion I have based on the fact that the movies he deems good are an eclectic mixture of trash

He liked:

>Grown Ups
>Jonah Hex
>G.I. Joe
>G.I. Joe 2
>Battle: Los Angeles
>The Green Hornet
>Clash of the Titans
>Indiana Jones 4
>Transformers 2
>Death Race
>Fantastic Four: Rise of Silver Surfer
>I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
>Takers
>Taken
>Transporter 3
>Resident Evil: Afterlife
>Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

He disliked:
>The Tree of Life
>There Will Be Blood
>Black Swan
>The Social Network
>Tangled
>The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
>The Road
>The King's Speech
>Synecdoche, New York
>Transformers
>Toy Story 3
>Eastern Promises
>Stardust
>The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
>Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives
>Tales from the Golden Age
>Let Me In
>All Marvel movies
>The Dark Knight
>Mother
>The Hurt Locker
>Blue Valentine
>Up
>Hellboy 2

He also compared Hannah to Kick-Ass because they both have a young female character, thinks I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry is a modern classic, thinks Live Free or Die Hard is the best Die Hard, compared The Road to Resident Evil, thinks Clash of the Titans is better than the LOTR Trilogy, prefers Transformers 2 to Transformers, and thinks CJ7 is deeper and more profound than There Will Be Blood.

Is it true that Sambo lives matter?

>waah why didn't he like my favorite movie ;_;

Grow up.

>ad-hominem

You can't defend this list lmao.

my favorite flick is American psycho and im sure he's rated it posively

I bet you also didn't know that it isn't true and the phrase is used once in the whole series.

ayy lmao

Can it really be called reviewing when the only thing he analyzes is whether the movie conforms to his conservative values or not?

Stupid fucking house nigger.

Don't compare based Scaruffi to this fake faggot. Scaruffi actually has taste.

yeah those Bowie reviews aren't complete garbage huh?

oh wait, they are.

Do you even read his reviews idiot?

I discovered him and I hated him so much when he gave Fellowship of the Ring a rotten score.

Now I fucking love the guy. He's a legend.

Bowie is garbage pop. Sorry faggot. Maybe you should get some taste.

He liked list is mediocre as fuck, but his dislike list has no problems with it.

lmao

Your bait is terrible. Sorry.

I don't recall him ever mentioning the quality of the editing, cinematography, acting, or set and costume design. All he discusses is how the film does or doesn't push an "Obama-era" agenda.

>mediocre

Hahahahahah you wish that's as bad as it is.

>didn't like Tangled
>didn't like Stardust

wtf, I have never met a single person that dislikes either of those.

It's called Criticism. Educate yourself.

>liked list is mediocre as fuck

If any Sup Forums poster posted a similar liked list as that, he'd get shitposted to death.

>This is trivial "music" that any amateur could make, except that most amateurs would be ashamed to release it.

>Bowie died of cancer in january 2016.

And with these words, Scaruffi completely BTFO Bowiefags everywhere.

>he gave Fellowship of the Ring a rotten score.

What problem did he have with it?

not enough homolust

>based Scaruffi BTFO of retarded pop fans of Bowie, Beatles, and every other overrated garbage band

I think my favorite are his reviews on Radiohead.

shit, this is comedy gold

Yeah, it's mostly word soup. The guy knows how to write really well, but he isn't a good writer. It's all disorganized and jumbled, and he hides his points behind a bunch of surface-level comparisons.

Not the sort of thing I'm interested in.

I'm not going to lie. I agreed with his review of Logan for the most part. There was hardly anything special about the movie aside from the gore and swearing. I felt like I had been sold a vacuum.

You're right, instead of checking off boxes and shilling, he looks at the story being told and the philosophy behind it, and criticizes on that basis.

If you don't care about the content of a film, Armond White isn't for you. There's plenty of critics who will tell you how awesome/not-awesome the sets and cinematography were.

I don't remember. I might be thinking of a different movie. Apparently he liked the LotR trilogy.

I noticed people who adore how movies look and feel enjoyed BvS. Grace Randolph on Youtube was also infamous for her love of the movie because she really got into the visuals. Armond thinks most Marvel is visually boring and usually dislikes them.

The ironic thing is you're missing the majority of the content that the movie format offers if you're just paying attention to the story. At the rate, you'd be better of reading a book.

>liking Taken is bad

yourstupidminds.com/2010/10/rant-armond-white-and-endangered.html

He does talk about those things you mentioned, but they're blended into his reviews and require a higher level of reading skill than most critics who spell things out at the 3rd grade level.

...

>I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry conforms to his conservative values

Fucking based.

Also I don't think Armond uses the word "good movie" or "bad movie" anywhere, I'm not even sure he gives a star-score. He criticizes a film. The higher a film's ambition and desire to shape the minds of its viewers, the better it needs to be for Armond to say it's good.

>he liked/disliked
opinion discarded, make this post again with the actual scores next to each movie.

I'd love it if you provided specific examples.

All of the movies on his "bad" list aren't flawless, and none of the movies on his "good" list are indefensible. You could make this kind of list about any critic (Ebert comes to mind, I saw copy-pastas like this whenever Ebert trashed a film with lots of fanbois).

>two hard working NYC firefighters
>not actually gay
>he just wants to take care of his kids
>demonstrates that gay marriage is only being used to desecrate the institution of marriage for financial game

Yeah how could a conservative like that movie

I scrolled through his most recent reviews until I saw a movie I'd seen.

From his Rogue One review:
> The JV aspect of Rogue One reflects Gareth Edwards’s uninspired direction. The first 90 minutes of Jyn and Cassian and the ragtag Rebellion traversing distant planets occurs in drab, shadowy places with monotonous dialogue repeating Star Wars cant. When the Rebellion finally arrives at Scarif, a tropical planet housing the Death Star, the bright sky, blue atmosphere, and unexpected palm trees are a real relief from aesthetic tedium. Suddenly, the toys appear: from the walking dinosaur tanks to space crafts in origami shapes. It’s like the March of Wooden Soldiers from Babes in Toyland, set at cliché warp speed.

nationalreview.com/article/443118/rogue-one-review-uninspired-star-wars-franchise-gareth-edwards

>implying I'm a pleb and disagree with Based God Armond

I heartily enjoy each of his reviews and the new way he BTFO plebs every time. He is a man among children who "critique" movies.

> White actually does engage in the type of film analysis that white-bread critics like James B. squeamishly avoid to include more detailed plot summaries. Unless the individuals arguing with White can use a similar level of analysis instead of calling him names because he doesn't call every third movie "sizzling," his dissenting opinion should be more valuable, not less. Despite the common misunderstanding on the Internet, all opinions are not created equal: the person who can use reasoning and "facts" to support their opinion has the infinitely more valuable opinion.

Fucking spot on.

haha he doznt like thing

epig XDDDD

ywn cause so much anal devastation that the directors of movies call you out personally because of your negative reviews

I thought this was Denzel with shitty makeup for a film

He doesn't really say why he feels Edward's direction is uninspired. He mentions that one planet is dark and the other planet is livelier, but don't you feel that's a bit of an oversimplification? He feels the spaceships look like toys, but is that really much of a criticism?

pleb who prefers critics who describe movies as "sizzling" detected

holy shit, you really do need EVERYTHING spoonfed to you, don't you?

>demonstrates that gay marriage is only being used to desecrate the institution of marriage for financial game
Implying that's wrong

No, you're just doing a horrible job of convincing me there's anything more to White as a reviewer. His analysis is ridiculously shallow.

It's funny that you accuse other critics of just skimming through reviewing the actual content of the movie, check the boxes. Really, it feels White is doing just that your passage. Politics are clearly what interests him. His articles are just a sham, a soapbox for him to knock on the Democratic party.

its funny how much leddit hates this man

> STOP SHARING YOUR ANTI-PROGRESSIVE OPINIONS

But he doesn't mention the Democratic party. He talks about the degeneration of American culture, and he's not exactly fucking wrong.

Is that the only reason you read Armond White? To have your anti-progressive opinions validated?

I think it's interesting you have a bigger problem with the fact that I think White is a republican shill than a joke of film reviewer.

Are you, dare I say, /myboi/?

Not him, but he was only responding to someone making a strawman argument in the first place.

I'm not convinced he's even real

CHECK OUT THIS DEADPOOL TEASER. ITS SO EBIN.

> back to l3ddit

BASED

>Live Free or Die Hard

It was "Die Hard: 4.0" over here in Ireland.

top kek

it's called shit taste, you and him have it.

I still find it weird as fuck that an old Italian man reviews different metal subgenres and other obscure genres

It's alright Brad, you'll get on Rotten Tomatoes eventually

The asspain Armond White inflicts on r*dditors is really something to behold.

All of my favourite flicks are 100% Armond approved. I still think it's incredible that he's just about the only critic who appreciated Pain & Gain.

Pain & Gain was pure action-comedy kino.

Name one good Pixar or Harry Potter movie.

Why would i listen to longwinded middlebrow blowhard with shit taste?

>longwinded
Actually the biggest complaint I have about White's current output is that it's not long enough. I think that National Review don't give him as much space to work with as he'd like. His NYCC-era reviews had more substance to them. Right now it feels like he can't say all he wants to and so he only hits on a couple of big obvious points each movie, which leads to him sounding samey. If he were allowed to write five pages on each movie like he used to I think his reviews wouldn't feel like a never-ending stream of 'Obama-era Hipster-nihilism' like they kind of do now.

You need to work on your brevity, just like Arnold White.

Armond is king when it comes to criticism. Just because he criticizes your juvenile Marvel cgi extravaganza doesn't make him less right. You don't like his reviews? Stick to the opinions of dumbasses on Sup Forums and Reddit. Only read Armond if you're ready to view movies as an adult. Until then, fuck off to the latest Star Wars release. Punk faggots

Who are the other two guys?

>tfw Armond enjoys your favorite kino, No Country for Old Men
You know you've found pure kinography when the most embittered contrarian can agree with normies that it's good.

>Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

/ourguy/

>tfw the King and his knights ride once more to battle through the cherry blossoms while Carl Orff plays.

He might have gone too far in a few places