What was the best Bond torture method?

What was the best Bond torture method?

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Obviously Le Chiffre's.

Blowfeld's "Im gonna drill this thing into your skull MWAHAHAH" which apparently didnt have any effect at all.

I found Dr. Forrester's methods to be the cruelest.

Sophie Marceau IS SO UNDERRATED

Thanks for reminding me of my first awkward childhood erection.

The way I interpreted was that Bond sees every girl as interchangeable already so it wouldn't have affected him, or it did work and now he will only see women as interchangeable.

Also Goldfinger's laser is my fav torture.

sitting through Skyfall was pretty awful

I liked when he was tied up naked and getting his balls slapped by another man.

absolutely.

That one time Famke crushed him with her thighs

I see you are men of refined taste as well.

Her and McCormack stole my heart in this

NOW THE WHOLE WORLD'S GONNA KNOW THAT YOU DUN SCRATCHED MY BAWLS

>implying that's a torture

I liked the shark tank

>torture

Now if you were a little older, you would've seen Goldeneye first.

...I'm not sure which is worse.

If this is torture, then sign me up for two.

>woman acts sexual ironically while killing you
>HURR DURr SHE TOUCHD MY THIGH SO SHE REALLY LOVES ME

Crazy loves best, user. That's why they always warn you not to stick your dick in it.

>implying those whores weren't getting soaked between the thighs by riding based Piers

>Piers

fug, Pierce*

i'm really tired

teh frist one to brraapp get stay on mu aer plane

The real torture is that he won't get to nut on her face afterwards.

meh

Bond was never in a "braaap" situation.

Who was the worst Bong girl?

...

Jinx and nuMoneypenny

When they were going to melt his nuts with that laser beam.

Looks like were in for an oil boom lads.

This. Didn't help that she was cast alongside the sexiest one.

The Black one from Skyfall.

Yeah that was fucking dumb. That whole movie wasn't very good. Although I haven't seen many other Bond movies so maybe the weird twists would have felt earnt that way

I've seen all the bond films and it's kind of in the middle for Bond movies for me. Ever since they ran out of Fleming novels to adapt the plots have always felt kind of contrived, but it had some cool scenes so I didn't hate it.

>tfw watching this in theaters
>whole theater making "ooooh!" and "owww" noises

Can't spike the Pike.

sex sauna

Not unless you're Bond.

Why can't I get girls like bond guys?

>Dress just like him
>High quality suits
>Always order a Martini when I go out
>Mysterious and Quiet
>Always have that badass look in my eye like I just beat some bad guys' asses
>Own a large keychain with a gadget to talk to my car
>Hair always looking mature

Pat pls go

Because you're a faggot.

What did he say to her?

I have no clue. She was the only good part of that terrible Diamonds are Forever rehash.

Because women can smell a try hard loser from a mile away.

Kek'd so hatd

Why would the whole world find out about the ball scratching? Aren't they secret spies or something? Was it secretly being filmed for a reality TV show?

Which one was the last? I'm guessing it was in the Roger Moore era somewhere around Moonraker.

Do you expect me to talk?

If you mean worst, for me it's a tie between Moonraker and Diamonds are Forever.

According to the WIkipedia, it looks like the last was The Living Daylights.

"No I expect you to FRY, mr bond!"

Oh you meant the last of the novels.
It's actually a tricky question to answer because the movies often bared little resemblance to the novels and they would often cannibalize elements from one novel into the adaption of another.
Quantum of Solace has the same name as a Bond short story Fleming wrote, so that, but I don't think there is any resemblance in plot.

Same with Moonraker, I've read the novel and the only similarities between the plot of the novel and the plot of the movie are the fact that both have a bad guy names Hugo Drax.

Quantum of Solace was one of Fleming's short stories, but other than having the same title. That is where the similarities end.

I don't remember the details, but I think the plot was another 00 agent's wife left him because he was always away on one mission or another. He ended up become a drunk once he was taken out of the field.

...

I don't remember Mads being in this movie.

Fuck this. What a horrible way to go.

Yes, but it's the 60's, so lasers were hip new technology that was all the rage.

It'd be like, I dunno, getting hacked to death by drones nowadays.

Casino Royale was the last one they filmed.

Who knows other than bookfags, really? Once the Cold War was over, most of the Bond stuff flies out the window. There are some non-Fleming Bond books that were written much more recently, but yeah. If they start making period piece Bond movies then we can start talking. Otherwise, the world has changed so much.

Which bond girl had the best feet?

Good bond flicks
>Goldfinger
>Licence to Kill
>GoldenEye
>Casino Royale
>Quantum of Solace

Trash bond flicks
>the rest

If we're talking flicks, you cannot, you absolutely cannot, leave out View to a Kill.

Blond Christopher Walken? Grace Jones? Blimp fights? Come on.

Goldfinger's plot was as ridiculous as the one with the giant space laser.

>tfw no muscle gf
;_;

Bond-age.
lol.

>QoS
confirmed reTARD

all Connery movies are kino

even diamonds are forever?

all of the bond movies are great

Especially Diamonds are Forever.

>2017
>still holding such plebeian opinions

Cease the flow of blood to your brain desu

I got most of the Bond movies in a box set a few years back. Up until the Dalton era, the fight scenes were laughable.

Even ignoring Quantum of Solace, Goldeneye isn't as good as you remember. I tried rewatching it a while back and it's cringe as fuck. Bad cuts, ridiculous music, shameless mugging, bad writing.

youtube.com/watch?v=ACwkQP6q1QQ

Car commercials have better action, and they aren't using Willy Beamish music. It's bad.

Diamonds are Forever is a better Austin Powers movie than any of the Austin Powers movie.

The 90s were...an interesting time.

I watched this scene as a kid and it gave me a boner. I blame the jews for this indoctrination T B H

Your not really wrong but it's not like that race is a 'serious' action scene.

>destory

This scene sexually confused the fuck outta me as a kid

Goldeneye feels very weird now. It's so melodramatic at times and has straight-up horrific graphic violence in other parts. Ned Stark's plan is barely coherent and the more you think about him faking his death at the beginning the less it makes sense. It's still a fun movie but I think a lot of it had to do with 1)our age and 2)the n64 game. For me it was the first Bond I saw in a theater so it was absolutely awesome.

Yea it seems really ironic

It being one of the best Bond movies doesn't make it a great film in objective terms. However, it was both critically and commercially successful and is by FAR the best of the Brosnan era, not to mention saving a franchise that, at the time, a lot of people thought could not survive the Cold War.

Also, it introduced Judi Dench as M.

?

Are you actually defending its placement in the top five, a list that only includes one of the Connery Bonds, yet has Dalton's worst (of the two) and Quantum of Solace?

Hey, don't get me wrong, I loved it when it came out too, but it doesn't hold up. It fell victim to a lot of the worst aspects of the 90s, and it's in no way a top five Bond movie. Better than a lot of the Roger Moore ones, and it has redeeming qualities, but top five? Give me a break.

I'm defending it as a top five Bond movie, though I did not comment on the other four in that list.

The top five Bond movies (in no specific order):

>From Russia With Love
>Goldeneye
>The Spy Who Loved Me
>The Living Daylights
>OHMSS

Special shoutout goes to Octopussy. If you can get past the ridiculous name and have enough attention span not to stop and giggle at the clown disguise, it's Moore's second-best outing. It helps that Maud Adams is the only good Bond Girl of the post-TSWLM Moore movies.

>Goldeneye is 90s as fuck though-
Every Bond movie is an unintentional period piece. Every single one of them. It is, in fact, one of the things I find most charming about the franchise and why I find a rewatch of the films so much fun. You can literally see the culture, technology, and politics, not to mention artistic style, of its time progress from film to film.

>But what about Dr. No-
It gets credit only for being first. It's not a bad movie by any means, but other subsequent films improved on the idea while this one is, in hindsight, rather simplistic.

>But what about Goldfinger-
The one where Bond is strung along by the villain for the entire movie and does literally nothing useful save for forcing himself on a lesbian to fuck her into turning straight and saving the day? Cringeworthy climax aside, the charisma of the villain and the DB5 are the only actually good things in this movie. It does get credit for basically inventing the franchise's formula, though.

>Are you really only giving Connery one top-five spot-
Yes, because I dislike the fanbase's mindless worship of him. He's a great actor in his prime, yes, but the majority of his Bond movies are mid-tier at best and horrible at worst. He's the guy from the first three movies, yeah, but he's also the guy from Diamonds Are Forever and Never Say Never Again (remember that one?). He's the guy who awkwardly tries to pass himself off as Japanese in You Only Live Twice, which does not work at all. So he's a three good movies to three bad ones, and Thunderball is just forgettable.

So, out of Dr. No, Goldfinger, Casino Royale, Thunderball, From Russia With Love, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, You Only Live Twice, Skyfall, The Spy Who Loved Me, Live and Let Die, The Man With the Golden Gun, For Your Eyes Only, Diamonds Are Forever, you'd put Goldeneye ahead of. . ? Cross nine of those off, but which ones?

It's a good Bond movie and all, but there are a ton of fucking great Bond movies. With five you're just limited to the classics.

Meant for:

Great list. Where would you put License to kill?

It's definitely better than Casino Royale. Are you kidding me? That movie is horrible. The plot makes no sense, the gadgets are product placement/10, the direction is a shitty Bourne ripoff, the villain is a pathetic wimp who dies offscreen after creeping on Bond.

Thunderball doesn't hold up well. The entire ending is a boring slog. It's mostly an elaborate commercial for yachting.

OHMSS has a bad actor and drags on too long and I never really bought the romance angle, which then gets ruined out of nowhere for a tragic ending that Sup Forums would denounce as shitty if a movie did it in 2017.

You Only Live Twice is marginally better than Thunderball but worse than Goldeneye.

Skyfall is a shitty capeshit ripoff. Seriously, it feels like a Batman movie.

Live and Let Die is shitty blaxploitation and one of Moore's silliest. The Man with the Golden Gun is just as silly, just trades blaxploitation for kung fu.

I legitimately cannot recall any detail of For Your Eyes Only, and I've seen it at least half a dozen times. I sincerely do not remember anything about it.

Diamonds Are Forever? are you kidding me? The absolute worst of the Connery films, the one with the moon rover car chase and the gay hitmen and the unlikeable bond girl?

The only ones I would even cede are even remotely arguably better than Goldeneye are Dr. No, Goldfinger, FRWL, and TSWLM. And I'm only saying they're arguable, not that they are better. I'd put Goldeneye ahead of Dr. No for instance, but I can see why others wouldn't.

>The one where Bond is strung along by the villain for the entire movie and does literally nothing useful save for forcing himself on a lesbian to fuck her into turning straight and saving the day?

And this doesn't make it top 5 material because...?

Don't forget it also wonderfully illustrated the greatest weakness of the gold standard.

It's pretty high-tier, not a top five but in the good category. I think Dalton was a very underrated Bond actor and I think it did more to break the formula and pursue its own angle than 90% of Bond movies. It's not as good as the movie before it, though.

>And this doesn't make it top 5 material because...?
Because I like movies in which the main character is actually effective? Which isn't to say he can't fail, of course, but he doesn't do anything useful in the entire damn movie. He's mostly just along for the ride while Goldfinger schemes.

>Yes, because I dislike the fanbase's mindless worship of him.
>He's the guy from the first three movies, yeah, but he's also the guy from Diamonds Are Forever and Never Say Never Again (remember that one?).
>So he's a three good movies to three bad ones, and Thunderball is just forgettable.

Contrarian nonsense. And if the silly stuff they had Connery do from time to time gets movies taken off the list as penalty, then Roger Moore has about -5.

Contradicting the popular idea isn't inherently "contrarian." Being contrarian is when you do it purely for the sake of contradicting the popular idea.

People value the Connery movies too highly when, in fact, more of them than not are below average. That was just a pre-emptive reaction to the inevitable bitching that Connery should have at least four of the top five slots when honestly, most of his movies don't deserve it. If you'll notice, Moore only has one top-five spot too because most of his movies are far too silly.

Take the overrated, not bad but overrated, Dr. No off, and take Goldfinger whose problems I already laid out off, and FRWL is really his only great movie.

the swordfight in Die Another Day is off the chain, tho
youtube.com/watch?v=HpTUAOYrSII

Please. Goldeneye isn't even the best Brosnan Bond. Die Another Day is his best outing, poor CGI or not.

Thanks for bringing a smile to my face Satan

As an actual fencer, that scene was painful.

Killing your loved one.

"sorry, lover" - Bond to Alec

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