Be american

>be american
>wake up
>laugh at the latest black twitter meme on your phone
>take your shoes out of the microwave
>you pour your morning coffee into your shoes
>tip the coffee machine
>turn on the tv to watch the latest episode off rick and morty
>go outside
>say hello to your mixed race neighbour
>go to the local mcdonalds
>they are out of the special rick and morty sauce
>begin mumbling under your breath about 9/11
>suddenly a black man runs into the store with a gun
>he asks the cashier to give him all of the special rick and morty sauce
>luckily the police are still here from the last incident
>they take his life and college degree
>you kneel to show you respect for your fallen brother
>suddenly the police arrest you for not tipping the cashier
>you get shot
>you wake up in hospital and are forced to tip the doctor
>he tells you to tip him again for the circumcision he performed
>you oblige
>you turn on the tv and see that blm is protesting the latest police shooting of an innocent black man who just wanted his schezuan sauce
>begin thinking about the injustice of 9/11 again
>get arrested and shot again because you didn't have enough money for your hospital treatment

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=vc1MpongmnE
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

>show the doctor your designated IQ and racial composition map
>end up paying double because you got shot in a white area

Good bants

youtube.com/watch?v=vc1MpongmnE

This REALLY made me kek

You forgot to mention Tyrone cucking amerimutt's wife

gr8 post m80

>the current year
>getting married

obsessed

OBsESsEd

obesed

...

>Be burger
>roll off of my double-kingsize bed, slip on my crocs
>bathe in my xtrasize jumbo shower™
>drop my bigmac on the shower, cry
>get down for breakfast on my stairlevator™
>mom made bacon and pancakes, tip mom
>sing the national anthem before eating
>pour half a gallon of high fructose syrup on cardboard tasting pancakes (no maple syrup, ‘cause fuck Canada).
>add 1 ounce of “I can’t believe it’s not butter” because never learned a reasonable standard international unit, so must use ounces like a retarded kid making up measurements
>Go to school, tip teacher
>Sing national Anthem, get frisked for guns before going to class
>1 hours of pep rally for big game, tip cheerleaders
>2 hours of learning about creationism
> 1 hour of being molested by priests

>they take his life and college degree

>returns home after being molested
>Hear gunshots
>kid with giant assault rifle going nuts MGMT.mp3
>third time this week
>mental note to tip the teachers extra to make sure they are frisking everybody
>police arrives eating donuts on mobility scooters
> they kill shooter, plus 3 or 4 black kids from the neighborhood
> police officers automatically acquitted, because black kids looked dangerous
>tip cops, sing national anthem while they get their medals
>go back home, can’t eat tacos ‘cause they are too expensive (we needed that money to build a wall)
>get 4th mortgage on the same house
>watch as housing and credit markets collapse causing worldwide chaos
>buy tacos
>try to play fetch with my dog
>We both have heart attacks
>Get taken to hospital
>doctor is an Indian man, named Suresh
> my father complains Suresh is staling all the jobs
> father tells me that being schooled doesn’t mean being intelligent
> believe him, he is always employee of the month in Walmart
> tip Suresh
>get taken home, tip the ambulance guys
>MFW when 700,000.00 dollars bill arrives.
>Thank God we got rid of Obamacare.
>try to watch the news, but president Trump prohibited the news to transmit news
>end up watching 3 hours of Keeping up with the Kardashians
>next day go back to school
>have a surprise test on my American culture class!
>gonnafailthissohard.jpeg
>mfw the test is all about the Kardashians
> Ace test
>go back home
>make a thread praising Trump on Sup Forums
>itwasagoodday.txt

>no abusive father
>no MK Ultra
>no sharting in the mart

fake and gay

...

>be indian
>learn all about the daily routine of burgers while you try to scan them from a call centre

i keep my shoes in the fridge so they're not stinky in the morning

who the hell puts them in the microwave?

>uɐilɐɹʇsn∀ ǝq
>uʍop ǝpisdn ǝq

>tfw American professional in Korea and don't know Korean
>I just say DO YOU KNOW ENGLISH louder every time until they answer me in Korean
>log onto tinder
>every Korean girl wants to learn American English
>I match with every girl I swipe right on
>go to McDolan's to get myself a Crispy Oriental Chicken Burger with fries, extra large. Coke Zero
>get thanked for American support against fat northern boi

I am so glad that my ancestors liberated this place in the Korean War.

C O M F Y

>>try to scan them

>be australian
>try to post to a hungarian sweater knitting bbs
>spellcheck fails because it consumes too much bandwidth
>get letter from telstra offering to upgrade your internet to 1.1mbps with a 1gb data cap for only $300/month

>tfw I actually laugh at these posts

you forgot
>get HIV from blood transfusion because donor didn't have to mention he had AIDS