Immersion ruined

>hiking across a continent, workout of a the century
>still a fatty
was gollum right? was samwise a sneaky lembas-stealing hobbit?
what else had you scratching your head

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Didn't the journey only take like two weeks or something?

How dramatic of a change could take place

It took months dude.

Hobbit genetics

Why didn't Fodo ride to Mount Doom on Sam's back, stuffing lembas bread in his mouth and cracking the whip occasionally while shouting "Faster, piggy!"?

Why didn't they just fly on the eagles from the start?

Cause Sam was too fat, duh.

Why is he wearing Kryptonian armor I WILL FIND HIM MR FRODO

Try spending 2 weeks having only one light meal a day.

Fakest orgasm ever.

They were eating magic elf bread where one bite could sustain you for an entire day.
There was never an issue with a lack of food

They will retain fat for a LONG ass time being the laziest little fuckers on Arda. Hobbits will literally never starve.

From the time to the time they arrived back at the shire was exactly a year.

*time they left to the time they arrived back at the shire was exactly a year

lembas bread motherfucker. it wasnt a joke in the books. it legit sustained you for a really long time.

in TT pippin is forced to run alongside the urukhai when kidnapped with only weird orc drink sustaining him, because it somehow makes them have shit tons of energy.

But like half of that was made up of chilling in lothlorien or rivendell and the comfy march home

Well you just answered the OP question then for why didn't Sam lose weight.

I swear some people get so caught up in arguing simply for the sake or arguing that they lose track of what the original discussion even was.

Looks like about 800 miles. Sam confirmed as bread thief.

why didnt their hair grow out

or

how did they cut their hair, why would they prioritize hair cut

and

how did they wipe their asses

t. george rr

Smeagle licked the excrement from their buttholes.

I never understood this map. What lies beyond Rhun? Is the world an island?

Nah this is one chunk of a continent, same size as France roughly. Everything on the edges is just the wild.

So Mordor has it's back to essentially an endless untapped wilderness chalk full of trees and other resources, and instead they burn down Isenguard and piss off the ents?

it's written by Bilbo or Frodo supposedly, so they don't know anything about what lies further south and east. It's pretty impressive as maps go in the setting, most hobbits don't know what's beyond the next village.

Wasnt Boromir on the road for almost a year to Rivendell?

The world is a planet that used to be a flat disc.

They leave Rivendell December 25. The Ring is destroyed March 25.

They spent 1 month of the journey (January 15-February 16) in Lorien.

MUH CHILDHOOD
MUH DICK

>implying
Back to infowars.middleEarth.erdu you go

>months
The journey from Frodo first picking up the ring to the ring sinking into the lava took four years

Frodo mentions like "Four years to the day since Weathertop" which is where he got stabbed

>was about to post a picture of fatass Samwell Tarly for semi-relevance
>turns out I forgot how fucking obese he was at the start of the series and he has actually dropped a fair bit of weight, even though he's still a fatass

That's in the movies, what do the books say?

Can you never fucking post again?

Even if you've only seen the movies he's a complete fucking retard. Frodo says when they arrive back in the Shire it's been 13 months since they left. He only says the "four years" line after time has passed in the Shire (e.g. Sam getting married).

>because it somehow makes them have shit tons of energy.

Saruman is based on Hitler, he pumps his troops full of meth.

Oh yeah that's right, I remember now.

Lol that other guy is retarded.

So Germany had a barren wasteland full of Slavs to their back but instead they pissed off France?

>uninhabited
>UNINHABITED
>FUCKING READING COMPREHENSION

>chalk full

What do you think it is, chuck full?

I hate southern retards

lmgtfy.com/?q=chalk full

Are you trying to be retarded?

Seriously, not even him.

I still don't really get what is the difference between Hobbits and Dwarves

they're both just regular people except shorter and live somewhere different

I'm not a hardcore Tolkein fag, so I may be wrong about this, but from what I understand Dwarves were created by the Earth/Mountain god in his image, and Hobbits are like a retarded offshoot of men.

Mind=Blown
bue maybe this

Slavs put up more of a fight than the French who surrendered and elected a national socialist government

no but serisouly
why not take the Eagles?

>I still don't really get what is the difference between tigers and lions
>they're both just regular cats except bigger and live somewhere different

Because Sauron would spot em

they could just fly by night

>because they didnt give a shit about war with Sauron and were neutral moat of the time
>because theyd try to take the ring, they were on Gandalfs power lever, not regular birds
>because Sauron had spells preventing other magical beings from entering his turf
>because theyd get fucked by archers and fell beasts

3 reasons off the top of my head:
- The Eagles didn't give a fuck about the other races and just wanted to be left alone. They only helped Gandalf because they owed him a favor, and even then there was no guarantee that they'd come.
- The Eye of Sauron would have seen them and sent the Nazgul to kill them
- They could have been corrupted by the ring of power as well.

retard

Maybe it was his thyroid.YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT, DUDE!??

>Looks like about 800 miles
>sit on their asses and eat all day for a month at lorien
>casually drift to the fall of rauros through the river in mere days
>the entire shit that goes down on the two last movies ammounts to about 1 month
>why sam didnt became a skellington on 1 month?

can cut your hair with a dagger or sword if its getting in the way, doesn't need to be barber quality

you wipe your ass on leaves or a bit of cloth you carry around with you and rinse in water when you can

i kinda imagine the lands to east as something resembling a mostly unexplored eurasian steppe

Ringmind.

he was probably stopping in every tavern and barn raping lowly maids as he went and getting shitpiss drunk every day travelling 5 miles at a time

not in world war 1
(which is when tolkien started the books)

Because its literally a plot hole and Tolkien admitted it in a letter.

tbf if you were on the road for a month medieval style and you weren't eating well you would turn skin and bones pretty quick

Eagles vs nazgul
Rip

Tolkien also clearly stated that he didnt based LOTR on real life events and wars, because if he did, hobbits would be despised by all other races and Ring would be used as a weapon against sauron, and instead of honourable leaders wed have cowards obsessed with power. He was very disilusioned with humanity

How did they do their tax returns when they were on travelling foot for an entire year? Did they get audited upon returning to the Shire?

Wait what

They were given Lembas bread which makes you full after a bite or two.

>elected a puppet government

It's chock you fucking idiots

this

idiots are a diamond dozen on this board ffs

That was the original plan but gadalf died in moria

...

Kek. forgot picture.

Was Sam gay lovers with Bilbo? Why was he so emotionally attached to him . Was he sucking his dick or something?

Chock full

idiots on the internet are just part of the course, don't worry about it

Because the whole thing was a test for mankind. The god can and have handled worse things in the past, but their intervention led to a lot of devastation and led to human complacency. So this time God decided that humans solve the mess they themselves started this time and will only send guidance in the form of Gandalf. Which is why they didn't use the eagles, and which is why Gandalf didn't just fireblast everyone.

in the books it's mentioned that the journey lasted roughly 16 years

t. Havent read the books.
16 years since Frodo inherited the ring till its destruction, but 15 of those years he was sitting on his ass in Bag End

How did Boromir always have a perfectly trimmed goatee during Fellowship?

Gandalf even told them to fly but they all ignored him.

dark continent

so thats why Gandalf is brought back to life? Is that what he means he had to finish something? To help Frodo?

I mean thats how I interpret it and it fits nicely

is it crazy to think he migt have carried a satchel or small pouch with a razor in it

I don't know if maiar can even properly "die"

like if he gets BTFO he just sorta respawns in the undying lands or whereever the fuck he comes from

After he proved he was not corrupted unlike rest of maiars remaining on arda when he declined he ring, sacrificed himself to kill Durins Bane and was only one of Istari that still cared about their original quest, Eru sent him vack buffed so that he could finish his mission of guiding against Saurin and also take care of Saruman who went rouge

>, Eru
this sounds interesting. should i read the silmarillion?

Actually, in the hidden sub-appendix of the Silmarillion, it's explicitly said that the journey took forty-five years.

>wikianswers

Hello can you do me a big favor and NEVER EVER EVER FUCKING POST AGAIN

youtube.com/watch?v=ksyCkPMGouo&t=20s

for the love of god yes

Eru is the God Almighty of Tolkienverse, Morgoth is Lucipher, Valar and Maiar are greater and lesser angels. LOTR is kinda Catholic existential literature.
And yeah, but after you've read LOTR with appendices and still want more. And takie it slow, Silmarillion has very good stories but its not easy to digest. Read one story at a time, dont try to marathon the whole book

You don't need to shit when you eat lembas bread.

No the super sekret hidden appendix says it took 45000years due to being stuck in a timewarp during their time in the barrow downs, learn to Tolkien pleb

>watch extended battle of five armies
>extremely violent scene with dwarves on a war chariot that is equipped with a hand-cranked repeating crossbow

I can see why this was cut but I really wish it wasn't.

>being this fucking wrong.

Nah that's very simplified but he's not exactly wrong

>not knowin that when youvtake first character of every sentence and read it backwards you get turbo secret appendix that retcons all previous ones and actually says that journey was 24 hours long but seemed longer due to time dilatation because middle earth is close to a black hole
Laugh at this tolkien newfag

Shut up spoiler fgt that's super sekret

Pls prove me wrong. Im not saying those are exactly the same characters, I meant they serve similiar roles in mythology

Everything he said can be backed up with direct Tolkien quotations.