Be english

>be english
>wake up at 5am thanks to the prayers on loudspeaker from the local mosque
>have no time to drink tea, must praise allah
>get on the bus to go to work
>woman sits next to me
>what the fuck does she think she is doing
>call shariah police
>she instantly get arrested
>people see what happened and i see a guy talking about me on the phone
>bus eventually pulls over
>regular UK police tells me to step off the bus
>get awarded a medal from the mayor Sadiq Khan
>come late for work
>my boss Mehmet is mad as fuck
>tell him what happened
>instantly get a raise and the rest of the day free
>spend all the extra money at the local Halal butcher and buy a new gift for my wife
>come back home to my beautiful 7 year old wife Aisha and hand her the teddy bear i bought
>also beat her for not cooking good enough food
>suddenly i hear a bang on my door
>oh shit it must be the police
>it's Sadiq Khan again
>get my second medal of the day
>wake up the following day
>get on the tube
>i see my photo on the front page of The Evening Standard
>oh shit i am fucked
>read the headline
>"local hero shows what it means to be quintessentially british"
>mfw
>get a phone call later that day
>the queen wants to meet me alongside with the local imam
>get a knighthood
>people now have to call me sir mehmet
>mfw

How is the average day in your country like pol?

>be average midwestern white goy.
>wake up 5 am brew some cheap store brand coffee
>pretty good because I am not man of fancy tastes
>roll first cigarette of day in the nice cool morning air feels good
>small town majority white
>only bad thing is the town is surrounded by a much larger town full of chimps
>no issues yet but I know one day in the future they will come upon the town like Rhodesia.
>but for now its safe, watching a deer and her doe running down the street so they can find them a nice quiet spot.
God Bless America.

>be canadian
>wake up at 5 am want to go jog
>see interracial couple walking together
>day ruined

Great

You and your boss share the same name?

Curious.I'm not saying you're a liar, just....curious.

>be dutch
>wake up at 8 am
>rush to the train
>see morrocans and turks chimping in the train
>day ruined

mehmet is a very popular name in britain

>be southerner
>wake up
>clean guns
>turn on news
>no race war
>better luck tomorrow
>fuck my sister wife
>Go to bed

>be south african
>
>be south african

>be welsh
>wake up 1pm
>check NatWest mobile banking app to see if bennies have cleared yet
>they haven't, fucking english need to pay more taxes
>walk to the rugby club for liquid lunch
>spend the afternoon talking about margaret thatcher, mines and school milk
>deface some 'funded by the EU' signs on the way home
>collapse into bed dreaming of molly the ewe while wife prays to god thanking him for not making us irish so at least she doesn't get beaten

>beat women

That's unrealistic because Islam is the religion of peace! And the prophet believed in women's rights.

>Wake up at at 3am.
>Walk down to the local dairy, owned by Pajeet.
>Buy a pie, blow on it before consuming.
>Return home.
>Milk the cows.
>Shag the cows.
>It starts raining.
>Time to tend to my illegal herb garden.
>Shag my illegal herb garden.
>Eat my wife's sister for lunch.
>Can still taste the cream stuffing I gave her last night.
>After lunch I shear my sheep.
>Shag them too.
>Then it's off to the pub.
>At 1am I get into my car, eight times over the alcohol limit and crash through the front door.
>She'll be right.
>Get into bed.
>Shag wife.

>Be Flemish living in nice small countryside white town
>got new job in Brussels
> get on train to get to work in Brussels
> arrive In Brussels
>train station smells like urine
>homeless ,nigs ,moroccans and begging gypsy's everywhere
> get back on train home
>call boss at new job
>tell him I quit
>be NEET
>be comfy

>be quebecois
>be racially homogenous uncucked town
>see muzzies, they must be lost
>tell them to go home
>work for 12 hours
>6 hours of my work go to the government
>get off work
>turn on the radio
>song is in English
>day ruined

>be italian
>wake up 7am
>live in a small town
>go to the local bar
>bartender greets me
>"Hello user, want the usual ?"
>"You do know me, mario"
>grab a pastry as i wait for my coffee
>grab the newspaper
>read how america is getting destroyed by monkeys
>read how merkel fucks niggers
>read how french women are being raped
>read how the left is loosing power
>be thankful to live in such a conservative country
>based pope
>finish drinking my coffee
>"How much do i owe you, Piero ?"
>"it's 3 euro, user"
>pay
>be thankful knowing all the niggers are segregated in major cities
>do my daily Hail Mary
>see a nigger down the road, everyone dodges him
>a vu cumpra asks me of i want to buy his shit
>say i'm going to call the police if he dares to speak to me again
>go to work
>after work eat superior italian food made with superior italian ingredients
>3 months later commit sudoku because of too many debts

I fucking love Italy.

>be average American
>wake up
>get shot

>be Torontonian
>walk downtown because an African Canadian gentleman took my car for reparations
>he needed it more than i do
>walk through pride parade
>see 12 year old boy grinding on the prime minister
>such beautiful diversity
>go to work, find out my job was given to a Syrian refugee
>he needed it more than i do
>go to government mandated diversity seminar
>see cute girl
>smile at her
>get arrested for rape
>Native American takes my asshole for reparations
>he needed it more than I do

Lol.

Wtf happened to her feet?

>wake up american
>get shot
>get out of hospital
>enjoying fun meal with family at taco bell
>7 gang members come in
>get shot
>get out of hospital enjoying super fun time at water park with family
>get shot

>sudoku
Top kek

>Be texan
>wake up at the crack of down
>alarm clock goes off. Shoot the Fuck out of it.
>girlfriend is also shooting her clock as me.
>put on my boots and hat and go to the kitchen. Girlfriend opens milk with her gun.
>I light my morning ciggaret with my gun.
>coffe is good but I throw in about 4 bullets to give it that Texas taste.
>watch pancho lead his donkey to the river. I shoot at him to say hello and he shoots back.
>I go saddle up my horse and accuse fly shoot it while I was letting it with my gun.
>no problem I'll just use my girlfriends horse.
>shoot at the wall in order to clock in at work
>work from 6 AM to 5PM. All day I just shoot at Indians and blacks.
>come home to a delicious meal made by my girlfriend.(we ate my dead horse).
>get in bed and cuddle with my girlfriend while we both shoot the lights out.

God damn I love Texas.

Wtf you are a cannibal?

>be American
>get pokemon go
>wanna be the very best like no one ever was
>get shot

>be welsh
>take eu gibs
>give mamma merkel and juncker the middle finger

Fucking sexy desu.

C-can I move in as a slav or I will ruin the kingdoms day by my presence ?

Also, best place to live/work/relax in NL ?

I dont take drugs.

Found the nigger kek

Please don't joke about calls to prayer. They are driving me insane, If I found the guy whose idea it was to call to prayer five times a day then I would make him suffer like I do.

Fuck all else to eat down here.
>t. Maori.

>get up at 4 am
>fuck I'm late its full on daylight outside
>nvm, its summer
>Jump on bus, pay 15 euros to go 3 km across the city line
>Bus driver is listening to quoranic verses and doing his Salats while driving.
>Crash into two alcoholic elks having a fight in the middle of the road
>Eat mämmi and drink ES

>we ate my dead horse
Is this a ketchup joke?

>be average midwestern white goy
>wake up at 5 am, brew cheap cheap coffee
>im man of simple tastes
>drive to work in my truck
>see a deer in the road, run it over
>other people see what i did and stop to help me clean it
>police pull up, uhoh im fucked
>officer jon wants a cut of the meat
>forget about work and go home to put my venison in the freezer
>get call from boss, uhoh im fucked
>he wants me to bring some venison to the office
>we have a picnic instead of working today
>go home watch baseball, make love to my wife

Funny, that sounds almost like Germany to me.

kek

...

Would eat abbos with you in the NT any day m8.

Sure, they have the right to have sex, even if they're 5.

>be serb
>wake up at 8am being shit late for appointment
>drink a few shots of rakija instead of breakfast
>get on bus that is 30min late and travel in that gas chamber for the next hour
>gypsies try to pickpocket me in the bus
>finally in town rush to my bar where i find some bald thugs
>"would be a shame if someone torched this place, i have a few boys that can protect it for a price"
>mfw fucking rocketeers, pay mobsters money cus police is their friend
>get home find out that our prime minister is sucking up to EU even more, we take blame for all the wrongs in the world
>nato bombings 2.0
>as the city burns i am actually happy, no more shit

Be Pakistani
Wake up to neighbourhood religious committee banging on gate to get me to go pray
Eat three fried eggs with bread cooked in animal fat
Go to work on the donkeymobile, leave ox-cart for wife in case she needs to go to her village due to yet another sibling dying
Type up half a report, take a break to offer midday prayers
Finish report, go eat lunch with boss for three hours while he extolls the virtues of bustard seeds
Get back to office, molest the kitchen staff
Take a break for afternoon prayers
Nap for the rest of the workday
Go home, wife says she's pregnant Again
Go for evening prayers to the local mosque, get blown up by a medium explosion
Recover quickly due to immunity developed by many small explosions
Go home, eat five kilos of vegetables
Wife doesn't want to fuck so go have a round with the pitygoat the neighbours set up in the community square
Offer nightly prayers, decide to sleep in the mosque

>greentexting every line on mobile is hard

No one like venison you lying faggot

> be french
> wake up
> do nothing
> go to work
> come back from work
> girlfriend is permanently semi-pissed at me
> play video games for an hour or two and go to sleep without sex

Why have I not killed myself yet?

>be English
>NEET
>stay in house and remain comfy
>can hear muffled ALLAHU akbars in the distance
>await inevitable race war and death

>Recover quickly due to immunity developed by many small explosions
You got me lad.

>Be Australian
>Wake up at six am to the sounds of cassowaries kicking me car apart
>Make the traditional Aussie brekkie, Vegemite and baked beans served between bacon and eggs with a can of VB on the side and another emptied all over the food
>Go outside, the car's fucked mate, gotta take an emergency roo
>wander out into the bush and bean Skippy over the head with a stick, climbing into the cunt's pouch while she's still a bit mongy
>hop along to work, almost come a-gutsa when some gronk crashes his car after a huntsman crawls out behind the sun-visor
>Get to the mine, ready to do some hard yakka
>Find out that the company has been bought out by the Asians
>She'll be right though, a few of the staff are being kept on and I'm one of them so no wokkas. Plus I like chinese food, always buy some fortune cookies from Woolies
>Hop in the earth mover, bunch of fucking abos have set up a tent parliament to protest the government in the back of it
>Canberra is on the other side of the country
>Fucking boongas
>I throw me emergency goon-bag out the window and watch noonga after noonga leap after it.
>It's a regular abolanche
>Pull out me phone, tell some cunts on the internet about it
>Internet connection is shithouse mate, dunno if I'll even be able to fini

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Pakistans got some nice bantz

Maybe not in Cuck, Maryland where you must live. Venison is the fucking shit here in the midwest

>sir Mehmet
>not muhammad Al windsori

>hiding so hard the fact that we are getting cuckd as fuck

>be Lithuanian
>wake up
>hear poles screaming "WILNO NASHE KURWA"
>go to a store
>get stabbed
>bleed out

>be english
>wake up at midday only beacuse sun shining on face though gap in curtains
>slither to bathroom
>look at self
>try not to cry
>look out window
>see all the mudslimes running around trying to get fiki fiki
>almost tearing up
>go to kitchen
>attempt to commit sudduku
>cant
>had to bin that knife and only have spoons
>police kick down door
>get fined 50bongs for not surrendering my spoons
>now waiting 12 years on hns to fix spoon related injury

That's ebin, but i hope you didn't get late for sauna tho...

>be french
>wake up
>watch news
>daily bombings
>nothing special, just a few hundred deaths
>get ready for school
>mom reminds me that talking in french in public is racist
>switch to arabic
>get in bus
>friends isnt there
>send him a message
>forgot that messhe is in french
>abdoul and jaffar threaten to behead me
>send message in arabic
>friend tells me that he's passing his cop tests
>by Allah he's going to become an intolerant racist pig
>tell the driver to crash into my friend's car
>saleel al sawarim starts playing
>entire bus singing along
>as we approach people are elling Allahu Akbar
>l yell with them
>Friend's car goes flying
>Entiree bus starts clapping
>allah himself comes down to award us with free explosives
It was a nice day

>Be English
>Student
>Have a tassimo to wake me up
>Go to the local park
>Stroke some dogs
>Smoke a zoot
>Have fun
>Go back home
>Sit on sofa and play games till midnight

Such is life in a spa town

>be Dutch
>wake up at 6am
>rush to drive to work
>spend 2 hours in traffic congestion
>"heh, at least I dont waste my time like those public transport fags"
>have a productive day at work
>50% of my wage goes to pay for immigrants

>actually thinking niggers are welcomed by most italians

Nice proxy, Sven

Fucking Australia man....

NO SARDINHAS AND/OR VODKA NIGGERS!

>muhammad al winsori

>No one likes venison
You have to go back.

topkek nice one

>all memes aside, tfw this is actually our future

This shit isn't even funny. You're an embarrassment to our nation.

Go to see Ghostbusters
Get Shot
Complain about it
Get called sexist
Jerk off to cuck porn
Go to Sup Forums to hate niggers
Get shot by nigger
Asian cop shows up as nigger is leaving
Nigger shoots cop
R2Dindu blows my house up
#BLM protest everywhere

>American
>Wake up after a night of drinking with friends
>Consume multiple glasses of water
>Go for a bike ride at the local county park
>Not a muzzo in sight, God bless my town
>Go to the mall a few miles over, some 20 minutes away
>Muzzo families walking around
>I crusade internally

Thank god they can't afford the housing where I'm at, or don't want to. Far too many rednecks here.

This one never ages

>>It's a regular abolanche
Top fucking kek.

Be American
Check privilege
Embrace Diversity
Mind Pronouns
Care about black lives
Feel the Bern
Get Cucked
Get shot
Go to bed

Post more.

>based Pope

That's where you fucked up.

>be Finnish
>Wake up around 2:30am when the sun rises
>*Open fridge* "Hmm, a 6pack of 500ml ES cans and 6pack of 250ml ES..."
>Can't decide so skip the morning ES
>Walk to town
>Pass a Russian family
>*"Vitun ryssä" intensifies*
>Remind them of winter war and continue walking
>Walk by all fucking Chinese tourists
>See a gang of muslims
>They cornerblock me and one holds a knife to my throat
>Oh fugs! :-DD
>"Hoi sie!" says one of the muslims and continues "Can i borrow your phone?"
>Can't talk to him, because Finnish insecurity and fear of social action
>Quickly take my Nokia and beat all the muslims with that, ebin
>A young democrat was standing watching the situation whole time and called the cops
>I get arrested for hate crime
>Finnish newspapers write about me "A white Finnish male assaulted friendly migrant children, because he is Finnish and therefore a racist"
>Mfw 2yrs in jail and they don't even serve ES

>Be New Yorker
>Wake up in Tiny Apartment, smoke 10 cigarettes
>Six cups of black coffee
> Elevator's out, take stairs down
> Avoid Slav landlord
> Jump on Subway
> Nigger starts to shit on the floor, beat him up with a bunch of strangers
> Buy smuggled in cigarettes, dodge bullets and knives
> Bi weekly gangwar again
> Go to cushy investment bank job, ruin the economy twice and save it three times
> Dodge homeless people pissing on my lunch break
> 3 martinis and a pastrami sandwich
> take rest of the day off

>be romanian, live in village
>wake up whenever, too lazy to even live
>beat wife for not having food ready
>eat, fuck wife, beat her again
>floodings came in 10th consecutive year, houses full of water, almost collapsing
>meh, shitty earth walls anyway
>go see cousin, see him working and laugh at him
>drag him to the pub to watch the military and firefighters sent by government empty water and rebuild houses
>have a drink, have a fight and a drink again talking about uncle working pockets in italy
>laugh at his brick house built on top of hill that never gets flooded
>what a moron
>yell at military and firefighters for not working hard enough while still drinking
>go to each other's house, fuck wives and grandmothers, beat them
>meet again on road, beat each other again
>get home, fuck wife, beat wife
>fall asleep praying that authorities are corrupt enough to let me live one more year on welfare so i don't have to work all 100 hectares i've inherited over time

>be portuguese
>wake up 10am, go the beach and back to have lunch in a garden...sun is shining, 0 muslims or black people in sight..they are all working..shhhh
>life is good

I had typed out fifteen lines of life as a Pakistani elite, when I realized the parody was depressingly close to reality. That's the best I've got, I'm afraid.

>wake up at 8 to my self programmed clock I built from scratch (im not achmed)
>eat a good breakfast
>bike to train station
>lots of turks and morrocan but I don't give a fuck because it feels like iceland compared to France (im french)
>10 minutes of train and I am at work (co-founder of a tech startup)
>have a cool day at work and laugh about our sexy new intern
>get her to translate every important dutch stuff I have to read
>go to the gym then home
>pissed about 52% taxes
>remember I have 30% off for being a foreigner and taxe for company are only 20%
>send a text to remind my cute dutch tinder date we are meeting tomorrow

The weather is garbage tho

I love finns so much

Fucking foreigners abusing our tax heaven status to come and create jobs and pay taxes here.

Get out, immigrant scum.

>wake up early and head to labor hall
>BLM protesters are blocking my way and yelling because I'm white
>finally get to labor hall
>get sent to a jobsite
>walking to bus stop
>a cop shoots me a little bit
>get on the bus
>BLM protesters are rocking the bus back and forth, causing me to become sleepy
>bus leaves
>get off bus
>another cop shoots me
>walk to jobsite
>BLM protesters are pushing and shoving
>work until lunch
>a cop shoots my lunch
>go back to work
>BLM protesters stole our tools while we were at lunch so i have to dig with my bare hands
>finally finish
>BLM protesters stole the bus so i have to walk home
>a cop shoots me
>go to bed with no dinner because I am poor
America

>be argentinian
>6 am wake up, getting late to work
>remember public transportation is closed cause the money is used to pay for free football broadcasting
>take my car out of the garage
>remember roads are closed cause the money is used to pay for tv shows about human rights and nestor kirchner
>got to call work and explain myself
>remember i don't even have a job to begin with
>stand in my front porch in exasperation, not knowing what to do
>some pakis flip me off and wave an english flag from the other side of the shore
>dance some tango
>go take a nap

>wake up
>bash up a few abbos for fun
>complain about foreign affairs
>almost get killed by every living thing in straya
Just another day in the outback cunts

>be Dutch
>go to coffeeshop for my morning coffee
>girl behind the counter asks how I would like my coffee
>"black"
>suddenly everyone stops what they were doing to look at me in horror
>try to look inconspicuous by reading a newspaper
>headline is about murderer getting 10 hours community service to pay for his crimes
>police bursts into the coffeeshop
>arrested for using racial slurs
>house searched, they find my black pete costume
>charged for perpetuating racist culture
>social media is searched
>see I have no friends of color
>additional charges
>see I liked a page about black pete
>charged with promoting hate speech
>spend rest of my life in prison

It's ok, Its like liver, I wouldn't go out of my way to eat it

>wake up to the stench of pig shit fertilizing the endless sight of fields
>look to my right to discover my 1m95+ overweight dutch girlfriend
>she turns herself and I see her big nose, forehead
>get out of my little bed to avoid the sight (little bed because in Utrechistan you pay 1k rent for 50m^2)
>feel like eating good local dish to forget my rent
>everything is disgusting except stroopwaffle so I give up
>realise I'm late to work (gotta pay dem 80% taxes) because I have 4 hours of traffic to get to shittytownen
>open door
>realise I forgot I live below sea level
>water full lf morrocan,turks and surinamese pours into my place
>drown

What a time to be alive

>utrecht
>endless sight of fields
What, do you live in the Dom or something?

>wake up at 7am
>wait for neighbor who hit my car to give me insurance info
>wait an hour for him
>get in shower, tired of waiting
>get out, get dressed
>watch him get in his car and leave

>wake up at 8am
>drink a gallon of coffee to fully activate my superior stramlined mongolian eyes
>head out to buy booze
>neighbour outside says "good morning" stab him for talking too much
>at the liquor store, buy 5 bottles of pic related
>cashier asks if i want a receipt, stab her for talking too much
>leave the receipt
>walking back home, police stops me and asks about stabbings
>say it was some qypsy
>back home, get drunk and go to sauna

>be turkish
>7 am wake up
>trying to fuck my gf and suck her milky breast while she sleeps
> then go sleep again
>wake up at 1 pm
>go swimming and breakfast with her
>sex in deep of sea , feels so good

>mfw im richfag and white living at turkey meditterian is easy as fuck.


>then come taiwainese cartoon board to shitpost

Can I come visit? I like to partake, fish and shoot animals.

heh

...

>be Hugarian
>wake up at 5:00am
>Supreme Leader Orban is giving his daily speech on issues on the loudspeakers
>start eating goulash
>have no time to finish as the 5 minutes of immigrant hate starts
>prepare my horse for work
>say good by to my wife and 11 kids, then we sing the anthem together under the photo of Supreme Leader Orban
>go to work to company built from EU money
>company is making walls and wall accessories for the border
>during lunch break I hit a jew in the face, get a standing ovation from pedestrians
>go home after 16 hours of work
>on the tram laugh at gypsy beggar
>make wife pregnant again so Supreme Leader Orban can give us more money from EU funds
>drape myself in the flag and go to sleep while Supreme Leader Orban is giving a specch again on the loudspeakers.

>be Australian
>wake up at 6
>eat my wheetbix and saddle my kangaroo
>hop to work as a lifeguard protecting the beaches
>Spot boat full of asylum seekers out from bondi beach
>"release him"
>Tony abbot sprints out of his cage and dives into the water
>Savages the women and children on the boat, mutilated corpses float onto the beach and are quickly eaten by 50kg beach spiders

>be me
>no potaytoes
>die

>be austrian
>wake up at 5 am
>eat kaiseroll and jam
>praise allah
>pay shekels to apologize for hitler
>leave house
>take train because gotta save the environment
>get to school
>be called a faschist for wanting a revote on the election
>get hala meat thrown at me by muslims and called a pigeater
>go to teacher to complain about the harassment
>get sent to reeducation camp for inciting violence on minorities
>take train home
>train station filled with refugees
>train filled with refugees
>get raped on train
>go to police
>get sent to reeducation camp again
>finally come home
>turn on the news
>see myself on TV
>"Evil Nazi trying to frame poor refugees in an attempt to steer hatred"

>Be me, Australian
>Wake up in the bush
>Disentangle my self from poison snakes
>Go to have a shit
>Balls get bitten by poison toilet spiders
>Get in truck to go to beach
>Abos drunk all the petrol
>Walk to beach
>Get attacked by emus on the way
>On beach
>Attacked by crabs
>Scrape the poison octopus off my surfboard
>Surf
>Have leg taken off by shark (prob. poisonous)
>Start hopping home
>Attacked by poison cane toads
>Get home
>Eat poison for dinner
>Make sweet love to my sheep wife

>wake up at 4AM
>late for my food line
>skip my one egg omelette breakfast
>get to the line
>lucky break, only 50 people in front of me
>11AM, line starts moving
>get a tip that there might be almost expired milk in another supermarket
>wage whether I want to get milk or toilet paper
>don't want to be an honorary pooinloo, so I stay put
>4PM, get to the cashier, have to pay 1,500,000 Bs (1,500 BsF ( a dollar ) ) for a single milk carton
>get back home in time for my water allowance
>doesn't smell like sulfur anymore, another lucky break
>wash myself with hand-made soap, burns my eyes and skin, but I'm clean
>have a hot date with the only white chick in the country
>gonna watch some shitty dubbed cam-recorded movie that I bought from one of the many streetvendors
>no money for condoms, so I ain't getting lucky tonight
>she doesn't show up because there's another bus strike going on, can't make it
>set alarm for 3AM, can't miss milk tomorrow or else I'll starve
>cry myself to sleep at 8PM

>Be Peruvian
>Wake up at 5 AM
>Nothing good happens
>Nothing bad happens
>Work
>Go back to home
>Play dota
>JAJAJAJA ESE MID NO GANK IZI +25 GIGI TMR
>Go to sleep

>also beat her for not cooking good enough food
lmao

>skip the morning ES

that's one hairy arm.