ITT Drunken Stories

>ITT Drunken Stories
Let's here those druken stories Sup Forums good or bad

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I'll bite.

>Be me
>12th grade, straight as a circle with no hope of mans in sight.
>Be at first party, drinking mango rum.
>Sloshed.wav
>Qt3.14 18/20 walks up to me with phone.
>An empty phone contact is given to me.
>"Just gonna leave this right here..."
>Look down
>Get dizzy
>noway.jpg
>Throw up all over self
>He laughs for hours, even helps me clean up.

Met the love of my life right there. Now he doesn't even notice me. Drinking again brb

Bump

Op here
>Be me
>Be under the legal limit
>Drink anyways thinking I'll be able to handle it
>Boy was I wrong
>Ruined the birthday party of a mutual friend
>Ended up walking around downtown talking to and touching homeless people while also yelling threats at passerbys
>At some point ended up with some woman's child on my lap telling him how important school was while holding his hand for some strange fucking reason
>Try to get a hug from that same woman, being rejected because "She'll get her ass beat"
>Decide to text and call multiple people resulting in me being blocked by my romantic interest
>Everything goes black
>Wake up in a pile of vomit on a friends floor being babysat
>Eventually end up at home
>Noone will talk to me probably as a result of what I did while drunk

>Aunt's and cousins birthday
>whole family goes to their house incl. me
>cousin makes jungle juice, so much pop, tongue can't detect any alcohol
>5 solo cups in, chilling outside in their backyard
>have 2 more cups, it's 1AM
>i pass out on the lawnchair
At this point im blacking in and out
>from what i remember, dad wakes me up and says we have to go home
>black out again and end up in the car
>just as we were about to leave i hear my aunt scream out the front door "HE PISSED EVERYWHERE!" in spanish
>ohfuck.mp3

Apparently, when my dad woke me up i told him i had to go to the bathroom, and since we don't visit their house often, we don't know the complete layout of my aunt's house (but we do know there is a washroom on the main floor). However my drunk lazy ass insisted that there was a bathroom in the basement, my dad trusts me and i proceed to go into a dark room and lock the door as my dad waits on the other side. Turns out to be their office and where they keep their dog in a cage. I whipped out my dick and proceeded to piss on the dog and all over the floor, he was unable to escape my stream because the cage was locked.

This happened 2 weeks ago and haven't seen my family since... thanksgiving coming up, should be fun

>Pic related: the breed of dog

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i once woke up so drunk i accidentally ate my own feces.

Explain

You must be fun at parties haha

>18th birthday
>buddy throws me big party in a nice suite
>a bottle of ciroc in and I'm in a bathtub by myself
>girl walks in
Oh shit.flacidpp
>attempts to suck me off
>giant pee stream knocks her in the face
>proceed to laugh so hard I puke in the tub
>the look of absolute terror in her face as she walks out
>mfw I see her in class on Monday

Green?

man these are the worst

Sorry this
Was for this haha

>be me
>work in a bar/restaurant
>have keys
>become an alcohol because access
>stay drunk weeks at a time
>one night i was too drunk to make the toilet so i shat in a bag
>morning i'm still wasted and i mistook the turds for chicken nuggets i brought home from work

this was literally the lowest point of my life.

Christ, how old were you?

Seriously, nothing worse than not remembering how bad you fucked up

sadly, like 35. i didn't even drink until age 25.

i have self-control issues. i've been a junkie before as well.

>be 16.
>fair amount of drinking experience at the time.
>usually myself and two mates at a mates house whose mother had passed away and whose father didn’t give a fuck
>one weekend be in a mood and drink most of what we bought for all three of us all myself
>remember being by the campfire we had built up the back, lying on my side looking at my pissed off friends who were now unable to get drunk, unable to move, barely able to whisper the words... ‘help me... help meeee.’ Before passing out
>friends so mad they let dog rape my leg
>realise I’m unable to be woken
>get wheelbarrow and cart my ass the 200m back to the house
>all I remember throughout the night is seeing stars periodically (this was my mate slapping the fuck out of me to get a response so they knew I wasn’t dead).
42 now and I’m 4 days sober which is three days longer than I’ve been in years. Fuck alcohol has ruined my life.

That's upsetting, I'm kinda going down that path but at 18. How did you correct your shit?

Fuck man any tips? I'm new to getting fucked up and don't generally want to make an ass of myself everytime I drink like I have been.

>assumes i corrected anything

want real advice? don't open that Pandora's Box in the first place. you're better off not knowing how awesome it is to be out of it to begin with....

any drunken hookup stories? always wanted to experience this but noone will fuck me when im drunk lol

Best tip I can ever give is to not drink.
Sorry but that’s the harsh reality of it.
If you must drink, keep it to as bare a minimum as possible.
If you must get fucked up, keep it to once a month at most.
Good luck user.

too late for that lol

alcohol makes the crimes easier

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>be me
>be about 23
>but of a dry spell, at a local pub with two mates
>also, be tall as fuck
>a tiny half-Indian/half-new Zealander 6/10 shows an interest in me
>be drunk so don’t give a fuck
>her place is apparently walking distance so head back there
>start fucking like rabbits
>turn her over to tap it doggie
>pumping away when I suddenly notice it....
>in disgust, I pause mid-pump with my jaw on the floor
>the most massive hemorrhoid one could ever imagine
>she knows the gig is up, so she half-turns to me
>and says
>’touch it’.
I didn’t touch it.

well there goes that fantasy

inebriation makes the acts simple

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>>be me 15 at the time
>>never had a girlfriend
>>We go on a 3 day school trip
>>The 4 accompanying male teachers get all wasted
>>The bus driver provides us with alcohol and cigarettes at 150% of the store price
>>I drink some vodka and suddenly i grow a spine
>>Go and hit on the 3 hottest girls at school asking for a blowjob
>>End up with a kiss in the cheek
>>My confidence rises a little as a result

Pic is the ship we took to get there

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Bundy said that too. Fun fact: i used to live right by the theatre where Dodd made his last attempted abduction.

Alright now here's a question
I've been trying to quit drinking for years. It is ruining my life and allowing me down. How do I permanently trick my brain into quitting drinking? I've tried so much and nothing sticks

Hey Anons,
This'll probably get lost in the midst of all these green texts and all but i jist wanted to tell yall that youre important to someone. You might nit know it right now but theres someone out there who depends on you and thinks the world of you even if you dont think all too much of yourself youre still the world to them.
Even if you think youre a terrible, rock bottom, excuse of a human being right now youre not.
And you can always change for the better. Go make that change. Pick up a few things from your room. Do 5 or 6 sit ups to start. Wake up at 6 for once and take a walk around your block. Its not alot but every big change starts from a bunch of little ones. Youll be glad you did it. And you know what i'll be glad for you too.

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Go fuck yourself with your inspirational dubs

Substitute with something else, I go for fresh fruit juice but you might like penis instead.

Fuck off cunt

kek

>be me
>16 yo
>be at my cousins 1. birthday
>kids are shipped away to their second grandma's house, only me and adults (uncle, aunt, their friends)
>drink everything, from wine, beer to vodka, gin, scotch
>spill the beans, and tell everyone about eating ecstasy at school
>be the fucking soul of the party, everybody's laughing AT ME, not with me
>when it's time to go to bed, go in the room of my aunt's sister, where she's undressing with her boyfriend, and sit like a little creep at the foot of the bed
>for some reason I've picked finger rings from everybody at the party
>got chased downstairs, to my grandma's apartment
>woken up by a grandfather, who found me choking with my head in the sink full of vomit
And this is the first time out of many that i've poisoned myself by mixing my liquor.

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Cool.. man.

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AA

>be me
>come home from night out with friends
>gf at the time is in bed
>she says I need to get into bed and cuddle since she's cold
>tell her I can't, I've already got a gf and can't sleep with a different girl
>crash on couch
>gf wakes me up in the morning and tells me how retarded I was

Surprised it didn't end with you getting the cold shoulder, usually chicks aren't that understanding when you say anything about another girl

>be me
>my girlfriend, me, my best friend from the army and his wife
>girls are drinking premade cocktails, me and my buddy pure gin
>we go thru like 5 bottles
>his speech gets incoherent, i get blackout
>next day i have to call them and apologize, because i kept pestering them to swing or i could just fuck his wife
>he was too drunk so i didn't get ass-whooped
>mfw still ashamed of my actions, and realizing i have a drinking problem

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She was kinda upset that night but she thought it was funny in the morning.

Lmao what was the wife's reaction to the situation?

>be me
>go to work on my day off and get shitfaced
>go home with a walking ashtray of a coworker who was serving that night
>spend 4 hours smoking weed with her and her husband
>leave to go fuck
>too drunk to get my dick up
>eat pussy for an hour
>cram a floppy into her
>give up after a few minutes
Turns out I tore that little flap underneath your tongue from eating pussy too long/good