You wake up one morning feeling strange

>You wake up one morning feeling strange
>You realize your not in you're usual bed and you're not in you're usual house
>you look in the mirror and you see this face pic related
>on the mirror is a note saying "You and shaq O'Neill have switched bodies. You will return to your normal body in 2 weeks have fun"
What do you do?

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Cancel my general insurance

i would find my body that shaq is using and rape myself

bump

id buy more papa johns locations and run the company into the ground.

Hmm... let's see;
He's in some mason lodge, so i would try to uncover anything that is knowledgeable but hidden from public. After that, i would adk my brothers why are they acting like a bunch of old faggots and why aren't we allowed to have some high class hookers here. I would try to persuade someone from high ranks for something similar to share some developed technology equipment for easier mass manipulation for the purpose to see some sort of chaos between all races (especially rat lookalike peoples)...

* I would ask my brothers

Be a nigger nigg in the streets nigg in the bars get shot in nigger town

Dump a few mill on my bank account

i would say nigga to everyone and then KFC and some watermelon

Nigger KFC watermelon!

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>Call my own phone number which I know by heart
>Talk to Shaq in my body
>Befriend Shaq
>Tell him it only lasts two weeks but we can work together to keep our lives going
>Unbreakable secret bond formed
>Shaq sets me up for life and hooks me up with some of his connections

Fuck as many Shaq groupies and prostitutes as I could.

This

>realize shaq is old and fat
>hide some cash somewhere I can get to it in two weeks

Why

I'd probably teach you how to properly use "your" and "you're."
>obligatory OP is a faggot

Rape Kobe's wife then hide some cash. That insecure faggot would never admit Shaq fucked his wife anyway.

Be depressed cuz I'm a nigger.

It would be funnier if you raped Kobe.

Yeah this!

Id smash as many bitches as i can and befriend shaq so that i have a powerful friend when i go nack to my regular body

alpha

Setup a transfer or something to my bank in slightly under 2 weeks time that will set me up for life. Go to the bank in person and sign some sort of contract saying that I can't retrieve it after sending it.

i would spend to weeks doing blacks on blonds porno videos,

I would immediately start impregnating as many white bitches as I can. Wouldn't you?

Also, I'd not worry about ever returning to my body... there's no way Shaq would last one day in it without committing suicide.

How bad is it user

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Because papa John's is fucking disgusting

This. Immediately contact shaq, tell him not to worry I will not ruin his life. Ask him if he wants to tell our gfs/wives, tell him I can send him some money if he needs it since I am poor fag. Live extravagant life as shaq, establish high level connections for myself for when I switch back bodies, autograph a fuck ton of stuff and send it to my house lmao

I will promise not to fuck his wife but how is he gonna casually ask if they’ve had sex recently without sounding crazy

get paid big cash for an assload of icy hot commercials, live large

i gots to ball

Good thread bump

I write last will, and give all my money and assets to my real self, and kill my new self 1 minute before 2 weeks pass

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Bump

Idk if he still does icy hot i thinks its only general insurance and goldbond

Idk if you would be able to perform his signature anymore if you eere in your own body

You win

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1. go on TMZ and talk shit about Kobe
2. Open a new hotel somewhere and ask if I can have a permanent room in my original body's name.
3. Talk more shit about Kobe
4. Find my body Shaq swapped with, hang out with myself in Miami, then book us a flight to somewhere cool like Tokyo
5. Talk shit about Kobe
6. Make best friends with Shaq in my body
7. We both talk shit about Kobe
8. Buy myself a new car and a nice house for when we switch back
9. Book a flight to Dubai and play a DJ set as Shaq
10. Masturbate my MASSIVE nigger dick over the face of my swapped body and give myself a facial.

>7/10
>Didn't talk enough shit about kobe

Cuck kobe Bryant by fucking his wife record it email it to myself destroy the orginal copy then when back in my old body sell the sex tape to which every tabloid will give me the most money

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>Bury money somewhere
>Set up retirement plan for Shaq because I'm so kind

I mean, the guy deserves a break every once in a while.

I would heavily invest in bitcoin. Then transfer it to my wallet. Then wait.

probably walk, legs god fuckin decimated by farm equipment as a kid.

Shaq's GF btw

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Id go to every Amusment Park in the USA fullstop and Id get them to make a custom seat to fit Shaq's massive body into a rollercoaster

And This does Shaq go to dubai lmao

>go to hometown
>meet myself?
>tell him the situation
idk from then

Five words:

Unlicensed Home-Made Kazaam Sequel

make Shaq suck his dick in your body.
Because why not.

David is Mann was scribed on the wall on shit, called topkek on this here areas

This

>Dump a few mill on my bank account
you still don't have shaqs password

Shaq is a deputy, so you're a cop
Have access to cop stuff.

Shaq has a super tiny girl that barely fits over the head of his dick.

Shaq Is rich and knows a lot of rich musicians.

Shaq owns a lot of stores.

You could go anywhere, kill anyone, and fuck her gf until she splits in half.

Dont need. Go to bank in person.

watch spongebob

Seth Green tier

if you get it right away shaq will know and transfer it back to himself

fuck so many hot ass bitches

You'd be pretty disappointed. The real secret of the Masons is actually in plain sight if your eyes are open.

Im assuming your manlet which is far better than what i was picturing pic related
If danny divito can do it you can user

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Bump

Meet my future wife and spend the entire 2 weeks to make her want to marry me even after I'll return to my normal body.

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Look at his face you know he doesn't feel bad for what he is going to do to her pus

You’re fucking disgusting.

Garlic butter for the win yo

easy, you tell him that when he gets back to his body he has to talk to his wife and act like he was kind of lost or whatever, and during this terrible moment he even forgot when was the last time he made love to his woman. The wife will be touched and reveal they didn't have sex since last two weeks. That if you managed to keep your promise

what could go wrong

cut my penis off, dress like a women and tell the world i'm trans now. just imagine the news. a black 7'1", 320lbs guy gives a press conference and tells the world he is a real women now. i would wear a wig and make up too, putting on a sexy dress with my t-string visible trough my super tight yoga pants.
then i would produce my own trap porn were 5 dwarfs gangbang my ass and give it to the internet for free.
i would donate all my money to the KKK just for even more confusion. "ANALSLUT" tattooed on my forehead. "white cocks only" tattooed on my ass. i would sell my cutted off balls on ebay. right before i switch into my own body i would strip naked and handcuff myself to a traffic light on times square with a "use my ass for free" sign in front of me.

shaquille will never be the same after these 2 weeks.

lol

And he does the same to you

Then you can transfer it back again

Noice

get shot

Call out publicly Farrakhan, Sharpton, Obama and Holder and call them the problem with the black race.

Get all the ass I can because, well I'm a celebrity.

Commission someone to build me a Prius with a Hellcat V8 engine in it. Why, because I am rich.

Take up hockey and fuck up Zddino Chara mid ice on national TV.

Nake the real me a business partner and donate 5 million to the real me.

Pay Led Zeppelin to reunite for one evening in my back yard and have a massive keggar!

Compare my dick to Michelle Obamas.

Ask Wendy Williams if I can see/feel here tits.

Have a wank using my new found huge penis and massively oversized hand

Bump

Sounds gay. Like reeeeallly really gay

I 360 and walk away

Dunno if that can be done in 2 weeks but dream on user!

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Gayer than you ?

Checked

Browse Sup Forums in shaqs basement
Also have made make me tendies

>Compare dick with Michelle Obama
You sure you wanna fight that fight?

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Killing yourself at that point would be too risky because of potential timing issues.
Instead, on the last day, go on a high altitude parachute jump and hop off the plane just seconds before the deadline without wearing a parachute

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yeah but I am Shaq, I can buy all the coke needed to run two weeks straight.

Good point, I concede to Michelle. That gives me more time with Wendy anyways.

>BLACK BANANA
>HAMSTER
>SUCC

Enjoy my upvote as much as I enjoyed the read

>7' 1''
>324lbs
Gonna need a lotta coke to get him high for 2 weeks

I AM SHAQ

He literally uses her like a fleshlight

Kill myself, then wait 2 weeks for shaq to be really fucking mad.

Oh shit I can say NIGGER now

>I want to feel what it's like to be Shaq

I want to go to schools and help out underprivileged kids and make them feel happy

I want to look for birthday parties and crash them

Crash weddings and leave a massive check for the newlyweds

>of course mix in my own narrative:

Of course, go to Hong Kong and fight for independence from Commieland.

Rant about the dems and how the U.S. Judiciary system is built to ruin men's lives, do the same in Europe

Just to mess with Shaq I'm going to buy some land in Montana and have an entire rifle range and a shotgun club with regular and international trap shooting, skeet shooting, and sporting clays. I'll just hire a bunch of different construction companies doing individual things in order to speed up the process. Then I'd buy him a bunch of clothes from Duluth and Cabelas that make him look like whitewash, buy a shit ton of expensive shotguns, ARs, handguns, and antique rifles, and a huge gun vault cause once Shaq tries it out he'll want more guns.

I'd also give a bunch of money to myself, but just enough to buy a bunch of shotgun ammunition and a decent house out near that gun club I had Shaq buy and build. When I see him at the gun club I'll make small talk and eventually become his friend. Shaq at this point will be a black man with the riches and the hobbies of a white man, so he's essentially Tiger Woods without the Asian and affairs.

practice my free throws

transfer half his monetary funds to my real self, only half because im not a nigger.