Currently 23. Make 1900 a month, doordash/postmates on the side

>currently 23. Make 1900 a month, doordash/postmates on the side.
>Pay 1700 roughly in bills including food.
>Not including anything like Car repairs/anything extra like gas/random shit.
>Have gf that has no job, mom legit killed herself when she was 15, family has narcissistic, sociopathic issues and stroke each other's ego cocks. Complains about chronic pain and makes excuses not to have a job.
>I snapped at her family so she has to juggle keeping her family and being in my household circle even though her family treated her like crap. Her family fucking hates me because i stood up for her and essentially got assaulted by her father and her sister and out of frustration spat in her father's face.
>Torn between taking care of this poor soul who genuinely loves me, is loyal to me, feeds me, washes clothes and is a housekeeper but makes excuses to not find a job.
The 7-11 literally less than a block from my house is hiring but she wants to make excuses about " i have groin pain." "isn't what i do around the house enough?" "Why are you doing this know, yo0u said you were fine with taking care of me?"
I feel like i've made a mistake in my life but i feel like if i take care of her and she geniunely loves me, it'll be worth it.
In yall's experience out there as Anons. Was it worth taking care of a unfortunate person? Did they ever return the kindness you gave them? Did you have to fight for it/be patient? or did they just return they favor because they understood?

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>"Why are you doing this know, yo0u said you were fine with taking care of me?"
I need your help with the bills, we can't continue to live this way.

OP
a few things i forgot to mention that may be important.
>Been with gf for 2 years.
>We've lived together for 2 months, i'm already feeling the burden of carrying her through life. I feel like i have to be a hardass to make things work and take all the attitude and bitching that comes with it.
>She isn't a total worthless person, but i feel like in order to get what i want, i essentially have to act sort of selfish, imposing, and dishonest/manipulative to have what i want.
It feels wrong, but i feels like if i don't do that, i'll always come last and she'll come first without having to do much of anything.

I know that feel.
I was in the same boat. Turns out that chronic pain was fibromyalgia, so now I'm working full time and taking care of the house cause her family don't want nothing to do with her.
Feels bad man but the meds are dope.

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I don't think it's worth it honestly.. maybe in some cases but you have to figure it out for yourself

youtu.be/jQK9G_wF09g

She sounds like an awful useless piece of shit that abuses you so she doesn't have to work a day in her life and I highly recommend you dump her and her cancerous family immediately.

How many dicks she suckin' while you're at work?

Lots, I bet.

That's what i mean
>"in some cases, you have to figure it out for yourself."
In that sense, I'm still figuring it out then.
That's how it is for her to.
Her family only wants something to do with her because it means something for them. That's why they pretend to care a little more ever since they can't abuse her like they used to do.
I'm still trying to get a good enough job so she can see the doctor and figure out what the fucking hell is wrong with her.
I'm determined to be an accountant and move up in life, to become a better person and not just take care of myself but take care of her as well.
I love her, it sucks to do it but at the same time, it's manageable with some sacrifices here and there.
It's not the end of the world, i really really just wanted to hear other's perspective on the situation.
I really really appreciate response. You're doing a saint's work in my opinion man. You're doing what other's would easily quit and you should be proud of that.

Nice

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user it is not going to end well because she will always be making excuses. The fact is that you will always be the sole bread winner and if you have kids her shitty lifestyle will rub off on them. She doesn't truly care about you if after you got assaulted and she didn't drop her family like a hot potato. She will always be making excuses for bad behavior because she is at the very least toxic and possibly the same you are just blinded by the red flags with rosy glasses.

And that's what i mean, i already feel like i'm just making excuses when i should just try for a better life even with the risk of always being alone.
Because even if i was alone, i would be better off :/
But maybe she is the same as me and that's why we love each other and even more reason for me to help her no matter what?
I just don't know, i'm so torn between what is the right thing to do.
Everybody points at the choice that i should just leave.
But i really love her, we're happy, i've made her a better person than she was before and i feel connected.
But at the same time, i feel like her barely doing shit is her at her limit.
And i have no idea how to make her grow as a person.

If she has a chronic illness you may very well be taking care of her for the rest of your life. Can you seriously see yourself with her when you are 87 and she is still bitching and complaining about shit and giving you crap. This sounds like it will end up being a nightmare.

My grandmother had a chronic problem it ended up being my grandfather who kept the family together. The problems is the kids ended up with a bunch of problems and my grandmother never got out of the phase of needing help. Every day there was a problem with her. She used to keep calling 911 till they took the phone away from her and she progressively got worst until she died. Constantly attending to someone else might keep you occupied but you miss so much taking care of someone. You can't do alot of things with a constantly sick person so you stay at home at get worst yourself.

victims of narcissistic abuse can often become abusers themselves later in life. you should be extra careful and make sure that she's not just purposefully taking advantage of you. if she is, it's best to cut contact entirely.
i was a survivor of an abusive relationship with someone who had narcissistic personality disorder so i know my shit. i know it's gonna be hard to leave your gf/kick her out but you should at least consider it as an option. look out for any gaslighting she may be doing to you; if she says things are different than what actually happened, or moves things to make you "forget" where you put them, you gotta drop that chick immediately.

Well. Now i feel like i should take care of her until i talk to her family again.
Tell them that i realize i can't take care of her and i can't teach her how to be an adult and that will really be up to them.
Whether i tell her or they tell her. I want her to know.
This is life.
We have to fight for ourselves.
Because we are incapable of helping each other.

:( shit. This is actually what i feared ever since i met the "true" nature of her family. Thanks for sharing that. This is making me really aware of things i wasn't.
This is my Girlfriend. Her mom had physical issues.
She has the same thing.
I need to train her and push her to not be that way. If she doesn't want to.
I guess it's the true sign that i need to let her be on her own :I and let myself be alone as well.

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same user from a second ago, the one talking about signs of an abusive relationship
the "I've already put so much work into it, why should I just throw it all away" fallacy is one of the biggest traps you can fall into if you're actually in an abusive relationship yourself. it's way more complicated than "just leaving" like your friends tell you and takes a shitload of strength. you can only help a person so much before they need to help themselves.

Run away and don't look back

Honestly it sucks dude, but you gotta let her go. At the rate you're going you're both just going to be miserable

This person.
You're hitting the nail on the head.
My father warned me about my GF being this way and honestly, you're telling me the same thing.
"you can only help a person so much before they need to help themselves."
He told me the same thing because he foresaw the same things in her.
:( Am i just too emotional? too passionate? too stupid and caught up in basic human fundamentals to get life correct?
Why do i care so much about her even though i know i can't help her anymore than i already am? :(

We've been together 10 years now. Been about 3 since she's stopped working all together, but she's never had a full time job anyway.
Can't get married because state insurance is better than mine. Some days are easy, and we sit around smoke weed and play video games.
Some days she screams and bitches at me over every little thing. It's a struggle but it's all I know.

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That's kind of how my life sounds :/
It sounds shit and it sounds like we could do better.
We just have to take the risk of throwing what we have away to seek more.

but at the same time, it sounds greedy.
It sounds selfish.
It sounds like it isn't worth it.

user you will eventually meet someone who is a good person. Do not think about yourself as lonely instead think about all the problems you left behind you. Also yes the problem is that people need to get fit and if not then they will always have problems you definitely do not want to carry around an adult everywhere you go it will drag you down.

I think you are a caring person who actually wants to better people and a savior complex. The problem is some people just can't be saved. Plus the logical fallacy that you put in years of time so you want something good to come out of it. I know you will be emotional and it is going to be painful but you need to leave her. You should break up with her and take a vacation or do something good for yourself to decompress.

if you do leave her, you're still going to love her, and that's fine. you can wish the best for her but still be separated from her to work on what's best for you. again, it takes an indescribable amount of courage to cut someone off like that, but you can do it.
be sure to read up on narcissistic abuse online, because it's likely to be what you're going through. and if you do cut her off, use the resources you would've been spending on her to get a therapist; speaking from personal experience, it'll be really beneficial to have one. just widen your personal support network in any way you see fit, because an abuser often tries to make you cut ties from your friends and loved ones to keep you emotionally dependent on them.

Any chance your girlfriend has ptsd or maybe developed a personality disorder in the same cluster as npd? If she gets along with her family even though they are malignant narcissists, chances are she has borderline or something similar... But idk. Just pretty sure if she can't handle a normal life, it is psychological. Could be a depression too though. Ever talked to her about that?

My professor told me that alot of the time people are scared of change and the unknown but you still have to take that step to get to a better life. It sounds like she is mentally ill and is pushing you away.

If your girlfriend isn't depressed then she's just living a parasitic lifestyle and she is no better than the narcissistic, sociopathic family members she complains about.

Break up she's a lazy cunt.

Thank you for your responses.
It has encouraged me to take a huge leap of faith in life.
I appreciate your honesty, no matter what walks of life you may have.

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I love you, brother. May the winds of fate push you towards your best life. If not, may you adjust your sails.

Yeah seriously OP I'm not a qualified professional yet so take this with a grain of salt but I'm in school working towards becoming a psychiatrist. My opinion is your girlfriend has some underlying issues most likely depression or maybe PTSD. But if she doesn't and refuses to work that is a huge red flag for a personality disorder like like narcissism. Good luck with your life.

if your happy with hear this thead wouldnt exist , i know you needed a prospective from a different person. you aint the only one that been thru that. its better to be safe than sorry. also think of the years wasted on her for now trying to help you. she doesnt know how sympathy?

This is a tough situation bc the bills need to be paid and you don’t make a lot. I was in your position a few years ago but now that I’m very stable financially I wish I had a girl to do housekeeping, dinner and laundry bc I’m so beat when I get home from work and it cuts into my free time. Wanna switch gfs?

There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just over exaggerating to the extreme and mentally believes what she’s saying at this point. Fibromyalgia is a term for “the doctors are tired of your hypochondriac complaints and diagnosed you to shut you up”. Doing some laundry and cooking a little bit probably takes about an hour or two out of her day, she’s not really helping out at all. You’re getting fucked

You aren’t happy though. That’s the problem. You’re in denial

As someone who is currently taking a painful IBS shit, do you think there's any legitimacy to her pain? People with a less than happy past (me) usually end up with some anxiety disorder which can lead to GI problems since serotonin is also produced by the GI tract.