Ok Sup Forums my life is ruined and I need help

ok Sup Forums my life is ruined and I need help
I have been addicted to porn and masturbation for many years while I was virgin
Always have the same masturbation routine, go to the toilet with my phone, put some porn on the phone, jerk off and cum in a minute or so
This has made me feel nothing when I have a condom on, and very difficult to mantain an erection when I have to concentrate on moving etc
>date this girl (sister in law's best friend)
>yesterday we go to her place to watch a movie, end up going at it
>eat her out too long and fail to recover erection, nerves kick in and I can't get hard
>we chill, finally it gets hard again
>she jerks me and blow me and all is fine
>put on condom and put it inside her (she is on top)
>it starts going soft again, fuck this shit man
>we switch positions to missionary, and during the change of positions it goes softer, I am kinda fucking her on missionary for seconds and it goes completely softf
>give up and go down on her, for a long time,I think she even got bored of it
>after that, we cuddle and she mentions experience, how she had only been with a few guys and they were virgins before her, asked me how many I had been with(told her 8)....long story short, she noticed I had no experience and was a VIRGIN
>this shit has happenes every time with every girl I have gone to bed with, I can't feel shit with a condom and I am too used to masturbation that anything else doesn't get me rock hard. I even took cialis this time to avoid the failure but I guess my life is ruines
that's it guys, if you have any advice Im all ears.
Also I'm going to her birthday party with all her friends (who also know me) next week, do you think she will tell her friends about it and be awkward as fuck?
Also my advice to you is QUIT PORN and MASTURBATION or if you do, don't do it as much and always in the same manner

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First of all, you are a dumb cunt for lying about being a virgin, so let’s just get that out of the way.

Second, it’s not about the porn, it’s about you having massive performance anxiety and overthinking it. The only way for you to stop this is to stop being so nervous and shut your brain off. Just enjoy it. The porn is a very minor factor compared to that.

That bro is so right.

had to lie about that because I am 26 years old and I've always gotten a lot of attention from girls.
I agree with you that performance anxiety and overthinking is a major issue, any recommendation to not think about it?
Also a big fact is the loss of sensitivity on my dick, for real too much masturbation has made me feel very little and with a condom it's 100x worse.

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I would say look into something that would make your dick more sensitive, like a cream or something.

But seriously, the performance anxiety is your biggest challenge, and the shitty thing about it is that each time it happens it makes it worse because you are freaking out about it happening before sex.

I had it happen to me too but I broke the cycle through a combination of jerking off less and clearing my mind before sex. The only thing you should be thinking about is “I’m gonna fuck this chick and shits gonna be SO cash” and really get into it. The moment you starting worrying if your simp is gonna go limp then guess what? It’s going to go limp

Same day here. Also be confident. Confidence is a huge factor in whether or not you get nervous. It sounds like you don’t have the worst of trouble getting chicks into bed, so don’t doubt yourself. If they get that far they are obviously interested in you and want to fuck, don’t be nervous. Most women aren’t as good in bed as they would like you to think either, so realizing that could take some of the edge off.

If all else fails, go with honesty. Not about the jerking off thing, but about having performance anxiety. Most women are actually pretty understanding about it.

Just get viagra and shut up

man thanks for the advice, it's true that the anxiety gets worse with every failure and I was pretty happy about yesterday finally doing good, but when it gets into my head its over.
I'm quitting masturbation, that's for sure.

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I got Cialis and it didn't really work

You might be setting yourself up to fail if you try to quit cold turkey, especially if you jerk off as much as you say you do. I would say taper off slowly over the course of a couple months. Set a limit to how many times a day you do it, then go by week, then by month. Shit set it in your calendar if you have to. You could also try edging but I have heard mixed results with that.

Same happened to me the last two weeks - two different chicks. I over think too and don't enjoy the moment. You need to learn to switch off and just go with it.

tbh honest, I dont jerk off that much lately, but over the years it has been a real issue. Some years I would do 4 every day, even more at my worst.
I've tried edging too. Yesterday morning I jerked off knowing I would have sex at night, just to prevent cumming too quick with her, but I guess that is not a problem

how about you start jerking off constantly like a retard? Give your brain the time to recharge....remember, porn is very bad for your brain, it fills you with beta estrogen energy

stop jerking off*.....damn autocorrect

So you don’t jerk off much and cumming too fast isn’t an issue. Yeah man it’s 99% in your head then.

I don’t know what to really say to make you not overthink it since I don’t know you personally, but you are self aware that it’s a problem and that’s a really good first step. Try looking up ways to combat performance anxiety, focus on the moment and just enjoying it and you will do better.

Look up lingam massage articles, next time you want to stroke off try a method that's not like a gorilla freaking out from iv PCP trying to rip it's penis off. Work the balls a bit too

stop jerking of completely, simple. Give it 2 weeks to reset your brain and if you cant stop, you're just a dumb animal lol

yes I am trying to change that, but it takes time.
My brain is too used to it, and like a dog when he hears "sausage" and starts salivating, when I grab my phone and go to the toilet I get rock hard.
It got into a routine and my brain related that process with getting hard, and not others.
I will stop this immediately and try like, humping a pillow or just try to get hard laying on my bed thinking about sex for practice.
Also, as far as not feeling enough with the condom, what is your advice?

Heyy..nice Elon Musky..

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how about you dont lay in your bed and you know...try doing something? It will distract you for long enough. It will take time and effort, but hey, if it realy bothers you that much, you should be able to get trough it.

yes I will start doing exercise to get my mind off things, for the last 2 months I haven't exercised due to an injury that I still have, but I think I need it.
The laying in bed thing was to train my brain to get hard in different situations, not just when I am sitting at the toilet jerking off with the phone on my other hand.

This right here. For me jerking off often doesn't matter (as long as I don't do it on the same day!), but I had the same issue with performance anxiety and the only way to get rid of it is try and get into the sex instead of thinking about it.

An understanding partner is very recommended though, I failed like a couple times too with the same one before I managed to fuck properly (I did finger and cunnilingus her on those failed attempts though, be a gentleman and make her orgasm and she´ll love it either way)

fuck without condom, also best you could do is stop masturbating and watching porn forever

The porn IS a huge factor and only people who have been addicted to porn from a young age will understand this. The most painful thing in the world is not wanting the cute girl in your bed because you jacked yourself raw for many years from a very young age.

OP my advice is to wait and give it time. Explain the situation to your girlfriend, have her help you learn how to have sex like a normal human again. It takes months, if not years, to pyschologically recover from a porn addiction but you can learn how to love again.

>really get into it.
Imagine being able to do this totally naturally and without a bunch of mind tricks. That's what life without porn is like.

Buy more expensive condoms and stop taking your phone to the bathroom

>for real too much masturbation has made me feel very little and with a condom it's 100x worse.
fuck i felt that sentence so hard bro

ding ding ding

It will come back. This is coming from a guy who started watching porn when he was 10 because his parents were ignorant boomers.
you have to stop jerking off. You'll know you've made it when you start finding random women attractive again instead of only getting stimulation from porn. Nofap for the average person who doesnt experience sexual dysfunction is a meme but for this situation you should probably consider it since not being able to enjoy sex is an actual crisis IMO. Every time you feel the urge to jerk off, do as many pushups as you can until failure or do burpees.

thats a great fucking tip, thanks

I did eat her out and finger her, I think she came because she was really wet and noticed her vagina pulsating and like closing from the inside( i dont know how to explain)
Since I don't have much experience I can't really tell but I have a bad feeling that she got bored or something because when we were cuddling later she asked me "Don't you get tired when you are down there?" as if I took too much time there or something
No way of doing it w/o condom atm
the first part is TOO REAL man, she is damn hot and I really like her but the performance anxiety and the porn/masturbation adiction fucked me up. Will not masturbate again or watch porn and hope it gets better
NO FAP it is
even the thin condoms are bad tbh
Also when this girl eventually says she has had enough, I am considering meeting with every random tinder girl and just practice, with girls that I won't see ever again it won't be as mentally exhausting

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Yeah, i’d suggest complaining about it to complete strangers on the internet. Alternatively, ending your own life.

This was almost exactly my problem and solution. Just quit jacking off for a week or so. and see if it helps, then after a few successes you'll see that it's less stressful.
I used to psyche myself out and go soft just from being afraid I would go soft.

Try this, go out for drinks and pretend you had more than you did. No one gets in trouble for whisky dick. It might calm you down a bit having a drink or two, plus the pressure to perform is less

OP, don't be retarded.

Stop jerking off for at least 100 days. NO PORN. Buy good condoms. Get a prescription for cialis and take the highest dose you can. You can buy them online through bluechew. All you have to have is a photo ID and some money. Dick pills will be at your door in 5 days.

Take 2 dick pills a few hours before fucking and you're good. Hopefully within 100 days you won't need the pills anymore, but only time will tell. You'll eventually be able to get rock hard on thoughts alone. Trust me, I've been through the same shit.

I can't stress enough how important it is to kick out porn and masturbation from your life right now. Your problem will 100% go away eventually. It's just the matter of you abstaining from it.

Hopefully you'll be able to get a girl who's on birth control and you won't need the condoms. That'll make your life a lot easier

Good luck faggot

quit jerking it for a week or 2 and try again
no need to be a little bitch about it

Had the same problem OP. And my gf at the time was not understanding at all and constantly emasculated me. When we finally broke up I joined a gym, went three times a week, and straightened out my diet. Getting in better shape really boosted my confidence and after a few months I had a amazing one nighter with a girl off plenty of fish. Dial back the jerking and cut out the porn. You'll be fine, it just takes a bit of will power.

If you've been together a while and trust her then honesty is the best possible action. You don't even have to mention the porn if you want, just say that you have performance anxiety that's been reinforced by failure before.

Kinda wierd side note... My gf and I are sometimes too lazy to want sex, so one day we joked we would just wath porn next to each-other and do ourselves. Crazy thing is, then we did exactly that and ended up just fucking. Point is, you might be able to work porn into your relationship as a stepping stone

your life is not ruined you sheltered piece of shit.
what you're describing is very common. and most of the time (and in your case it sounds very much like it) it is psychological. i highly doubt that you have been masturbating in a way that actually damaged the nerve endings in your dick. meaning that the statement "i can't feel shit with a condom" is utter bullshit. guess what, sunshine: none of us can. that has to do with a piece of goddamn rubber on your dick. staying hard with a condom on (provided it is the correct size and not choking the shit outta your cock) is purely psychological. why do you think teenage faggots jizz their pants when a girl rubs her ass on their boner through 10 layers of clothing? because they "feel so much"? fuck outta here, you doublejew. it is because they are aroused as fuck, their nervous system going crazy. for me personally, wearing a condom is a huuuuuge extreme turn-off. not because i don't feel much with it, but the moment i put it on it somehow starts draining the sexuality from the situation. can not really put the finger on the reason. in any case: it is a mind thing. some guys are unfortunate enough to have actual physiological/anatomical problems - but for the most part, this is due to psychological reasons.
so stop your whining, stop jerking your cock all the time to porn, and, most importantly: don't overthink sex. enjoy it - and don't compete with anybody or yourself. relax, free yourself from pressure, and if you come early every now and then - so what. i for example need to be constantly sexually active to build up stamina - otherwise it resets something in me and i jizz in a minute. literally. no matter what i do. and if a girl starts giving you shit over this - maaaan, say that you had fun, and that she can get lost. life's too short user.

>a week
Hahahaha no my friend recovery from porn addiction takes months.

good advice, good assessment. but dude, a week will almost certainly not do it. couple months rather.

I don't really know what to say here. Try talking it through. See what mutual understanding you can come to. Maybe there's some better place you can get to it you communicate about things. Couldn't hurt. If it somehow did which I don't see it doing, then you know you had a problem there. If there's a problems it is something that will keep tapping on your current attention to communicate to you. Make ruin of problems and never have them be a concern in your life by addressing all sources of problems. The indication of serious problem is present if talking is a bad thing, you're basically dodging a bullet if that's the case, why not go faster if you're attempting to dodge a bullet? lol

>when this girl eventually says she has had enough
Dont assume she'll quit on you. First, it's bad for your confidence. Second, it's in women's nature to be nuturing (ones that arent are a huge red flag, stay the fuck away from them). She may be willing to walk you through this process. Talk with her about it and be very honest. If you two get along well then you might be able to make something out of this together. Ir not, then you were already in the same place you were, might as well err on the side of optimism.

you just aggressively gave me hope
thanks Sup Forumsro

>work porn into your relationship as a stepping stone
Bad idea, it may have worked for you but you were able to get off with your gf before. OP should focus on being able to get off naturally first before even considering bringing porn back into this.

If I've learned anything from this thread it's that there are a shit load of people with the same problem that I figured was unique to me.
That also seems to mean we didn't all damage our dicks, but that it's probably in our heads.
I've been there Sup Forumsro and you can get through it, theres some really good advice here, both practical and about relaxing a bit. You got this

The face of a woman after sex with you.

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OP here, thank you guys, all your advices and personal experiences are really cheering me up.
for those of you who say to wait because it will take at least a month or so to start recovering from the addiction and anxiety, it means I should tell her that we aren't trying again for that period of time?

ooh this is a good question
an ex and i had discussed this cuz i am also a degenerate lmao

so, i would say keep the sex in but no sexting, since phone seems to be part of the process in which youve trained your brain. keep sex in because practice makes perfect and it will help rewire your brain or some shit

Also, any recommendations about handling the birthday situation?
Next week we are going to give her a bitrhday party with her friends.
Either she told them that when we finally got into bed it was terrible, or she didn't tell them and they are gonna joke about us having sex like it always happens.
My brother and my sister in law(her best friend) are gonna be there so it could be so awkward

yes but if I am not recovered yet, a second failure would be fatal wouldnt it?

nah given the situation it sounds like thats not info you share in that sort of familial structure

also nah
if she cares about you she'll help you
if no, then oof. but im just a guy on Sup Forums

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Stop using the good ol iron grip. Just loosen up your squeezing muscles. Really works pretty well


also this

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shit's enbarrasing because I ordered Cialis last month and the delivery guy gave it to my brother and made him check the content.
I told him I was going to sell it to earn some money but I guess there is no way out of this one

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You should fuck off and die. Faggot.

no point killing myself, Ive thought about fucking off to the forest to live alone the rest of my life

Would mind a guy being a virgin at 26 or older far less than him lying to my face. You know, "teaching" guys is fun. Rather a virgin than a manwhore who does his same shitty routine he thinks every woman likes every time

Same issue here

Reduced porn, worked out more, started taking magnesium and zinc vitamins which seems to help replenish my stock, have less trouble getting boners again

you can get those at the supermarket or pharmacy?
also, do you guys have more problems getting or mantaining the erection? for me is mantaining because when I snap out of the moment for a bit, anxiety kicks in and it goes downhill