Took Sup Forumss advice and went to trial / train with the local village town football club

>took Sup Forumss advice and went to trial / train with the local village town football club
>mostly "laddish" guys but a few normal people who seemed cool
>coach was a funny older guy who had played semi-pro in the 80s
>went alright but I was very rusty and winded by the end
>a couple of people invited me for a drink afterwards in a local pub
>agreed
>haven't been drunk or touched a drop since around 2013 leaving uni
>people kept handing me drinks with each round
>got absolutely hammered without realizing
>spent over £150 on drinks and snacks and a taxi
>cried in front of everybody and told them I was a virgin and how I had joined the team to make friends and straighten my life out
>vomited on the bathroom floor around the toilet and the barman came in and had a go at me
>a few people mocked me and didn't want anything to do with me
>a few people consoled me and said I shouldn't worry what people think

There's no way I can go back now. Even leaving my house makes me paranoid as hell and I haven't even been to the shops since. I am fucked beyond repair.

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>took Sup Forums's advice
you're a mental case

>spent over £150 on drinks and snacks and a taxi
How is that even possible!? Is this pasta!?

Just say it was banter la

>barman came in and had a go with me
Wait, you got fucked by a guy?

>>cried in front of everybody and told them I was a virgin and how I had joined the team to make friends and straighten my life out

Everything was going well until this. Never go back.

How do people even get drunk enough that they lose their ability to censor what they say? I usually throw up before I reach that stage.

Hey laddy, atleast you have a funny story for the next group you meet

and never play football again. get really fat, grow a beard, hope nobody who was there will ever recognise you

It is sometimes a good thing, I told my first ever gf (at 19) that I was in love with her while drunk, something I never had the balls to do in 2 years while sober.

I hated myself for days afterwards, but some weeks later she texted me and long story short, we dated for solid 3 years.

OP here. I should also say that I created a facebook profile specifically to reach out to the team to ask if I could join. Now on the team profile there are a lot of photos from the night and I look retarded in all of them and there's vomit on my shirt and stuff like that in some. Is it autistic or vain if I message the moderator to ask for the photos to be removed?

Post team profile.

Hi
Do you have a paypal or something like that where I can send you basically all my money and material posessions in exchange of a link to that FB page?
Thanks

My fucking sides. Don't even care if it's fake

Go back with no apology. You are one of the boys now, these things will happen.

delete profile, cut contact

top lel
just don't go on faecbukakki again la

Go back and apologize, tell them that you were never good with alcohol

Turn up, act if nothing happened. See if you can pass the virgin thing off as bants. If you can’t filter yourself don’t get that stupidly drunk again

Just go back. There will be a bit of banter but thats normal. You just got drunk with the lads. I had a teammate who used to threaten suicide becouse of girl when he got drunk. The next day at practice nothing changed. People don't give a shit what you do when your drunk.

Just go back and pretend like it was nothing too serious. If you can feign confidence for a while, it starts to become natural.

>one of the boys
kind of, it'll be a good story down the line of that happens
theyre probably gonna try to get OP sexed by some fat lass at some point

this

Everybody makes a tool of themselves drunk and everyone feels paranoid the next day. Just go back and man up about it.

He'll be low man on the totem,but he'll be on it at least. Cheer up, Buckaroo. You are on the path to Normieville.

this, but how old are you OP

Couldn't agree more. You might get some harsh banter from the lads for the next couple of weeks but before you know it someone else will do something stupid and they will be the brunt of the jokes.

Nah, he should tell them "Hah, gotcha! I'm a famous Youtuber and that was all a social experiment"
And if they ask for link, tell them Youtube closed your channel on account of all the heavy drinking in the video or whatever

>cried in front of everybody and told them I was a virgin and how I had joined the team to make friends and straighten my life out

you had one job user

>took Sup Forumss advice

>took Sup Forumss advice

Nah, the ship has sailed on the virgin thing I'm afraid.
You don't just randomly joke about being virgin when drunk, that is something OP will have to own up, that truth is out.

But depending on how old OP is, it may not be a bad thing actually, since maybe some of the good lads on that team will make it their mission now to hook him up with some girl.
Just like in that movie with Steve Carell where he plays a 40 year old virgin (I assume OP is much younger than that)

he should say that he was exaggerating, but that he hasn't had sex in 6 months

You can tell this guy is very experienced in social matters

Go back this was a success actually

fraternising with normies can only lead to sadness and humiliation.

>when your proxy spazzes out

>took Sup Forumss advice

>when your proxy spazzes out

Embarrassing yourself is the first step to getting some true lads. You're now the crazy guy that people will want to drink with if they're in the mood for some entertainment. Tone it back next time and watch yourself a bit more, but don't become a recluse. You're fun to be around which is automatically worth something.

Let me put it this way: If someone gave me this explanation after earlier telling me he's virgin (no matter in what state), I wouldn't believe him.

I might act as if I do to not hurt him, but I actually wouldn't.

Is this the embarrassing shit you did in front of normies thread?
>last year of sixth form
>go on class physics trip to Switzerland
>spend the evening in a pub
>never drunk alcohol before because I was a friendless autist and no-one invited me to house parties for underage drinking
>end up drinking too much
>throw up all over the hostel floor and bathroom
>physics teacher is there helping me clean up the vomit
>get bantered for the rest of the trip
>teachers start keeping an eye on me to make sure I don't do any more stupid shit
>lose contact with all of them when I get home and go off to uni

>the barman came in and had a go at me
Elaborate

it doesn't matter what people believe internally, only what's the outspoken norm

Thats nothing. I got drunk on shool trip in high school and ended up fuckig a girl from my class. I was so drunk that I vomited the rest of the night away. The next day all the teachers knew what happened, one of them even asked me if she takes it up the ass.

>ended up fuckig a girl from my class
Poor you

It means shouted at

user did nothing wrong.

idk just make them feel sorry for u and work really hard in training so its endearing

theres no hope tho if were being honest

Sounds like you've been in a similar situation and you're trying to convince yourself people don't see through the bullshit. No one would even remotely buy what you're trying to tell this guy to do.

Oh man, if it was at least a few weeks in after you actually started getting to know each other... but first fucking night?! Damn. You made a fool of yourself, but if you just bite the bullet and continue I'm sure the mocking will be gone some time. Just learn to take a joke, it's a sports team after all.
Since when did Sup Forums become r9k though.

If it makes you feel better, I haven't had sex in about 6 or 7 months.

>he doesn't know about the >tfw no gf threads on Sup Forums back when /r9k/ posters didn't even have pubes

Idk honestly, been here on-off since 2009

archive.4plebs.org/sp/search/text/tfw no gf/type/op/order/asc/

I haven't had sex in 22 years

>he doesn't know tfw no gf is what ruined this board culture and brought about heavy moderation

Proxy off, Reddit-american

>I had joined the team to make friends and straighten my life out
If you've already told them this you might as well go with it. Say you had a strange up-bringing and you've taken it upon yourself to get out there and live your life differently to whatever weirdness you can imply was being forced upon you. In your case this is probably pretty much true apart from it being self-imposed as opposed to mandated by religious parents for example. A couple people there at least seemed sympathetic and would help you out if you returned. Going was a big step for you so you might as well see if you've opened a door instead of assuming it slammed shut.

That power rankings one, fucking kek. I miss having those threads daily.

just show up again lmao

Are you guys actually virgins or just memes? How are you a virgin in your 20s?

Can't be arsed to leave my comfy zone and hook up.

Dont worry to much about it lad. Lots of ppl do stupid shit when drunk, its part of what makes drinking fun. Go play some footy and dont try and pretend that shit didn't happen, because its a bit to late now. You'll almost certainly get a bit of a piss taking at some point but its normal and all lads get it. Chances are you'll get on really well with a few of your teammates and will make some great friends. They could even help get you laid, but its not as much of big deal as you think it is right now.

at the end of the day, this board is on the same site as /r9k/. you tell me man

>you have to be 18 to post here

kek this

keep us updated lad

I was a loser throughout school, never got invited to parties, never had a girlfriend and never had sex. Then the low confidence carried into university, where I found it difficult to make new friends and I basically shut myself in aside from when I needed to attend lectures (and even then I stopped bothering to attend after a while). Even my in group projects where I was forced to work with others, I met up with my group members to work but I kept to myself because I was never sure when I was overstaying my welcome. Since I never had friends to go out with at uni, I never really found myself in a situation where I was close to having sex.

I've come to accept that I'll die alone desu.

i'm only 19 la i still have time ha ha

virginity finds a way

Im trying to see if I do actually become a wizard if I'm still a virgin at 30

it's incredibly easy to not have sex if you're an ugly autist

everytime i drink i do stupid shit it is pretty funny actually.

i think i would've off myself if not for alcohol

haha i know rite, just imagine

having a go at your what?

I will never understand how Brit autism is usually forgotten or ignored. Nobody mentions how you are consistently the most autistic fuckers on this site despite shit like this getting posted all the time.

People care more about aussie shitposting or a third-worlder with a gimmick (like the slip gypsy) because it's more accessible. Brit autism is the thinking man's choice.

>Last year for a friend's birthday
>In a group of about 7-8
>We are all old friends
>I usually don't drink a lot, never got really hammered
>Begin drinking at friend's house
>Then we go out
>It's a cold winter night
>Go to several bars
>Friend whose it's his birthday is being a bitch and don't want to drink to much
>Drink for him
>What_the_fuck_am_I_doing.png
>Meet old friend from fucking middle school
>Offer each others drink
>Jesus_fucking_christ.jpg
>Go to a nightclub, first time of my life, I was already pretty fucking drunk but I can still remember
>Drink more, way more
>I am completely fucked up at this point and can barely walk
>The last thing I remember is going on the dancefloor
>Then it's the complete blackout and my friends told me what happened but I don't remember shit myself
>After a pityfull performance on the dancefloor I was on the verge of vomiting
>Bouncer notice that I am completely fucked up
>Since it was in winter in a cold night they surely didn't throw me out in fear that I die from the cold and they get judicial problems
>They put me in a little room on a chair and a bucket
>Throw up in the bucket
>Ruin the fun for my friends because they have to watch for me
>Some dude from Paris ask me if I am alright
>Yell at him saying fuck PSG and parisians are fucking faggots
>He leaves immediately
>We go out of the nightclub and 2 of my friends have to drag me home which is pretty fucking far considering they literally have to hold on all the way
>There are cops in a car
>Friends tell me to shut up because there are cops in a car
>Yell at the cops in a car
>Nothing happened fortunately
>Spit and vomit on the floor during all the way back
>Piss myself toward this end
>Pretty sure I confessed some shit during the way back but they were too embarrased to talk about that the next day
>Jesus Christ I might even have told them about my waifu

>most autistic fuckers on this site
*blocks your path*

>Yell at him saying fuck PSG and parisians are fucking faggots
good lad

>euroautist
KEK
Feels good to be a americhad

May as well post the rest of the folder since I have nothing better to do

>>Friend whose it's his birthday is being a bitch and don't want to drink to much

how have you not grown out of this stage yet

or maybe you have now cconsidering the rest of your story

it's pretty normal to be a virgin up into your teens. Holding onto it for one or two more years into your 20's isn't exactly abnormal.

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Lol moron you broke the number one rule and showed your internal patheticness

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Because none of my girlfriends would fuck me and i got tired of jumping through hoops for nothing but emotional exhaustion

>anglels
KEK

>took Sup Forumss advice
Everything that succeeds this decision is entirely your own fault

hmmm

My fucking sides.

I want to see the full diary