I'm engaged. We've been together over five years. I love him tremendously and do not look at other men at all...

I'm engaged. We've been together over five years. I love him tremendously and do not look at other men at all. But he has almost no sex drive. We have really boring perfunctory sex maybe once every month or two, during which he loses wood. He doesn't watch porn and he's not cheating. I have lowered my sex drive through will alone, but I can't erase it entirely. I feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin. We have a great level of physical intimacy and care but it's not sexual. It's so weird being in a totally satisfying relationship except for one very key element. It seems insane to say I'm lonely even while I'm in love with and spend my life with my best friend, but I am.

What do you do if you're beyond pleased with your SO except they have no sexual desire and it's making you want to kill yourself

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I had this with an ex. I thought it was me but it turned out she was barren. My body was picking up on the fact that she couldn't have children. I loved her very much but the lack of sec ruined the relationship.

Sorry to be blunt, but there's either something wrong with one of you or your not genetically compatible. It might be time to move on.

Also tits or gtfo

Do you mean she had the low sex drive or you did?

Honestly I've considered researching otc substances that could raise his sex drive but I could never dose the man I love. (I have made slight hints about it before and he hasn't taken me up on it so I don't think he'd do it willingly.) He also doesn't have insurance and hates doctors so there's no way he would consider getting testing done. At least I assume so.

Both of us really want to continue the relationship, we can't see ourselves without one another.

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My sex drive was high, but I didn't want to sleep with her. If he doesn't have any interest at all then maybe the problem is with him. How old is he? He should see a doc and get checked out for the usual hormonal stuff.

Yeah he (32) should. Oh well.

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Listen up, someone who won't see a doctor about their problems needs immediate action. In the world we live in chemical imbalances need to be taken care of. It sounds like his low on testosterone an maybe his serotonin receptors aren't functioning properly. It's as if he's depressed but without the actually depression just the brain disorder. You can't let this go unchecked, I hate to be sexist but women put up with relationship problems much longer than men, get him to see a doctor.

Most of my family refuse to see doctors and they die early or become alcoholics, divorced, depressed, or worse. Their denial is their disease.

Well you can start by showing us some tits you fucking thot. Then you get attention.

I would if I could! I can't force him and don't want him to hate me. The most I can do is bring it up and leave the rest to him, which I have done. Also is not me

No one cares whore just post your tits simce we know youll eventually cave into your sexual desires and cheat on him ao you might as well start now lol

Enjoy

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This. I have this problem with my woman and its because her tubes tied. No breed= No need.

Also, why did you get engaged after this amount of time being sexually frustrated? Could it take you this long to address the issue? If I date a woman for 3 months and we have sex 3 times I assume we're not going to work out, then through conversation I find out if we will or not. If her sex drive is once a month we won't work out, I'm like a 3-4 times a week guy at my age.

Both posts you quoted were me, lol.

I do feel bad for you that you're engaged and you can't bring up this kind of stuff with him, I empathize with your situation and it makes me never want to let something that severe happen with me.

I haven't cheated on him in 5+ years and don't want to at all, nor have I ever cheated on anyone.

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PTSD other anxiety, depression and vairous other issues could be at play,

Stop making this about you. Try communicating.

I've been married to my Husband for four years and it's gets bad like this sometimes. Once for a whole year because he was depressed. My sex drive used to be like 6 times a week, I've forcibly lowered it to like 4 but I get it, I get really fucking miserable and crave something else, then immediately feel guilty because I love him.

Have you talked to him? I almost left his ass and this was one of the reasons why. Maybe if he understood how serious it was for you he could be serious about making a change

Maybe he is into some kinky stuff but afraid that you would not understand it. Or disgusted by himself. Still he does not get turned on by vanilla sex.
Or he is exhausted from work.
Or maybe he really is asexual. If this is the case there is no good advice I can give.

There's like 3-4 people in this thread and the guy you replied to isn't one you should care about at all, just tabbed over from his trap thread to try and get more OC tits.

This is a perfect example of the type of person not to be. Or listen to for that matter.

The sex was never great but it took a couple years to get this bad, and by then we were engaged. He's honestly worth it even with this, which is why I'm staying with him, but I need to be able to manage these feelings without wanting to flip out or die. Yeah, I like 3-4 times a week too. And whoops sorry didn't realize that was you

Tits with timestamp thot. Fucking slut, goes on b but doesn't know the rules.

I did date a girl who was sexual for a few weeks, there was nothing I could do, I knew she was the way she was and it was hopeless. I thought she just needed a good dicking or was frustrated or military feminist or something, but nope, chemical imbalance made her not want sex.

Same here, but it's my GF which has a very low sex drive.

Only real advice is talk, talk, talk, and try to get him checking everything's alright. Because you love him and want to make sure there is no "physical pathologia".
If he cannot make a move in the same direction as you make yours, you need to work _together_ on how to workaround your needs while not hurting him.

In fact, many a couple build this kind of modus vivendi.

My GF knows about pr0n, my sextoys, myy ties to a local BDSM community etc. She know I will flirt with other girls for fun. Nevertheless, We have "limits".

It's not perfect, but she's the One. And I care more of her soul than of her ass.

Can you explain why anyone shouldn't listen to me? I'm only relating and providing my take while asking questions.

Like we haven't done this! I admit it is the only thing that's hard for us to talk about though. He's not very forthcoming and gets defensive, which is understandable but not helpful.

I feel you, it sucks. Glad to know I'm not alone. Maybe my guy feels safe because he thinks, correctly, I won't leave him over this, no matter how miserable I get. I hope that's not true because it reflects very badly on him but yeah. I guess I'll bring it up soon.

He's extremely vanilla like ridiculously so. I'm the pervert in the pair. I'm fine without the kinky sex I prefer, but barely any (boring) sex at all is too much to bear.

It’s clear that he’s a faggot, just like op. SAGE. n tits or gtfo

Yes, a lot of shit can cause this. Contraceptives can also do this.

I also have very low sex drive since I amfeeling depressed, exhausted and kinda ill all the time. I am afraid that this will end my relationship. But I am not the master of my life. I can only watch.

Could you cope with masturbation?

>havent cheated in 5+ years
>never cheated
>pick 1 whore

Jeez, you guys. I'm almost 40 and my gf is over 50, and we have sex daily. Sometimes 2-3 times a day... we been together almost 20 years. And she's not even good looking to me. Sometimes it is hard for me to get a hard on for her, but I love her because she has raised my son while I work my ass off to support them. Maybe you guys are missing the love part of the relationship?

Sucks man, sorry. One of the problems here is on one hand I think he thinks he's normal and fine for never wanting sex because he always has an excuse (timing, headache, stomachache, etc). But we all know if someone actually wants sex, they will find a way to get it, a minor ache is not going to stop them. And on the other hand he's very upset by the idea that maybe there is something wrong with him, and doesn't want to face it. It's not like we would have the money to afford hormonal treatment for him, for example. So it's probably easier for him to pretend nothing's wrong

You're absolutely right. I'll try to put more effort into it, but I think I've given up before because he doesn't match my effort and I get sick of being a "nag". Still, I have to try.

You're picking apart her wording, she means the same thing both times its just womanspeak.

Help him trough that, sex, you can learn it. As i guess you are more experimented than him, nice so now guide him. Try fantasy shit like handcuffs or cosplays, give him more head so he can learn how to control his wood and when or not to cum, teach him how to cunnilingus ,try different positions . Your male is not an alpha but he can become one if you help him

I've been with him for 5+ years. Before that, I was either alone or with other people. When I was with other people, I didn't cheat. I've never cheated on anyone, including him. You should work on your reading comprehension

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At my age (25) male, there is almost nothing to stop me from wanting sex with a woman who I'm even moderately attracted to, even if I say I didn't want it if she flashed a little skin or even uttered some sexy words I'd be done for. When I was working 70 hours weeks I often said I was too tired but then my girlfriend just sat on my lap or said something sexy and I was ready again, it's not an obligation it's what we're made for.

;______; I suspect this is what he feels like too. I am endlessly supportive of him but that's probably not enough. He needs to find it within himself I think

Rape him, problem solved

That's its own separate thing. Masturbation isn't a substitute for sex. I want sexual intimacy with the man I love. (I also want to crank one out on my own sometimes, and I do.)

He works 10+hr a day in construction so now I just have to wait for weekends but we go 3 or four times... the one day a week he decides to.

Reading what you wrote made me want to die a little bit. Other guys are all over me but he's having issues. Never jacks off or watches porn and is too obsessed with me to cheat. I think I just got unlucky with his sex drive

Haha nope, love is one thing we have in spades. He just doesn't have physical desire (for anyone, not just me). It stinks!

Don't say that. He's 25.

Jesus maybe I should just kms

You have to talk to him and work it out. Libido mismatches happen, they are actually quite common, and doing nothing about it or not getting support from your partner will likely end your marriage. Is your partner willing to let you fulfill your sexual needs outside the marriage?

He’s fucking gay op listen. Does he come from a religious household? Boom, there you go.

He knows what he likes and he doesn't like any kinky bullshit. All we do is blowjob/doggy. Every so often a titfuck (which I introduced him to). That's it. I used to ask him to finger me or go down on me but it's clear that it's totally boring to him so I stopped because it's humiliating to be a chore.

Just post tits or kys already whore, you'd make the poor sap a great favor

He gets defensive because he believes the problem is with him and not the relationship. You should consider joint counseling to help you address this issue. If he isn’t open to it and can’t think of any other solutions, take note: you get what you get. You can always call off the marriage if sex is that important to you. It’sa Difficult, but necessary decision to consider, if so.

No, exhaust your communicative options and then if he won't seek any medical help evaluate your commitment, with me personally I know I need someone to be in like the 75% range of my sex drive so I won't settle for once a week, but if I need to talk it out, get some medication for them, go to relationship counseling I will, but I couldn't let it go years and years without enough sex, just being honest.

Buy a massive dildo and just go to town on yourself, even if he's in the room. If he keeps seeing you playing with yourself you might spark up his hard wired 'hulk smash' part of his brain

Everyone itt knows you're literally just trying to use your sexual frustration as a excuse to cheat on the dude, just make your mind up and do the deed instead of looking for validation from strangers

can't rape a worm

/thread

There is a chance he is gay, I'm not being a shitposter, I've been samefagging advice through the thread, but this doesn't sound encouraging for a straight male. Then again could be the same as low to no sex drive.

Yeah. It's ok to have struggles within a relationship, I usually try to tell myself it's some sort of test that I may not yet know the benefit of. Maybe that's gay, idc

girl, it's tough. It's a base need, and you need to address it with him, otherwise you might not have a chance in the long run, sorry if this is harsh, but I really believe this to be the case.

> also, female secondaries or begone.

He refuses psychological or medical help/ intervention. "Can't discuss his feelings because he doesn't know them" (Alexithymic). Are you like Italian or from some red blooded country?

Why do you ask if I'm Italian? My heritage is Polish but I'm 100% American, as much as I don't like to admit.

this
is not unlikely

No. When we first started dating he was cool with me having "side dick" but I never took him up on it. When we got more serious, he wanted to become more traditionally monogamous, which I don't think is an unreasonable ask at all. Recently though I have been considering asking him about it again. But I don't want to fuck anyone else! I want to fuck him!!

He grew up in an atheist family but converted to a religion when he was in his early 20s. I think his disdain for sexual excess predates his conversion.

Also, anyone saying they don't know their feelings is in denial in some aspect, I've been there.

I would love counseling. A third party's input sounds wonderful to me. I've asked him before and he's been uninterested, but I'll try again.

I'm trying to figure this guy out but I think you need to seriously talk to each other and possibly do couples therapy, you sound like my divorced 65 year old parents already.

Mine has tried to compensate by just going ham and getting really kinky whenever we do get to do stuff. Honestly, it doesn't get much better through marriage. I've stayed faithful but it's barely improved. Fix it or run before it's too late

You're trying too hard and it's looping around to not trying hard enough. Try modifying your insults (in this context the cookie cutter "validation" thing doesn't make sense)

He has absolutely no attraction to men/masculinity at all so I think a low sex drive is more likely the culprit

I assume you're a woman too? Women, train your man before its too late, I don't mean dominate him, I mean train him to please you and he will. If he gets to middle age without knowing what you want he'll just start watching football and playing poker with his friends and thinking he's deprived of sex and women don't require foreplay.

You’re dumb enough to be with a dude who you can’t be open enough to say “I need to fuck more” but you think you know what’s really deep in his mind? Lel

OP here, I appreciate the frank and honest input from people even if I didn't reply to you directly. Much of the time it's because I just agree with you and there isn't much to say. But do know I am thankful for your words

It's a shitpost, but there is a possibility he's like a priest, into little boys or something, can't rule it out.

Not sure why you think I haven't said that, and often, and repeatedly. Yeah, we know each other very well. Shocking in a serious long relationship!

Still trying to figure out if it was you who asked if I was Italian or who, and what the purpose was lol.

That's Tara Reid? I get she's 43 but...what the fuck happened to her body? Look at her left hand (our left) that's the hand of a senior citizen.
I'm older than her (and I date women 35-50) but honestly, her body is that of a 60 year old.

OP, you cheat or you leave.
(1) He's asexual
(2) He's gay (closeted)
(3) He's no sex drive
I don't matter cos this is how it is and will always be as long as you're with him. My current squeeze turns 40 soon (I'm 48). She has 2 kids with a man who has not touched her since February. Before that it was once every few months. She knows it'll never change with him.

>2019, being in denial instead of living life.

Yeah I don't know who the woman in the pic is but she looks mid 60s, probably did Meth or a lot of coke, or both or more. He skin is horrible and she looks like she's only skinny from purging.

Give it some thought and you'll know I'm right, you're just going around in circles looking for a way to come to terms with your desires when deep inside you know what you want
The fact you thought I was trying to insult you just shows how fragile you are over thinking you might actually want to cheat despite it being wrong

Is op gone? Only really cared to talk to op.

Lol. This isn't an rp, might want to leave the talk of "secret desires" elsewhere when I'm explicitly saying my desire is to have sex with the man I love

Nope, I'm here

Was the person asking about ethnicity ("cold" and "hot" cultures) talking to me?

Because, I don't know, you sounded manly and like you liked your women?

Always kind of thought if I married a man from a more passionate country things would be different

tell him go see a urologist. they will give him Clomid to stimulate production of testosterone and have him take boran supplement to help absorb it.

Many times it's an estrogen issue and not testosterone

Regardless of what it is, I would love to get him checked out. I do suspect an imbalance but I don't know if he would want to treat it, even if we showed it existed. We'll see.

On second thought, I just looked up Clomid and it seems to be for people looking to get pregnant. No thank you!!!

If you harangue him about it he is going to feel some level of anxiety about it. It can effect his sympathetic nerve system and you get this result. If he is under appreciated or gets bitched at all the time it could make him uninterested. This happened to me. Went from everyday to once a month because my GF was always complaining about something, I told her that it was a positive feedback loop etc. But she was too young to understand. Has to break it off and immediately I'm back to knocking out these tinder sluts. Make sure thats not your issue because I put up with it for far too long and was miserable and didn't even know it.

I would never treat him like that. I love and respect him (and myself) and always try to learn and do better. The problem is he never likes to talk about this stuff at all - I don't blame him, but it makes it difficult to not be "the enemy"

(funny when most others ITT have thought I wasn't communicative/assertive enough)

This is really tough. You could be my wife I am afraid. I am trapped in my shit and even if she gets angry I cannot change myself,although I want to. I do not know why. It is just sad.

Something has to change. If you guys agree, we can set up a discrete situation where I'll have all the sex you want, as kinky as you want and you can go and be cuddly with him, otherwise it's not going to work.
SC: uterlymerciless

Sorry to hear it. Are you willing to work on it for both your sakes? If you were in my position, what would you do to help?

Forgot to mention, if you're gross you're fucked unless you find a wired guy who's into that.

^ glad this guy chimed in

Yes. I think the only thing that worksfor me would be a massive confrontation. It would hurt and at first I would just go away and try to avoid all of this. Or attack back. But after a while and if you keep on I would try my best to better the situation.
my fear to use you wouldbring me to this.

Realize that you're taking strangers on Sup Forums seriously

That guy who "fucks his wife twice a day and she's not even good looking lmao" is probably a 16 yo who masturbates 8 times a day.

Here's a shitload of men with low sex drives compared to women precisely because after coming were fucking done perhaps even for the day, I've been with dozens of women and women will always want more, even if you make them cummultiple times trying to get it over with they will fucking want to get fucked again in a couple of hours.

There are guys who will have a permanent boner but it's not most guys.its not even a lot.

Again by experience as a both a womanizer and in the gay scene, most men have tiny dicks and don't want to be under the pressure to perform.

You really just need to find out what you value more, I call bullshit on the nomasturbation, I'm pretty sure he is addicted to porn and by them time you're asking for sex he has cum 3 times that day and isn't up for anything.
No partner will give you everything you want, never.
If you want sex rite now get a guy who will fuck you as much as you want, if you want companionship stay with the guy, but don't expect a literal Winnieh the pooh man to fuck you every day or a fucking permaboner to not cheat.

The reason this thread is dying is it sucks. Show us your fucking body and we'll tell you wtf is wrong.

Wow! A lot here

It's not about orgasm for me. No one has ever made me cum lol. I just want sex - it's very pleasurable even without orgasm - and the kind of intimacy that comes from it

I can verify that he's not watching porn or masturbating a lot, I work from home and he does half the time, we're almost always around one another

He constantly reassures me he's attracted to me (definitely without me asking) and he doesn't lie about anything else so I trust him. Obviously I still feel like a steaming pile of butcher's cast-offs but I care more about what's going on inside his head to cause this

Here you go

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what's his zodiac sign

OP here, thanks for the replies, everyone who responded sincerely. Going offline now

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Capricorn I think, don't know anything about that stuff

Then it isnt going to work. He should realize that you need to be fucked and be willing to get his test checked and consider adding medication so that he can have sex with you. Dont cheat on him but i dont think you would be wrong to give an ultimatum. He should at least be willing to make the effort.