Hi B. Just looking for your opinions on something.
>walk doggo near my home ever day >live in non-english speaking country >my command of local language is not great >Everyday almost I run into another foreigner >He's an old man, speaks local, married here, etc >we chat occasionally, he talks about his fam/life >for about a year we say hi in the mornings when we're at the park at the same time >last fri I get hit with a major toothache; I can't eat, I can't talk; huge pain when molars touch >Saturday morning I run into old man, ask if he knows a dentist (secretly I'm hoping he can help me a little) >he blows me off, says his dentist is in another city >regales me with tales of rotten teeth killing people >enthaustically wishes me 'good luck' when we part >later, I realize that I was brushed off and IT PISSED ME OFF >I've talked to this lonely old fart for a year, I'm asking for 40 minutes of his time... >I don't say hello anymore, and just brush him off the last 2 times I saw him Am I being a jerk? Or, am I justified not investing anymore time in making a friendship with someone who'll brush me off if I ask for help. btw, I have real issues asking anyone for help. Something I've rarely done in my life.
I don't talk to him, he talks to me. He talks about his life, asks me nothing about my life. He's much older, retired, and obv lonely, wanting to speak to another foreigner. The effort it would take him to have helped was minimal.
I see. Then he's in the wrong. Whether you want to invest more time talking to him is up to you. It doesn't matter either way.
I think just because you think you're friends from someone doesn't mean that person is obligated to help you in any way. He also said his dentist was in another city. Whether you take him at your word is up to you.
>just because you think you're friends I don't think we're friends. But had he helped, I would have been in his debt, and I would have made the effort to be his friend. I'm confused about it. I can't help but view it like seeing an injured animal on the street, do you help or walk away. I asked for help (in a round about way) and got brushed off. Now do I need to pretend that I like the guy and say hello, or can I just do what's natural...listen to tunes and just walk by him saying nothing.
Nobody has an obligation to help anybody, especially some guy that they talk to at a park. If you don't want to talk to him because he doesn't help you, that's certainly your right. Why be around people that won't help you, right?
At the same time, from his perspective, some weirdo he talks to occasionally at the park asked about a dentist. Not even friends with him or anything and you're already asking for favors. It's not on. He also probably thought to nip this in the bud - if you're not friends now and you're asking for favors with a dentist (presumably asking him to get you an appointment with his?) then you would be asking for increasingly bigger favors in the future if you got closer and became friends. Nobody likes a guy that gets given an inch and takes a mile - you just talk at the park sometimes.
I hear you about being in a foreign land and wanting some help, and it's perfectly fine if you decide that you don't like this guy anymore because he didn't help you.
But at the same time... come on, man, did you really expected anything more? How could you ask something like that from a total stranger?
>How could you ask something like that from a total stranger? A year I've been meeting and talking to this lonely man in the park, a fucking year! He approached me to start, otherwise I'd have totally ignored him.
He still doesn't owe you anything. That type of score-keeping (a year!!) will just alienate people. You seem to think that you can cash in 1 year of accumulated goodwill for one (1) dentist favor just like that.
>Yo dawg we be talkin at the park finna bout a year now can ya hook me up with a dentist?
Strange behavior.
Going back to your original question, no, I don't think you're a jerk. You just have a very dysfunctional take on social interaction (specifically doing nice things entitles you favors -- they don't.).
You can continue to ignore him and I can't fault that. And if you already dislike him what's the point of pretending.
Conversely you can also mend things and go back to the way it was before, but tbh I don't think you'll miss much except lame stories about someone else's family that you don't care about anyway -- so rest easy, I don't think what you're doing will cause him to lose any sleep. You shouldn't either. This whole thing is a non-issue.
Angel Powell
g'night Sup Forums
Nathan Collins
so, in your opinion, when can you ask someone for help? I would not call this a favor, this was basically begging for help but at the same time trying to be cool about it. ...the pain was shooting through my mouth as we were talking, I could hardly hold a conversation with him.
>so, in your opinion, when can you ask someone for help?
Personally, only if you have to. Like if it was an emergency. I don't see why you couldn't google or look for a dentist yourself.
As an aside If you were "being cool about it" he probably didn't see the severity of the situation. If you needed a dentist you should have asked him where the nearest dentist was, flat out.
>hey man my tooth is killing me, I can't talk, I can't eat. Do you know a good dentist around here?
>no sonny mine's in a different city
>all right man no foul, I'll go google one or walk around until I find one I guess.
>YOU KNOW I KNEW A GUY WHOSE TEETH ROTTED OUT
>I gotta go get my teeth fixed, catch up later dude.
State what you need (help), why (because you can't eat, can't talk) and what you don't want (stupid BS stories about teeth when your teeth FUCKING HURTS) and end the conversation on a friendly note.
But instead you chose to be vague, try to fish for favors while trying to be cool (thus to him, appearing only to look for a favor because you've been talking for a year, not out of necessity) and get upset at being "brushed off", and then choose to ignore him rather childishly.
Not much you can get out of some random you see at a park, but I think you could have handled it better.
