Guys a girl is coming to my HOME and she might want to fuck how do i PREPARE FOR THIS

Guys a girl is coming to my HOME and she might want to fuck how do i PREPARE FOR THIS

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Do a 360 and walk away

Get your mom to clean the basement, make cookies and stock the juice boxes.

Be chill and act casual. Don't act as if you're obsessed with her.

become a fucking lion

Literally beg her for sex. Say you always wished you could lose your virginity and beg her to let you fuck

jerk off 3-5 times before she gets there.

make your bone weiner in out for cums in her finger

Second this. That's how i lost mine.

Once, maybe. Not this many.

Shower, shave, clean your junk, get some snacks, condoms, something to drink, clean your room, let some fresh air in, empty your trash. When she arrives, be yourself. Just go with the flow. Talk to her. Ask if something is unclear. It will be fine. Enjoy the time.

Also tell us how it went.
Good luck bro.

This is probably the best advice ITT, tbqhfam.
Also, check your pockets for spaghetti. Check them twice. You do NOT want to spill spaghetti everywhere.

Fuck this, transform your room in a sex dungeon

Not like THAT, for sure. Chill out, dont get too excited, be nice to the girl and by the end of it he wants your meat then dewit

I have a bigger problem with my anxiety making it difficult to get hard, not cumming too fast

i'm coming u racist fuck

Damn that's cute. I want to get a qt to go down on me whilst I gently stroke her long hair.

Wash your tiny dick you retard. Is it your mom?

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Invite her alcohol with orange juice, the alcohol is the easiestway to get laid

what makes you believe she is even considering anything sexual related.

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get 'em ready

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Thats not really a problem. Just talk to her. This might relax both of you. You cant lose. If she's an evil bitch and leaves then good for you.
Always remember: Never put your dick in crazy.

Communication is cause of and solution to almost every human to human interaction problem.

Cut your damn nails. seriously.

Also, "might want to fuck" is a pretty scary position. Remember to communicate extensively, especially if you do actually end up fucking.

Don't act like a faggot and don't push for sex, if it's going to happen it'll happen. God speed

Shes 21 im 18

I also recommend shower, shaving wash your stinky ass and nutsack, dick. Jerk off 1-2 so if you do fuck you don't bust in 2min. Good luck

Give us the deets, user.

How'd you meet this chick?

>Cut your damn nails
It might be too late, cutting them makes them sharp af and then you really don't want to finger her because you could cut her up. He should've cut his nails days ago

Seems like you'll finally lose your V-card LUL good luck OP.

Fuck dungeon, transform your room in a this sex

Bruh that's what the file is for.

If you've got nippon steel growing out of your fingeys you'll make a crime scene out of the pussy. if you cut them short, file them down, and stick to the fingertips you'll be fine.

He could cut his nails and file them down on literally anything afterwards. He should cut his nails

Coat your dick in KY jelly or similar water based lubricant then blow it dry with a hair dryer.

Then during fuck, the slightest wetness from her will make you go full slippery banana. She will think you made her so fucking wet. This actually makes girls fall in love with you.

Shower. Make your bed. Clean your toilet

Yeahh idk about this one chief

Just to make sure, give yourself an enema and try to loosen up a bit

user, this shit is fucking retarded.

Op, take notes. This Wile E. Coyote shit is exactly what you shouldn't do.

DON'T FORGET TO CLEAN YOU BATHROOM! Nothing is more disgusting than a dirty bathroom! Unless you're even more filthy!

I met her on Whisper lol, we've shared pics and called n shit and we were supposed to go for coffee yesterday but she had to cancel so she's coming to my place today instead

OP, during foreplay as you are licking and caressing her pussy, shove a finger straight up her asshole. Like straight up forcefully. Chicks fucking love that. When licking her, drool excessively and let it run down her ass crack to lubricate the butthole.

Ive got one shit bathroom and one good bathroom. The shit one has two holes in the floor so i honestly dont even both cleaning it, ill force her to use the good one

This is genius

Also guys, do I wear sweatpants, jeans, or pajama bottoms (as a power move)

are you einstein of sex?

Whisper is sketch but good shit is good shit regardless of where you got it.

Remember that blowing too early and all that performance shit is honestly 100% fine. Just show a genuine interest in making sure she gets off and you'll have set yourself at least 3 bars higher than most guys out there.

Also, there's nothing wrong with asking her what she wants you to do, especially if you're going down on her.

Dont forget, just as you nut, sing in your loudest voice "THE PHAAAAAAANTON OF THE OPERA IS HEEEERE" Then RIP a massive fart.

I'd say jeans.

But depending on the chick pajama bottoms could do it. Just make sure you have a spare pair for her.

so people are cool with children coming here now?

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Seconds before you bust:
>Knock knock
>Who's there
>nuttin in
>nuttin in who?
>NUTTING IN YOU AAAAHHHHHHHH COOOOOOOMING

/thread

Make sure you use lots of lubricant inside the condom

you dont, just go with the flow nigga

shave your butthole

Remember, if she complements your size dont forget to let her know how big she is too.

Test

when she arrives leave your door slightly ajar and stand behind. once she walks through knock her out with something, gotta be in one blow make sure not to be excessive and let her see you. carry her gently to your room and then rape her but dont make too much of a mess. if she starts stirring bop her noggin again. after youre dump her somewhere outside

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You must be new

The average age here is already 12 - for now.

You are the safe friend. And you know it.

Above all user.
Activate your almonds

Every thread kek

Yeah honestly you won't want to have her come over if you dont have activated almonds. She will be able to tell right away.

And please,please polish your marbles

Take a shower.

That girl is Grandma. Get a grip. And you'll prepare for it like you always do.... 30 seconds of feverish masturbation culminating in a disappointingly small amount of semen.

Throw out ALL condoms!
She can't know you fuck! Or even have a penis!

I aint a movie screen dont project on me nerd

Hahahahaha
You piece of shit
>me eating bowl of oatmeal
>read this
>spit it on my monitor and on my waifu next to my desk

Gargle with soup

You ain't a move screen? I guess that's true. You have to be in front of a movie screen to project on it and everyone knows you like to get it from behind.

when the clothes come off, cuddle with her first it helps her become comfortable with you.
All depends on the girl tho some like the affection while others dont.
Eat her out before sex if you can.(remember to use mouthwash, and gargle afterward)
When you go inside her dont move at first hold her and kiss her, then start pounding her.

Try to find the clitoris, you will recognize it from the smell (urin)

Clean everything. Have Candles or incense. Have booze and weed on standby. TAKE A SHOWER. Scrub all your areas. Trim your nails. Pluck your nose hairs and unibrow. BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Have snacks and drinks available. Trim your pubes and have netflix fired up on her favorite show.

Good luck.

P.s. if you dont know if its clean enough it's not go clean some more.

Oh god... OP...

If your gonna ask for advice fucking take it.

Go home and clean your bathroom... with a cleaning agent.

She's gonna want the grand tour dipshit.

Clean everything including yourself.

Huh, why go to all that trouble?
I just rewrote the source code. She was totally gay and required lube because she never got wet.
I just popped out into the source, found changed properties in her instance, recompiled, and she left her wife, married me, and gave me a son.
tl;dr: All women are NPCs. Find one you like and reprogram her.

*And gets so fucking wet we have to dry off mid-fuck. Forgot to mention that.

>get 'em ready
All of them?