Get home, Mom calls me from the kitchen

>get home, Mom calls me from the kitchen
>she made milkshakes for all of us, lunch that day had been schnitzel and fries
>Got hungry again, ask "Can I get some fries with that shake"?
>suddenly realise what I just said, Mom just stares at me, turn beet red
>turn around and start running into my room, throw myself on the bed, hit the matress with my fists
>why why why did I have to say that
>Start crying out of anger and frustration at myself
>pull secret hikkikomori from under my bed for comfort
>hug the pillow tight and rock back and forth, crying
>get boner from the friction, it starts feeling good
>start humping while still crying a bit, suddenly hear a noise
>turn around with tears in my eyes
>its my dad
>HE SAW EVERYTHING
>I had forgot to close the door in the haze of my confusion and anger
>He backs out of the room slowly
>I can currently hear him arguing with my mom downstairs, they also phoned somebody, why does my life have to be like this

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As a third world human been, I ask, what is the problem and why first world problems are confusing?

You sound like the kind of autist people try to avoid. I hope for your sake that you're underage so that this isn't a full fledged adult as this behavior should only be met with shame and distance,

I'm 27, and how is any of what happened my fault? Why are you so mean?

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Why did you run away? Are you just retraded? All of it is your fault

because the situation was incredibly embarrasing and I didnt know what to say or do

>27
>gets embarrassed easily
>still living with parents
>anime body pillow
How long until you rape someone or go on a murder spree?

This earns its trips.

Everybody watches anime nowadays I thought, or most young people at least.

whats wrong with asking for fries?

Christ you're dumb.
Your mother probably had no idea what happened. You were literally drinking milkshakes, how would she take you saying that as anything but the literal question?

>schnitzel

what shit hole country do you live in?

Cultural dissonance? I just looked up that phrase, and a George Clinton song was the first result.

Yeah I looked it up before posting my first reply.
A small nuanced expression should not take precedent over an in context statement.
They were literally drinking milkshakes, they had just eaten fries, it would be retarded to assume his mother's first thought in this situation was a vague innuendo, and not just that he wanted fry's with his shake.

My plan currently is to sneak outside, eat a bunch of datura and claim that I ate that earlier to get high and that all that happened was because of that. I'll come up with an excuse why I had the Astolfo pillow in the first place. Do you guys think that will work?

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Urban dictionary said it was something about a woman shaking her ass as she walks, the fry means dick, fries with a shake means sex. Still doesn't warrant a grown ass man crying a fucking an anime pillow, so I think this is autistic satire.

>op spills spaghetti

>urban dictionary

zoomer detected

>zoomer
I'm not gonna lie, I had to urban dictionary that too.

United States why

I would have to agree, its probably poorly written satire.

And if it isn't, after reading this "plan" I know he isn't at a level of intelligence that it would matter anyway.

Hey op, stop being so focused on the fries thing, people forget about weird shit people say pretty fast (not that it was weird anyway, but it is to you).
You have to come up with a way to explain the body pillow.

Even then its not that bad because either:
A) you're still living with your parents cause they care about you to an extent, and prob dont care about anything that isn't financially or academically crippling.
Or
B) You still live with your parents because you are an actual loser NEET, or with a minimum wage job who has never bothered to move up in life. Your parents think you're such a loser that, even tho they want to kick you out, they wont because they probably think you'll literally die in the streets if they do.

First case they dont care, second case its just enforcing an already bad opinion they had of you.
So no real change either way.

Please tell me this is more faggotry larping like the tendies stories. The level of cringe you displayed makes a trannie seem manly in comparison. Normal people would have had a laugh.

The fries arent the problem anymore the pillow thing with my dad is
the only way I can think of to explain is that I was high, and the only "avalable drug" I can think of at the moment thats believavle is datura
Could you come up with any better plans, cause I cant
I managed to get outside unseen btw, wish me luck I think I know where some plants are

I know something "believavle" you can say: "I think anime trap pillows are sexy"

hahaha, no

Tell him you're a pathetic weeb permavirgin and you were fucking the pillow because your mom said no

lol this can't be real