Itt: hopelessness

itt: hopelessness

hey Sup Forums

I think its finally time to anhero. yes I will live stream it.

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Well don't.

dont do it op, please

I've come to realize that I've backed myself into a corner.

My current career is essentially over, and even if I do something else, I will only miss and compare it to what I used to have. I've completely ensured a lose-lose no matter how I spin it

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so dont spin it, bop it

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I have been in love. twice.

Firey burning love. The type of love that feels like a drug. The type of love that I know I'll never feel again.

You are only young once Sup Forums. You can only live freely and without regret for a brief window.

Spend it in love. I miss that feeling so much. Trying to love as an adult is stupid. Its so forced. God its so forced.

Be reckless while you can Sup Forums it runs out so so so fast

I've traveled the world. Saw the dregs of humanity and poverty. I've realized that their situations aren't all that different from ours.

Living to live. Fighting to fight. Working to rest, resting to work.

I realized that nothing I do has any real effect on the world. I cant affect anything.

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I died once.

It felt like going to sleep. It felt warm and inviting. It felt like when you come home to your friends/family. When someone looks in your eyes and they know you. When you cant help but smile when you feel welcome.

Death feels like coming home.

Finally I can rest. Finally I dont have to worry. Finally I can just let go.

I want to feel home again Sup Forums. I want to feel like I belong somewhere. I want to be somewhere that nothing matters.

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I feel you there. Shit's hard. I had myself a moment today. "Is it too late for me?" I cried for an hour. I feel hopeless. I feel alone. My happy memories are few, and many of them are attached to loved ones long gone. The despair is intense.

But it's not too late. Not for me. Not for you either. Life is painful. But it's beautiful, too. And there's so much to learn, so much you and I don't know. It's arrogant and naive to assume we know our future, or what value it holds. It is perhaps ungrateful to not be thankful for those joys which surround us.

If you feel like you've got nothing to lose, that's okay. Maybe that's an edge. Maybe you lost something that was holding you back. Maybe now, without the risk of losing that thing, you can take shots you never would have taken. Go places you wouldn't have gone. See things you wouldn't have seen.

I can't tell you what to do. I can't convince you. All I can tell you, as a person who has contemplated suicide virtually daily for twenty years, is that I'm always thankful I didn't. Because the days aren't always better, but they're always new. And a new day could take us anywhere if we let it.

Don't you have anyone to care for OP?

I'm done with it all Sup Forums. So done with it. So very tired. I am ready to rest.

If all loves will pale in comparison to what I already know, if all careers will only bring me pain, Whats the point?

I've felt and experienced what I was put on earth to do. I've done it all. Nothing I ever can do will ever bring more meaning than I've already had.

The last joy I can bring is to at least live forever on here, and goregrish, and worldstar, and so on.

At least you will remember me

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It's too easy to give up mate. Fight, hard

Go to syria, better to die in battle than to kill oneself for upvotes.

starve yourself for 3 days. Drink lots of water. Seriously.

I know it sounds weird. But it will reset you. Testosterone will increase, energy will skyrocket.

I do it every time I start getting fucked up.

give it a try, you got nothing to lose.

First day isn't so bad
second day is hard
third day is fucking brutal

"If all loves will pale in comparison to what I already know, if all careers will only bring me pain, Whats the point?"

Fair point, if you could say for certain what the future holds. But we can't. I was with the same woman for ten years. I was devastated when it was over. I thought it would never be so good again. And yet here I am, another five years later or so, in a state I never thought I'd live in, with a beautiful and intelligent woman I never would have believed would love me. Nice home, cute dog. Shit just came out of the blue after being single for three years.

Did you know that Alan Rickman didn't start acting until he was 40? Think about that. 40 years old and he starts acting and becomes a household name. Incredible.

For my money, I say you stick around and just take shots at the impossible. You already think you've got nothing to lose, right? So put nothing on the line and try to live the best life you can.

Can we try something different? Can Sup Forums save someone?

Do you want to talk about it? Your reasons are vague, and generally not really grounds to wanting it to all end. Are you prison bound or something?

OP won't deliver

Convince me

As you wish

Happiness is a drug. Fleeting and shallow. To chase happiness is to chase heroin, women, or religion. Empty calories.

Chase contentment my friend. Chase satisfaction. A much longer lasting high.

I think I've seen the beauty I was meant to see. I've burned with love. I've felt like I was going to explode with beauty. I've felt the maximum of these emotions I'll ever feel.

My whole existence has been chasing those highs like a junky. But unlike the junky I know when to quit.

Yes, arrogant perhaps. I trust myself. I always have. I know when I've felt something I can never feel again.

You speak to me of the edge. I value this. There is freedom in a lust for death. Perhaps I should take advantage of it.

I have always had dreams of fantastic bank heists and elaborate schemes and plots. I suppose I could at least get in severe legal trouble then end it all when the court date comes. I have no family or heirs to pass my troubles on to . No sense in not causing some chaos. Or maybe a political martyrdom. No sense for my death not to cause some change, or else I'd truly be a waste of life.

I should make my suicide count for something. If I was meaningless in life, at least I can have power in death.

no. I teach at a university. I have students. But they'll probably all automatically pass my classes if I end it. Or maybe the school will get some shoddy sub. I should find out.

Theres nothing left to fight for friend. fighting to fight is no way to go through life .

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Guys why aren’t you telling him to commit die, it is the Sup Forums way

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death is final. if you are actually going to do this how do you plan to do it?

i feel these words

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Death is Final.
How do you plan on ending it?

CoNviNce mE

Attention whore, just creating drama for no reason. You never actually intended to kill yourself, otherwhise you wouldn't let people 'convince you'. What a pathetic attempt to catch worthless attention from anons on the internet.

So im guessing you don't love the jobe you're carrying with if your students doesn't care about you, maybe change your living place? If there's nothing for you, then why take your life away if you can do something else more satisfing instead, have you read about the steppen wolf from Herman Hesse?

Yes. I have considered this. I must have meaning to my death.

I will. I administer my last final next thursday and I will start this on the friday. after all, I have nothing better to do.

>And yet here I am, another five years later or so, in a state I never thought I'd live in, with a beautiful and intelligent woman I never would have believed would love me. Nice home, cute dog. Shit just came out of the blue after being single for three years.

you made my nose sting and my eyes water.

I think those opportunities are over for me my friend. I am so happy for you, truly. You've learned what to value in life. What to value in love.

again, I've backed myself into a corner. I've valued women for all the wrong things in my life. Things only a young man can fully appreciate.

At this point when I date 18 year olds I hate their lack of perspective. When I date women my age, I'm disgusted by the old hag in front of me. Even the mature young women annoy me and even the hot old ones cant get me hard.

I have no one but myself to blame for this. Im stuck . Ive been stuck for 5 years. I can't figure out what to value in the opposite sex anymore

inb4 traps arent gey

Interesting about the actor. Maybe that will be me one day. but probably not because I'll be dead.

I will take shots at the impossible my friend. I do have nothing to lose. I'm thinking a whole bunch of crime.

not prison bound yet, friend. just tired and realistic. I have watch myself dig this hole all my life and I know when to stop digging

Believe me, when I do it I will blast it everywhere. I love videos of the like. always have. as a child, my single mother worked as a case manager for a construction insurance company. She would bring home the files of onsite accidents.

The first I ever saw was a female... foreman? or something. One leg caught under a bull. flattened half her body perfectly.


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delete your damn porn stash. I'm having hard time to believe you're a uni professor and not fat lard in a low-income apartment.

Fuck off nerd I've been on Sup Forums for the entirety of your life go to bed it's a school night

As for you, I think you're taking my words the wrong way. Make a movie, start a company, learn something new. Move to a different country, change your name, get a tattoo.

We do not exist in a fixed state. We are always in flux, from our circumstances right down to the matter and energy which make us.

Here's a fundamental truth: Nothing is created without something destroyed. Things went tits up for you. Shit happens. But when shit falls apart, that just means you get to put it together however the fuck you like.

Possibilities are endless. Unless you decide to end them. My dad was a meth addict and alcoholic who beat the shit out of me. My mom was so depressed that she married a maniac that she slept through my adolescence. I was engaged, I had a best friend who was like a brother to me. That girl won't even talk to me anymore. My best friend is dead. I've worked a stream of dead end jobs, hopeless situations. I'm missing teeth, I have trouble chewing.

And yet I'm in a new state, far away from that bullshit. I'm dating an actress, believe it or not. I just lost the dead end job I used to get here, and now this beautiful angel is helping me go through school and pursue better things. There's no fucking reason this should be happening. There's no reason I could have expected it.

And yet, here I am. Because I chose to stay, and to take my shots, and to say yes to opportunities and see what happens.

Just roll with it, man. You try to control too much. Just forget the idea that you control anything and ride the waves. See where they carry you. Better than being worm food. I'll live forever if I can.

why is that better tho? what if an RPG hits your in the dick, and you are left dickless in the middle-east no one speaks english.

You obviously never been to university, if you think that university students give a shit about our teachers.

Instead of killing yourself, since you have nothing to lose, why don't you seek a dangerous truth and share it with us? Then you'd be remember as a real hero, and not just some guy who offed himself because he was weak.

>itt: selfishness

I get that you've been disinterested in other people. But chemistry doesn't work like that. Sometimes, extra special people require extra special people to be happy. That seems like a curse, but it's a blessing. Some people, they just match easy. It's weird. They get along with everyone and care about nothing and they mutually just don't want to be alone. But some people want passion, and fire, and romance and memories. And those are harder to find, but that's only because they're so precious.

All things in life ask of me two things: patience and pain. Accepting this truth has been my salvation. You don't have to fight. But if you can hold on, endure, and learn from it as you go, I promise you'll be fine.

He could also kill himself during class. He would be remembered for that too.

I didn’t die but my heart rate went very very low during a medical procedure and I know what you mean about the coming home feeling.

But it’s not home, home is here, listen to the anons pearls of wisdom and make some new days



the sick fuck that my mom was: I must have been 4. She made a game, covering half the body with her hand

>"alive! :)"

then she'd cover the other side


I remember that clear as day. I still talk about her case files to her. I loved looking at those pictured. all the gore filled me with fascination.

anyways long story short. there is no way in hell I would not record and share my death with yall. I want everyone to find the joy in my death that I have found in so many others.

Yes I was expecting this as well

I'm open to suggestion.

Quickly, as I imagine the hell that people talk about exists fully in the time between realizing you're going to die and actually leaving.

But I would like to make a show of it. Something that people will share on sites like these for some time.

Brother, If I wasn't an attention whore, I wouldn't have made this post. The whole point of the internet is attention. Go be deep somewhere else, adults are trying to talk.

>the steppen wolf from Herman Hesse

never heard of it. will check it out.

>maybe change your living place

already tried. no dice. a man who is always searching will never find what he is looking for. I can't imagine a world where I wasnt perpetually looking. Its who I am. I will never be free of dissatisfaction.

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Fuck off whiteknight nigger

Reality is a joke and you’re the punchline

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lol whoops looks like I touched a nerve. Seriously tho you don't want to be late for school. Save the Rick Sanchez shit for someone who hasn't heard it before.

What makes you think you'll be remembered? You'll just be some video on a rekt thread that people ignore. How about instead of being a whiney bitch, spit in the face of society and go out like a god damn bad ass. Shoot something up for all I care, be remembered by everyone not just the few sad lonely fucks on b thay saved your clip. Be a fucking hero of Sup Forums and kill a shit ton of random fucks

Guh. You belong in U bend.

There is so much out there. I've had some really down times, but there is truly so so much. You've only scratched the surface, and you're an absolute badass for being. Sometimes its hard to see the good shit, but it's there. It's gotta be. Much love and good vibes your way, friend.

Damn, the 'adults are trying to talk' part really got to me. Maybe you are right and I should act more apropriate for my age now. Find a better job and study more for university. I even might achieve true happiness in a serious relationship with a guy I can love. I could also care more about my health. I should start with quitting to smoke and stop responding to obvious bait in fake suicide threats on Sup Forums.

Then hit it.
Don’t drop it!

Do it nigger. I'm doing it by 2030 too. Probably by 2025. I'm not going to fucking suffer through this clown world.

I'm going to bed OP but I hope I gave you some things to consider. I love you and I hope you're able to sleep it off and reconsider. Side note, if you're ready to kill yourself and you haven't smoked weed, smoke some weed. It might make you reevaluate things (legit saved my life in 2014). Or mushrooms. Psilocybin is one hell of a depression treatment. Goodnight fam

gave up masturbating for almost 300 days. porn something like 260. You wanna see my nofap posts? I thought it might be the ticket to happiness.

It was the ticket to low standards and shitty sex. When you neeed to get off, anything will do. You end up in shitty relationships, doing weird things that dont really do it for you but "whatever still had sex." Nofap might be the answer for some, not me.

nothing beats sex while in love. When you know the other person would kill to feel you again. driving like a maniac during your lunch break just to get to her work for a quicky in the car or the bathroom. that "I would kill for you fire" can never be matched. ever.

tried the tattoo thing.

Yes, moving to a new country is on my list.

>But when shit falls apart, that just means you get to put it together however the fuck you like.

I like this a lot. volcanic ash is fertile. I would like to own a business...

>You try to control too much.

Most definitely. I suppose you're right. I still have a lengthy list, but I was planning on spring 2021. Maybe I'll ride the waves all till then

My dick already doesnt work how I want it to. no loss there. women are a waste of time and money after youre 25


what dangerous truth do you seek?

no argument there. In fact, thats one of the reasons I havent. All the people who'd remember me as a selfish weak cunt. I had originally postponed it with the idea that I'd like to change that status before I finished it all, but then I realized that changing myself for others is how I got in this mess in the first place.

I want to believe you. my engagement ended 6 years ago this february. I want to believe that I'll find something new and different. I know that no love is like any other, but...

I just don't know how I could possibly not compare it. Its just who I am. I will always have that voice "this sex is good, but man, remember her?" cont

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lol you marked your calendar?

I love how you quit porn 260 days ago, but post porn in every reply. Really proves your point, dude.

I've been trying to find a legal way to get shrooms, thought about joining a double-blind psilocybin study as a volunteer. There is one near where I live in a month or so, I might just try it. There is some cities in the US that it's decriminalized, but it's not exactly legalized. So you can't buy it.

Other than that, I just don't want to break the law. Shrooms are schedule 1 => 10 years prison. Not worth the puny high.

lmao so you're an incel and that's why you wanna kill yourself.

There's a dangerous truth I have been searching for for nearly 20 years now. Please, if you're done with life you can go the distance that I can't.
Find the owl.

What do you mean?


I personally am just the wrong person for do-overs. anytime I have to do something again because the first one didn't work out, I resent the fuck out of it. I needed that engagement to work out. anything since then is going to be so so so forced. A half decade of horrible useless dates and half assed relationships are flashing before my eyes as I type this.

I was one and done. I know when something is futile.

hey now, Sup Forums wouldnt be what it is without whiteknight colored people.

>Reality is a joke and you’re the punchline
I like this.

I got a R&M edgy vibe from it too!

Yeah I considered that, but I don't think theres a group of people I hate enough to target and random just seems so pointless. I was thinking maybe a sports game or something. eh. That mosque shooter I think did a pretty good job of Sup Forums and Sup Forums shootings. I wouldn't want to play 2nd fiddle.

thanks friend. I am not religious but I will pray for you tonight.

If I can go to uni and make it, so can you. And Im fucking retarded. hope to see you in class!

whats your plan?

Thanks user. I mean it. I know you wont get to read this but, I come here for unfiltered advice and it really means a lot to me youd take the time. Im so happy you found what you were looking for. I will really take your words to heart

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Bro just grow them. Back in TX I could walk into a head shop and buy the spores for "scientific purposes" completely legally. Cops aren't going to bust in through your chimney just to see if you're getting high lol. And I mean, you're already ready to off yourself. you really worried about a prison sentence?

IF you get shrooms, follow this advice for a positive experience. ONLY do them when you're into it. Don't force yourself or let others force you, your mind has to be in the right place or you can freak yourself out. On that note, KEEP YOUR HAND ON THE WHEEL! You're the driver in this experience. It just takes a little awareness to avoid the rabbit holes. And lastly, start with a small dose (like .8 g) and do it in an environment where you're comfortable, preferably with someone you love and trust. Don't go anywhere, stay inside, listen to good music and feel pure love and happiness.

I hate to say this, but my girl has been a nightmare since her dad passed away about a year ago. It really had her fucked up. I gave her one little microdose and she's like a new woman. The shit works.

NOW I'm going to bed lol. Nite!

I was attacked by an 8 foot tall creature known as "the owl of bohemia". The elites talk about it like it's a symbol for something, but I assure you it's not just a symbol. I don't know why it didn't kill me.
It's not hard to find the path, it's only hard to follow because like I said, it's dangerous.

When you're at this point, its helpful to. I have.

Read better user. you imagined the word "ago"

I gave up jackin it for most of 2016, and porn for like a month less than that.
porn is evil for some people. I thought it was for me. Now I see it as a minor sin. something to help the process go quicker. As I said. I have no intention of swearing off masturbation again thought. Really quickly lowers standards.

((also, you really reeeaaaallly need to lurk moar if you think posts without porn will get anywhere on b.))

I forgot to mention. I have never tripped alone. Im actually part of this psydelic... book club? I dont know what to call it. Its a bunch of professionals my age and older who trip regularly and meet to talk about their findings. I have not tripped alone yet, but these people keep encouraging me to . I am wondering if I should go full terence mckenna and do 6g alone in a pitch black room.

It's pretty hard to get arrested for shrooms my friend. I would research it more if I were you. Not so difficult to find if you know where to look.

You caught me. I'm actually a virgin. Never got laid :((

I'll find you

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Life is fucking awesome OP. If you're white, not fat, and don't have some physical impairment, then you literally have no excuse to want to kill yourself.

Just post the link faggot

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Op don't do it. There are so many people here telling you to stay alive. Be the success story they want to see. Whatever problems you face are temporary. You will get through them.

When will the stream begin? I don't wanna miss it, but really don't care about your whining. Do it, or don't. But don't raise expections and don't deliver like a faggot.

How are you so sure it was this owl?


Do you have any past interests or hobbies?

I swore I’d off myself when I broke up with the love of my life. I mean we were on the verge of getting married and starting a family and it came to a halt out of nowhere. I found myself walking to a bridge I live near by just imagining the feeling of my body jolting right as it hit the ground after throwing myself off. Thankfully I picked up something productive. I found a new beauty around me and I took up photography and road tripping. Maybe that’s not your thing, but think long and hard about what gives you enough joy to wake up in the morning.

I’m not one to think things happen for a reason, but I did talk down a friend who was thinking about killing himself. Coincidently he was going to the same bridge I was... if I had gone, who would have talked him down. You might feel alone because of this bitch that doesn’t want you, but there are others out there who feel the same pain your are.

Pain never dies with you, it’s passed on to the people who love you most.

What if you're a faggot or have other mental illnesses?

Post the link faggot. Do it. Life sucks anyway. Livestream NOW gayfagnigger no one will miss u.


OP, don't be a faggot.

With society as fucked up as it is, and with you no longer valuing your life, how can you not find it in you to have the hatred to go out in a blaze of glory instead of a gay livestream to be turned into a gif on wrecked threads. If you're on this board, you know full well the pieces of shit responsible.

Be remembered as a fucking legend and make your ancestors proud.

It is depicted exactly as I saw it down to the last detail.

Can you tell ne more about your encounter with the owl?

I thought about that. What right do I have to take this for granted?

but then again, what does it matter. I'm not taking anything for granted. I've lived a full life. I've done what I was put here to do . I do value what I've had being a whiteish slim noncripple.

yes. I am surprised about the turn out. I kinda came here for the "do it feggit" for a little chuckle before my nightly cry-myself-to-sleep. Tonight I am grateful for the reddit like responses. all other nights I'd be pissed.

If you didn't care about my whining you wouldnt be here, commenting. Don't try to fool me.

when something comes to you in a dream you intrinsically know. You know the feeling. When you recognize someone you dont remember. when your muscle memory takes over. Its something internal. primal

workin on it

yes. I picked up bicycling again and began volunteering at a local coop. I geared up for a big race then took a big break and haven't been in a few months. I'll start again.

as for your friend.

Kokura was the initial city that Bockscar was supposed to nuke. There was a cloud cover and the crew could not get a visual on the city. They decided to instead remove Nagasaki.

tens of thousands of lives saved and killed. because of clouds.

Whether a human lives or dies is as fickle as the wind and rain. I am glad you were there for him. I am happy you saved him. Im sure everyone in his life is happy you saved him.

I will not lament the lives I do not save.

>Pain never dies with you, it’s passed on to the people who love you most.

I dont have many of those people. and the ones I do I think can take it.

I did blow a guy once. might be the source of the big sad

gayfagnigger reporting. live stream starting in t minus 10


I might. we will see. Still gonna live stream it though. The self gore part is not up for discussion

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I was a child. I heard a voice speak to me. Beautiful voice, though I couldn't tell if it was male or female. I thought maybe an angel.
It told me about a lie someone had told me. Maybe to gain my trust? I'm not sure.
I stood up from my bed to see what spoke to me. I looked out into the hallway and saw nothing, but when I turned around I saw the owl. Giant eyes glowing with orange spirals. It howled at me and I couldn't look away. I remember my jaw was forced open to the point I thought it might break. There was a tunnel of air between the creature and myself.
When it departed, I could no longer speak, and my movement was crippled like walking under water. There were other creatures that came for me soon after.
If you follow all the symbols, you'll find its resting place. The same owl is depicted on the American two dollar bill, and on the seal to bohemian grove. "Weaving spiders come not here". I can't say much else about it I'm afraid, as I haven't been able to pursue the knowledge in full.

What if it is not hostile?

Tbh Owl man seems way more interesting then OP

As op I agree

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It didn't kill me, so I'm not sure. But it fucked me up for life. This thing uses fear as its weapon. I'm sure it can break bones or stop your heart just by looking at you.
If I ever see it again, I don't think I can take it.
It might not be hostile through intentions, but it's hostile to our reality. It's mere existence is an offense to ours. I know it seems unreasonable to label this thing as an enemy without knowing much about it, but I really feel like it's dangerous on a level I can't even describe.

It sounds like you're looking to entertain us with your death with all this talk of self gore. The most you'll become through just a simple suicide though is a gif that people post every once in a while.

Why let that be your legacy when you're clearly intelligent enough to pull off something that will turn you into a legend?

Do you know it's approximate location?

Considering I don't feel safe anywhere I go, I think if you look for it, it'll come to you no matter where you are. Just be ready. It seems to follow a pattern, so if it appears to you once, it'll appear the exact same way again.
Don't look at it. You can try to communicate with it, if it doesn't answer you, it might be waiting for you to drop your guard. Don't drop your guard.

How am I able to perceive it?

Hmmm...So he was behind of that?...

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You won't be able to, that's why you need to avoid looking at it. If you do, you'll have a conscious seizure. Your entire body will clench, and you'll be paralyzed.

There's a chance it's just some form of evolved smamot owl, but I don't know.
If you search "smamot owl" on youtube, you can see what I'm talking about.

You had a much different experience than I did. Dying hurt like hell and everything was confusing as fuck then the fucking NDE started and everything was just fucking weird. Talking penguins, weird ass giant bugs, and motherfucking ABBA played on a loop is not my idea of a fun time. Trippy as fuck though.

I'm just they got my heart started at the field hospital, I think I'd go insane if I had to stay with that shit. I mean fuck my dude, you can only listen to dancing queen just so many fucking times

How am I supposed to reveal it's secret then?

are you talking about the bohemian grove owl? where did you hear that its an actual owl i can only find links to the statue

Pay attention to everything it says. If you can discover the trigger that makes it respond to you, that's crucial information. Even just that alone would allow those of us looking for the truth to establish a safer contact with it.
Nobody I know is brave enough to take the leap. None of us want to die.

No, I got shot outside Abu Teban. Was dead for something like 8 minutes till they managed to get my heart working again.

Dude i really dont care about you.
You're like a jilted bitch trying to wax poetic on facebook for attention, fuck off.
This one sees it.

>so you saw this owl when you were shot?

so you saw this owl when you were shot?

You've mistaken two users for one.
I am the one who spoke of the owl, I have never been shot.

can you explain ? im interested

How old we're you on your first encounter?

I was 8 years old.

I've explained a lot already, you might want to read the above comments. Just ctrl + f the word "owl".

This should be a seperate thread

Hey, dont give up, search up a job subliminal/frequency, goodluck

Maybe I'll make a thread tomorrow. I've exhausted my energy for the day. Take care everyone, and be safe.

Look, if you do commit suicide and hell does turn out to be real, then you'll be stuck there for all eternity, thats misery.

Have a good rest owlOP

We don't live for us Op. We live to make other peoples lives a little less shitty.