I dont know what the purpose of this thread is, i just want to write so i can get this out of my head and to get the opinion of others. Sorry for the long and emotional text.
Okay so, ive been together with my boyfriend for half a year, we met on the internet. Talked for a year before meeting up, continued seeing eachother and become a couple. He is the first one ive ever loved, first one that i slept with.
Anyhow, I found out that he never dumped his ex girlfriend while we were together, not so that he could be fucking her on the side but because she was not mentally well. They had been together for four years and known eachother for 10+ years.
The last 3 years their relationship wasnt good, she spent most time in another country and their relationship was largely loveless and sexless. She recently got even worse and started seeing a therapist and suddenly she became clingy and wanted to sleep with him again. He told me that he has been feeling responsible for her, i know that they were talking mostly as friends since i read their conversation. He knew that it was wrong but he still slept with her and was too big of a coward to break things off.
The problem is that the lie grew out of hand and that this has been going on for a year, he broke things off with her about 10 days before i found out about it (on my own). The problem is that he didnt tell me. He was too weak. I know him and i know that he was trying to not hurt anyone and that he was protecting himself against our wrath. I dont doubt that he loves me and that he wants to be with me but i dont think i could live with this betrayal. The redeeming quality was that i know that there wasnt sexual attraction or romantic feelings behind him cheating, but this also makes it the worst. He threw away everything that we were because he was afraid to tell her, he ultimately traded my happiness, his happiness and our future for his pity towards her.
Cont. Okay so now to the question, when he broke things off with her he didnt tell her the whole truth. He didnt tell her about me.
After a long fight where i told him that i dont want him in my life he told me that he is going to meet her on saturday to tell her everything, he begged me to not say anything until then.
I want to hurt him, i have his girlfriends Facebook, should I text her and tell her that her partner of four years cheated on her? I know that she is innocent and that i will hurt her in the crossfire but i also know that he would have been too much of a coward to tell her the whole truth if i didnt give him hell for it. I want to deny him the chance to tell her himself. Is this wrong? I want her to be as furious at him as i am.
Please help me
Jack Anderson
Additional info, i live in sweden, he lives on czech republic. We were planning on moving in together in about a year.
Hunter Gomez
Didn't read lol
David Foster
bump
Aaron Nelson
:( sorry for it being long, dont have anyone to turn to right now. Needed to get it off my chest
Aiden Peterson
It’s probably for the best that you break it off. The best case scenario is that you harbor resentment that gets in the way of your trust and communication, or he’ll probably cheat again. You’d be better off pondering lessons learned and move on.
Samuel Howard
thank you for your response, its just so hard.
Ryan Wood
should i, or should i not be a vengeful cunt though? and tell her before he gets the chance?
Juan Nelson
Break up with him if you haven't already
>The redeeming quality was that i know that there wasnt sexual attraction or romantic feelings behind him cheating Yes there was, don't kid yourself
>should I text her and tell her that her partner of four years cheated on her? Yes, she has a right to know
William Diaz
Just read your additional comment as well.
It’s not wrong to feel that way; you’ve been betrayed and the feeling of wanting to get revenge is natural. Take his word, and after Saturday if he still hasn’t told her like he claimed he would, just tell her yourself. Being in the dark isn’t what she’d want either and i know it’d probably hurt her in the short term but would be the best thing overall.
Gabriel James
I think the question here is. Do you still think you can forgive him and move past this once she knows and she herself moves forward? I understand your frustration and dont blame you what so ever. And he definitely should have taken matters into his own hands before you had to find out yourself. But I do understand why he did what he did... feeling responsible for someone's self harm or even death is a burden that is hard to get off your mind. So given the circumstances. If you still want to move on with him. If you can live with it, I'd say give him the chance to be dedicated solely to you. I dont always believe in second chances but i think this may be an exception. If not, I'd say allow him to right his wrongs and go your separate ways. Good luck user. We love you
Ayden Campbell
Hey, sorry I typed this out after I read the additional bit.
Isaac Morales
He is going to tell her himself, so the question is if i should deny him this chance to explain
You are right, maybe i am fooling myself
Nathaniel Richardson
I wint say I know your pain but had a similar betrayal that threw a 3 year relationship down the drain. It fucking hurts, and you want to lash out, but aggression coming from such an emotional place doesnt achieve much. I would say let him talk it out with this girl. Use this time to think over the pros and cons of your relationship and whether or not you can be happy without him. Also don't take it to facebook, drama can escalate so fast there and it sticks to you. Ultimately its your call, but given this breach of trust is pretty severe I would break up with him.
I have always guarded my heart and i knew him very well before i fell for him. It took him time to earn my trust. Thats why this hurts so much, i was suspicious of exactly this, that he had not broken things off. I also understand his reasoning, i lost all of my respect and trust for him but i understand. However, i love him like ive never loved anyone and cant see myself without him, We were both very serious about our relationship.
I believe that he can change but i am afraid of his weakness. I talked to him yesterday and he hasnt been going to work, just been sitting alone in his apartment getting wasted without eating or sleeping. I told him that i despise him for what he did before blocking him.
Thank you so much for your response
Jackson Parker
I understand, its unfortunately the only place i can reach her, in private messages of course. I am not much for social media but since she also lives in czech republic i cant talk to her face to face
Jason Rodriguez
You've done the best thing by blocking him. Your outlook on your relationship seems immature (not trying to insult you), like I was when I was younger. You'll find someone better who won't mess you around and this will just be a memory. I've had relationships where I thought the world was ending as we we're breaking up, but I was fine and it was for the best.
Adrian Gutierrez
I mean, if you can’t get over it, then case closed. That’s really the only question here. You don’t owe him anything; he did what he did, so now it’s really just a matter of whether or not you think you can forgive and move on. If you can’t, then you should break up, move on, and try to take what you like liked about the relationship/his character with you and leave the rest behind. (But he’s not entitled to be with you, and if you stay with him - despite feelings that you shouldn’t - then you’re basically doing what he did.)
Nicholas Clark
I am not insulted but i am curious as to what made you come to this conclusion, it is my first relationship so i might very well be seeing it in an immature light
Jordan Sanders
I thought so, you sound exactly like me when I was 16 in my first serious relationship
I understand the reasons behind why he did it, i still hate what he did though. The worst part is that he didnt tell me, thats the harshest blow to my trust.
I am extremely thankful for all of your different point of views anons
Connor Cooper
Yeah, that’s vindictive.
Brayden Collins
vad i helvete
Cooper Murphy
I am 22 and have always been regarded as a mature person in other aspects of life, but i suppose that in the context of love i am inexperienced so you might be right in what you are telling me
Ian Martin
Ät röv och hjälp mig
Henry Jenkins
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE R9K
Christopher Nguyen
>16050626▶ > >Yeah, that’s vindictive. I know, when betrayed I go crazy :( Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
Carson Smith
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT SHOULD NOT SHARE OR LOLI THREADS
Christopher Bennett
No worries friend, I'm honestly glad you got so much genuine feedback, it seems rare these days on Sup Forums but here, have a cute animal in this trying time. You can move past this, you always will.
allt jag rör i förhållanden blir dåligt. men önskar dig lycka till
Parker Ross
Honestly i thought it would be buried to hell, i am happy that it didnt
Tack
Xavier Roberts
It's probably less to do with age and more to do with it being your first relationship. I've seen older people go through the same thing. But yeah, when your first relationship is ending it's easy to think the world is collapsing, but don't worry OP, you'll learn from this and be better for it.
Noah Flores
This isn't the Sup Forums I remember. I must be in the wrong place.
Probably the best responses I've read.
Also tits or gtfo
Jackson Carter
Definitely get why you’d want to tell her, anyone who’s been cheated on definitely gets it, and I think you’d even have some objectively justifiable reasons to tell her, but, given why you personally want to tell her, I think you’d be better off not saying anything until he has the chance to say his piece because, IMO, avoiding vindictive actions tend to make someone more happy speaking long term. However, after he speaks with her—super justified in reaching out because it is pretty probable he may take the easy way out and completely lie about the nature of your relationship. (I.e., what if he spins his relationship with you in a similar way?)
Matthew Thompson
Sup Forums is very occasionally a nice wholesome place. Now back to lolis and logpostig
Thomas Kelly
You must be new here.
Owen Parker
I call bullshit - how many times have I read the same content (the same story ) , she dosnt have mental problems , if she was out of the country and they didn't have sex he could have ended it a long time ago , if they didn't get along he would not have stayed with her, he is using you for sex and possibly more, he will continue to lie to you and sleep with others . he will never care about you only pretend to so he can keep taking advantage of you,
Asher Torres
Yes i suppose so, the problem is that i have been looking for so long for a person that i could see myself with for the rest of my life. It took me years and years of caution but i finally found him and when i finally let my guard down he cut me down
I was genuinely considering it as a thanks for all the people who posted and its always nice with some validation but to be honest i think that i am above that sort of thing, sorry
Leo Scott
Yeah but all the info we are getting is biased as well since its only coming from you.
You really should just ask yourself what it is you want and go after that. Seems like the ball is in your court. You said yourself you understanding dude's reasoning for doing what he did. I would take some time by yourself and figure out what it is you want.
Ethan Brown
I know that this is a possibility and that i might be deceiving myself but there is no denying that the reasoning behind why someone cheats are very varied. She has been back and forward between different countries.
Logan Bailey
Good luck OP, hope we've helped
Thomas Brooks
Of course but my mom who loves this guy for example might have a less objective stance on what he did to me than you who has no personal connection to either of us.
Kayden Miller
Yes, true. Hope this discussion has helped your thinking. You got a rare, humane, response from the Sup Forums community and should be proud of that. The times are really changing here. I think only one ask for tits.
Cooper Sullivan
Having anger for other people around you is never okay, for you not for them, fuck other people.
Now, you understand why he did that and you can forgive him for that, but you don't need to take him back. Being vengeful won't give you back all those good memories you had with him or back that 1 year you spent together.
Forgive and forget and move on. Maybe learn something from the whole ordeal if you're up to it but don't put yourself into a hole of thinking all people around you are up to get you.
Hudson Gonzalez
it did
Camden Walker
I know that you're angry at him, you want to hurt him and make him squirm and you're going to do that by hurting the person he cares about (his ex). But in reality you will feel empty afterwards, maybe even enjoy his pain which isn't a good position to put yourself in. Mind can go in some dark places after a while, trust me.
Learn something from the whole ordeal, forgive the person and move on.
Ayden Martin
She's likely to be even more upset than you. He cheated on you, but he hid a whole relationship from her.
Make sure she does find out one way or the other.
Jace Nguyen
I think you are right, regardless she will find out but i might not be the person to tell her
Yes, and i know that from what ive written in this thread it might seem like i was the sidechick all along but we truly were serious about making us moving together happen.
Ive talked to his best friends, his parents know about me, the person he trusts the most (his sister) knows about everything, was going to celebrate this christmas with them
David Rogers
Thank you so much
Samuel Reyes
What does his sister think about all this?
Ethan Clark
His friends, mom and sister all think that he is a massive cunt. Theyve been telling him to come clean for a long time, they knew how much i meant to him so i think they despise that he would still hurt me like this because of him being a coward
Cameron Morales
His family also knows that i broke things off with him,
Luke Watson
That's good, I'm glad you've got some IRL support through this
Colton Sanders
yes, he reached out to my mother because i blocked him and told her that he was worried about what i would do, and that he was ashamed to ask her for help because he knew that it was his own fault
David King
I would advise not doing anything revenge-wise, aside from letting the other girl know about the cheating. Going your own way now is the best revenge.
Colton Cook
Well the revenge was that i would let her know, before him. He wouldnt have told her at all if i didnt flip shit about him not telling her the truth
Noah James
The hard part is that im not sure that i want to leave him:( I dont know... I need some time without him to reflect on everything
That's a good plan, it's easy to go wild and make a scene. I think you're making the right choice
Jose Phillips
I know the feeling, it's really hard. But there are plenty of fish is the sea, plenty that won't cheat on you, plenty that will treat you right.
Tyler Young
Well i have no hard feelings towards her, she was just as betrayed as i was. Its him that i ultimately want to hurt by denying him his chance to tell her first
David Green
1. dump him. 2. block him on all forms of communication. do not let him have any way of contacting you. 3. start the process of moving on. join a club for something that interests you (meetups dot com is a good place to start) 4. live a healthy life.
honestly, this idea of telling her to fuck her up and make her angry at him, this is a child's way of thinking. he has done you wrong so you excise him from your life and move on. you adding to all the negative feelings isn't going to make you feel any better and in fact in time will probably make you feel worse that you purposefully hurt someone in the harshest way you could.
draw a line under it and move on. now where are my tits and timestamp?
Noah Green
Of course there is, but he was the one fish that i wanted. Sounds fucked up but he has always treated me right until now (yes, i can hear the irony lol), i love him with all of my heart. But yeah, he lied to me, he threw it all away because of him being afraid so i guess this is the end
Caleb Allen
You are right, i am just emotional, i am better than that. I will however reach out to her the day after he was supposed to talk to her, she will be hurt regardless
Angel Ward
THE CANCER THAT KILLED Sup Forums
Andrew Murphy
ok edgelord
Jonathan Turner
no timestamp, i am in class, youll just have to trust me. Thank you all
Holy shit. Some people actually asked for tits. At least a tiny bit of faith is restored.
The rest of you need to go back to tumblr or reddit or where ever the fuck you came from.
Adam Richardson
asking for tits is so cool, you really showed them that you aren't from reddit
Anthony Ramirez
Rolig historia, hade en liknande situation med mitt ex från USA. Jag känner din smärta och jag känner din ilska men låt inte det gå ut över någon som inte har gjort något för att förtjäna det. Ilskan och sorgen kommer du bli av med, att potentiellt vara ansvarig för att driva någon till depressionens kant är något du inte blir av med.
Landon Hughes
>everyone who doesnt ask for tits and timestamp are faggots
Du har rätt, ville inte såra henne men jag ville förvägra hans rätt att berätta för henne. Informationen kommer att komma fram oavsett. Hur gick det för dig och ditt ex?
Jayden Walker
Speak English not fucking orcish
Parker Morales
Har inget behov av att interagera med henne, har verkligen tappat all kärlek för personen efter vad hon gjorde men känner inget hat eller ilska heller. Det var tufft i början men blev mycket lättare allt eftersom tiden passerade, skulle råda dig som någon annan skrev att hitta ett intresse eller återkoppla med gamla kompisar. Det hjälpte mig inse att det finns mycket viktigare saker i världen att lägga energi på. Hitta någon att prata med, det är det viktigaste.
Det är mycket roligare att fortsätta prata svenska och tvinga dig att översätta skiten för att förstå något. #CarolusRex
Gissar att du är mellan 17-25 ålderspannet. Du är bokstavligen i början av ditt liv och du känner ångest över ett långdistansförhållande med någon i Tjeckien. Tro mig, du kommer över honom. Gissar att tråden kommer dö snart men lita på en komplett främling på internet som inte har något bättre för sig än att ge relationsråd på Sup Forums, han är inte värd energin du lägger på honom.
Jacob Stewart
>every language except the ones i know are retarded
Best advice so far Jag är 22, vi planerade att flytta ihop i september 2020
Daniel Foster
Det är jobbigt med avståndet men han var personen jag letat efter, det var värt det för honom. Tills nu
Benjamin Moore
Vart bor du? Beroende på område så komemr du definitvt hitta nya människor, beroende på hur du är som person såklart
Joseph Clark
>implying Your language is just a disgusting throat sound. At least you aren't as bad as the D*tch
Julian Johnson
Lmao you came to the right place woman. Let me, a 40 year old male virgin to give you advice kek. Anyway.. you are a cuck, very cool, very few women manage to be cucks, but you did lol, haha oh shit.
Jordan Anderson
Skåne, jag är reserverad bland nya människor, har svårt att sänka garden. Har vänner som följt mig genom halva livet som jag aldrig skulle byta dock Din mamma
Kayden Gray
How does it feel having your entire world tilted by a few words you dont understand?
