I got hired as an engineer by lying my way through the whole process, I’m supposed to give a presentation on some big thing involving valves and pressure release things and shit, I haven’t been doing anything for the last three weeks. I don’t even know how a valve works. I just copied and threw together a bunch of old documents, none of it makes any sense. The company president and engineering manager are going to be there.
What should I do, Sup Forumsros?
Other urls found in this thread:
U have no choice but to continue faking it until you either make it or crash with hilarious consequences. Please update your blog and let us know.
I guess learn everything you can about valves before the presentation kid
You should send me all your team fortress 2 items bro it’s the only way.
You forgot to type
>Kinos for this feel?
In any case, I suggest you watch The Talented Mr. Ripley to get some inspiration.
Based
Take a ton of laxatives right before you present and shit yourself instance and run off crying. Sure you’ll be known as poopants for the rest of your career but they’ll feel so bad for you you’ll no longer have to present.
Keep posting on Sup Forums that will help
Fake a bomb threat from a pay phone in a different county
Wear gloves
you’re an actor, just act like you know what you’re talking about
yes, you are fucked and no one can help you
please give updates, this is amazing
Have you thought about moving the Pensky file to a flexible accordion-style folder?
watch a youtube video about valves
It’s in 10 minutes. There’s all these complicated schematics with valves and shit I can’t even read. I’m so, so fucked.
livestream it
Reminds me the episode of King of Queens when Doug would fake a heart attack to get out of something the moment before.
You might be in an episode of an animated show or a sitcom.
Relax, they probably suspect you're lying and they just want a laugh because they saw you trying too hard.
Try to put together an entertaining presentation instead.
They know you were lying and they're making you do a presentation just to fuck with you for fun.
this
Prove that your Pensky material
Are you a sheep or a shark, user?
tell them the valve is either closed or open
that will make them understand you're a master of all things involving valves, they will be scared to ask you any further details
keeping this thread up, you had better keep us posted op
Not trolling guys, there were tons of documents like these and I was supposed to be doing something with them (I don’t know what). I’m walking to the conference room now posting from my phone. I can’t read one symbol on this document.
watch this movie especially the bit where he has to be a doctor
tl;dr Say "Do you concur?" Your pleb audience will be BAFFLED and DUMBFOUNDED and give you a promotion.
Also tell them righty tighty lefty loosey
>tfw janny prunes this quality thread before the climax
kek
If you can't dazzle em with brilliance, baffle em with bullshit.
>WAAAAHHHHhH WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN I LIEEeee WAHHh WHY DONT I UNDERSTAND RIGHT AND WRONGGGgGggggg
ahahahahaahhaahahahhaa you're boned
tell them the image is too low quality to be read
or corrupt your presentation and have it be postponed
this looks like map from hotline miami
You mean the King of Queens episode where Doug was pretending to be a lawyer to play on the lawyer's softball team?
>I’m supposed to give a presentation on some big thing involving valves and pressure release things and shit, I haven’t been doing anything for the last three weeks. I don’t even know how a valve works.
good luck retard you're gonna need it.
just dont go
NOOOOO NOT THE VALVEY WALVEY SCREWY BOIS
BIOADAPTIVE MATERIALS
Make up shit about this, user, it's your only hope
say you are kinda sick and cough a lot maybe sneeze as well
>What should I do, Sup Forumsros?
Stop posting dumb larps that are literally impossible? Maybe?
We did this with an IT guy who claimed to have 10 years of job experience when he was 18. Man that was a laugh.
use words like cost effective and synergy
This. If you do the presentation, you won't be hired, and you'll be embarrassed. If you just leave the place and never come back, you won't have a job, but at least you won't be as embarrassed
Holy shit this is way more complicated than I was imagining. Have you tried maxing your bluff stat?
What kind of job have you make a presentation on your first day and for what purpose.
Just say you're a man of action and that presentation isnt your forte.
No, I think it was something else. I remember he went with Carrie to some dinner party and he was about to get caught on a lie. I dunno, maybe that was the episode.
haha get fucked op
There's a funny bit in Feynman's autobiography where a bunch of people plonk a blueprint down in front of him and he's trying to work out if a certain symbol is a valve or a window so he points at it and says "what if this sticks open?"
And they gaze at the diagram very hard and then look worried and say "WOW YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT SIR" and he had identified the weakness in the Death Star or something.
Only nerds actually know what they're doing at work. Just take it till you make it.
HAHAHA
fuck off! I fucking believed you for a second
build your presentation as if this big thing is so simple yet genius that the audience can figure it out only by answering questions. What is a valve, why pressure needs to be controlled blabla..If you are not too autistic you can pull it off...otherwise fuck the daughter of the boss and leech give.
Whatever you do, admit nothing and you might make it
say sneed, dab and walk out
good luck!
Engineer here, should have just spent an hour or two wiki-ing it this morning like the pros.
>I got hired as an engineer by lying my way through the whole process
I'd like to do something like that. Got any tips/pointers?
Anyone else /emotionally repressed/ here?
Been keeping to myself for years now. Mainly did so after I noticed that most of the times I opened up about something or the way I'd felt about something would just have people ridicule me for it. Sometimes I end up having too much, so I just burst out which has me ridicule again and further making me not want to open up about anything.
>moved to pornspam board
fuck you mod
OH SHIT! WE JUST GOT MOVED TO Sup Forums
IM HEADING OUT BROS
CAN'T SEE COCK IN MY WORKPLACE
There is no way back. Keep lying til you are the US President.
what the fuck is this pink board, is this a secret board?
Tell them it's something fancy and make up names and terms
Also fuck you jannies for moving the thread now none of OP's Sup Forums bros will see it
let your boss sexually dominate you
MOVE IT BACK REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Only nerds actually know what they're doing at work. Just fake it till you make it.
Exactly. If you DO know what you're doing, try to get promoted to a level where you don't.
That's just the way the World works.
I see some clickey-clackey actuator bois, couple of bubbly storages, and a whole lot of pistonés
You'll be fine
kek
Welcome to the real world, grab your gun.
Any moment now the Sup Forumsugs will swarm this place and eat us alive.
I can already hear them reee'ing in the distance, scuttling closer.
It looks like this is the end of the line... For them.
>red layout
>dick start to get hard
pavlovian reflex
How many mins to kino?
>What kind of job have you make a presentation on your first day and for what purpose.
It happens. My coworker took over a project and had to give an update presentation to the customer his first week. He basically stood there while a bunch of military guys chewed him out. But his boss really appreciated him taking one for the team.
Lmao
The company president is going to be at a presentation given by a new hire? X
I’m a hydraulic and fluid engineer and could probably help you on schematics.... I looked at the gif that was put up but it’s too small to make out some of the check valves and electric open and close. Pay me money OP and I can do a presentation.
Study up, and hope you study enough. You got yourself into the mess, now dig yourself out. God speed user
Anyone want to give advice on a future engineer? I'm graduating with EE in may and have a job lined up, but I still feel grossly underqualified. What should expect in my first month and can I learn everything I need without anyone getting suspicious.
I'm sure everything will be just fine
I can't even get hired with proven skill. This kid must be a A+ liar. He should be in acting or politics.
>gets advice from jerking neets
you gonna make it fren
>I can't even get hired with proven skill. This kid must be a A+ liar. He should be in acting or politics.
That's what I'm saying! OP could get rich making youtube videos on how to lie your way into jobs. I'd subscribe!
Wrong door it's down the hallway.
shouldn't have spent three weeks doing fuck all. couple hours a day working on higher education engineering stuff from a library or some student website would have put you in a good enough position to present something on this one topic area.
I got hired as a quality engineer by lying. worked my ass off for a week to learn enough to blag my way through until i learnt enough about the job to actually be able to do it. got a promotion a year later, now I'm a program manager and and non-conformance lead for our site.