Character goes to take a shit

>Character goes to take a shit
>Doesn't stand up and wipe
>Instead sticks their hand blindly in between their legs while sitting down and smears poo all over their ass cheeks and on their hand a little bit

Imagine being a janitor on Sup Forums and having to be all like "damn, Sup Forums, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your porn threads and horrific disgusting BRAAAPposting. I would totally laugh at your forced memes, both my tripcode and my anonymous self." when all he really wants to do is delete the entire fucking board and redirect it to . Like seriously imagine having to do it for free while a BLACKED poster flaunts his thread in front of you, the "what's next for her career?"-posts barely concealing the off-topicness of Sup Forums, and just sit there, thread after thread, waifu after waifu, while spiderman says racist and anti-semetic things. Not only having to tolerate crab legs and cuckposting but Sup Forums's endless arguing about capeshit as everyone on says MARVEL BTFO and DAMN, HOW WILL DC EVER RECOVER?? because they're not the ones who have to sit there and sift through the report queue deleting threads that make you want to kill yourself. You've been nothing but a hardass who curates forums and ensures high quality content your ENTIRE LIFE and once birthed a new way to look at 70s' cinema. You've never even seen anything this fucking repetitive before, and now you swear you can taste the reddit that's breaking out on the front page as Sup Forums continues to bathe in its own shit, smugly assured that you, the janitor, are enjoying the opportunity to DO IT FOR FREE and revel in Sup Forums's "contrarian (for that is what it calls itself)" memes, the memes it worked so hard on shitposting for years. And then a new DRUMPF thread appears, and you know you could ban every single person on this board before the admins could put you down, but you sit there and ensure, because you're a fucking janitor. You're not going to lose your future moderator status over this. Just bear it. Delete the cunnypost after three hours and bear it.

yeah, adults should stand up to wipe like a bunch of 8 year olds
/s

>but you sit there and ensure, because you're a fucking janitor.
It's 'endure'

>Doesn't stand up and wipe
umm
wat

>spread cheeks to shit so none smears
>wiping is easy and quick because cheeks not in the way and less shit to even wipe

>Character goes to take a shit
>Doesn't bury their arm in their ass up to their shoulder and shovel the shit out while screaming in ecstasy
Literally how am I supposed to related to this?

Nice meme Euroshitter

>character goes to shit
>doesn't use one ply paper
>finger doesn't rip through and find its way up their ass
>shit doesn't get encrusted under finger nails
>doesn't spend the next day biting finger nail

really?

>that le feel le when I do this
>feels good man
>my feeling face when thinking about my fat dad wiping while sitting
>seeing poo on the seat after he does a poo when inebriated

>character goes to take a shit
>he doesn't take a condom and reverse osmosis so the condom ends up inside his asshole and with the turd inside

smart frogposter

>Character takes a shit
>Doesn't have pure liquid diarrhea with bits of lettuce in it because they tried eating healthy yesterday

>Clenches cheeks shut tighly so poopy can't escape
>Now, no smearing at all. Don't even need to wipe.

your move

>characters does a dump
>isn't shitting almost nothing because they cut out carbs completely for a week just to see what would happen

>Sup Forums - Shitting & Wiping

>giving yourself a hernia because you're afraid of wiping

Is this the ultimate redpill?

>on opiates for 3 months after back surgery
>haven't shit for almost 2 weeks
>go try
>pushing as hard as possible
>nothing happens aside from a small turtle head
>it's so dry, hard and sharp
>start freaking out
>resort to mining shit out of my ass with my finger
>one small rabbit round turd at a time
>two hours later
>end up with my hands, ass cheeks and toilet seat covered in shit and blood
>have never felt so much relief in my life

>character is taking a shit
>door swings open
>"NO!"

>not using wet wipes
>not throwing them in the bin
>not throwing them into the basement incinerator

>and your other shit

Terrifying.
I don't think I've ever been that constipated, but when I am I just eat sugar-free candy and it'll give me dysentery.

>character on toilet
>is killed
>toilet flushes

>Character goes to take a shit
>Doesn't take off his shirt and pants first
>Doesn't lay down a couple of layers of toilet paper onto the water surface to prevent backsplash
>Doesn't lay down a sheet of paper on the seat to rest his dick on
>Doesn't instinctively spread his legs as the shit comes out and develop a cramp
>Doesn't have a little bit of piss come out of his dick as he shits and soak the toilet paper it was resting on

Yeah, adults shouldn't need to stand up and walk to the toilet. This is why I've started to shit all over myself

>character takes a shit
>pees a little while shitting
>dick is so small he blasts pee directly away from the bowl all over his pants and the floor

>he doesn't immediately shower after every shit

fucking animals

It truly was terrifying. The worst part is that I'd been binging on baconators from wendy's for the whole prior week because I thought they were delicious when I was high.

I was a stand wiper until I was 22. I was working in an office of four people that had serious down time so was forced into small talk frequently. I discovered of the four I was the only one who stood to wipe.
I gave it a show and it just felt more comfortable and I've found my ass ends up far more cleaner than it used to and much quicker.
Ten years on and still a sit down wiper.

Is this an Unforgiven reference?

>character is shitting
>feels a big one coming so spreads his legs even wider to accommodate for it's girth
>gets a really bad cramp and falls off the toilet
>writhes on the floor in pain as shit is smeared all over his ass and pants

>not taking a shower after every poop

fucking disgusting

This happens to me all the fucking time.
Holy shit, I don't like it when my dick touches the side of the toilet, but it doesn't need to retract itself completely.

>Take shower
>Need to shit almost immediately after drying off
>Feel dirty for the rest of the day

shitkino is saving Sup Forums

id just hop back in the shower.

>male character previously depicted as successful and well liked
>enters a cubicle and stands over the bowl and pees instead of sitting down to pee

Do women also have such terrible shitting habits?

>Character is an extroverted, popular guy
>Goes into the stall to pee

they put on a mask, lay in a bathtub and shit on their own faces

Imagine taking megashits once a month, but instead of out your ass they squeeze out of your dick, with blood everywhere and it smells gross and makes you really grumpy.

t. tampon eater

>doesn't wipe with the tail of his shirt

This is just going to keep happening unless we demand a higher level of realism from our picture shows.

>character goes into the bathroom to shit
>comes out and handshakes somebody with their left hand

>sitting down to pee
>Male

Fuck off Eurocuck.

this is me

i used to stand to wipe

now i lean forward and the cheeks dont touch or gather poo and my crack is just so much more exposed, the finger and roll just fit perfectly in the crack and collect all the brown

it takes me one or two wipes to clean now

although my ass bleeds from hairy ass hairs being tugged and pulled out

>characters dad says something mean
>character shits in toilet and puts some shit on his finger and wipes it on the wall then dips his finger in his dads contact lenses holder

The only thing that helped norco constipation for me was warm prune juice chased by ice water and a cup of senna leaf tea every morning.

>In high school
>Kid bullying me
>Steal his eraser from his pencil case and wipe my ass with with it so there's a little bit of shit on it
>Slip eraser back into his pencil case when he's not looking
>He complains periodically about a shit smell for the rest of the year and kids start staying away from him because they associated him with the smell of shit

Fuck that sucked, I ate a lot of lettuce that day too. Those stomach pains were among the worst I've ever felt. I didn't eat lettuce for a long time and even now I can only eat it when I know it's absolutely fresh.

Dumb frogposters

This perfectly describes how I take a shit at work. Oh man I'm too high for this

bravopost

>junior high. 9th grade, 2007
>art class, final period
>have to shit bad
>figure I'll let out a tiny fart to relieve pressure so I can last the rest of the hour
>shit pants
>literally petrified, can't move or do anything or feel anything but terror
>girl beside me weaving a basket glances at me repeatedly as I stare ahead
>my smell sweeps through the room like agent orange over vietnam
>girl beside me tactfully stands up and moves several seats away
>over the course. of an hour three more kids do this, all while everyone is silently basket weaving and shit bakes in my pants
>teacher looks really confused and isn't sure what to do
>still haven't touched my basket or moved since initial shitting
>spell finally breaks, I look up and see everyone's moved and averting eye contact with me
>feel really embarrassed and angry because it's not like I meant to do it
>bell is about to ring so everyone stands by the door, desperate to escape
>stand up and waddle over by them
>jock is about to say something but teacher interrupts him asking what we'll do on spring break
>nobody answers, probably to avoid opening their mouths, and the jock gives me the most hateul glare I've ever seen
>bell rings and I saunter home, six blocks away
>skipped the rest of the week until spring break

Is this where the sharting americans meme comes from