Ah yes, another shitty adaptation of Stephen King's shitty books

Ah yes, another shitty adaptation of Stephen King's shitty books.

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That kid better not ruin everything

This isn't the 80s. Kids ruin everything now

>'it's you, you're a gunslinger!'
>'I saw it in my dreams'
>'You'll love earth'

given, movie's already ruined before him thugh

>BLACK
fuck i'm triggered to shit

>>'You'll love earth'
This part made me cringe.
Why do they have to add shitty one liners like that in every movie?

WE WUZ GUNSLANGAS

He's going to be quiping the whole time. Screencap this post.

Why is Roland a nigger?

Stephen King? Seems more like an edgy version of Narnia chronicles or Endless story or any kidmovie where they go to fantasyland.

Because the movie's called 'the dark tower', not 'the pale pencil'.

muh dik

this looks like a porno flick desu

The mist was allright. This is gonna suck tho. Too many cool ways to load a gun to pander to the brainless action hero fans.

Who should we cast for the lead to make it accurate?

Elba already does what a bummer

How will the racist handicapped woman be racist if Roland is black in this? That was a really important part of her character and their interactions.

putting aside any qualms I had about the movie before seeing the trailer

the trailer itself is just horrible.. Jake is terrible and any interaction between Jake and Roland is terrible (you'll love earth, I'll kill him for both of us, Jake pushing Roland on in his quest)

It's exactly like , a kid movie where the kid goes into a dream world and pushes the hero on.. there's a pure hero and a pure evil villain, which is not the case at all in the dark tower books

and It just seems all over the place.. I liked the reload he did with his hand, but other than that there was nothing

Why isn't Idris Elba also playing the kid? Racist schlock.

Susannah and Eddie are completely cut, Tirana, Arra and Pimli are main characters (and pimli a ninja orc by the looks of things)

Jake doesn't die 500 times, not even once, because he's the hero of the story and gets a happy ending

wtf man. So they cut out basically the best stuff


Why do people do this when adapting books to film/tv?

viggo as roland
mcconaughey as walter is fine
jake needs to be younger and more handsome
eddie should look like a young clive owen
susannah I don't know
donald sutherland as the crimson king
peter dinklage as oy
tom hardy as blaine

Because films are for retards

>So they cut out basically the best stuff
nah.. they cut out everything and are making an entirely new thing using the Dark Tower IP to get money all with the excuse of 'it's a sequel' despite barely anything changing between runs

I think their starting off point was Susannah's character is way too complicated.. let's scrap that story and see where we get from there

This is probably going to be a bad film.

First politically correct casting choices just like in Bates Motel, now cutting characters altogether? What went wrong?

Where the fuck is Roland's hat?

This is what they should have done

The Gunslinger and Drawing of the Three as Movie 1
Wastelands, Movie 2
Wolves of the Calla, Movie 3
Song and DT, Movie 4

Wizard and Glass takes the form of stories Roland tells the ka-tet as they journey.

There, I just fixed Sony's fucked movies for them.

>sony

youtube.com/watch?v=GjwfqXTebIY

>sony

Eddie Dean's the quip dispenser in the books.

>there's a pure hero and a pure evil villain

We needed to simplify things to make sure the goyim understand the message:

Pure hero = black man
Pure villain = white man

See even the dumbest goy will be able to understand! Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the sake of education but rest assured it's all for the greater good hehehe

Wrong, they should have taken it to HBO and done a series.

Chronicles of Amber adaptation when?

This might have worked too, but I'm just scoping movies here. Besides if we make it a TV show there's going to be fucking filler, which is the last thing we want.

Right after they actually make a good series of movies for His Dark Materials.

ehh, fuck you guis.
I like it.

More like the dark and the tower imrite guys?

The weird thing is they bot aged him up and made it less violent and graphic.

>man in black

did anyone else get confused by this?

>Missing out Wizard and Glass, the best book of the entire series. And giving it as flashbacks

...

The book is like one big flashback so it works

Does elba ever do anything except playing the bull that fucks established characters while white nerds watch?

Oh good lord they're going to fuck up Blaine the Mono so hard. Eddie quipping it to death was my favorite part of the series.

They won't ever do Blaine and Mono because this movie is going to bomb fucking hard

Sony can't make a franchise to save it's life (or stock price).

For the life of me I don't understand why they didn't get Netflix to fund this. It's exactly the kind of thing that would do really well there, and a series would give it the space and time it needs to be fleshed out and done properly.

Also, I have to say it, but why the fuck didn't they hire Eastwood's son to play Roland? Roland was originally based off of Eastwood's character in one of the dollars movies, and his son is basically a younger version of him. Probably not that great of an actor, but at least it'd be exactly what we would think of when we think of Roland.

I don't hate Idris for getting the role and I think it'll be... fine. Sony having their wretched claws in this though is the first and largest sign that it'll bust.

Why turn it into a generic Young Adult drama with a massive budget and good actors to intentionally make a shit movie. WHY? You can't justify this.

>I don't hate Idris for getting the role and I think it'll be... fine. Sony having their wretched claws in this though is the first and largest sign that it'll bust.
Judging by them turning the nightmarish monster house into a generic YA future-tech house I'm not holding my breath.

It seems bizarre that they aged Jake up and toned down the horror elements. This movie looks tame as all fuck.

>peter dinklage as oy

I mean, is it that he looks too young? I also get that he shouldn't get the role for looking like his dad, but still. It's kind of on the wall.

Not that it breaks the movie for me. Just... curious.

You cant force copypasta, faggot.

WHO DO YOU CAST TO PLAY
>Roland Deschain

Because they didn't want to make a faithful adaptation for unknown reason.

It looks like a marvel film. It looks tame and predictable and will probably have the same beats as the Captain America movies.

He never had one in books except during this young ages, you ignorant fuck.

Literally just swap the leads. MM could play Roland similarly to Rust Cohle, and IE could play the man in black similarly to his character in beasts of no nation

The director has done nothing of note and I don't know why he got the gig.

The Dark Tower will be another one of those movies thar will come and go from the theater but will succeed on home video.

Also, it's a meme at this point but Aaron Paul for Eddie

GIGANTIC

fuck no

Because fuckers saif he's a gigantic fan of DT books and even learned english to read it in original. He also promised to make it as close to the series as possible. But you know, it's easy not to keep your promises.

Fuck, my wife watches every movie with Idris, so I'll have to watch this too, on the opening fucking weekend. God, why did he choose that role? This movie looks like shit, what are you doing Idris?

Beasts of No Nation. He fucks little boys in that

Does he really fuck them?

Shit gonna have to give this a watch

>unzips dick

wrote this here when I watched the trailer, then noticed that this thread wasn't the main thread so copied it to the other thread

it's all the truth

They made this look like that shitty angel movie Legion or I, Frankenstein

Yeah man, he's the kiddie fucking General of a child army

>the bull that fucks established characters while white nerds watch
you do realize idris got cucked irl?

Blaine?

What happens in his personal life has no bearing on what he represents to the public.

He's a big choo choo

>mfw that ricochet shot

It will make $50 to $80 million box office tops because Sony cheaped out and went with a C-list director instead of giving it the DaVinci Code treatment with an A-list director and production team.

Oh cool, it looks like a bunch of the books mashed together into a mess of a movie. I'm so glad another series I love gets destroyed.

>$50 to $80 million
nah, it will make at least $200 million, and they don't really have a big budget

Roland's stories would interrupt the flow too much. Imagine watching the homeless guy stealing Jake for Tick Tock, only to then have Roland go off about falling in love

And to think they have the rights to Wheel of Time as well.

What the motherfuck? Susannah and Eddie are cut? I was also wondering how they were going to make her racist against a black Roland. Ugh. Well, I guess they solved that. Just rewrite and change the whole motherfucking lineup. Pisses me off.

God damn Honky muh' fuh's ruinin' everthin

>He also promised to make it as close to the series as possible.
He fucking lied, this shit isn't anything like the books.

You can't forget the face of you father if you don't know who he is.

why wasn't he holding the gun sideways though

>Tom Hardy as Blaine
Fucking perfect. Now they gust need Aidan Guillen as Tick Tock

>just smashing all 7 books into one big mess

Makes you really appreciate WB's patience with DC movies.

CEO Schlomo Shekelstein: Cut the hat! We can't see the star's face, and thay won't test well. And Jake needs a love interest, or this project is over!

Akiva: Yes, my Lord. As you bid.

>they have the rights to Wheel of Time as well.

Yeah about that...
They got the guy who produced Agents of Shield to make the WoT TV show. And the company that's making it made a WoT pilot two years ago that gave Robert Jordan cancer and killed him.

youtube.com/watch?v=hUQE0-G_GeU
variety.com/2017/tv/news/wheel-of-time-tv-series-sony-1202390897/

>Do you feel in charge, gunslinger?

How does Akiva still get work in Hollywood?

>Stephen King Cinematic Extended Universe TM (R)

Looking at his (((name))) should reveal the answer.

I think we all have forgotten something...
Will Susan and the Mayor still be white? This can be very crucial to the filmmaker' endgame

>there will never be a Dark Tower anime produced by Madhouse with Shinichiro Miki as Walter's VA and Joji Nakata as Roland's
fug

No shit, Sherlock.

Susan is white. Some chick called Alex McGregor.

inb4
>Scots white

I'd watch it for free on my computer while shitposting

Of course they cut Susannah. They can't have a crippled white woman calling Idris Elbar a nigger.

WHY IS EVERYONE FUCKING BLACK WHATS WRONG WITH PEOPLE

not if you do each book as a season, you don't need filler, stephen king wrote some himself with the wind and the keyhole or whatever it was called

Didn't know it was the same company behind that garbage pilot.
Thought the rights went back to the wife and she was just trying to make a good show.

When it rains it pours.

All signs point to this movie being as related to the books as a cup of cold water with a single bean in it is to a french roast hand picked by Jesus.

>Removing two of the main characters
>Complete elimination of the race dynamic
>Complete abandonment of the actual PLOT OF THE BOOKS
I am in physical pain. This is my favorite series of all time, a masterpiece that comes once in a generation, and modern Hollywood is going to take a big fat steaming shit all over it.