Monogamy

Sup Forums I come to you in a moment of crisis. Recently I've learned that my grandfather has cheated on my grandmother. It has shook my whole family and made me question a lot. I've heard other anecdotes from friends and family about spouses or boyfriends/girlfriends cheating and divorcing. I'm really concerned about the possibility of monogamy. I've been trying to research it online but simply Googling "monogamy" will result in numerous articles attacking it. Calling it unnatural, unrealistic, bad, etc. It's really getting to me.

I personally feel I like I would be able to have a lifelong marriage and be monogamous. I'm a virgin but I don't know if that affects my opinion on the subject. I want to make a family with a good woman. I want to have multiple children and raise them properly. I want to set them up for success. I want to try to do things better than my parents. But all of this negativity around the issue has made me panicky and depressed. Everywhere I turn seems to hit it. I've heard some success stories but it seems like the negativity is the loudest.

Sup Forums I don't know how I'd react to being cheated on. The very thought of it makes me extremely angry and depressed. In a sense, I'm not too emotional. I don't get offended over petty things that I feel like a majority of the population would get angry over. People call me cold, blunt, and offensive. I have problems connecting with people because I tend to not care about the things I find silly and I'm quick to tell them. But when I do connect with people I do my best to be loyal and good to them. One thing I find absolutely disgusting is emotional manipulation. Things like leading people on or purposely doing more serious things to hurt them. It's repulsive. It angers me. I couldn't handle it. The thought of someone I put that much love and effort into and then them doing something like that messes with me. I refuse the idea of an open relationship. That's weak and disgusting.

I want your honest opinions on the matter. Do you have any studies or anecdotes where monogamy has worked successfully?

I know my grandmother was entirely monogamous to my grandfather. She has never been with another man. She married him and raised a family with him. She's a good woman but my grandfather became selfish and allowed himself to fall to lust. I'm so disgusted.

know better idiot.if she lies that is a thing if she does not well guess who is crazy?

I understand I need to make wise decisions when choosing a wife. I avoid women with troubled pasts, children, high sexual partner count, etc. What do you mean by her lying or being crazy or whatever?

Modern marriage is nothing more than a contract that promises money and posessions to the woman when the relationship fails.

Why do you think this way? I don't entirely agree or disagree but I'd like to know your reasoning.

>"I know my grandmother was entirely monogamous"

just like you thought your grandpa was huh?

Don't search on fucking Google
It's just going to give you retarded blog posts

God damn if you want defenses on monogamy and marriage buy a decent ethics textbook and flip to their relationships section

Anyway modern marriage is a fucking joke that's built on a failed premise

You sound like a girl
Youre a girl aren't you?
Youre trying to hide it but I can tell

Skimmed your post in a few seconds. I think I got the gist.

Diagnosis: you are literally a cuck.

I assumed, that was the issue. Now I've started asking my family for the truth. I've poked and prodded into their personal sexual lives. It's weird to know about these personal subjects, especially with immediate family. But my grandmother is very Christian. She's a very good woman who tries to live righteously. It tore me apart to talk to her about it. She was balling her eyes out.

I was looking for data. I've seen multiple charts posted on Sup Forums about promiscuity rates and their affect on marriage but I couldn't remember the studies. Typing in "monogamy" just gives me a shitfest. I understand the positive aspects of monogamy and I respect it and wish to live that way. I'm looking for research behind it. I want to learn about adultery rates, etc.

I'm 100% a dude. Not a tranny or anything. It's hit me hard because my grandmother man. To think if someone could do it to such a good person like her. It made me worry about my future.

I'm disgusted by the thought of open relationships and I hate cheating. I only want to sleep with the woman I marry and I want to be the only person she sleeps with. That refutes any accusation of having that nasty fetish. I don't date single mothers. I'm not raising another man's kids.

I also learned that, my grandfather had another woman, he seemed like the most honest person I ever knew, anything he said was written in stone, and he is such a good man

but i guess he fucked some other lady, idk how many times, but i guess it was a lot

but you shouldn't worry about it, i mean, you could find alot of things to worry about, most of them realistic, do you even have a gf?

Sure, cheating happens, but it doesn't always happen. If two people genuinely want to make eachother happy, there will be no cheating. Simple as that.

Now, finding a woman who wants to actually do this, however...

>open relationship
>relationship
Why even get married if you fuck anything? Pop stars, Hollywood stars only get married to not be rejected by Christian society, so they get Christian monies, especially musicians, but actually they are getting married for nothing, even paying alimony to some random slut they banged at some party in alcohol state. Perhaps you are living in wrong time or somebody needs to fix people in general sense. You can try fixing some woman to be your own, but if her tendencies are to try new partners, then you out of luck. You can always determine that by seeing what that person likes to watch on television. You not going to get married to a woman who only likes Mexican series about cheating/betrayal around rich families.

Not only is it possible, it is in loarge part what caused the west to thrive. It makes possible high investment in offspring as opposed to the nigger 'muh dick' mentality hat spawns shit tons of low invest foder in the hopes that one will survive - this is as opposed to high investment child rearing which focuses on quality over quantity

Not to mention the need of the heart to be deeply known as opposed mere want of genital stimulation

Certainly it is difficult as it requires the restraint of passion, but by no means uncommon or impossible

Oh, I thought you were bitching because your girlfriend cheated on you. Never mind.

But you shouldn't have to explain this to other people. Find a woman who implicitly agrees with you, (which is more likely the case with women than men). It's easier for men to find a chaste partner than women to find them.

this image brings me back

Extreme life hack on finding a good partner who won't cuck you: someone who's parents are still happily married that they have a good relationship with.

It's terrible to do someone like that. If you establish that the relationship is monogamous and both agree with it, you shouldn't cheat. I do have a lot of things to worry about. My career, my family, etc. But I'm starting to date now after being an ugly duckling as a young man. I'm not trying to move fast at all but I don't date for sex or have casual sex. I date to try to establish a relationship. If I decide I'm not into her, I break it off.

Thank you for comforting me a bit user. I try to look for good women. I avoid the red flag types.

I find open relationships to be disgusting. If you have one you and the person involved are weak.

I talk to women once at a time. I've talked to women and more attractive have came around and showed interest. Although I'm flattered and I'm tempted, I don't do it. That's just talking with women. Not even dating. I'd be even more serious in an actual relationship.

That's the kind of parents I have. My parents always taught me to go after women from good families. It's just disheartening when it happens to my grandparents.

My dad cheated on my mom all the time, he told me he can cheat because hes a man but mom is a woman she has to stay with him or shes a worthless whore, I took my dad's advice and cheat on all of my girlfriends after all they are just property why would I care about being commited to them.

You can never judge the character of any person off of these traits.
Therefore, you should go out with those women, too.
You have to experience for yourself what kind of girl is the one for you, you can not just assume it right away.
Good Luck finding you soulmate OP

I am in an "open" relationship. This is because my wife physically can not have sex because she has a condition called vaginismus. Sex is extremely painful for her and penetration is impossible. In this sense, she is still a virgin. I don't even have a big dick, so that's not the problem.

To rectify this, she allows me to have sex with other women as long as they are okay with me being married. Though at this point she doesn't care about that anymore and says to just get laid however I can. She sucks at blow jobs and hates them anyway, so that's out of the question. Our relationship is completely sexless to the point were more like friends or siblings. It's honestly depressing because we love each other.

I've only had sex with one other woman this whole time (a fatty, so it wasn't hard). What do you think of this situation, OP?

Why marry a woman with a broken vagina who sucks at sex..?

You done fucked up, son.

Married for love.

Also a pretty nice forest home with loads of ammo, guns, and garden area for when the happening happens.

Based

Cheating is cheating. It's terrible.

I refuse to raise another man's children. I DON'T want the woman who I will raise a family with to have had the cum of 10+ men on her face or her vagina. I don't care if the girl is good. I won't raise a family with a whore and I won't raise another man's kids. I won't do it. Not to mention most marriages with single mothers fail and promiscuous women tend to have higher divorces rates, adultery rates, bring stds to marriage, and more likely to be unhappy. I don't want to put myself near any of that.

If you're being honest, I genuinely feel bad for you and your wife. I understand marriage has a physical side to it just as it has an emotional side. I don't know what I'd do in that situation.

why the hell would you marry someone like that? god thats sad that you have to fuck strangers instead of this person you are tied with by choice. A wife should be your best friend, but without the physical part its a shell of what it should be and is doomed. You will meet someone to sleep with and fall in love with them and have to leave her anyway, it will happen unless you are a total hopeless case. Break free, while you are still young. She can settle with another sexless guy, they are all around and easy to find online connections with.

Plenty of good women exist in the world. The trick is finding one that isn't completely and utterly tainted.

Open relationships aren't a bad thing if both people agree to it. Calling it weak is extremely stupid to the point of narcissism. What works for you will not work for others. What works for others may not work for you. Being different is fine, so long as no one interferes with anyone else.

The bottom line is, if you get married to someone and you don't believe you can trust them, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.

It sounds to me like you're terrified of anything and everything to the point where you'll be scared into complete inaction because ""the consequences outweigh the risk of happiness.""

Either harden the fuck up, and find someone that you trust, and make it work, or, be prepared for your fears to become manifest in your life. There is a reason self-fulfilling prophecies are called such.

Yes if a man gets cheated on but who cares if it happens to a woman.

The Truth is men should be allowed to have more than one wife.

Women should only be allowed to have one husband though.

A man's sexuality is designed in a way that he can have multiple mates and as long as his women are faithful there is no doubt as to who the parents are. However if a woman has multiple mates nobody will know who the parents are. A man's capable of mating with more than one woman at once and can get them all pregnant, but a woman can only carry one man's child.

It is in mans nature to desire more than one woman and for a man to do so does not degrade his love for his other wives.

Woman's sexuality and love however is grounded in monogamy, for a woman to be unfaithful would be a betrayal of her man's genes but it is not when it is the other way around.

Since a woman must prove her love for a man by being faithful and monogamous women have pushed the social standard that men must do the same. This is all part of the false belief that men and women are the same and gender is a social construct.

The truth is gender is very much real and transgenderism and monogamous marriage are social constructs.

It's not a big deal for your grandfather to cheat on your grandmother at all. It just means that he got to live out his natural sexual desires. Again women do not have desires of this nature, and when they do act out sexually it taints them unlike when men do.

Genuine. It really does suck without the physical aspect. Intimacy is pretty much dead. I Gaon solace in the fact that kek blessed my previous posts.

Yeah, I know that it does suck. I fell for the Virgin meme in the worst way. Figured it might get better as time went on through practice but she hasn't stuck with it. Fucking other girls gets rid of that physical itch for a while, but time has made me give up on that part of life. She said if she couldn't get better in 6 years that she wants me to leave so I'll be happy. Two years left, I guess.

I'm normally not worried about this kind of stuff. I'm just shook up because of my grandfather doing it to my grandmother. It just hit close to home. I've calmed down a lot now. I still think open relationships are for weak willed people. Controlling your lust isn't that hard. If you can't do it you're a hedonist who can't control your own urges. Very weak.

This is pretty much opinion and a complete appeal to nature which is a fallacy. It's your view and your free to have it though. I won't involve myself in a polygamist relationship.

You only think your grandmother is so great because you have only known her since she was old as fuck.

Your grandmother might have been a complete and total whore when she was younger and you would never know.

>Open relationships aren't a bad thing if both people agree to it.
Sorry fa.m you're a cuck.

>I'm a virgin

Yup. Stick your dick in a few bitches before you even consider getting married. And protip: never get married.

I've spoke to my grandmother about this. She has only been with my grandfather. The marriage was supposed to be monogamous. He broke his promise. He messed up on his end. You can get into an endless shitfest with me by saying she's a liar. I know she's not a liar. She's too Christian. She's one of the most devout people I know. A very good woman. But you can go ahead and say she's lying. I don't really care.

How am I suppose to raise good children without a wife? Children raised from single parents are more likely to commit crime and I believe have mental issues. I want to have a nuclear family. Pure pleasure isn't what existence is about.

Open relationships are a completely different perspective on life. I've never been in one, I don't plan on being in one, and I don't understand that perspective. However, just because I don't understand it, doesn't mean it's bad.

Also, I don't actually understand how something that happened to your grandparents is affecting you as much as it is.

It's a thing. It happened. Move on.

Many people will probably tell you not to have kids. I kind of agree at least until both parents have a stable life

You're an idiot or a woman for sure.
Or maybe your just some faggot from reddit. Open relationships I agree are shit for scumbag degenerates.

I'm not talking about just fucking everything and if I was that would be a full blown appeal to nature because marriage is not natural at all.

But I am saying a man's sexuality and love is different to that of a woman. Women having sex with other men is the ultimate betrayal because she is capable of carrying another man's child without her husband knowing. This is one of the worst things that can happen to a man.

However if a man has sex with women other than his wife there is no consequence to her at all. The only consequence to the woman is hurt feelings and that is because women believe that men love in the same way as women. Which is not true.

This isn't a fallacy, this is a fucking fact.

Another fact is that a man is capable of being truly in love with more than one woman at the same time but women are not capable of that since fucking more than one man at a time is as I said before the ultimate betrayal for a man.

You can bitch and moan against it all you like but that's just because you have been conditioned by society and the standards which have become the norm.

But the reality is men should be allowed to have multiple wives and women should only be allowed to marry one man.

Because it's within my family. That's why it matters. And as I said, I've calmed down now. Initial reaction was panic.

My plan is to not have children until I'm in a happy, stable marriage. I want to be economically sound and be ready to handle children.

That's good. And glad to see that kek blessed me once more. Just do your best at raising whatever kids you have.

And that's what I don't understand.

No normal person reacts with """panic""" to something that happens to their grandparents unless it's life threatening.

You're either the most insecure, sheltered person on the planet, or, emotionally unstable.

I'm not going to say she is a liar. But I am going to say just about everyone believes their grandmother has only slept with their grandfather and whores have existed since the dawn of man so it's pretty unlikely that every woman over 50 was a virgin before marriage and only ever slept with one man.

It's normally called "marriage". Searching for "monogamy" is bound to find criticism rather than support for it, because it's not the word that supporters use. It's like searching for "religion" when you want to find support for "faith".

>if anyone doesn't agree with me they're a woman, fag, redditor, etc.
Fuck off. And if this is fact I will need proof. For your entire statement. I know women and men have different chemical make ups and therefor, different mindsets,etc. I'm not arguing that they're the same. If anything, I misinterpreted your statement. A common argument against monogamy is that it's not natural. I never claimed it was. But just because something is found in nature doesn't make it valid or correct. And according to parts of your response, you were saying it's natural, which again, doesn't make it right.

Okay.

My bad. It's just a typical argument you find on Sup Forums. I see where you're coming from.

>"Some people are child molesters, it's just a different perspective who am I to judge"

>t.you

speaking as a married woman my thoughts are with cheating men get tempted much easier than women, and if they are not taken care of properly and if you dont take care of yourself it is easier to wander off or get tempted in the heat of the moment by something new. Its up to both I guess, but mainly ladies since men get tempted more often to take care of how we look.. dont get fat and gross, put some effort into looks, remember to fuck on a regular basis and dont ignore his needs even if you are tired.

You have not slept with anyone, but if you are bored and lonely it can be easy even after you are married to start lusting after someone if you are left alone. Its different from just using your hand, its thrilling to go after someone.

my father cheated on my mother for a period of time because she was drinking too much and would not touch him at all apparently, when he confessed years later to me about it he seemed more hurt by how he was treated by her which caused this. My grandfather cheated on my grandmother at one time because she got very overweight and was always busy with her work. It happens, I think often we just dont hear about it within the family.

dont let the news about your grandmother upset you too much since you did not hang out in the bedroom with them so you cant know exactly why he did it. He could be a total dog, but it could have been something like her just not sleeping with him anymore that caused it.

I agree with you. I think it's important to talk about problems as they arise so extreme measures aren't taken. Cheating is much worse than telling a woman to watch her weight. If a woman still wants to maintain a marriage, she'll have to compromise just like a man will have to.

But your focussing only on one word, that being my use of the word natural and then ignoring everything else that I said.

My point wasn't that it was "natural"(the phenomena of the physical world collectively, including plants, animals, the landscape, and other features and products of the earth, as opposed to humans or human creations.)" my point was that it is man's nature (the basic or inherent features, character, or qualities of something.) to seek sex with more than one woman.

I'm not arguing that men should cheat either, as that is deceptive and unfair.

My argument isn't for open relationships either because that is degenerate hedonism and just sex for the sake of sex.

My argument is that we as a society deny the truth behind human sexuality and that as a society we should accept male sexuality and it should be socially acceptable for a man to marry more than one wife who he then loves and cares for and has sex with exclusively and it should also be normal for women to accept and be a part of this as it is not actually detrimental to their relationship with their husband due to the key aspect of female sexuality, that being, women carry their own children into birth and can not be decieved into raising another woman's child.

Every other type of sexuality is openly embraced by modern society. Normal family orientated female sexuality is celebrated, being a slut is celebrated, being a homosexual or a mentally ill transsexual is celebrated. But normal male sexuality is always shamed and scorned upon.

Study biology and specifically evolution and evolutionary psychology. Do some research on the maladaptation of human traits, that is to say we have certain traits which care caused by biology and they were useful for helping the process of creating offspring.

We have lots of different biological processes at work with regards to children, first of all you pair bond with a suitable mate, that's the attraction phase where your brain is flooded with chemicals that light up the reward center of the brain, then primal desire for sex leads to pregnancy and children, then love for your child takes over to create protection mechanisms for the child

In during most of our existence once partners had a few children during the first 0-3 years of relationship there wasn't much keeping the parents together, the pair bonding chemicals have reduced in effectiveness as you become used to them. Children have moved out the home so there's no common ground anymore.

Humans are maladapted to our environment now, when we lived 30 years this was OK because its long enough to raise children then you died. With modern medicine and healthcare we live a lot longer and evolution gave us no mechnaism for staying together for life that long nor will we ever get one, so monogamy for that length of time simply isn't natural, and doesn't make sense. Biologically it makes no sense past your mating prime.

Take this blog bullshit to advice or tumblr you jackass

And I would elaborate on this to say that to make sense of the rational world and the influences it has we need to understand natue and natural arguments really tell us about the forces influencing us to reproduce, that's all due to evolution.

If you want some other moral world view of the situation then you're kind of asking the wrong questions. You need to decide for yourself what do you value and what do you find moral? And how do you justify those moral systems, are they coherent with reality and internally consistent.

Remember that almost everyone gets their moral values passed down through the family or from religious values, but these are things you've been programmed as a child to believe because your elders and peers believe it.

If you want to ask if monogamy is right or wrong you need to consult authority figures in your moral world view. We're stuck in somewhat of a transitional rut at the moment because most of our values are religious in nature but belief in god and religion is on rapid decline and we're struggling to replace those value systems with something secular in nature.

Most people who subscribe to secular morality reason their morality from first principles such as the NAP (non aggression principle) and what you find is that generally behaviour that lacks aggression is permitted which means it has very little to say on things like monogamy. It does have something to say about cheating and basically fraud which is seen as a type of aggression.

Otherwise monogamy only really has to do with tradition (again based on old religion values) and of course utility. You could make arguments that certain levels of monogamy have utility but utility for what? Raising children? Sure, for example typically men want to make sure the woman they conceive with is not sleeping with other men otherwise that man could end up wasting resources on raising a child that doesn't have his genes, but that utility lasts as long as children do, not for life.

Also as someone who was always been extremely against cheating and thinking it makes people really awful, I think what opened my eyes a bit was watching a really good TV show called The Affair which goes to show the often complex human interactions that lead to cheating. It's not always as straight forward as one person is a colossal cunt and is evil and cheated and the other person is entirely victim, that just makes it easier for us to process, the real world is far more grey than black&white. I'm not excusing cheaters but saying most people (even those in the relationship) don't have all the facts or a balanced perspective on the matter.

>I think what opened my eyes a bit was which goes to show the often complex human interactions that lead to cheating
>watching a really good TV show called The Affair
>watching a TV show

Notice: you're talking to someone that is taking life lessons and insight from a fictionalize TV drama.

No I'm not taking life lessons from fictional TV, I'm revising my previous position which was simplisitic and accepting that more complex situations can exist and that we may not have all of the facts to judge.

As said, there can be existing neglect or abuse in a relationship which pushes people to revenge or pressures that you don't understand. From outside we just see and hear that 1 person cheated and the other person in a victim, that's not always the case.

Again I never said it was an excuse to cheat, it's just as I've got older I've begun to understand nuance to these situations. I've never cheated myself nor would I.

>Recently I've learned that my grandfather has cheated on my grandmother.
Pics or it didn't happen.