ITT: times you acted like the driver

ITT: times you acted like the driver

Making the most monotonous small talk at a party once and still getting laid

Yesterday my dad came to pick me up from college in his car. And I said "can I DRIVE?" And he let me drive home.
I got my license a few months ago.

But Mr. Drive never gets laid in the film

That's pretty hardcore user. I once drove a young blonde mother and her son home, just like that, out of the blue, they asked for a ride and I was there. I'm a cabby

>job interview
>hiring manager reaches out for handshake
>"my hands are a little dirty"
>"what?"
>"i drive"

It's been a week and I haven't heard back. Should I give them a follow-up call?

>jog away

I doubt it fatso

>I jog

My personality is unironically exactly like that, very subdued and taciturn, but I do actually have autism.

Post times where you acted like Frank.

>flirting with girl on craigslist
>we meet at my favourite restaurant
>she's positively rotund, a good 100 lb heavier than i anticipated. i cannot abide smoke and mirrors, especially in the realm of carnality
>i order mcribs
>she starts blathering about her tedious life
>look away and roll my eyes several times
>”w-whats the matter user? do i have something on my face?”
>look into the distance
>”as they used to say in gaffney, ‘you can't put lipstick on a pig’ - though there is an exception to every rule.”
>resume eye contact
>"what... the fuck? you're fatter than i am!”
>”do you think i’m a hypocrite? well, you should. i wouldn't disagree with you. the road to power is paved with hypocrisy. and casualties. never regret.”
>tap knuckles twice on table and jog away

>I juggle

>go to my niece's 8th birthday party
>she is running around screaming
>"I'm pleased to see you partake in youthful joviality with such spirit."
>"You came alone user? How come you don't have a girlfriend?"
>everybody looks at me
>rotate my body and stare at the refrigerator
>This precocious niece of mine asks the tough questions with an intrepidity unbecoming her age. She might be displeased to find I can be equally bold
>Powerwalk to her and push her in front of a conga line
>They can't stop in time
>She gets trampled.
>"It takes courage to pursue the truth, and I can respect that. But neither courage or respect will do you much good without power. Power is the ultimate truth."
>Walk downstairs and use their rowing machine until the police come

no, you're golden. Im sure they're gonna call by the end of tthe week. Congrats!

Would his character have been better if he were mute? I know that's probably harder to write though

>Work do
>user we need more drinks
>I will give you 6 minutes to do your job after that I'm gone
>6 minutes pass and I'm ghost
>Boss comes to me and says WTF you left them at the shop, go get them
>I pick them up drifting every corner on the way back
>hide in a parking lot because I see a helicopter overhead
>fired the next day
>mom tells me to get a barista job
>I....drive

these are great

>be in elevator with gf going down to the lobby
>random neighbour gets on at the 3rd floor
>wtf too lazy to take the stairs? definitely a sketchbag kek
>kiss gf and proceed to stomp his face in
>gf horrified

wtf do i do guys? shes really mad at me. i tried to explain but shes really freaked out

probably that time when i bought his outfit off of amazon

Give them a nightcall and tell them about how you feel

Now you need to stab an elderly Jew to death and run away with all his money.

I am autism

...

kicked my gf drunk in head coz i was drunk and sick of cuck life

She screamed in pain

told her to Drive£ it off

the car is a metaphor for sex

but its a real human bean