FMG/SWG thread
For directors, editors, writers, cameramen, caterers, barista's, runners, gaffers, sounddesigners, the homeless, the hopeless and the umemployed.
Post some work in progress or post some finished stuff. You want some indepth feedback then join the skype.
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Sweet.
I'm writing a short story that contains all types of weirdness. Just shit that would make you feel really uncomfortable if you actually picture it.
How is this for the opening? I can't decide on whether I like it or think it is complete shit. The rest of the story is fine, though.
Is this for film or prose?
It's way too dense if it's for film.
For now it is just a short story (like very short with some concepts) to see how people feel about them.
After that, I'm going to turn it into a screenplay, depending on whether the concepts fit or not (with dialogue) it could be a short film or feature.
Well then it's a pretty good establishing image. Very descriptive and I like that it starts in the middle of some action.
Well its def not ready for a screenplay. Because its written to much like prose. Some of these things are difficult to turn to visual medium.
"the cottage was one of seven in the village, each containing, etc etc etc"
You would have to do a fly by shot of the town to show that. Maybe even draw some arrows to indicate there being seven cottages and you'd have to show each interior of the cottages.
Or else a sentence is lost in translation.
But ohh wel if you are just trying to get the general story out then dont worry to much about it. But leave stylistic prose at the door when you enter the house of screenplays. Simple, what do we see and hear.
Grammer needs some work.
>You would have to do a fly by shot of the town to show that.
I have an idea of how the first scene would play out in the screenplay. The village itself wouldn't be mentioned at first.
But yeah, what I am doing is really just being descriptive with a story and seeing which parts people like the most and using them in the screenplay.
my latest work
tried to do my first short documentary
youtube.com
I liked it
Post some work niggas
dropbox.com
from new film im working on
i didnt get the other shots in the scene but the context is that a camwhore wont do what the main character wants him to do and so he gets angry at her and leaves
the dad finds the webpage still open, logs out of his son's account, and a romance between dad and the camwhore starts
i feel like i could make a 7/10 without really trying
but how can i make something masterful like 2001?
>Tfw I write all the time by shitposting.
Great for motivation, but in the end it doesn't account for quality of the writing.
I thought you're not supposed to write camera direction unless you're making the shooting script. It annoys directors who want to make their own camera choices.
Easy fix though, just cut them out, and write them into the action.
Well go make tht 7/10 film then. Without trying.
I know a director that I can pitch things to with no problems.
What book?
New Robert McKee. Dialogue.
he'll probably see it differently than you do.
posted this yesterday
youtu.be
Nah, I talk with him in person a lot. I can literally show him if needed.
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The thing with camera directions in a script is that you are not focussing on telling the story in its most purest form. As a writer you are all about communicating the story and its themes.
Leave that to the director and his D.o.P. Film is a collaborative art. A good screenplay is the essence boiled down for the rest of the crew to add their meaning to.
A screenplay with camera directions is a shootingscript, you might be jumping ahead in the production process. You are the writer, not the director.
I'd say if you're wanting to put camera directions in the script you're being lazy by not directing it yourself.
Simply because a part of you has the entire vision..
Well, not only that but nobody writes their way into anything anymore. You HAVE to make your own shit. Period. If you're goal is to be a screenwriter in the current year, you're delusional. Only way to play is to be a jack of all trades at this point, unfortunately.
But then you are cutting yourself down. Write a solid screenplay first. Then you go sit down with your Art director, Director of photography, gaffer and sound director and you make the script into a shootingscript.
That's definitely the most direct way now is to make things and get credits. But you can also network your way in. I contacted one of my university's alumni and they got me an internship with Disney this summer and I'm going to try to make something out of it.
If you write shot directions into your scripts, you're no better than Max Landis.
fucking roast
Wow, so my own script/project can't be my own despite me being in direct contact with the director and all others involved simply because you people dislike it?
reminder to never even think about writing a script unless you have a full crew ready at your every beck and call and can secure thousands and thousands of dollars to finance your production. there is literally no other valid way. if you can't do this, get normie job.
I'm totally new to acting and editing. Some constructive insights on this comedy style would help.
No one said that. Your story is your themes and meaning. Your drama and your events. But the translation to screen is the job of the director. Film is a collaborative art.
I'm a budding writer myself, and I love editing people's work. Let me know what you guys think about this version.
>The cottage was one of seven in the village, surrounded by dense forest and the creatures of the night. A young woman dozes comfortably in the flickering orange light of a hearth. The only sound, besides the raindrops falling on the roof, was the gentle crackle of the fireplace. The cottage was modest, like all others in the village, with a single room containing nothing but a bed and a small hearth for cooking and heating. The walls were unadorned save for a large, thick plated window overlooking the forest. Standing in the woman's window was another. Rain dripped down her patchy, knotted hair while she stared through the glass, her grim eyes wide open, her mouth spread open in a toothless grin.
Film it yourself, it's fun, why wouldn't you want full creative control over every aspect and nurture your child?
I hope nobody on here gets discouraged from trying to make shit. You don't NEED to do anything. There's no right or wrong way.
I like some of the wording, but the end part no longer feels like carries any weight to it.
Did you post this by typing with one hand? Everyone knows you must type with two.
Ok lads, I'm poor. If I want to make a short that doesn't look complete shit, what DSLR should I use that's under 1000$ lens included? Yes, I know framing and lighting are just as important, but I'm interested about the camera.
You can rent a cinema camera like Sony F55 for 100 euros a day. But that would require you to actually plan and do all things on one day.
GH4 or whatever the latest Canon is. Don't fall for the cinecam meme.
With some more effort and creativity, you can avoid that, sneak direction into the text, and demonstrate your capabilities as a writer. It should make the writing appear more concise and seemless. For example,
>Skimming over a vast forest, a glowing orange shines in the distance despite the heavy rain. Closer, a COTTAGE takes shape in the moonlight. Swimming through the warmth spilling from a window, inside, and in the center of the room, a WOMAN and her two CHILDREN huddle around a small hearth, their primary lifeline for light and heat.
Some additional notes:
>It's redundant to say "heavy rain of the night" because your slugline already says "NIGHT"
>small thing, but if you sequence your storytelling correctly, you shouldn't have to mention that your hearth is "lit" because you already mentioned the orange light
Its quite funny how the use of shot direction in screenplay sparked off a massive debate on the skype.
Yeah the screenplay thing was super basic, far from a decent draft. I have a long way to go so a lot of errors/improvements coming.
Yours is fine for a shooting script desu. It's simple and direct enough for a director. Just took all of your elements and rewrote it into more of a "story/spec" script kind of deal.
I'm re-editing this thing as the original editor was fired. It was 9 mins long and the first thing I did was cut it down a lot.
But I'm still looking for feedback on it.
vimeo.com
pass: 123456
The editing is definitely there in terms of low rate internet comedy a la Filthy Frank (sorry if you do not like the comparison) but the content you talk about could be stronger and your character should be more relentless. It seeps back into normality.
Fantastic short. Great cuts, shots and performances.
How do I spruce up dialogue, I feel it gets me where I need to go, but I fear that all the dialogue is boring.
I have a few suggestions, but what is the story? Is she a regular customer or a food critic? Why does he have to time himself if not for a food critic? Why is he working alone at a restaurant and personally taking orders? Is this supposed to be commentary about "the real behind the scenes" at a restaurant, or a man failing when he tries hard to impress, or just bad luck?
Write more quips.
Post samples or it's too vague, unless you want general answers like "write from a deep place."
Here is a sample, I feel like its just too curt and to the point, like I'm rattling off a list of information.
The sample might be a bit confusing since its like 6 pages in.
It's a little to verbose. There's needs to be a slight rhythm to it, I always think dialogue should be kind of like a mix of poetry and normal writing. Make sure you read everything you write out loud
>first of all, pamphlet not panflet
>paraphrased, "been a while Daniel and I shot" then why ask Daniel if he ever shot?
The problem isn't necessarily with your dialogue but the logic in your storytelling. What is the purpose of the scene? What are the conflicts? Who are the characters, and what do they want?
The beats I got from the script:
>D is new guy, exposit that he used guns before and he used to hunt
>J is "good cop," M is "bad cop" and skeptical of new guy
>Instructions from J (the leader probably) to not use public places to practice if needed
>J and M worked with each other from before or at least are familiar right? If so, why do they need to tell each other cautions? Should just be to D.
>J reminds them to memorize the map. Again should just be directed to D if M is a veteran
Remeber to CUT CUT CUT. Brevity is the soul of wit.
Noted, thanks for the tips!
rad it out loud and ask yourself if it's something you could see real people saying. Just browsing through the line I have previous experience with them sounds very forced. Honestly I might recommend getting a minimum wage job for a week or month and just observing how your coworkers talk to eachother. Screenwriter types tend to get lost in their heads and lose track of how simple normal conversation is.
If you're on a super tight budget, the Panasonic G7 for right around $500 is a fantastic little mirrorless camera that will do 4K 30p at 100mbps, and the kit lens it comes with is sharp as a tack.
Here's a good example of what it can do with the kit lens and a bit of color work:
youtube.com
If you are willing to throw in another $750 or so, you could add an Atomos Ninja Assassin recorder to it and it will output clean 4K 30p 422 Chroma footage at a whopping 750mbps in Prores or DNxHR.
If you want to spend more on the camera itself, I would probably save and go for a GH5. It will do 1080p 30p/60p and 4K 30p 10bit 422 Vlog internally to an SD card, which is fucking amazing.
I would avoid the GH4 at this point, it's not quite as feature rich as the GH5 and honestly the G7 produces images that are 99% as good, especially with an external recorder, but if you can find one at your price range then go for it if that's what you want, it's still a good camera.
1/2
2/2
The Sony A7SII is also worth considering if you need something really good for low light, but it's pretty expensive and will only do 4K 8bit 420 internally, which is a bit substandard for the price range (The G7 does the same for only $500) But the A7SII could probably capture light out of a black hole, so if you are filming a really dark horror movie or something it's probably your best choice.
Another Sony camera to consider is the a6500, but it likes to overheat during prolonged filming at 4K. I find it produces really nice looking video though, and the overheating isn't a massive issue and can be worked around.
I honestly wouldn't consider Canon at this point, they seem to be focused mainly on stills. They are getting creamed right now by Panasonic and Sony when it comes to DSLR and DSLM video quality and camera features.
If you are only wanting to shoot at 1080p, then your options are pretty much limitless. Although even if you only want 1080p in the end I highly recommend you shoot at 4K and then output 1080p when you're done, it will usually produce a much cleaner and more impressive image than filming at 1080p native would.
Basically, if you want the best quality footage near that price range, a mirrorless camera that will shoot some type of 4K is your best bet and will give you the most visually impressive images.
t. someone who owns a crap ton of DSLR and mirrorless cameras and works with them for a living
the Canon 7D was used on the film "Like Crazy" which doesn't look like shit at all
honestly any DSLR from 2010+ will get the job done, you don't need the latest gear to make pretty pictures anymore
all you have to do is git gud
Anyone here ever do makeup for film or anything? Something I've always wanted to get into given the chance, I imagine it takes a lot of skill to get the skin adjusted to the lighting properly. And you can do some pretty crazy shit with prosthetics too.
>You are the writer, not the director.
actually i'm both you fucking faggot
i'll write whatever camera directions into my screenplays I fucking please
this
if you're writing for yourself then anything's fine
if you're writing to sell then NOPE
can't wait til the price drops on the a7sII. definitely my next camalam.
what kind of fucking delusional retard "writes screenplays to sell"
/swg/ did
I can't wait for the GH6 myself. With how impressive the GH5 is, the only place to go after this is straight up shooting 12 bit Cinema DNG RAW to to an SD card at 4K 60FPS with a global shutter. From how impressive the GH5 turned out to be it wouldn't surprise me if Panasonic announced something like that within a few years.
screenwriters
yeah screenwriters who have connections to people in the industry maybe
if you don't know anybody and don't have money your ONLY fucking way into the industry is by making your own films
Hollywood puts out shitier films every year due to nepotism. It wasn't that long ago that the spec script gold rush happened.
Open question: what makes a good music video? Does it need a "gimmick"? Should you see the band?
I'm directing / writing a few for friends bands, i have some ideas based on inspirations but i'm not sure whether theyll be "music video" enough.