Just finished my "first draft" of my comic and would love some feedback. I dont have a lot of experience in writing, so it would be super helpful to hear stuff about that. I dont really have a eye for what needs to be explained straight forward or is reaching and trying too hard. Any suggestions or re-wording would be great!
Considering this is Sup Forums, I wont have the highest hopes of constructive criticism so anything you got for me helps.
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>not storytiming your own comics
Doing this for OP because this actually isn't terrible.
(note: you could use some editing for your text)
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>nastolgia
I thought it was interesting at least. I didn't really get it, he found a friend? Is that what he was missing? But the dude left him with no trace so they're not really friends. Connection? Maybe. I don't know, definitely a good draft, don't stop drawing!
The text on this page isn't bad, IMO. If you're going to start with a second-person perspective, it'd be better to say "YOU usually say something along the lines of --".
The jump from "Hopefully nothing" on the previous page to "I love weekend long trips" (by the way, that's unclear phrasing: you'd want either "weekend-long trips" or "long weekend trips") is a bit drastic. Plus, no matter how you look at it, it's a bit weird that the guy who likes DOING stuff would ever reply "hopefully nothing", even in a sarcastic/non-serious way.
Also, I'd want a different perspective on the bottom panel because it's not clear what we're looking at. I mean, there's a water bottle, some rope, some shrubs, and obviously the main character's arms...but everything else isn't obvious. Like, there's clearly a structure behind the water bottle, but I have no idea what it is.
A small positive note: I fucking LOVE the little joke with "Bob". It's really just a nice bit of writing -- we expect Bob to be one of the friends, but as we see on the next page, it's the cliff itself. Good job on that.
The panels within the cliff are a bit ambiguous, although a slower reading makes it clearer. It's not entirely obvious that he's chalking his hands, so maybe give a bit more space or add another panel to make it clearer.
And I think you could also get away with having a panel of one of his feet.
fantastic page right there
A sound effect of some sort in the bottom middle panel would be nice. Or, if not that, then a little bit more visual indication that the ledge isn't reliable.
This is a great page, IMO. Obviously, you should edit out your text errors, but the idea behind it is great.
>>OP here, and whoa! Sorry for not storytiming. Its been a good long while since I have posted anything on Sup Forums.
Thanks appreciate the assist! Also, what do you mean by editing my text?
I know right?! You're impressed, I can tell. Who knew people still misspell things in 2016.
My creative writing skills are not great. Basically I was trying to write "I know have a new appreciation for life" but in a creative way. I wasnt sure if what I wrote was trying to hard. If you got any suggestion I'm open to it!
That first comment definitely makes sense, I'll add to my list of changes. As for the second note, I was trying to be clever implying 'something' is going to happen in this weekend trip. What you say does have a point though, should I scrap it or re phrase it because, at the moment, I'm drawing a blank. On the last note, the structure is supposed to be the back of his car. I was trying to think of some way to narrate it to be clear but couldnt think of anything.
Thanks for noticing the "bob" joke, wasnt sure if that one landed. When I am done with the edits I'll be adding the colors, hopefully that will clear things up.
Thanks! That page and the climbing silhouette were my "OOooooo AAAhhhhh" moments I thought up when doing the layins. Inspiration came from reading some of Becky Cloonan short stories.
Got that input about the sound effect from a friend of mine as well, will do. As for the text errors what do you mean? These type of notes are new to me.