What if Malfoy was a girl?

What if Malfoy was a girl?

Then no one would be rooting for Harry and the gang

Would've seduced Harry, turned him into a deatheater
>real good guys win

Then Harry Potter and ron would spitroast her and use their magic to give them BBCs so they can cuck themselves. Then they would get her pregnant and not assume responsibilty for the child because it would come out black.

Her pusy would be destroyed by the spell blackdickus enlargiosis

She would've defeated Harry in their final duel, but before striking the final blow the battle is interrupted by some means like Dumbledore or Snape or something. She also would've had an extremely sympathizing background that absolves her of all guilt.

He would have been more deadly and deceptive.

>he

What if Malfoy was a hedgehog?

The later year arguments and duels with Harry always end with them making out in a closet muttering how they hate each other.

what if zelda was a girl

kek

Wizards don't worry about unwanted pregnancies
>fetus deletus

>She also would've had an extremely sympathizing background that absolves her of all guilt.
this

What if Harry Potter had longer hair?

>what if harry was a trap getting railed by malfoy

It's funny cause of all the jokes but yeah it probably would have been some kind of love plot.

I've never read the books but wasn't Harry supposed to go into the Snake Clan (I don't remember the names and don't feel like google) but willed himself into the other one? I bet he and her would have had a lot to connect with. Maybe she would have been misunderstood and trying to act like she had it all together (When that may have not been the case) The same as how Harry felt about being the chosen one. Imma weeb and say she would be a Tsundere but eventually she'd have warmed up to him and vice versa. They would have been some kind of interesting power couple, and their differences would have actually made for interesting screentime. Instead of whatever red head boring lady he did end up with.

>what if Harry was a mtf transgender on HRT and Malfoy fell in love with Harry

Noone cares about your knowledge of Harry faggot lore nerd. Kill yourself and read some real literature you scrawny effeminate punk. Kill yourself loser.

Someone post the pasta

Well he would have :)

Triggered?

I literally just said that I had no fucking clue about the lore, I just watched the movies.

Holy shit you need to get checked for autism stat.

He would probably end up being Emma Watsons pussy slave.

are you perhaps triggered my friend?

I stopped reading your post after love plot, you're a fucking faggot and judging by the length of your post you were either making an explanation from the books or films.

Fuck you.
>he

what if hermoine gave me a footjob

"Yes!"

kino

>samefag
>reddit spacing

>What if Malfoy was a girl?

WHat if Voldemort was a girl? Bald girls are really scary and unnatural looking. It would really work for her character. I think that I

>Taking a Sup Forums post this seriously

Fuck me for liking to come up with stories right? Yeah I watched the movies, we're on the fucking movie and tv board right now. I'd say most people (especially if they were kids) ended up seeing them faggot.

sorry but nope, I can only wish I was that autistic. I honestly thought I'd just post my shit and be ignored.

...

>use their magic to give them BBCs so they can cuck themselves
what did he mean here?

What if Harry had good taste and got with best girl Luna instead of that school bicycle Ginny?

...

The BBC they used from the spell would be taken from a black man for the entire time they are fucking. So they fuck her but without their dicks, but they can still feel it, just through another mans penis. a BBC to be exact

malfoy already had an extremely sympathetic backstory

Does Malfoy's gender really matter? Given that they're a character in one of the dullest franchises in the history of franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Yea I'm sure the antagonist in the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises being female would improve it. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though r-right
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Woah

amazing

>gatekeeping this hard

this is why I hate talking to other people that read. Everybody just has to be a pretentious fuck about the whole thing.

You're in mewtist-tier synchronicity
are you mewtists by chance?

Imagine being Arnold in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Jamie Curtis, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your tight body and horrific androgynous monster face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is fuck another 16 year old in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Arnold and not only sit in that chair while Jamie Lee Curtis flaunts her disgusting body in front of you, the favorable lighting barely concealing her stretchmarks and leathery skin, and just sit there, take after take, hour after hour, while she perfected that dance. Not only having to tolerate her monstrous fucking visage but her haughty attitude as everyone on set tells her she's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, JAMIE LEE CURTIS LOOKS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to sit there and watch her mannish fucking gremlin face contort into types of grimaces you didn't even know existed before that day. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of blondes and supermodels and later alleged rape victims for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies in Austria. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on her dimpled stomach as she sucks it in to writhe it suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to sit there and revel in her "statuesque (for that is what she calls herself)" beauty, the beauty she worked so hard for with personal trainers in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could kill every single person in this room before the studio security could put you down, but you sit there and endure, because you're fucking Arnold. You're not going to lose your future political career over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.

lel I love that pic
>getting this triggered over obvious b8

It's a meme, you dip. They even posted the one with Clifford the Big Red Dog in mid-tier to make it more obvious.

My bad, I'm super drunk. I just notice a general trend of pretentious when it comes to reading but I was wrong here. I'm the autist today.

>This is your brain on feminism

Malfoy is a uniquely male character. He is the heir to a aristocratic, landed family and is expected to become a leader, this puts great pressure on him and is why he is is able to be manipulated because he is manipulated through his own self doubt in his masculine ability.

How in fuck is this going to work with a female you fucking retard? Women aren't asked to carry family pride, they aren't evolved to be leaders, back in the early days of humanity, women stayed at the cave looking after kids, while men went out and hunted, men grew to be leaders as they learned the ability to plan and work as a team, and women learned to look after a family.

A female Malfoy would have zero character arc because there would be no struggle because Voldemort could just go "hey girl, want to have power" and because she has no family pride to worry about, she would just go "yes" and be evil right off the bat.

Nice way to ruin Harry potter /leftypol/.

this

user, I don't think he's /leftypol/, he just wants to fuck Malfoy.

obligatory

yeah I was going to say, there is literally a female malfoy in LWA

but Diana is not really malevolent, she's just much more competent and aloof than everyone else

she might also be main villain and/or best girl, not yet determined

>best girl, not yet determined

kys

i bet ur a fucking sucyposter

>projecting this hard
>knowing this much about some character in Harry Potter, a children's saga by a feminist, may I add
>ignoring that some women are asked to carry family pride, specially in bongland where they have a Queen who is asked to carry the country's pride
top kek
also this, imagine dat 1488% pure qt's legs and rack

So... it's Hendricks, then?

The rivalry between Harry and Draconia (?) could have been deeper if there was a gender difference. My main beef with the two is they square off as foes almost immediately, with almost no provocation to it, and there is a bitter hatred between them.

>female Draco
>they hit it off well in Diagon Alley
>chill together on the train, Malfoy filling in for Ron
>Harry sees she is very eager to be in Slytherin and finds himself leaning towards it as well, but is conflicted from what he heard from Hagrid, and his father being in Griffindor pulls in in two directions
>Malfoy sorted into Slytherin, Harry into Griffindor
>"Oh no big deal, we'll still be friends"
>Books 1-3 see them build an actual relationship that defies the bitter rivalry between the two houses
>Deteriorates in book 4, when the two inevitably have to pick a side, both siding with their respective families

The idea of a female Malfoy being Harry's friend and their near romantic relationship turning into hatred over factors beyond their control would have worked wonders, putting a little grey in a series so marred with black and white morality bullshit. Also it would have alluded to the relationship between Snape and Harry's mum.

Samefag. Although such complexity is most likely beyond the reach of someone like Rowling. I enjoyed the books as a child and still find parts of them charming, but after learning what a massively insufferable kunt Rowling is, it has left my opinion of the series significantly lowered since I see now she damaged the overall product by shoving her personal bullshit into it.

Boy Malfoy was perfectly dreamy

I would transfigure Ron into a black man with the accompanying BBC and let him do the work.

You're late

what happend to his head?

JUST

It always irked me that Slytherin was shown as this evil, grim Voldemort associated house. It would've been better had Rowling added a Slytherin character who wouldn't have been such of a dick and became friends with Harry, hence giving the house a redemption arc.
>snape was a gud boi
Yeah at the very end Rowling shoehorned it in.

Looks like he drank polyjuice potion with Ron's hair in it

slughorn u goob

IIRC Rowling was originally going to comprise a main cast of 4 friends, each from one of the four houses, so Hermione would have been in Ravenclaw, Ron in Hufflepuff and some Slytherin character which would have been much better than the whole Slyterhin=evil schtick the book has which really just drags down the whole thing. Rowling later tried to rehabilitate Slytherin to some degree through the character of Slughorn but that was too little too late at that point.

>at the very end
For anyone who wasnt a retard it was obvious from book 4

imagine to be their pusy slave whenst she abracadabra's your zappar!

>Fall in love with girl
>Never admit feelings to her
>She falls in love with the Chad who bullies you
>Eventually his Chad ways get them both killed
>Love her so much you devote your life to looking after their kid who looks like the Chad who fucked your one true love since childhood
Why was Snap such a fucking beta? I mean give the poor guy some self respect for fuck's sake.

Female Snape with the same voice.

Snape is the ultimate female power fantasy: This guy who is utterly devoted to a woman that he'll endure years of unrequited love and still love her all the same. But yeah Rowling really did fuck up with making him a sympathetic character, in fact a lot of the time even as a kid I felt outright disgust towards both him and Lily; him for being such a pathetic beta and her for being so blind.

I mean on the one hand he loved this girl since he was a kid and never once let her know of his feelings for her until it was far too late and so he dug his own grave, but on the other it says something about how self absorbed and heartless a person Rowling unintentionally wrote Lily as that not only did she date a guy who relentlessly bullied one of her friends since childhood but also in that she never once questioned whether Snape had romantic feelings for her, despite all evidence pointing towards it for years. Instead she elected to just assume it was because she was just that great or whatever. Like I said, ultimate female power fantasy.

so this... is the power of Sup Forums... huh

based pusy poster

...

sorta, hes still one dimensionally a dick until serious evil bidness is expected of him

It wasn't supposed to make you respect him
It just needed to be convincing enough to justify yet another plot twist with his character

How would the story change if Ron was a twink and followed the weasley tradition of being the 24 hr on call prostitute. It would explain the magic map his brothers had to get around the castle.

Is he, dare I say, /ourguy/?

Lena Dunham

>Huck Finn that low
c'mon man, just cause you studied it in high school don't make it bad

Tsundere Malfoy would be far better romance option for Harry than that ugly jewish ginger cunt Ginny

>Love her so much you devote your life to looking after their kid who looks like the Chad who fucked your one true love since childhood
Riley "Severus Snape" Stearns everyone

>girl malfoy
hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng

it'd probably be twilight for boys
i'd read twilight for boys honestly
he was a version of napoleon written by a woman

in reality napoleon cheated on his wife after she cucked him then went on raping women into falling in love with him

>muh sex evil seductress corrupts the hero

Wrong. From everything we know of Malfoys character, rule 63 Malfoy would be a tsundere who has a secret crush on him and gets flustered while trying to keep a calm and cool demeanor. She'd crush on Harry hard if not at first then as the story progressed.

Malfoy was never as cool as he wanted to be.

fuck the world, I'd be her deatheater

I mean I'd eat her pusy to death

I adored this series as a kid but its overly simplistic themes makes it hard to enjoy as anything else but nostalgia.
>Snapes after all this time
>Voldemort being straight up silly about being his flamboyant evilness
>doesnt soften up morality until very late making sure most evil characters seem like weak followers or completely deranged
>the overarching theme in a (by young adult standards) very cleverly written series is love will literally solve anything
also
>The world fuckin revolves around harry(yet no girls care apart from his friends lil sis)

so Helga Pataki then

>She also would've had an extremely sympathizing background that absolves her of all guilt.
Didn't the books already do that?

>harry ends up with fucking jenny weaselly

Pissed me off so much. The only reason Rowling did that was because she had a major boner for the Weasellys and wanted Harry to be married into the family.

My nemesis' wife's son. He really was the bravest man who ever lived

more?

harry + hermi was clearly built up but with the ginny route the loser gets the dream girl and harry becomes a part of the weasels making sure all 3 are connected by family in the end
endings to long franchises always dissapoint me anyways

>Bitching about dreadful writing

>Putting Atlas Shrugged on top.

Wew lad.

Compared to trekposting and lotr posting, HP posting is just fucking awful
>muh teenage sex drama
Have some self respect

As faggy as it sounds i've always wanted to rewrite Harry Potter into the style of a shonen anime where harry gets with the best girl.

Moaning Myrtle.

If HP was about a girls boarding school for wizardry and had lesbian undertones i would probably like it.

>Women aren't asked to carry family pride, they aren't evolved to be leaders,
There has been enough queens in history to prove you wrong
>women stayed at the cave looking after kids, while men went out and hunted,
Incorrect, while it's true that women stayed home they where also the ones who did the gathering part of Hunter & gather society. Men hunted animals, women collected berries and fruit.

Let's just combine these two. I guarantee the following would multiple and become ten times more lasting with weebs latching on.

This movie. but with magic.

>mischa barton was 15 when this was made
>it has lesbian sex scenes and nudity

What did canada mean by this?

it's a meme you dip
don't you see clifford in mid tier?