AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

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Other urls found in this thread:

bbc.com/news/world-asia-41507967
snopes.com/critters/snakes/measured.asp
straitstimes.com/asia/se-asia/i-did-not-marry-snake-that-resembled-dead-girlfriend-says-malaysian-firefighter
news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/03/python-snake-swallows-man-whole-indonesia/
youtu.be/qdc3xCjUDec
twitter.com/AnonBabble

That's a big snake

Whats the joke?

Then you'll be happy pic related is extinct

what the fuck is that

I refuse to believe.

the snek that steps you

Titanoboa
>By comparing the sizes and shapes of its fossilized vertebrae to those of extant snakes, researchers estimated that the largest individuals of T. cerrejonensis found had a total length around 12.8 m (42 ft) and weighed about 1,135 kg (2,500 lb; 1.12 long tons; 1.25 short tons).

I'd give anything to see these things irl to be honest

Same desu

Do you have a vore fetish?

CROM! GRANT ME REVENGE! AND IF YOU WILL NOT LISTEN, THEN TO HELL WITH YOU!

>Queensland police python

WTF? I thought cops only used dogs and horses?

What the fuck does a fucking python add to a police force, how do you even train it in the first place

Maybe they use them to get into tight areas.

thicc

they use it in case of rouge rugby players.

>this will never eat a sexy lady in front of you

has +2 nigger resistance and attraction to vermin

Probably the fact that those things are originally from Asia but now can be found across southern USA and in Australia, thanks to some Asian dude (probably)

Kek. Reminded me of this story for some reason
>There once was a woman who had a pet python that she loved very much. The snake was about 7 feet long and one day it just stopped eating. After several weeks of trying everything she could to get the snake to eat, the woman took it to the vet.

>The woman explained the situation to the vet and he asked her, “Has your snake been sleeping with you at night or snuggling really close and stretching himself out?”

>The woman replied, “Yes he’s been doing it everyday and it makes me so sad that I can’t help him feel better.”

>The vet says “Ma’am your snake is not sick, he has been preparing to eat you. He’s been sizing you up everyday so he knows how big he has to be, and not eating so he has enough room to digest you.

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This reminded me of another story

>be wife and husband with drug issues
>one baby daughter
>one pet python
>feed the python only a roadkill squirrel as meal before getting nothing in the following months
>python about to starve to death
>wake up in the night to some noises
>check the baby's room
>the fucking python crushing the baby with its mouth eating her head
>freak the fuck out
>stab the snake several times
>too late, baby already dead
>call 911
>they take the python (still alive) away
>get charged for being horrible parents
>jailed
>python not only survived but is now helping the army after training

I really hate snakes once i stumbled across an adder when walking and it scared me

[Attention intensifies]

That's cute. One summer day i was minding my own buisness at the pc and behind it i see a fucking snake rising its head from below the table, it quickly left the house on its own but still scared the fuck out of me.

Yeah I heard about this as well.
Fucking morons.
Had to remove a snake that got into the house quite recently actually

Was it a non-lethal snake?

>Was it a non-lethal snake?
Yeah. We don't really have lethal snakes here and it was quite small. I was at my parents' place for the weekend and heard my mom screaming from the living room lol. I just put a large food container thing over it and let it out outside.

Snek

Closest thing would be Indonesia Sulawesi islands.
bbc.com/news/world-asia-41507967
They also found a guy in another snake this year but currently we hold world record at 8m.

Love how all news that come out of Queensland is wildlife related

snopes.com/critters/snakes/measured.asp

>adder
Was it black and snarky?

for you

Yeah I know.. Still an amusing story though.

Had a laugh.

You'd give your life because that is the last thing you would see. Jesus fuck, that's a big snek.

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lmao

>article about a massive snake
>bbc.com
ლ(´ڡ`ლ)
At this rate, if I reach 80 years old, I'll be lucky to have the maturity of a 40 year old.

Ideally I'd be in an impenetrable glass box. A terrarium of sorts (for the sake of irony)

Literally the normal length/size of a python everywhere.

Ah, I see.

RICED

what?

Kek first thing I thought of when I saw the giant snake.

I can't possibly use bong tabloids when they make up stories like this
straitstimes.com/asia/se-asia/i-did-not-marry-snake-that-resembled-dead-girlfriend-says-malaysian-firefighter

>Your country's police will never have police pythons

>GLOM

yummy

English tabloids are basically the masters of low-brow clickbait. They're impressively awful.

Scrub Pythons are native to Australia, years ago when I was in the army I remember waking up in the middle of the night because I could hear some rustling. Probably wouldn't have given a shit anywhere else but for some reason, stayed awake wondering if my sentries where goofing off (more than normal)
>Scrub python about 4.5m long, thick as my leg
>Slithers over my Sgt's sleeping bag and fucks off into the night
>He didn't even wake up

Told him the next morning, he literally went white and a bit jittery

a fucking basilisk

...

Kek, can a 7ft long Python really already eat a human? And why the fuck would you sleep with a python in your fucking bed.

>can a 7ft long Python really already eat a human
No probably not a fully grown one.

Don't you have something that deter reptiles?
The army use sulphur if I'm not mistaken to deter animals, only thing they worry about is special forces sneaking in and stealing their guns for trolling purposes. My friend once woke up with his M60 up a tree.
Of course not, this one is 23 feet
news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/03/python-snake-swallows-man-whole-indonesia/
Still a 100kg mass of muscle is already enough to crush an adult in the usual cases here.

>something that deter reptiles?
Yeah, guns :)
Seriously though, there's nothing really out there that will dissuade snek from doing whatever he wants to do. I've heard old wives tales about camphor laurel being used to make them go away, but considering its a bit toxic it might also make you go away if you're not careful. Most snakes won't bother you unless they're cornered, trodden on or otherwise fucked with- they'll leave if things get noisy and whacked with a stick if all else fails

Am I the only one who thinks snakes are cute and goofy

I've always thought they were cool and my friend's ex-gf had three baby ball pythons that were so cute

Except if its a female guarding her eggs.
Worst story about snek was from the security guard at our Sungai Batu excavation site.
>4 guys spread out over a massive 1st century ancient city excavation in the middle of a swamp
>have to stay up in their guard post with 5m python all over at 2am
>tigers watching from the distance
>chinese cultists sneaking in to worship the ancient temple or steal its bricks to pray for lottery number.
>mosquito everywhere
>all the guards have is baton and .38 revolver

Snakes can be pretty cute desu

Sounds frightening but certainly a good story to tell.

>Sungai Batu
Heard of it, never actually been there. Was slightly to the north and out east dicking around in the national park area last I was in Malaysia, can seriously believe the mosquitoes though, they'll bleed you white.

Don't think any of our local snakes guard their eggs, there's about half a dozen super-venomous, cranky ones which straight out of the egg are technically lethal to anything living so they don't really need it. Think that's the first lesson on snakes every kid here learns about, the little ones are 'cute', but they'll bite and really mess you up as they don't have any restraint and will just pump all the venom they have into you.

Though, salt water crocs guard eggs and they're insane creatures. Only real land reptile here I'm not going to have anything to do with, lets face it. Anything that ate dinosaurs isn't to be messed with

they have to protect bricks? i mean if its still a structure i could understands its value but if its just bricks why bother? thats like protecting a pile of old planks here

We just stumbled into the site quite recently, when the water level receded the ancient port becomes a swamp and abandoned during animism era until road construction noticed the unusual man made bricks.
Crocs is serious problem here that kills more humans than guns this year with dozens already dead. This Bujang Senang (Happy Bachelor) nigga is famous in the 90's for having at least 14-30+ kills which is bad enough for federal police to finally deploy helicopters, special actions team and aborigine trackers to hunt him down. His hide bounced almost 2 dozen darts from snipers so someone rushed him and shotgun his face point blank.
Supposedly the recent deaths in the same river was his son coming to avenge his dad.
Bricks from a 1st century animism temple, some cults wearing all white believes it can grant them lottery number and good luck. There is also the oldest sign of metal working furnace in entire SEA

>hide in a building\behind fence\someplace dogs cant get you
>relax thinking you're safe
>fucking huge police python gets in and wraps itself around your legs
i wonder how long will it take for the military to start training them .
our shitty police only has dogs and horses , theres rumors of a secret army unit training dolphins but we really need to step it up and get police pythons ,or even get ahead of straya police and start training those huge straya'n spiders that eats dogs .

>14-30+ kills from one croc
holy shit

What the fuck is that?

Some kind of flatworm

youtu.be/qdc3xCjUDec

Australia is so boring and uninteresting that being popular on social media can make the national news

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Whats wrong? Its just snek
I thought u bongs wuz dragonslayer n sheet

This is a Basilisk, Potter nerd

>dislikes tabloids
>posts straits times
There is literally no Singaporean newspaper that isn't a tabloid

I thought its just politics, is all the media controlled by Lee dynasty as well?

Not big as our Katoey's dicks for sure.

In Europe, most dangerous animals have been exterminated.