Monkey's Paw

I wish...

Mom finds that apartment she's looking for tomorrow.

Granted. After a year or so, she starts getting horrible coughing fits. Finds out the apartment is crawling with some serious type of mold.

I'm sorry, user.

Monkey paw threads would stop

At this point that would probably kill her.

Granted but now Stephen Universe has two generals that can't be filtered

To have complete and utter omnipotence

Hey I thought there would be a downside.

Granted. You are usurped and killed by other lesser gods.

Monkey paw threads stop, but are replaced by some other shitpost.

The cycle never ends, user.

I wish I were never born.

I wish I was the magic monkey paw

Wish I could save her...

Granted but you still have your current conscious, only that you are a sperm cell that failed to reach your mothers egg.

The voices in my head would stop screaming whenever I saw her.

Alright.

The voices scream 24/7, and only stop whenever you see her.

You retain your consciousness and awareness as you are reposted again and again, with ever more "clever" ironic shitposts, forever.

to have a healing ability like Wolverine.

I wish for a turkey sandwich... on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and... AND!... I don't want any zombie turkies, I don't wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any more weird surprises, you GOT IT?!

Granted, but you can not eat the turkey sandwich.

i wish my baby had never die and my to not suicide after that, and no harm to be done to them with any kind of drawback coming form a mythical paw or anything else

fuck you monkey paw i just want them to be fine, i dont care what you do to me

I wish nostalgia tards (Cartoon Network, Star Wars, etc) would just shut the fuck up and learn to accept their new products. Ungrateful cunts

You only get white meat in the sandwich.

That Zach Snyder, joss Whedon, and Brett ratner would die in a car crash

You fucking piece of shit. There is no God. They scream on end. My children can hear it.

granted now shamamalan, lucas and bay are making the same movies they did

Granted. Even the most minor of damage to your cells cause massive cancerous growths to develop. By the end of the month, you will be a living ball od cancer unable to die

Granted, but now they won't shut up about their new products.

So I'm just like all of Sup Forums then?

...

For TWO HA'PENNIES

...

>it's 2006
I wish for a Superman movie where he actually fights someone equal to his power.
And I also want a Justice League movie one day.

can you imagine if someone did a monkey paw thread and then someone said that exact thing?

i could fucking hate that user for the rest of my life and even mail him/her a somme glitter

Sorely disappointed in all of you for not saying "Granted, but the turkey is a little dry"

Pic related but with the addition that in the likelihood that the monkeys paw or any wish granting entity still manages to generate an outcome that is negative in total the monkey's paw or any wish granting entity will instantly be turned into another wish granting entity that will follow the rules of my claim.

THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY?!

I wish MLP never happened

>tfw the monkey paw is just real life accelerated

You are forced to grant wishes until you become old and bitter, causing you to twist peoples desires and ruin their lives.

Granted.
But the autism and general social repulsiveness of bronies now infest your favourite fandom

Fuck it, I'm in.

>I'm disappointed in you for not making the most obvious reference that everyone and their grandmother already thought of as soon as they saw that word-for-word quote in

But I love Major[/spoiler] League Ping-pong!

a new ghostbusters movie

Major League Ping-pong

Now the joke is ruined, well that stinks.

It's your fault

for chilli and sea bass

Someone get this hothead out of here.
This isn't Sup Forums

I actually think that Micheal Bay has talent, but is more about making commercial success than anything else. Transformers is shit, but I really doubt it's just him on that.

Ok, but the monkey's paw had anthrax on it.

Shamalaman Watchmen. How is it?

I think he does.
He's crude as hell, but sometimes crudeness works.
Have you seen Pain and Gain?
I thought it was pretty good. Granted, I was drunk at the time, but still.

that gays didn't exist and that /sug/ would die forever.

I wish I can enjoy new things…

I WANT AN XBOX!

Granted, you now hate everything you used to love

Can I learn to love things I use to hate?

Why is this so faintly familiar?

Well shit, monkey's paw is truly unbeatable.

Could you have just learned to live new things? Exactly...

>omnipotence
>ursuped

Someone get him a dictionary.

You can have unlimited power but if your'e too dumb to protect yourself, you can still be eliminated.
Omnipotence is not omniscience nor immortality.

I wish that Captain America would be made more interesting than just the cape Jason Borne.

There something you want to talk about user.

>Omnipotence is not omniscience nor immortality.

It is if you want it to be

om·nip·o·tence
ämˈnipədəns/
noun
noun: omnipotence; plural noun: omnipotences

The quality of having unlimited power.

synonyms: all-powerfulness, almightiness, supremacy, preeminence, supreme power, absolute power, unlimited power; invincibility

Granted but nothing happens as your skepticism erases any proof of change from existence making you think the wish failed. Your subconscious blocks your powers due to this and you live the rest of your life like a normal human unaware of the unlimited power just in your grasp.

I wish I lived in the board-tan universe.

It's the only place I am familiar with.

Fairy Wish Prince by Stamper

Granted.

You are Sup Forums

Thanks, mate.
I thought I heard his voice when I saw the image

My life wasn't absolute shit and I didn't have the desire to kill myself every time I get out of bed.
I only wish to be happy.

Granted.
But in doing so everyone else's life will be miserable and they'll all blame it on you.
No matter where you go people will hate you and beat you up.
Enjoy.

...how does that make him happy? Does he get erections from taking a beating now?

Probably, I dunno.
I don't care, to be honest.

>implying it's bad

Just few leaves here and there and it's good.

Granted.

I wish for the next big comic book event to upset Sup Forums in some way.

Granted.

thanks monkey paw, i love you
if only it was that easy to get them back

I wish for unlimited wishes in a way that will horribly backfire (or otherwise aggrieve) on me where this also applies to the wishes I will be making as a result of this wish.

I WISH ... that the asshats who come to Sup Forums just to start threads about how much they hate comics would burst into flames and only burn to the point where skin-grafts would no longer help them.

I wish there were no longer monkey paws to make wishes on.

I'll take whatever consequence as long as they can no longer hurt others...

if only...

I wish for 1 billion American dollars to be legally deposited into my bank account and no negative effect can take place until the account hits zero american dollars and zero cents.

Granted, but it has sun dried tomatoes.

Granted. Sup Forums is now nothing but cartoon generals and live action threads.