ITT jokes from your country

ITT jokes from your country

>a baby was born and moments after it cried it was born blind, the nurse said be quite your not blind the power is out, the baby then cried that its born in pakistan

(Brazil) "The only fix for Brazil lies in the airport"

The word for "fix" and "exit" in portuguese is the same

???

*knock knock*
-whos there
-germany
-ok

A Japanese robot was programmed to catch criminals, so they decided to test it im different countries. In Germany it caught 35 criminals in 30 min,in France it caught 55 in 50 min. In Bulgaria it was robbed in 5 min.

Saida, seu idiota

>an escaped slave finds a magical lamp in the desert
>his chains are heavy and he is very thirst
>he rubs the lamp
>the genie says 'I will grant you any of your wishes, but only three'
>after much thinking he asks for a lighter chain, more water and to be white
>genie turns him into a toilet

quality joke, Jorge

kek
only good one in the thread

>a friend of some guy was bitten by a snake in the head of his dick
>the guy runned into a hospital and asked the doctor how he could intercept the poison after a bite
>doctor said: you must suck it hard until all the venom gets out of the flesh
>the man comes back and the hurted friend asks: did you talk to the doctor?
>yes
>what did he say?
>he said you will die.

pretty old one, but still kinda funny

My country is a joke

German integrity and honesty are our defining stances

Entra un judío a una pizzería nazi y pide 2 familiares y el pizzero le dice "espere un momento, están en el horno" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJ

why am i seeing your flag? I don't remember downloading the regional flag pack

this

if only we could be german kraut-san

are you flemish or wallonian?

Germany shouldn't exist in it's current form. It should be split into it's seperate states and kept under constant guard and quarantine by the world. The moment you trust a strong Germany they'll invade.

I want to see Pakistan succeed and fortunate, only to see ass blasted pajeets hindus.


fuckign rat and cow worshipers

And oh yeah, KASHMIR IS PAKISTAN!!!

France, UK and USSR gathered an international meeting to determine the nationality of Adam and Eve once and for all.

The representative of France speaks first:
- Adam and Eve obviously were French because only a french woman would sacrifice an eternal life in Heaven for her man.

The British representative answers:
- With all due respect to my colleagues, but it is a subject of no concern that they were British. For that only a true british gentleman would exchange Heaven for his lady.

At last, the representative from USSR stands up and says:
- All that I heard tonight is an obvious western propaganda and is a complete lie. There is only one true answer to the main question and it is that they were Soviet. And I have a foundation for my words of not only one but three facts.

-Three?!, - the whole delegation starts rumbling and whispering.

- You heard me. Three. Firstly, they had only one apple for two people. Secondly, they had no clothes. And finally the main thing. Despite having nothing to wear and nothing to eat they still thought they live in Heaven.

Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are all working on a construction site, building a new skyscraper in London. It's lunchtime and they're all sat atop the building. Englishman opens up his lunchbox to see what his wife has packed him.

"Ugh... Ham and cheese sandwich... again. Im fucking sick of ham and cheese sandwiches, it's the same every bloody day. If I get another ham and cheese sandwich in my lunch box tomorrow I'm jumping off the top of this building."

Next, the Scotsman opens up his lunch box.

"Aackk, jam sandwich... again. I cannee go on like this eating jam sandwiches every day of me life! If I get the same again tomorrow I'm jumping as well."

Next it's the Irishman's turn.

"Ohh for fecks sake! Not another egg and cress sandwich! That's the fourth one in a row this week! I'm with you boys, one more egg and cress sandwich and I'm jumping!"

So next day they sit at the top of the building to have lunch. One by one they open up their lunch boxes... Englishman finds another ham and cheese sandwich, so off he jumps, and splats into the ground below. Scotsman finds another jam sandwich... Off he goes...Splat. Irishman, egg and cress sandwich... Splat.

A week or so later later the three widows are talking at the memorial service. English widow says, through tears, "I still can't believe it, had no idea George hated ham and cheese so much, if only i'd known..."

Scottish widow says "Duncan did say he was getting a bit bored of Jam, but I didn't realise he hated it that much, I just wish he'd have let me know how he really felt."

Irish widow says "I... I just don't understand... Paddy packed his own lunch."

Both, i speak french/dutch too :D
I just want my country to be part of true German Empire, protect us from the froggots plise

haha this is pretty good

in which part do you live?

Why is everyone afraid of Asan(Gypsy name) in 2nd Grade, Because of his father in 8th grade

nice one

I like these ones

This is true soviet union joke make in heartland USSR (israel)

I solute you tovarisch

jokes are reddit tier

near Brussels flemish part

oops forgot my soviet gulag prison tatoo

An American walked into an English pub and asked for a pint of Budweiser.
The barman replied "You're American aren't you?"
The man says, "Yeah. Could you tell by the drink I ordered, or the accent?"
The barman replied. "Neither, you are the fattest fuck I have ever seen."

lol but hwat does this have to do with countries

cool, do people there consider themselves as flemish/wallonians instead of belgians?

>what the common point between spinach and sodomy ?
>you can add as much butter you want kids don't like it.

only funny one ITT, made me kek IRL

The difference between England, Scotland and Ireland is greater than the difference between any Central American country.

brits are almost as fat as americans now, nice projection Duncan.

haha good one
belgian

France NO!

Irish people are stereotypically stupid here, Scottish people are stereotypically tight with money and English people are stereotypically boring

not funny in the slightest

...

doubtful
lol i see

Two people going shopping

person A picks one item costing 1.50
person B objects: " no there is a cheaper deal available let's look quickly"
person A: ok

Object found is like beer but not and only priced 69 cents

person A goes red in the face and laughs
Person B: Why are you laughing is it becuase 69 sex move?
Person A: No it's because 69 is my house number and beer is like beer but not beer and my house is like a house but not a house it's an apartment.

Both quickly leave the shop in shame.

why dont they get cheap whore to suck it out?

doesnt have to die

No, they have almost the same amount of 30+ Bmi people but they do not have the hamplanets that caught walmart's scooters in their orbits

HAHAHA LOOK HOW STRAIGHT WE ARE: the post

Holy shit

Boo!
Turkish jokes sucks!

hahahahaahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahhahhaahahahah

Because in the non retarded version of the joke they're in the middle of a forest and they got the doctor on the phone.

>a couple of gays is riding a plane
>the guy so horny is asking other one for some sex during the night
>"you crazy the plane is full of people, fuck no"
>"come on everybody's sleeping, look"
>"excuse me you all, does anybody have a pen ?"
>no answers
>"see, let's fuck"
>horny guy is fuckin the other one all the night like crazy.
>next morning the stewart is riding the alley to serve breakfast, then he noticed a grandma thrilling like if she was cold.
>"madam, are you cold, do you need a blanket maybe ? don't hesitate to ask if you need anything"
>"are you crazy ? a guy asked a pen last night and he get ass fucked all night"

uh...

it's just a joke you dry cunt

Classic Carlos tier joke

so... his house is a cheaper deal?

Robotism: the flag

no, the joke revolves around the fact that this beer like substance is not a beer and only priced 69 cents and that his house is actually an apartment also with the door numer 69- it's a once in a life time coincidence and caused red faces and embarrasment for laughing too loud. I realise it's a bit of an old joke but it's still got potential

classic jokes are the best, f carlos

Never change Hans
Never dare to change

I live classic German jokes. It is useful to calm you down when you are too happy.

am I being trolled here? Maybe the french don't understand it fully because it's in english, or?

That's the most retarded thing I read today.

>Germany being autisticaly cute
everytim

No the joke was fine dude, don't worry!

I'm not German, though, I just live here

>first world northern euro

shut up faggot

We know Bilal von Atatürk

Not a turk actually. I live near plenty however

UMA DELICIA
>tfw no sopa de macaco
why live?

10/10

How do we call the meat around the vagina?

>Women

What's worse than a baby in a trashcan?
A baby in two trashcans

What is yellow and that waits?
Yellowaits

How do you make a little girl a second time?
Wipe your dick in her favorite teddybear

a bit trash

Ok, now let's get serious
>how do you make a fireman cry?
>you kill his family

I lived with two French students when I was at university and they loved jew jokes. Why do French people like jew jokes so much?

What is the difference between gelatin and an english woman? Gelatin moves when you stuff it.

I've read your post like it was a joke and then sat there for 30 seconds trying to find the punchline.

All my friends love dark humor

btw, my humor is so dark that he got a asylum right

>German humor

When president Kekkonen was in his 70s, he had the physique of a 40 year old. That's how in bad shape people in their 40s were in the 70s.
lmao

*dictator kekkonen

These don't make sense in English

t. homo

??????????????

Kekkonen was on the phone with Breznev. The prime minister overheard Kekkonen answering Breznev's questions: "yes, yes, yes, yes, no, yes"

After the call was over the prime minister asked Kekkonen which question he answered with "no". Kekkonen says, "Breznev asked me if I ever get tired of answering yes."

A white doctor moves into a gipsy village.A year later, the gypsies realize all the kids that were born since he arrived are white, so the most badass Gypsy goes to have a word with him
Gyppo
>Doctor, why are all children born after you moved in white?
Doc
>Well, it's simple genetics. See that field over there? There's white sheep, but also some are black
Gyppo
>Oh,well alright doc,I won't mention the kids and you don't mention the black sheep

Skinheads catch a gipsy, but they give him a chance
He gets to roll the dice, if he gets 1-5 they kill him
Gipsy rolls the dice and gets a 6
"Congratulations! You get to roll again!"

Here's a joke
Catalonia declares independence and gets nuked.
The end.

why are periods called periods?
the term mad cow disease was already taken

why is a bachelor's sperm more expensive than a married man's?
it's usually hand made

Good jokes, бpaтaн!
Any more?

Glad you like them,might post more later since I can't remember any good ones at this moment

General Jaruzelski went on an official visit to the USA. There, during a private meeting, he asks Reagan.
- I will be honest here. How come that in our country, under the greatest and most just communist system, everything is crumbling, yet you live so well under horrible capitalism?
- Well, you see - answered Reagan diplomatically - it's all about having well-trained and competent staff.
Then he called the Vice President George Bush to his office.
- I have a question for you, George. Who is that - born from your mother, but neither your brother nor your sister?
Bush immediately answers:
- If it's neither my brother nor sister, then it must be me!
Jaruzelski left the USA impressed and upon his return decided to test General Kiszczak.
- I have a question for you, Comrade Kiszczak. Who is that - born from your mother, but neither your brother nor your sister?
Kiszczak thinks. And thinks. Minutes pass, his brain is melting. And then, he bursts out:
- I do not know, Comrade Jaruzelski, but give me a week and I'll have the son of a bitch locked up in prison!
- Oh you won't, you won't - Jaruzelski laughed heartily - it's George Bush!

Well, we have a lot of jokes about Neapolitans.

>Naples: a guy gets on a bus shouting "put your hands up, this is a robbery!". An old lady comments: "thank God, I thought it was the ticket inspector"

A Sicilian truck driver is stopped by traffic police officers for a check of the transported cargo. An agent asks:

- What does it carry?

The driver answers:

- Calculators.

The agent instead finds guns, bombs, knives and other weapons; then question:

- So these are the calculators?

And the truck driver:

- this how we settle the score in sicilly

keque

commie jokes are best

A soviet citizen walks into a store only to see empty shelves. The man asks what does this shop even sell? The shopkeeper tells him they sell bread.

The man goes to another store only to see more empty shelves. He asks what the store sells and the shopkeeper tells him they sell meat.

The man then goes to another store only this time there aren't even shelves there. The man asks what sort of store it is and the shopkeeper tells him that they sell shelves.