PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SPOILERS

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SPOILERS

>freed from curse
>literally the only thing i wanted
>get forcefully submerged by douchebag pirates
>i was right all along

Was I really not supposed to side with Salazar?

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Please kill this franchise.

>PG13 Disney flick
>Spoil

Pirates 5 was shit. It was written by the guy that wrote Indiana Jones 4.

Salazar did nothing wrong, his job was to hunt pirates. Pirates are scum, even Jack Sparrow isn't an exception.

Also why does this franchise have a habit of portraying the Spanish as badasses while the British are wimps?

I thought all he wanted was to get revenge on Captain Jack Sparrow.
Either way, when hes climbing up the chain why did Barbarossa drop down and stab him with the sword? Why couldn't the 5 of them just all get back up safely?

spoilersss you dumb asshole, I'm going to watch this

I haven't seen PotC 3 or 4 but number 5 was seriously the worst film I've seen in years


that ridiculous fucking bank seen, am I meant to believe 8 horses can pull an entire building faster than people can run?

>Also why does this franchise have a habit of portraying the Spanish as badasses while the British are wimps?

Art imitating life desu

Are you really trying to find reason and realism in Disney flick such as PotC?

>watches movies about undead pirates and a guy with a squid in his face
>mad about cartoon physics

Salazar was great. Deserved to be in a better movie.

Jesus the effects seem to look worse every time I see something new from this film

>Silva catching up
>Barbossa's daughter and the prince of Persia are the closest ones to him
>If he starts grabbing people to get to Jack she'd be dead

Pirates movies have always been balls out ridiculous dude.

The CG actually looks pretty great in the movie. That screenshot looks super awkward though.

Surely El Capitan realizes that won't work and he might as well just sit on the chain and at least live.

Is this true autism? I can imagine this guy crossing his arms during this scene pushing air out of his nose and then letting everyone know after the movie how impossible this scene was.

youtube.com/watch?v=L--HYxfSlY4

>implying you can not side with him after that

Easily in my top 4 PotC movies, step back in the right direction towards more piratey stuff and less Disneyish fantasy. Worst part was hanging around to watch the post credit secret snippet with all the cinema cleaners staring at me passive agressively. I give it 2.5/5

Did nothing wrong

2 > 1 > 5 > 3 > 4

5 > 1 > 2 > 3 it is. 4th is just bonus material.

And yes, 5 is obviously way less original than the 1th but originality doesn't last. Compared side by side it's above it due the stronger emotional core.

x

Kek, those are so uninspired compared to the earlier foes.

British and Dutch were pretty much sea niggers

Pretty sad that the best they could come up with was undead pirates again.

To be fair, the series has been about villain protaganists ever since focus switched from Will in the first film to Jack. The 'bad' guys are often the ones you would have wanted to win if you had been a normal sailor or civilian.

Fuck pirates. They would have taken all you had, raped your wife and daughter, and then come back to keelhaul your the sons they just made when they got old enough, and raped any new daughters.

Does Will Turner do anything interesting? I'm not going to see the film, but I liked him in the original, and thought turning him into sea-faring Grim Reaper was a cool concept.

>bringing back Davy Jones. That's a good trick

What did they mean by this?

He was already climbing up while everyone else just held on and waited. Everyone else began their climb to get away from him.
So no.

No. He shows up in the prologue all barnacled up, explaining to his son that this is his curse (which was reserved for slackers on the job previously but is now mandatory) and then returns home when the curse is lifted to give Elizabeth two lost decades of D.
They tease his theme a few times in the soundtrack, but he never shows up apart from that.

I remembered Elizibeth was rich, and so he likely gets to live off her money, but whenever a character is freed from a curse or some shit that basically made them miss out on the majority of thier lives I wonder how they get on fitting back into a dull daily life.

Imagine a high society party when you have literally been the marine Grim Reaper.

Because the British were who financed pirates against Spain.

Goddammit they even hire Barbossa in the 4.

>revenge on Captain Jaksparrro

fixed

Based Javier is based.

1 = 2 = the final act of 3 > 5 > the rest of 3 >>>>>>>>>>> 4

IMO
5 > 2 > 1 > 3 > 4

While 1 was cool when it came out, 2 had a better story and characters, particularly the main villain.
3 is underwhelming because of the way they did the "rescuing JacK' thing, but at least the final battle looks cool.
4 is just plain bad and boring.

Is Black Sails anything like PotC? or is it just the usual TV drama but with a piracy setting?

>Worst part was hanging around to watch the post credit secret snippet with all the cinema cleaners staring at me passive agressively.
Are you telling me everybody fucking left before watching it? what the fuck?

The female lead is so smug 100% of the time she's on screen, I'm almost surprised no other characters made any moves on her (even Jack), except for Will's son.

>any movie after 1 being better than 1
Is this the day I realize everyone here is 12?

It's 2017. If he had flirted with her that would be sexist. Also what the fuck happened to Penelope Cruzs character?

It's more like Game of Thrones, but with pirates

>there are people out there that don't think the first one is the best one
What the actual fuck?

Was half hoping that Will would show up sometime during the final battle to help his son, suffice to say I'm somewhat disappointed that he didn't.

>movie hyped up the return of Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley
>Orlando Bloom is on screen for maybe 3 minutes total
>Kiera knightly doesn't even have any lines

>Getting paid just to show up on set and kiss Orlando Bloom

She got a pretty good deal desu

IMO 2 lacked the sense of wonder or the cute mini moments, Jack and the crew (specially Anamaria), Jack on island with Liz, her reaction towards pirates. 2th felt too plotted, too calculated, too controlled. Also the cannibal island scenes were way too long.

Though The first two and firth are very close either way. Then 3rd was a noticeable step down despite great visuals.

1 > 5 > 2 ≥ 4 > 3

>5 that high
you guys seriously think this movie was good

Because it is an American film, so they have to shit on Brits at every stop as Brits are the only people to have effectively enslaved Americans. It doesn't matter whether or not the revolution was a success, that is a mark that will forever be a chip on their shoulder. Brits are the only people on this planet who have never been under the boot of someone else.

this is the final answer

Depending on your definition, they got cucked by the Romans.

The emotional impact from 5 beats everything Disney released in last two decades.

1>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hitler >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > 4 >3 >5

Remind me of what happened to the Spanish Armada?

>muh nostalgia

No. It's basically a cameo in the opening scene and the very end.

How did everyone, including Jack, find out that Salazar thought of Jack as "Jack the Sparrow?"

For that matter, how did Salazar know the name of some random wet-behind-the-ears pirate who'd yet to even become a captain?

What emotional impact? Barbossa's poorly-justified death scene? The Orlando Bloom cameo at the very end? Jack Sparrow's stupid gurning face and cringeworthy one-liners shoved into every scene?

The slow-motion death scene of the bad guy in the third one hit better emotional notes, and he was a complete nobody.

How did Salazar find out that he came to be known as "Jack the Sparrow" when it was apparently a name given to him by Sparrow's crewmates immediately after Salazar got BTFO?

2 and 3 are barely as old as 1. If nostalgia was at play I would rate them highly too. Bu I don;t because they were objectively garbage also.

Why was Jack so shitty in this bros
Why did most of his lines not land
Why did they explain his fucking hair beads, and give him a trait that he'd apparently had all along but we only just saw now in the fifth film
Why did the whole plot hinge on so many coincidences
Why wasn't there any 1v1 swashbuckling swordfights
Why did I still enjoy it despite my thought process rejecting every second or third thing that happened

>Why did they explain his fucking hair beads, and give him a trait that he'd apparently had all along but we only just saw now in the fifth film
??

You really like Hitler that much?

The reveal itself and how it was handled.

Because Jack is an old man by now. One who was drinking and living on shitty food the majority of his life, and probably bumped his head against things too many times. Him being past it is the most realistic part about it.

>Why wasn't there any 1v1 swashbuckling swordfights
Because these are stupid. His fight against Davy Jones was an idiotic idea.

>Why did the whole plot hinge on so many coincidences
Check the other work of the screenwriter.

>Why did I still enjoy it despite my thought process rejecting every second or third thing that happened
It doesn't take itself too serious, making it easy to accept shitty moments. It's basically a cartoon.

He demands tribute through the film, which was started the day he first became a captain and got given tribute (which included the beads in his hair) - he is obviously inspired by it in that scene

Jack's schtick was tired by the third movie. He was a great novelty, but he's not been doing anything new for a while now and it's becoming extremely boring watching Johnny Depp trying to keep afloat a performance that's about 14 years old.

Oh true. That was weird

That's why I thought having Penelope Cruz in it, a woman who can keep up with him and keep him in line, was a good idea but nah, let's just have Depp prance around like he's still 30

can we please talk about the two new characters? or more importantly how fucking awful Henry Turner was? good fucking god, even in his first scene as a fucking child all he did was open his mouth and vomit exposition or plot, the nigger did not have a character of his own at all, and even though they tried to push him as the "sea mythology guy" what the fuck even came of that.

incredibly disappointing. the girl was alright even though the star island was stupid

The guy who played Henry Turner must have God-tier Hollywood connections because he was an annoying charisma-vaccuum in Gods of Egypt, too.

The girl was unnecessarily hostile and self-righteous. It made it extremely hard to like the character.

Good thing they didn't include any decent scenes to allow us to connect with the characters so we could get more scenes of Johnny Depp gurning and falling over.

He's pretty much like his daddy just looking worse. I have no idea how they will make him more interesting for the sequels.


Caryna was pretty good and could easy become on par with her daddy later.

This pisses me off. I thought the mythology behind Davy Jones was cool and for them to just forget why he ended up looking fucked up is a disservice to one of the more interesting elements from that pair of films.

Unless the implication is that he just stopped doing it but then Will is a cunt since the job he was setup to perform is a noble one.

I do not even know how people can say this is the best one.
It had a been there done that feeling and Salazar was just acting hilarious and dumb. And I am pretty sure 70% of the budget went to making his hair 3d

4 was a much better attempt at "rebooting" the series

I want to marry the girl in this movie desu

I sincerely felt love while watching this movie. I only ever felt this way one other time in my life.

It wasn't love user, it was her huge titties being pressed together and up

Barbossa went out like such a bitch, I mean I knew he was going to die in the 5th movie because Geoffrey Rush is getting too old for this, but god dammit I wanted him to go out fantastically guns blazing and shit, the first act even showed him as this fucking badass, then the rest of the movie he was just lame, also whoever wrote this shit obviously never payed any attention to the previous shit, because the entire movie I was wondering "When is he going to bust out the Queen?" but the boat never showed up, in fact he never once controlled the ship like he was shown clearly being able to do in the last movie, which hyped me up for him to be this great threat in the 5th, but then he was just some sappy wuss that I couldn't even recognize also why the hell did Jack give up the compass at the beginning anyway? Did the writer(s) forget that Jack clearly pocketed the gold coin earlier?

>Brits are the only people on this planet who have never been under the boot of someone else.
>who are the Normans
>who are the Danes

He was wasted before he got to the tavern so he was probably drinking earlier and spent it

The first and second movies were really good.

The third and fourth movies were really awful.

The fifth falls in between for me. Better than 3 and 4, but not sure I'd put it ahead of 1 and 2

Is Jack Sparrow fucking immortal?
He looks exactly the fucking same

He's about the same age as Johnny Depp. Genetics and makeup are like magic.

>Brits are the only people on this planet who have never been under the boot of someone else.

>litterally their only dynasties are a French-Norman dynasty, a French dynasty, a Weslh dynasty, a Scottish dynasty, a Dutch dynasty, and a German dynasty
Also, Americans have a habit of exaggerating British deeds for their war of independence to sound as if they were braving more odds than they really did, which is why they always leave out the French/Germans/Russians in WWI movies, and only focus on Brits who only did 1/4th of the fighting on the Western front.

Muricans tend to forget that frogs were the biggest reason for their independence in the first place too.

They really didn't do a good job explaining why trading away a compass would break some cursed fire water out in the middle of the ocean. What shitty writing

I don't know user, there's a huge leap between something like the wheel fight, which was accomplished with real actors, correography and inventive staging and the bank scene where it was just Depp making silly faces as everything CGI'd around him.

Is it me or did they subtely push feminist agenda by making her some logical educated science girl who just so happened to be persecuted by the patriarchy as a witch for being too smart for her own good? This became apparent by the signs that said no dogs and no women allowed. Or have I been on Sup Forums too much these days?

>muh cgi boogyman

cringe

All sea magic is connected. The compass works in that which you desire the most is pointed to. However, if you give up the compass that which you least desire comes true. In this case your worst nightmares will be released.

The since Davy Jones, Beckett is gone Salazar would now be Sparrow worst nightmare.

After 2003 and what we reaped from it, yup, I'm not expecting much from Americans. They're alright to hang around with, but they're so fucking easily manipulated.

Look how many want to blpw up Best Korea without even knowing anything about it.

Because it doesn't fucking matter.

The bank scene wasn't CGI. There are some vids how they made it.

Do you even history? The only questionable part was HOW she got her education, though she seemed to be good with disguises, so maybe that explains it.

Europoor can't read

The image is Ukraine

Fuck you're right, wrong page.

This is the one I wanted, and from the NYTso you know it's reputable.

>subtly push feminist agenda
>subtly
They took every possible opportunity to remind the audience that she's a STRONK INTELLIGENT WOMAN and that the WHOLE WORLD IS FULL OF STUPID MEN WHO ARE AGAINST HER

This would've been unironically true for that era though?.... Though I agree that to dwell on it is retarded since to pass judgement on the past is inane it itself.

Here's what I don't get

So Barbossa found that star map island because he wrote the journal and broke off a piece of ruby

Why did he need his fucking daughter to do all the work for him to undo some curses

In fact, why did he care at all? He wasn't cursed in this one

He only got himself killed because he started fucking around with Salazar

The most surprising part about is that they knew it's a country.

>Main protags lack zero chemistry, character or personality. The guy is literal cardboard the character and the girl was the most hamfisted, cliched and pandering "empowered girrrrl power" character ever. Hurr hurr she's a witch because she's smart and science!
>Set pieces are all goofy and poorly put together, CGI shit shows with poor effects that totally lack any gravity because the main characters survive so much bullshit that there's no stakes or even visual interest because it looks so fake.
>Characters and things happen/exist/are places just for convenience of plot. They take the black pearl because it's the only ship that can outrun the ghosts, oh look, the British caught us! And the ghosts did too despite having no idea where we are and us saying we're faster!
>Depp cannot act
>Humor falls flat over and over again, I was going to kill myself if I had to see another 'oh he's swinging on a rope but it didnt work guys!!' Joke
>Didn't want to pay Bloom for more than 3 minutes even though there's absolute cause for him to be through the whole film.
>Javier can't decide if he wants to be quirky or scary, and his intersecting ransom Spanish words was so fucking goofy.

One of the worst movies I've seen in years and a total pathetic cashgrab.

>anime poster