Sorry sir, butter is reserved for those who passed with a score of 80 or higher on the penis inspection

Sorry sir, butter is reserved for those who passed with a score of 80 or higher on the penis inspection.

>have a big dick
>always get the butter for popcorn
>always pass penis inspection
>fail at singles policy because you can only enter with a gf

FUCK
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

You'd be wise to rethink your decision Robert

but I don't have a penis Robert, can't you ask the butterlord to make an exception for me?

Unless you'd rather search for butter down in the popcorn mines, I suggest you leave.

Do you get a discount if Robert is your bull?

I warned you

HEY GUYS MKBHD HERE

Be very careful now..

LANE?

What the fuck he owns the place!? He was merely pretending to be the popcorn guy all along? What a twist

Oh the boy on the right is actually pretty cute.

she's a big girl

>finally get a girl to go out with me
>take her to see Wonder Woman for first date
>ITS PENIS INSPECTION DAY
>got a low score
>the Movie Theater Police take away my girlfriend license
>she has to see the movie with a guy who scored higher on the penis aptitude test
>now Im alone and not allowed to see the movie
I ALREADY BOUGHT TWO TICKETS

bros...how can i get a bigger penis?

>at cinema
>falcon is acting up
>falcon strap comes loose from my wrist
>falcon flies over to designated shooter during his shooter nap
>pokes his eyes
>shooter gets up swatting the falcon and letting loose rounds into the crowd
>get shot and bleed out

Literally happens every time. When the fuck can we get another animal for the singles? Im sick of falcons, they cost so much to feed too

but 4 who

What the fuck is going on in this thread?

>Meet a 7/10 girlfriend in the popcorn mines.
>Robert comes to take our popcorns
>Popcorn girlfriend tells me she wants to watch Wonder Woman with Robert because he's so clean cut and has a real job.

Kinoplex pumped some kind of gas in the theater. I'm not feeling well.

>watching World War Z in 2013
>Jeruzalem scene begins
>hands get cuffed to the cupholders by an automated latch
>the theater is lifted onto an Antonov and flown to Jeruzalem where the plane's back hatch opens for the "true cine4D experience scene"
>the kinomasters have released an actual zombie virus in the city and we're watching it live from twelve KC130s
>pilot is too hyper from popcorn butter and does a few low flybys at near stall speed
>zombies start jumping in the hatch and devouring cinemagoers
>my falcon breaks my hands free and I ride him home
It was a bit too realistic for my tastes. I'll get a 2D ticket with subtitles next time.

Anyone know about this rumor of the chocolate pits now being available and granting an exclusive singles cube in theaters?

He can't take your popcorn! That's against kinoplex rules

Robert IS the kinoplex rules..

>no more falcons
WHY ROBERT

>tfw going to kinotorium for years and still haven't been designated brahp absorber

You gotta work extra for it plus tipping extra will get you recommended

The mods deleted the last thread so once again this is a copy of a page from the pre-inspection form I managed to steal. I hope it helps.

>designated brahp absorber
Heh
That's one I haven't read before

>go to my local kinoplex to watch the latest kino
>buy a ticket and go to room 1 for kino
>halfway through the kino a shooter starts shooting up the room
>afterwards go complain to robert since shooter was meant to go to room 2 and accidentally went into room 1
>get sent to the ammo mines for insubordination and failing to thank the shooter
I just wanted to get what I paid for robert. I wasn't in a shooter mood that day. Now I'm stuck down here mining ammo for the next shooter.

This. It's in the fine print of kinoplex rules

>when you hide butter in your ass but it just turns out that it makes it an easier job for the asshole inspectors when you get randomly selected in the punishment lotto

>but I don't have a penis
perfect, can you help me get around the no singles policy? i've been dying to see Baywatch but someone poked a hole in my blow up doll.

>local kinoplex has power struggle between Robert and butterlord
>get drafted into butterlords army
>1 in 10 of our men in drowned in the butter pit while we watch
At least the popcorn goes down easy now

>"Haha, such excellent quality of kino! Remember anons, Singles can only come on the correct night or else you'll be forced to work in the popcorn mines. Couples are given first pick in kino seating. The penis inspection is mandatory. "

>fall asleep during the Arrival
>wake up after the credits finish to the cleaning staff trying to assimilate me
Fucking embarrassing, when will Hollywood make good alien movies again.

r/Leddit

>Oh you're alone sir? Don't worry we don't discriminate against solo moviegoers here at this cinema. But I will ask you to enter the special singles viewing room.

Lurk more

I'd watch kino there tbqh

affirmative action my friend

become african american

>forget to tip designated shooter
>popcorn salt license revoked
>expected to eat a large tub of dry popcorn every twice daily visit to kinotorium

I'm fucking sick of it lads

These threads are the only reason to visit Sup Forums nowadays

>try to smuggle a bag of chili into the kinoplex
>they just installed a new body scanner
>FUCK FUCK FUCK
>if i get out of line now it will look suspicious and i'll get searched anyway
>try to slip the security officer a $20
>he laughs
Ended up spending 6 months on the nacho cheese farms.

Is that Moot's child on the left?

>mfw I kinda wanna watcha movie about a black man who go to ever greater lengths to turn his kinoplex into the most patrician institution imaginable

>Robert watching Wonder Woman

>girl from class asks me to see wonder woman with her
>she used to date a black guy who doesn't go to school here anymore but fuck it she's sorta cute and i'm not marrying the bitch
>buy tickets and enter the theatre
>see it's random penis inspection day
>notice jayqwaun the popcorn mongor is doing the inspections which is odd
>date is standing with me in line which is cool because maybe seeing my hog will make her horny
>i'm next up and begin to unfasten my handcrafted assasins creed belt buckle that i bought from etsy loudly so she notices how nice it is
>mentally prepare myself for small talk with inspector as to not show any autism
>sup jay, i didn't know you were an inspector
>"yeah man but i only do it when we're.."
>he looks down
>"short.."
>he laughs to himself and pats my back hard and says "you good dawg"
>stumble forward while trying to shove my chub back in my cargos
>turn around and see the girl and jay smiling at each other

she left half way through the film because of an "emergency" and hasn't answered my texts. i didn't even think the movie was that bad.

Can I see a bored Robert watching a film?

>those questions

I havent even begun to study and ive got a viewing 2 hours

>"You have been selected for tongue inspection. Please place your tongue inside my asshole, and then onto the soles of my feet."

Uh, are you sure this is standard theater procedure?

I really hope this dude browses Sup Forums

Even before he became a meme

Imagine how that must be, working at a cinema and one day someone asks you if they can take your photo for their website. Suddenly the pic becomes a well known picture all around the internet for stock cinema pictures. You with your love for cinema and movies browse Sup Forums regulary and suddenly you see your pic popping up everytime with the craziest of memes

This is how it's done, boys. You have to get creative and also relate it back to an actual fucking movie. Just spamming memes isn't funny.

These threads are the most redbit shit ever
>lol penis
>Lol falcons
>lol anvils!! so clever hehhe

Such unfunny garbage not even worth the bandwith

you are the one who should go back to r*ddit my friend

Hi red.dit :)

kek

american cinema's have body scanners now?


hahahaha

and then they are proud that they have guns

He's a stock image model you dumb fucker

...

wait he isn't actually selling food at a cinema?

>lol anvils inspection falcon dayz
Sad pitiful fuckers, go back

It was a photo shoot.
The guy probably is a model.

BOO!

1. Move over to the empty seat to place more distance between myself and the other female.

2. Have my mom drop me off in front of the lecture hall.

3. Didn't go to prom.

4. She wants to be my soul-mate.

5. They were laughing at my relatively small bulge.

6. For the purposes of delivering a baby.

>please be a pass please be a pass please be a pass

@83557395
>I can't think of anything to post so I'll call everyone reddit to get (You)s
Go back.

More please

Jesus Christ Robert you've made me spill my crab legs everywhere.
I know you didn't mean any harm but this was pretty out of line.

>"yeah man but i only do it when we're.."
>he looks down
>"short.."

hehe

Do you want me to lick your feet with my shit stained tongue after licking your asshole?

THIS respect our memes motherfucker. Anvils are fun, falcons hilarious!
>@
Aha nicely played bro, you are going to get him to respond and prove he's a friggin ledditor

>"I'm sorry sir we are out of the extra large salt licks"
>"you can rent an extra extra large for $10"

Why white girl behind Robert looks so unhappy?

...

>doesnt even know how to correctly reply

I know man, I feel like Wile E. Coyote and the roastie brahp absorber job is my Roadrunner, I just never get it. I think it's rigged.

*smacks lick*
SO YOU TRYNA TELL ME
*gets in line for kino welfare*
YOU ARE HERE ON UR OWN?
*fucks Jules with a strap-on*
SECURITY GET THIS WHITE BOI OUTTA HERE AND INTO THE MINES

Robert isn't here. How am I supposed to get tickets? There is a big line and everyone is mad at me.

Who?

>Here...alone? well I gues I'll have to give a you ticket now, since the new "cinema human rights" regulations says that "singles are human beings too". Between you and me, I don't share that view, you are worse than scum, but I don't want Robert on my ass so just take the ticket and try to not touch my skin you filthy virgin.
>Oh and try to sit away from the happy couples, we don't want our normal patrons cinema experience to be ruined by a depressing singleton

>go to kinoplex
>forget my falcon so to get around the no singles policy I have to sneak in through the popcorn mines but my anvil keeps making noise so the cinema snipers try to shoot me but they miss cause their hands are too slippery from the butter they were dipping their crab legs in so I'm able to sneak out through the cinema showers while all the shower attendants are doing penis inspections
>still haven't been able to see mortdecai

Where is Robert? I want my seat and I WANT IT NOW!!!!!

I hope you're not #MadAtMort because of this

>get seated in front of the interracial breeding row
>can hear the moaning of white women as they get the BBC
>suddenly get splashed by KANG seed
Truly I am blessed

>"I don't want Robert on my ass"

sure sweetie

>Robert...who is this Robert you're talking about sir? And what is this talk about falcons, no singles policy and showers? You are scaring me sir. I'll have to kindly ask you to leave if you insist on keeping this behaviour up.

You're never send me to the popcorn mines, Jeremy!

she's not with Robert

>his cinema doesn't have a body scanner
>his cinema doesn't have a designated shooter
Next you're gonna tell me your cinema doesn't have a fucking falcon stand, you goddamn Europoor