Got sent to the popcorn mines AGAIN

>got sent to the popcorn mines AGAIN

Did Robert sent you?

are the showers free?

Who else?

>had to clean out the flooded manlet pit after a night of litty raunchy R rated fun for audiences not critics

Where are you brother? I'm down here too, I'm at shitposting station 2C. I get 30 minutes a month and I'm not allowed to check back for (You)s. Been here since last September

>fell into the manlet pit for the third time this month

What happened OP? Did your falcon shit on somebody else's crabs legs? Anyways the mines here are pretty comfy, they play kino for us every now and then in an old Panasonic TV, they played The Anvil Hoarder (1930) last Friday.

haha I'm at 34D

when you look over to the right with your standard issue binoculars you can see me down there.
the guy in the striped payjamas.
been here since 2007
don't even remember what movie I wanted to see before they dragged me away into the popcorn mines.

I managed to sneak out a page from my local Kinoplex's pre-inspection form. Hope it helps some of you out although I think that they change the questions after each wave of customers.

How many questions do you need to get right on the virginity test? I'm pretty sure I can pass penis inspection but that seems a little hard

>bullied by the staff and had to clean the cinema because i forgot to read their terms of service.

No singles allowed now in my own fucking local cinema!?

This shit is spreading FAST

>kino king parks his tank right on top of my bike

I'm not sure. It might be different for other theaters, I haven't been to another one for years now. I'd say all of them. This is only the written portion, they have an oral portion to where they ask you the questions face to face.

damn, my binoculars were revoked last week after I came back 10kg light on my popcorn batch at the end of a shift. I wish I could help you but the last time I got caught planning an escape they extended my sentence - I'll be here until 2019, I guess it's not really that bad

>not being sent to the Raisinet mines

You niggers have it easy.

do NOT put "male" in gender as it is a loaded question. You'll be requested for your past 3 passed penis inspection receipts (I know, I toss them too after the show) and when failed to comply, you get sent to a dark room for a throughout examination. If you put "white male" you get shot on the spot.

Eurofag here. Decided to go to an American kinoplex today and got assigned designated shooter. Can someone give me a quick rundown please?

>mop duty on hobo night

The screams still haunt me. There was something down there with us, in that Stygian darkness. Something best left forgotten by Man.

>Golden shower duty on octogenarian night

My falcon killed the designated shooter (standard) so I have to work in the aviary for the next thirteen years as reparations

While I'm posting this one is pecking me to get some pellets

did you remember to thank him?

THIS

>p-please Robert let us out. We lost three guys yesterday to a collapse in tunnel 3 and John is very bad after falling on molten butter

Where do you sit Sup Forums?

I've been cleaning gum off seats using nothing but my teeth for 2 months. Should have read the contract

>dump cola on the floor
>theater snipers rats me out

>someone actually put time and effort into making this
I will never understand you meme-obsessed faggots

>the shower fruits were already picked before the movie even started

...

>multiple designated shooters
>no perch for the falconer

I don't even want to guess what state this is in. It's not for me.

nah man I wouldn't try to escape from here. they read all you posts here anyway

they never even told me when I get released
Haven't seen my family in 10 years, I had a job but this is now gone too I guess.

>got sent to the Soda Pop refinery for 6 months hard labor after your falcon steals some of the theater overseers popcorn

fuck now I'm scared. maybe it's best for me to just accept that my life is down here now and just try to find happiness here. anyway my time is up, all the best brother

Wtf is this

I had to do that when I was visiting America.
I fucked it up really badly because I don't know how guns work and they just laughed at me and told me to leave.

>buddy ate one of the kernels
>couldn't get to sleep that night while the kino-hounds ripped him to shreds

This is retarded, but I'm genuinely stumped by these questions.

Can a Chad unironically answer them?
Most importantly, the girl laughing thing. What does it mean?

Discrimination of cinema goers. Happens more often than you think.

Go for a desert eagle or a high powered rifle since americans are immune to 9mm and .45 because of all the shooting they experience.

Back to /po/ with you, child.

Fold enough paper cranes and Mom might let you leave the room.

the problem isn't falling into the manlet pit. The real issue is when you can't climb out.

They noticed you and they're making fun of you.

>forgot a napkin in my cupholder
>locked in the butter churning lab for a month

Girls in my country are too polite for that though.

I had a gf but Robert took it when I got sent here some years ago, its for the best I guess. But now I have Brent whom I met when we where mining for chili flavored popcorn, we've become really close.

Climbing out isn't a problem. If you aren't a manlet, you can easily reach the exit ladder. If you can't, you belong in the pit.

the ladder fell off at my plex

Where do you live?

>sick of being thrown out of theatres for being alone
>look on the web for a theatre that doesnt have a NSP
>find a theatre on the outskirts of town i never heard of before
>before leaving i make sure i have all my theatre equipment so i dont run into any trouble this time
>cant find my cinema snake
>of course he's fucking outside chasing next doors cinema snake like a stupid piece of shit
>put him on the leash and get in the car
>have to stop and fill up with cinema gasoline in case they check like last time
>get to theatre
>pop my hood, some guy comes out and starts licking my engine
>5 minutes later he says i'm allowed in
>only 10-20 people there
>ticket machine is like an atm
>doesnt even give me a ticket just stamps a barcode onto my hand
>concession stand is behind plexiglass and bars
>go order 2 large popcorn with extra butter, one for me and one for my snake
>slide my visa card through this mail slot type thing
>guy on other side slides through 2 empty bags, then starts sliding through one piece of popcorn at a time
>last slides through 2 sticks of butter
>get my card back with claw marks all over it
>put my snake into his bag of popcorn
>notice at this point everyone in the theatre has different cinema animals
>one clown brought in an aquarium on a trolley
>another machine scans my hand to get into the movie
>soon as i get in the door slams shut behind me
>showers turn on above us
>room starts filling with water
>guess people already knew about this, some had floaties and inflatable pool stuff
>have to stand on a chair back to not drown
>popcorn bag is floating so i guess my snake is ok
>trap doors open and sharks fall into water
>movie starts and one guy gets eaten by shark
>aquarium floats past me
>ask to be let out
>guard in scuba suit reaches for gun
>i swim away fuck that shit
>mfw my butter dissolved into the water and i had to choke down regular popcorn

Just another day in the kinoplexatoruim lads...

>have to clean the manlit pit
>the salt from their tears is caked on 3 inches thick

La Fronsse.

try the gigamanlet pit. normally the ladders are only a little bit higher up.

>go to my local kinoplex to watch the latest kino
>buy a ticket and go to room 1 for kino
>halfway through the kino a shooter starts shooting up the room
>afterwards go complain to robert since shooter was meant to go to room 2 and accidentally went into room 1
>get sent to the ammo mines for insubordination and failing to thank the shooter
I just wanted to get what I paid for robert. I wasn't in a shooter mood that day. Now I'm stuck down here mining ammo for the next shooter.

...

>got a free pocket pussy with my food and drink
>"here you go bro, you know this means you can't talk to any girls"

I went to a Japan theater and everything was so much easier. You don't even have to take a traditional virginity/gf test, they just inject a nanobead right behind your neck a week before you come back. The bead reads your hormone levels and can detect if you've had sex (any normal person would have sex within SEVEN DAYS) and if you have a girl. If it detects you're a virgin it triggers your nerves to create intense pain unless you're working in one of their synthetic popcorn factories. Damn those Japs are good.

>be me, wagecucking at my local cinema for the summer
>get put on piss mop duty for the Baywatch premier
>the movie is so funny everyone in the audience is laughing and exploding with gallons of urine at every raunchy joke
>Mr. Shekelstein makes me work overtime, draining oceans of piss out of the theater room one bucket at a time
>Go to vent on Twitter about how much I hate Baywatch for making me suffer like this
>The Rock finds my tweet and responds personally, BTFOing me in front of the whole world
>Everyone thinks the movie was litty but me