Okay Sup Forums how do we improve the origin story of Jesus?

Okay Sup Forums how do we improve the origin story of Jesus?

Antichrist should be tied to his past
Like the twist is that his mom also birthed Antichrist
And then he killled her!!!

And then we find out there's actually a Jesus on every continent, and then they team up to like fight and stuff

and then ac tears jc's arm off and says "resurrect from this"

And there should be three anti christs.
And then jesus should be like hail satan

Put him in a blue onesie and red cape.

Okay a good start. make it a little darker, make the whole thing a bit more connected.

So how about Mary and Joseph? How do we make them fit better in? Seems like they are just there for the beginning, then entirely irrelevant after that point. Why did Joseph even have to be in the story to begin with?

we can do more with his technicolor dreamcoat

Okay so something like this but colors reversed?

Costume redesigns is always good to signal a new beginning.

What do you suggest?

>JoJesus' Bizarre Adventure

>Jesus just a comic character like the rest of us
> Gods the writer

Jesus is a giant robot created when the 12 apostles use their powers together.
They also have powers based on other bible characters.

MORPHOLITURGY MODE: ON

Motherfucker if you've read the first chapter of John and thought "yeah nah we can do this better" then I don't know what to say to you.

I think we should probably make his powers make a little more sense. Put them into system you know? At the moment they seem very inconsistent and are just there to fit whatever story the writer is trying to tell.

I'm Catholic and I would watch the fuck out of that.

And on the third day he rose
WITH A VENGEANCE

Hey man, I'm just saying that sometimes we need to update the stories to fit with the times. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the classics, but his story hasn't really changed for centuries, maybe it's time to dust it off a little bit?

No no no that's too far from canon. Judas saying "Hail Satan" while we hint a snake in the background for future epic event wold be MUCH cooler

He had a Stand. DONE.

Kek

>He doesn't know about the Harrowing of Hell

He needs an evil brother.

If the last thirty years is any indication, just add Batman.

Well in the bible he has four brothers, James, Judas, Joseph and Simon. Maybe we should reveal one of them is actually the antichrist?

Maybe make it Judas and merge him with the apostle to avoid confusion?

Is this a "the villain wins" story?

Can we all agree the Death of Jesus storyline ruined the modern bible industry?

Nah, it was all that Peter the Apostle shit. No one gives a shit about that legacy character bullshit.

Far too few strong female characters!
No gay characters (even if there's plenty of hints and subtext)!
Flesh out his teenage years.

Was the Little Drummer Boy canon or not?

Yeah, but he was killed off off screen.

Bring him back. We don't see him or the three wise guys or the tavern owner or even the fucking donkey again.
The writers just dropped them all and introduced new characters.

Let's make Santa canon again.

Having been witness of Lobo's evil scheme to wipe out the entire Czarnian civilization, his 4th grade teacher Miss Tribb sends her newborn son to a distant world before it's too late, hoping to save the last remnant of Czarnia so he may spread the message of love, peace and compassion that the Czarnians lived by.

Fine. As long as they drop that whole "Santa is Judas" idea they hinted at.

How many arcs should we have before a crossover event?

>He was a manipulative wanker who made the apostles watch him while he had sex with Maria Magdalena

Forgot to mention his name is K'Rizzt

Joshua bar Joseph = JoJo

Hurry the fuck up with The Platoon/10, would read again.

>Guys, I got one.
>Remember the ending of the one arch where Jesus was crucified? He was stabbed with that spear right? Well it caused him to switch minds with Judas.

We should add him to one of the big two for a boost in sales. What universe do you think our version of Jesus fits in more, Marvel or DC? Which teams would he join and what would be his role?

>Needs more rape and other dimensional beings.
Mary was actually raped by God through a human body(who is actually a higher dimensional entity). The past happenings in Jesus' life were illusions shown by God to turn Jesus into his ultimate weapon of spreading propaganda to rule over earth. The Roman empire was a vessel of God as well. Humanity becomes savage because of God.
With the rising atheism on Earth, God sends Jesus as the second coming. When Jesus learns about his past, he has a change in personality, Now he's a chain smoking, nihilist dude who's on a mission to destroy God.

...and then killed himself?

>Jesus was a crusade veteran.

Okay, Snyder, just calm down and take a deep breath.

I thought Judas hung himself before Jesus died on the cross?

>Jesus Christ, trapped in the zombified corpse of his betrayer, must stop Judas from using his former body to lay waste to the Roman Empire

Only to be resurrected.

Or did he just transfer his spirit into the spear?

just because?

well... it's Dan Slott we're talking about

DC.

Should focus on Jesus' PTSD from his crucifixion.

Maybe we should permanently kill him and give his title to a muslim transexual.

I'm atheist, and that would make me start going to church.

The death was fine but bringing him back after only 3 fucking days really set a shit standard

What was it with that arch and three? Peter denying him thee times, Jesus being dead for three days, Jesus asking Peter if he loved him three times, ect, ect.

How did your experiences in the CIA help form your ideas?

Jesus was sent by God on earth to battle against invading Muslims, while fucking some scantily clad-brown skinned hoes.

Don't Muslim worship God?

Give him some scampy stage dancers, "Jesus and the Magdalenes"

They worship Islamic moon God, not the real God.

It's like poetry it "Rhymes"

OP said change, not explain silly.

You are right, we should get him back after a big ass event.
When jesus is dead, we should find who will wear the uniform and see Peter looking for his replacement among the other apostles and the people in his "parables".
Oh, and we have to kill somebody just to show how seriuos the event is, may I suggest Lazarus? People knows the name, and killing somebody who beat death once will give us more points of Worf effect

>Mr.Christ,I'm CIA

It's the same fucking god

It's as much of the same God as Christianity is the same God from Judaism. They all believe their Gods did different things that contradict one another therefor Muslim God =/= Christian God =/= Judaism God.

Guys did you know Jesus was jewish? 'Jesus was jewish?' you say. Well of course we should have him remind the audience every chance we can. Also we need more scenes like the last super. Maybe instead of healing people and exorcising demons he can sit around and talk with John the Baptist while eating bread that Jesus keeps making

What was Jesus' stand?

Christianism is a type of Judaism.

But user, Jesus already did walk around constantly reminding people he was Jewish.

the lamb

The jews crucify Jesus not that matter since Jesus loves everyone.

「DEPECHE MODE」

They crucified him because he claimed he was the king of the jews and son of god

You guys have to read the Apocrypha & Gnostic Gosples if you want that kind of thing. Apparently JC used to incinerate other kids with his mind if the picked on him. Whatelse? He'd do shit like mind control people into jumping off balconies. One time he tormented a crowd of people by mentally killing another kid and then resurrecting him over and over. It's out there, they tried to destroy all the evidence, but some of it survived.

And? Kanye West claims he's a god, if he claimed he was King of America I don't think we'd sperg out and kill him.

We should tho

This. It's not like anyone's trying to take your stupid old gospels away! They're still there on your shelf for you to read.
We just need to update the story and make it fresh, interesting and hip for today's audience. They won't buy a character as boring, lame and perfect as Jesus Christ.

>Standing hallelujah
>Every apostle praised
>Being called the next old testament
>Literally EVERYONE loved it

I just wanted to tell all the atheists to eat shit. Its over. You've lost

Bible score will ne over 90%, followers will be above 2.2 billion

What excuse will you use?

This

get rid of all the retcons done by those damn greeks

Jesus needs to be louder, angrier, and have access to a time machine, that way he can time travel and join forces with saints and do stuff like helping saint George to kill dragons, or joining saint Olaf to fight armies of vikings.

There are actually already apocryphal texts about his teenage years where he roams the land miracling evil's face off.

Just gotta apply Fate Stay rules for that. Jesus is a heroic spirit, so he can be summoned as a Servant in the grail war. Probably a Caster or Berserker.

>not muh

goddammit japan, sometimes you manage to come up with more stupid shit than the mormon's

They want to be the very best, like no one ever was.