You're an executive at Universal, how do you fix their Monster Mash Dark Universe?

You're an executive at Universal, how do you fix their Monster Mash Dark Universe?

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hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/mummy-director-reveals-2-new-titles-universals-dark-universe-1010865
m.youtube.com/watch?v=BvsMPOfblfg
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you just posted it

Keep the original stories for the most part, just make the protagonists as part of the Catholic Church investigating these events so you can have call backs to previous stories by their doing research. End it with an Exorcist remake. I don't give a fuck that the Exorcist is Warner.

Put Raimi in charge

Get the rights to Hellboy and make a tv series out of it

Can it be fixed? No one gives a shit about these monsters except nerds like James Rolfe.

write a script that actually makes sense for once

Tie them together with an overarching narrative, don't make a bunch of stand alone flicks with no connections. Also, monsters are inherently goofy, play that up and make them funny and campy, don't try to make MUH SERIOUS DRAMA with a fucking monster in it.

Rewrite the Graveyard Smash Trilogy as a full-diversity, millenial fest feminist blockbuster

Make them edgy af desu. The stories aren't that interesting and pg 13 monster movies are boring.

Get some French Extreme Horror director and tell them to push the R rating as hard as they can.

Give it all to Rob Zombie and let him go nuts

Add the Munsters and Addams Family and make it a quip comedy monster universe.

Quips. But limit it to Frankenstein, Wolfman, and Dracula. Oh, and the invisible man. But the mummy should not talk except for one quip in the after-credits where it turns out he's gay and looking for his "daddy".

But besides the quips make it all dark and brooding, with everyone's outfit darker and with golf ball pips all over the outfits.

Let them be made as super deep films that normies cling onto (Nolan). "Oh it's got it's scary moments but it's also got..."

-Use the classic designs.
-Stop trying to make Avengers with fangs
-Ban Alex Kurtzman from the studio for LIFE.

Cast Nicki Minaj as The Bride of Blackenstien.
Every movie is 70s era blaxploitation now.
>Blacula
>The Wolfman of Harlem
>Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jive
>The Invisible Man

Frankenstein raps while the wolfman does a cool dance. then Dracula turns to the camera and is all like "Check please!"

Awful post, and I think you knew that when you wrote all that.

>quads

disgusting

Just remake the old movies exactly. None of this changing it up for modern audiences bullshit.

It's such a fucking shame that classic horror couldn't play in theaters anymore.

even better idea
turn them all into tyler perry movies

dailymotion.com/video/xgt9ct_bride-of-blackenstein_webcam

>The Invisible Man
Kek

>'Mummy' Director Reveals 2 New Titles in Universal's Dark Universe
>Alex Kurtzman says that the 'Phantom of the Opera' and 'Hunchback of Notre Dame' are joining the party.

hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/mummy-director-reveals-2-new-titles-universals-dark-universe-1010865

Man Roger Waters is going to be pissed

This. I'd watch.

I know that these are basically superhero movies so what the fuck are those two going to do? They're literally deformed virgins.

Set them in the interwar period. Keep the anachronistic diesel punk (except with Frankenstein) shit to a minimum.

Try not to make it too much like the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Have them exist in the same universe, and maybe reference each other but the Wolfman shouldn't interact with Dracula until like the 4th or 5th movie.

Don't make every movie end with a battle to save the world, its fine for events to be localized.

>The Invisible Man

bravo

this desu

Are they set in modern time?

Hunback is going to fall in love with a refugee, and the Phantom stocks a Regal Cinemas in some shopping mall?

Quasimodo is literally scrapping the bottom of the barrel. The Phantom at the very least was a supervillain, the hunchback was pretty much a good natured retard, was he ever considered a classic horror icon? I know he gets lumped in there with the other monsters but it never sat right with me.

...

The phantom can pretend to know magic

>make the wolfman a woman
>quality Transformation scenes
The company's still fucked but I'd have nice fap material

Maximum this

Malcolm McDowell as The Invisble Man upskirting trailer trash girls and punching every other monster in the dick.

>He goes El Superbeasto on it

Imagine

>creature from da black lagoon
Monster harasses & rapes young white blondes

Howling 2 says hi, nice tits all throughout

m.youtube.com/watch?v=BvsMPOfblfg

I mean give it to the guy that's obviously inspired by it and'll at least give you some fucked up and interesting imagery if nothing else. The guy seems like he was born to make some edgy nosferatu remake. I mean why not? It's not like what universal is doing is some groundbreaking MCU cash cow.
I'd honestly pay money to watch a narrative Rob Zombie music video than generic CGI schlock.

More money*

Hire actors and actresses directly from Brazzers.

>the BLACKED lagoon

Yep. Good job.

I laugh every time I'm reminded of the fact Universal is actually pushing for a monster mash cinematic universe

>make them funny and campy
in other words make them more like the Marvel

I wish they'd make a Battlestar Galactica film series instead.

>how to lose money: the idea

Scrap it and make Van Helsing 2

Don't make megabudgeted action blockbusters. Make R-rated 30-40 million dollar horror films. These things probably won't make much more than 150-200 million no matter what genre they're in, but you can still make a tidy profit if you keep the budget under control. Instead, they're going to spend 300 million on production and marketing these fucking things and they'll all turn into money pits.

Also, don't hire shit-tier directors like Brett Rattner or whoever the fuck they got to do The Mummy. Hire directors who have made quality horror on a budget: Fede Alvarez, Robert Eggers, Jennifer Kent, David Robert Mitchell, etc.

Herman Muenster was a black Frankenstein.

Cast Idris Elba desu

I see NOTHING wrong with this.

Make it the Universal Monstergirl Universe

>Eva Green as Frankenstein's Monster
>BDH as suburban mom Wolfmother
>Ayymanda Seyfried as the Creature From The Black Lagoon
>Daddario as ditzy Dracula

>Keep Dracula Untold canon

>Make Frankenstein a period piece but more closely following the ending of the novel where the monster ends up in the Arctic to kill itself but before it can he is burried by an avalanche to freeze him until modern times where he is discovered frozen by an expedition ship.

>The Gilman is discovered on a research trip to the Amazon in the 1920's and captured by a mysterious corporation at the end of the film.

>The Wolfmans curse has kept him alive far longer than he should have and for the past few decades so by the 1980's he has been locking himself up in an abandoned factory every full moon until some teenagers checking out the factory accidentally release him upon the town after hearing him struggling behind a large metal door, the wolfman begins infecting the town with his curse until a large private army swoops in on the town to quarantine it to try and capture the original wolfman.

>The Mummy???

>The Invisible Man???

>Reveal over hundreds of years Dracula has been using his mind control powers to establish his own mega-corporation looking for the monsters to recruit to take over the world or to build better monsters off of or some shit while the Van Helsing family throughout the ages has been trying to find the monsters first with their own corporation.

Basically corporate warfare with monsters I guess I dunno