Got home from my extremely low effort white collar job at 4 pm

>got home from my extremely low effort white collar job at 4 pm
>mindlessly browse internet for 4.5 hours
>going outside in to my shitty city centre for no reason other than maybe eating junk food and browsing internet on phone
>aged 26
>zero social life, ugly loser beta no one talks to at work, never had female attention ever, can't give up junk food or coffee because they dull my ennui, tortured by the sight of Chads and Staceys everywhere, no passions, go to gym but too ugly to reap social rewards, read books mainly out of a feeling of being held hostage
>extremely blackpilled, know women get 500 tinder matches a day with Chads, society considers me a disposable battery, I'll never fit in with normies because of ugliness and lack of normieness
>make enough to save $500 a month after expenses yet know that higher paying jobs I apply to will fill my time with shit and I will look back on today with nostalgia and regret
>procrastinated learning programming and (more) math for over 4 years

I can't believe I think this: Maybe staying completely non-Spooked all the time wasn't such a great idea after all. If this is "real life" then I need some sort of mentality or ideology that can help me.

Is Ayn Rand good?

My (rigorously) reductionist outlook leads me to see all philosophies as vacuous pep talks. I abhor theory. I have epiphanies in evenings about simple, all encompassing possible life philosophies for myself that I cold implement to find success ("Have constant challenges", "Focus on a few things", "Do what you enjoy"). I set reminders on my phone for this the next day yet always find myself seeing them as stupid. The underground man is like me. But I have to accept that "default me" may be a fucking zero motivation waste of a life.

If I followed my tastes and intuitions, I'd give up most books within 10 pages.

Literally no one cares; kill yourself

>got home from my extremely low effort white collar job at 4 pm
wtf you've won at life. either start a family or kill yourself you melodramatic leaf.

How about I kill you instead normie?

The job pays fuckall and is terribly uninteresting.

Well under a fifth of men your age are virgins, and that includes the retarded and seriously ill. You can get a gf if you're willing to try

Go back to r9k

My advice to you OP is to get a hobby, play video games or something.

This does not help me.

become a buddhist or find a gf. everything else is just bullshit

At least you have a job. I'm too afraid of other people's interpretation of me, so much on fact, that I can't motivate myself to do anything worthwhile, like applying for a job or educating myself rather than procrastinating.

I keep telling myself that I am not a failure, and that I will somehow succeed later in life. I believe that I'll someday live with a healthy and solid philosophy, that doesn't stop me from bettering myself.

You're not the only one OP, and if you ever find a shortcut, please post again.

tl;dr

Post your face to see if you're actually ugly or just an ((incel)).

When i had a job i had almost no free time and couldn't even enjoy anything. It was literally like being a slave. Alcohol and anti-depressive medication was the only thing that could cheer me up.

But when you have no job you have no money instead which is pretty much as bad.

>My (rigorously) reductionist outlook leads me to see all philosophies as vacuous pep talks. I abhor theory. I have epiphanies in evenings about simple, all encompassing possible life philosophies for myself that I cold implement to find success ("Have constant challenges", "Focus on a few things", "Do what you enjoy"). I set reminders on my phone for this the next day yet always find myself seeing them as stupid.
holy shit are you me?

>make enough to save $500 a month after expenses

it could be worse. just keep doing what you know will be best for you later down the line. save your money educate yourself dont make stupid desions. gl

start doing psychidelics. chase fun. die young

You sound fucked in the head.

And you sound like a normie.

>women get 500 tinder matches a day with Chads, society considers me a disposable battery
girls dont ever have sex from tinder
they just do it to boost their ego

>