You're laying comfily into couch while watching kino

>You're laying comfily into couch while watching kino
>you look at your chest to see this thing slowly crawling towards your face
What do?

Put it back in the bath tub where it belongs.

Burn down the continent.

Centipedes are harmless. Millipedes are cunts.

Really? I thought it was the other way around

Completely sperg the fuck out. I don't mind snakes, I don't mind spiders, but insects are the only thing that freaks me out.

I had one of these crawl on an autistic kid while my kids were watching a movie on the smart board. He freaked the fuck out, ran out of my room and down the hall screaming.

Yes I'm a teacher. We wee watching that johnny depot chameleon movie.

Pic related, I managed to save it

Centipedes will get you when they walk on you, but a millipede will spray you with toxin. Just keep away from a centipede.

It has to be a massive centipede to cause a little bit more than a little bit of pain.

>Yes I'm a teacher. We wee watching
You sick bastard!

That's a silverfish; don't be a pussy.

ha ha
I guess PI Day is real

try to steer it down onto my engorged manhood.

I kill it dead.

I've seen them (house centipedes) enough times that I don't totally flip out, but of course they always give me a start. I sometimes spare spiders and certain insects, but I have a kill-on-sight policy with these guys. I suffer them not to live.

>be me, wake up one summer day
>eyes barely open, just getting up, amble into bathroom
>brush teeth
>bend down to spit, eyes under medicine cabinet in darkness...
>about six inches in front of my face
Got that fucker just like I got all his grandkids. I kill big juicy fuckers, their juveniles which are little more than wisps of hair. I see you, you die. that's it. I have a success rate over 90% once one is spotted.

BY THE WAY, Sup Forums! Please consider watching the movie "Bug" directed by William Friedkin!

No meme this happened to me the other day
You guys are pussies

kill it with a machete

You seem very mentally ill but I agree 100%

House centipedes are crazy aggressive. These things kill spiders and pretty much any other bug they come across. They'll bite the shit out of you, too. They have huge fangs.

It isn't an insect.

No, it isn't.

Generally I agree- we used to get them all the time in the movie room at my parents house because it was in the basement across from the laundry room (dark+water= these guys show up)

But I've recently heard you're supposed to treat them like house spiders and not kill them because they're food for nastier things that would otherwise go after you.

But it's on your chest and crawling towards your neck?

kill myself with it
suffer not the xeno to live brother

Thats a ghetto bug. they're harmless and actually eat pests like spiders and ants.

>johnny depot
Kek

>Australia : the thread.

That's (((their))) shill lobby at work, and the logic is bogus.

"Tolerate offensive thing A because it hinders other offensive thing B".

How about none of the above. I am a man, and I am the master of my reality. I suffer none of you to be in my sight, least of all the 30-legged freaks. There is nothing that you, most hated and grotesque in all of God's creation, can do to somehow ingratiate yourself to me.

Also it's worth mentioning on the TELEVISION BOARD that the premise of the OP is literally the climax of Arachnophobia, good comfy 90s kino. John Goodman does a good turn as a quasi-ghostbuster.

They do eat other pest bugs yes but they would never harm a human.

>I am a man, and I am the master of my reality

You sound like you're going through therapy mate.

They live in America too, I remember seeing one a month ago in my basement

Brush it off and step on it. Looks huge in that webm, but supposedly they only get up to an inch long.

I wud go absoloot bananas on et

>supposedly they only get up to an inch long
No, I've seen bigger than that. They're harmless and are really handy to have around. They're just ugly.

>slowly
Isn't it LITERALLY the fastest animal on Earth in relation to body size?
Also they sting, but they immediately jump on the floor when threatened

close to two inches in come cases. they can live up to 5 years.
this is correct. if you have these guys you have a worse problem.
pussy nigga, enjoy your poisonous spiders and earwigs and other parasites.

Let it crawl onto my face and walk around a while before I relocated it to the floor. They're ticklish and kinda neat.

Having 30 digits allows you to type more rapidly, it seems.

Let it crawl back into whatever crevice it came out of. Seriously.

When I was in college, I had an apartment for three years. We had the occasional house centipede like OP's picture, but they always skittered away from humans. And you know what? I never saw another fucking bug in that apartment. No roaches, spiders, nothing. Those house centipedes were fucking bug assassins.

They're 100% harmless as long as you don't threaten them. [insert muslim pun here]

They eat bedbugs, let them live.
Also you have bedbugs.

Or roaches.

>let them live
and let them crawl in your ear while you sleep nty

>freak out
>all i see is white hot fear
> everything within a 5 foot radius of me is broken

that a house centipede, wait till the camel cricket shows up

there's nothing that could kill a house centipede that would go anywhere near a human

the only "insect" i keep alive are spiders
all others i take off my shoe and squash them and leave their corpses on the wall or ceiling as a warning to all other fucking insects TO NOT FUCK WITH ME

THE EMPEROR PROTECTS!

I thought I was the only one

Freak out and slap it off. Then I try to find it so I can kill it but I never actually find it. I have trouble going to sleep later that night.

Based on reading other posts ITT I think I got it backwards and they work like house spiders and just kill other bugs that would be annoying.

I call my exterminator and yell at them for being useless faggots.

lol little fucking bitch

I like you

>TFW have to throw at least 2 of these fuckers outside every time I go to shower

>2 scoops

get bug glue traps and leave one in the bathroom, they love them and then his buddies show up to eat his carcass and get stuck too

this is what the average Sup Forums post should look like

Fat?

sucks to be australian

Pick it up and bring it outside because I'm not a pussy

...

LITTLE

A FUCKING LEAF EH

Sorry that was obviously the wrong pic. Deleting.

WOMEN

Fail.

FEMININE

>going for a nice swim
>feel something hug you suddenly
>paralysis sets in as your tissue is dissolved and sucked dry
What do you do at this point?

Wasn't trying to get it, summerfag. I wanted to see it.