The Adventures of Reed and Friends

Alright Sup Forums onto episode 3 of our voyage into bad old cartoons.

How are you doing tonight?

>Unable to connect to battle.net

Sue: We're lost!

Ben: Reed I've been throwing trees around all day. Getting to be a chore ya know?

The next time you invite us on a company vacation to a Transylvanian forest you can COUNT ME OUT!

It was between Transylvania and Paris and you KNOW my feelings about the French. Yes! We are lost! Yes I should have brought a map! Yes I shouldn't have led us aimlessly into a forest this close to nightfall! Hindsight is 20/20! I'll stretch up and take a look around.

Johnny: Want me to flame on Reed?

Reed: No Johnny. Every time you've visited California in the past year you've been responsible for every forest fire in the state during your stay. I don't need your kind of help.

I see a castle! It looks pretty spooky! Let's check it out! Maybe there will be a creepy old man in there that will let us stay the night!

That's a really nice moat. The roof needs some work but I think it's quaint!

Ben went on ahead! Once he gets started on deforestation it's hard to get him to stop!

Hey! Where did that moat go?! The door is different! There's no drawbridge! What is going on here?!

Sue: I'm scared Reed!

Ben: Looks like something outta... frankenstein or something.

Reed: Don't be a bunch of weenies. We're going in.

Hay! You guys! Don't go in there! Legends say there's some guy named Diablo who lives in there!

Diablo? That word sounds familiar. I believe I've seen it at one of those ethnic restaurants. Are you telling me that there's someone spicy who lives there?

By the way, who are you?

I am Mayor Von Van Pelt. I'm the mayor of Transylvania! You must be the Fantastic Four! You're very popular around here!

Pleased to meet you Mayor. But tell us more about this Diablo fellow? Why is he so dangerous?

I'll tell you! Let's go inside my castle and I'll tell you all about him! Follow me! You can spend the night! I love having company over!

So! You see! The feared alchemist Diablo was sealed inside this very castle 100 years ago tonight in the dungeons down here! Some say this place is haunted and I'm inclined to believe them! Pretty scary eh?

100 years ago tonight! There's a prophecy that an easily duped simple-minded golem man will come and release him from the dungeon tonight! So don't do that. Ok? Seriously don't. He's a bad man.

I can't believe this shit. Just because I'm a rock man you think we're all alike and untrustworthy? That's racist! I'll have you know I went to same college as Reed over there! I don't even know this Diablo guy!

I'm sorry. We don't get many Stone-Americans around these parts. It's good to hear that you won't go around unsealing ancient evils and imperiling the world. Let's all get some rest. Be sure to tinkle before you sleep! No wetting the beds!

YAAAAAAAAAAAWN. It has been a long day! Goodnight Mayor boyshorts!

LATER ON IN THAT DARK AND STORMY NIGHT

This bed is really comfy! I feel like sleeping beauty! Beauty! Oh who am I kidding? I'm ugly. Haw haw!

(If anyone's reading this an occasional bump and any snarky commentary you'd like to add would be appreciated. Lets me know I'm not doing this for nuttin)

BEEEEEEEN. BEEEEEEN. WAKE UP! COME TO ME! RISE FROM YOUR COMICALLY TINY BED!

Gooood Ben! Yeesssss. Come! Come to meeeeee. I need yoouuuuuuu.

Ben: Eh. I've got nothing better to do. Let's see where this is going. My curiosity has been peaked!

Thinnnnng. I need you to open the back door! It's firmly shut and only a big strong guy like you could get innnnnn.

No wonder they had a hard time getting this open! This ain't a door! it's a giant plug!

That was goooood Ben! One more thing I need you to do is move this heavy purple table to somewhere else. The Feng Shui is all wrooooooong.

THIS THING IS STUCK HERE REAL GOOD. HERE GOES

BOOOOOOOOM

At last after 100 years I'm free! It's time to take over Transylvania!

I have you to thank Ben Grimm! Known to the world as the Thing! You! Yes You! Will be rewarded! You'll get. exactly. what. you. deserve.

I don't like this! Why would Ben leave and go to the back of the castle alone?

Hey Reed! Look! A giant plug! You don't see that everyday!

I don't like the looks of this! Only Ben could have moved this! No one else!

Only Ben could have moved this thing!

I hear something! It sounds like Ben! A mumbling muffled Ben in the distance!

He's got some splaining to do! I'll get him!

HAAAAAAAAAAA

See? Right on the other side of this candle wax wall. Hey Look! There's Ben! Standing with someone!

HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT ME! I'M HANDSOME NOW! Sue! Keep your paws off me!

You look great Ben! How did it happen?

He gave me a magic potion of charisma and look at me now!

I've also hired him on as butler. As a reward for his help.

You HIRED him? No one swipes my employees! What is the meaning of this?

In exchange for his good looks I've made him my butler for a year. We're going to have wacky hijinks and we've got talks with FOX for the Diablo and Thing sitcom show. He'll be played by Dwayne Johnson and I don't know who's going to play me. The network says if we can cast a good sassy black woman and precocious and obnoxious shitkid to match wits with Ben we'll have a winning show for sure!

I've tried everything to make him look better and nothing works! If I couldn't do it NO ONE CAN! You're a fraud!

Well, maybe you're just a hack, Mr. Fantastic. To prove my greatness I'm going to grow a flower with my fertilizer potion. Observe!

Face it stretchy. He's out of your league! He does what you can't!

No he hasn't! This is all some sort of trick! No one bests Mr. Fantastic! No one!

LET ME AT HIM! I'LL TEAR DIABLO APART!

Ben: No one harms my new best bud. Take a chill pill.

Ben must be under a spell! Torch! Get diablo!

(a bump would be appreciated before this autosages)

Help Grimm! Help! I'm being repressed!

Let's see if Diablo can take the heat!

I'll stop him with a bucket of sand attack!

Hey! Now it's all in my hair!

I'll help you Reed. This won't be as bad as when your "Mr. Fantastic" between your legs got tied into a knot.

Get you lost you bums! If I serve Diablo for a year he'll make me like a normal human! He's already got me a gig as an underwear model and everything!

Reed: Well I never! He's beyond reaching!

Sue: We were just trying to help!

I've had about enough of you! Leave here! Before I call the cops!

While he's lecturing me I'll just steal one of his vials. I'll steal it and NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW

I am going to run as many tests as it takes to prove that Diablo is full of shit and I'm right.

THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT TEST I'LL RUN IN MY LIFE

*BREAKING NEWS FROM TRANSYLVANIA! IT IS REPORTED THAT DIABLO HAS INVENTED A YOUTH POTION*

This potion is relevant to my interest in eternal life! I've had NO luck finding dragon balls.

DIABLO! GIVE US YOUR POTION! WE'LL PAY ANY PRICE!

...

Soon! Soon the whole world will know of my price gouging!

VROOOOOOOM

TAADAA

How ya liking the show so far?

Diablo's irrigation and fertile soil potion is fabulous!

But what if he uses his agriculture powers for evil? Could the world stop such a man? I shudder to think.

Let's find out if Diablo's Hyper armor potion can make our tanks rocket-proof!

Aww yes glad to see these are still going.

It works! Our strongest missiles can't penetrate it!

SUE COME QUICKLY!

The magic of inconsistency and low budget

REED I'VE BEEN STANDING NEXT TO YOU THE WHOLE TIME. IT'S ... IT'S.... IT'S LIKE YOU CAN'T SEE ME WHEN YOU'RE DOING SCIENCE!

Well. What is it?

I KNEW IT! PICK UP A PHONE SUE BECAUSE I CALLED IT! HIS POTIONS ARE DANGEROUS! LOOK! IT'S ABOUT TO BLOW UP!

*BOOOOOM*

That's terrible Reed! But so far he's broken no laws! Sure he's defrauded the elderly, sold products with hazardous side-effects without notifying anyone, sold some products that won't work or have only temporary effects and bilked the military out of millions.

But all of that is legal! There's nothing we can do to stop him!

Bad news Sue and Reed! Diablo just hired a private army! With the millions he's made and with his army he could very well take over the whole world! We must stop him!

WE CAN'T STOP HIM UNTIL HE BREAKS THE LAW! DAMN OUR SCRUPLES!

oh lord,
mis lados

>MEANWHILE AT DIABLO'S CASTLE

Diablo, I feel dizzy. I haven't felt this sick before ever! I feel like I've gotten a really good bargain out of this Faustian deal we've got going so far but could I trouble you for an anti-dizzy potion?

It's pretty funny.

lol'd

Sure thing! Take a sip of this! Half Antihistamine and half pepto bismal

Thanks Diablo! You're an OK guy!

I just can't... tear myself away from my reflection.

OH NOOOOOOOO

You... you lied to me Diablo. After all the good times, the parties, the bouncehouses, the go-kart racing.

>Hey, there's an orange gorilla at this window!

YOU THROW IT ALL AWAY AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY GENTLE NATURE YOU SON OF A BITCH

I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TRUSTED SOMEONE WITH SUCH A PERFECT FU MANCHU

YOU TURNED ME AGAINST MY FRIENDS! THAT MAKES ME FEEL ANGRY!

Stay back you lumbering buffoon! You're no match for my chloroform potion!

>"gentle"