Is this common in American movie theaters?

Is this common in American movie theaters?

What in the actual living fuck

Yes, pretty common.

Lying is pretty common in all nations.

Ha ha! What a story, Mark!

>the lady
God, computers were a mistake.

This

>be le me
>go to see Boss Baby 3 alone
>theater guard sees me alone and drags me over to the matchmaking section
>I tested positive for autism so I was matched up with a fat landwhale with tourettes
>by law, I have to pay for her ticket and meal in accordance with the "Equal Rights but Unequal Responsibilities Act of 2019"
>The cheapest thing is the $60 lobster
>I didn't pay $80 for the cooked version so I have to go to the boiling station
>Already missed about 80 minutes of Boss Baby 3
>I'm receiving complaints and 1-star reviews on my mandatory Theater Date app because my date is sperging out and yelling in the theater
>forget to buy the shell crackers so we have to bang the shells against the tile floors in the bathroom
>by the time I finally sit down and stick my hand in my pants the movie is already over
>get escorted out by the guards with a visible boner
>not allowed back into the theater alone because of my poor rating

I should've read the book instead

There's no way that story is true unless he's a 10/10 Chad.

His theater falcon must have been well preened that day.

>being allowed into a theatre alone
>not being immediately sent to the popcorn mines for trying to avoid the no singles policy

Fake and gay

...

The boyfriend should have told that dude to fuck off.

KEK
Underrated post

fucking singles policy

my gf would have told him to fuck off

>Equal Rights but Unequal Responsibilities Act of 2019"

He's black

>Nice guys do win

...

>bang the shells against the tile floors in the bathroom

fucking beautiful mental image, bro

This is why you should only sit at the seats on the sides of the theater, with your date at the seat that's next to the wall. That way you won't have a fuckhead sitting next to your girl.

>by law, I have to pay for her ticket and meal in accordance with the "Equal Rights but Unequal Responsibilities Act of 2019"

Lost it.

>my
>gf

yeah, extremely common here in the states, last time I went a mother with 3 children sat next to me

"oh brother, here we go", I said to myself, but I ended up getting one of the best blowjobs ever from the mom and she snowballed it down the row of kids to the husband

>2017
>letting your girl leave the house

cuck

A for creativity

I almost shit my pants, i hope you are happy.

This. She wanted to do some worshiping.

Truly the Ray Bradbury of our generation.

this is the equivalent to tumblr stories

Do you people realise that this is literally how Royal Flash begins?

Kek. This is unironically better than just about any greentext story I've read on Sup Forums.

"Equal Rights but Unequal Responsibilities Act of 2019"

kek

>I didn't pay $80 for the cooked version so I have to go to the boiling station

How miserable does one have to be to make up stories to share on social networks.

They were serving pizza at the gym? What?

>forget to buy the shell crackers so we have to bang the shells against the tile floors in the bathroom
lmao

Yeah how dare people have fun with their friends

I hope you get published.

I want a a film about dystopian american movie theaters in the future

>those hashtags

You should ask this guy

>dystopian
>In the future
Isn't that redundant?

This has to be satire. What would a skinny blonde bombshell and a mustacioed hunk be doing in a Planet Fitness?

They were eating pizza, duh

1984 was 33 years ago senpai

Well, when was it first published?

>"Now that's what I'm talking about!" a male voice rang out. I looked across the room, where a mustachioed man standing behind the vending machine was applauding my effort.

I'm just saying, there's no way someone wrote this expecting anyone to believe it. Are there more of these bullshit stories besides the "im literally shaking" liberal stories about how their 8 year old is scared that her mommy's bull will be deported soon?

...

I love it when someone makes a good greentext, it's rare these days

Holy fucking shit I would literally pay 500 dollars to hear The Rock say 'Miss, no offense, but I'd kindly suggest you tie those pigtails of your to a car bumper and ride your implants half way to Canada.'

Certainly there is no rule that this cannot become an SNL sketch.

Kek. A for effort, user

Bravo user

...

fucking subhuman mongrel Americuck should be purged

Planet Fitness has free pizza and Tootsie Rolls and other assorted shit.

What a post

Forgot the part where they all start clapping.

Laughed for 5 minutes straight

>walking out
Wow how much of a beta bitchboy can you be
My gfs Boyfriend would have long told him to fuck off

Fresh OC.

Eew

I've been to the theater alone before, but I would never talk to anyone.

God I hate those spergs who read a reddit thread and think anyone wants to waste time talking to their desperate, awkard ass when most people have no time to spend talking to people they actually like. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? When some creepy fedora wearer actively tries to be your friend and says something like "haha i know this is so random and awkward"? Also I've seen them try to hit on girls like this too and it's over 9000 times cringer.

No, that's a Sup Forums tier troll.

>Do you guys know what I'm talking about? When some creepy fedora wearer actively tries to be your friend and says something like "haha i know this is so random and awkward"?
No, not really.

overrated post

>be me
>go to a showing of The Hobbit the Monday after it released
>morning
>already drunk
>no lines
>qtp2t at ticket counter asks "just one ticket?"
>"not unless you wanna watch with me" *wink*
>instant regret, she looks visually perturbed
>hand her a 20, take my ticket, don't wait for change
>buy bucket of popcorn, nachos, hotdog, large soda
>almost completely alone in theater, array my shit on the seats next to me
>fall asleep about 20 minutes into the movie
>wake up during credits, nachos and cheese all over the seat, popcorn bucket thrown across the aisle, coke spilled on my lap
>wait, its not coke, i've pissed myself a little
>rush to bathroom, don't make eye contact with theater usher/cleaner
>start trying to clean myself up
>feeling nauseous, start throwing up in toilet.
>literally run out of theater to my car
>take nap
>head back home in the late afternoon

this is what going to the theater alone is actually like.

the book never said it was 1984 on the gregorian calendar

Goddamn what a post have a drink user. Include me in the screencap.

10/10

>>"not unless you wanna watch with me" *wink*
that's pretty good actually, though I'm sure you fucked up the delivery completely

Hoo boy

Do you know from experience? I love Tootsie Rolls.

I didn't even think it was that good tbqh but I'm not gonna stop them

I didn't reply to your oc but the bit about them banging the lobster on tile in the bathroom for some reason reminds me of always sunny.

Do you watch it?

I went to see Logan by myself. Some woman fedora sat next to me and tried to chat me up and I knew she was pulling the old "I'll talk to this guy and it'll look like we're together". Then at the end she's like "there's another after credits scene", but there wasn't. Bitch probably just lied and really just wanted me to sit there with her, lmao

I've watched every episode, actually. But I wasn't directly inspired by it as far as I know. Maybe I was on a subconscious level or something lol

So you did a good deed for an apparently nervous, sad, and insecure woman. Good play.

this is how Chad goes to a movie alone

>go to planet fitness
>run on treadmill for an hour
>eat a single slice of pizza gaining all the calories you just burned back (and then some)
what's the fucking point?

projecting this hard.

Jesus.

I didn't want to be a faggot and criticize a good greentext but I also think it could have been better. I don't like how it said she 'sperged out' because she had Tourettes so she would have had a Tourette Tantrum or at least "swore a lot".

Yeah my wording was a bit poor on a few things and it didn't flow together well.

It's beautiful....

grino

That is the point. Its fucking genius. It's like owning a rehab facility with free booze and drug nights.

Planet fitness is waaaay ahead of the game. Between keeping the fat on so people have to come back, they end up with tons of people who sign up for auto replenish memberships that they don't even use. Fucking bank.

>fat positivity
>BUT THE MAN CAN'T BE FAT. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. AND HE MUST WANT TO BONE THE FAT GIRL WHILE BEING REPULSED BY THE SKINNY.

But yes, it was probably parody and not a real tubby fantasy.

You might be surprised. Liberalism usually comes in the forms of either autism with a fixation on social issues, or merely being gullible and emotion (normie/teenager/etc).