Embarrassing Cinema Experiences Thread

Embarrassing Cinema Experiences Thread

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soundcloud.com/lazerbird-98477393/afternoon-at-the-kinoplex
youtube.com/watch?v=vifYelSTlMo
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

I sat down and watched the movie quietly and then got up and left when it was over.

>ask a cute girl from class if she wants to see a movie with me
>she actually says yes
>tell her "cool, pick me up at 8"
>give her a fist bump
>run home
>she arrives shortly before 8 to pick me up
>her dad is driving
>no one says a single word on the way to the theater
>as we're getting out of the car I hold out my hand to her dad and cough
>he just stares at me
>shake my hand impatiently
>his daughter looks like she's about to cry
>he hands me a $20
>politely inform him that food doesn't grow on trees and keep my hand out
>he hands me another $10
>roll my eyes and say "thanks a lot, guy"
>buying our tickets, "one for Drive please and thank you"
>cute girl starts crying
>"Did your dad not give you any money for the movie?"
>give her a fist bump and go inside
>we didn't go on a second date

Beans are one of the more underrated snacks to have. I regularly eat entire cans of kidney beans.

Whats wrong with eating beans now?

What sort of sperg eats a damn can of baked beans cold in the cinema

>be 14
>really really REALLY wanted to see Jurassic Park 3
>has no money, already maxed-out bank of mum and dad
>decides to hatch a plan and sneak in
>plan involves me going in the back door 5 mins before the movie starts and evading the security like something from Mission Impossible
>plan works perfectly, sneaks in, sits down, gets ready for kino
>when I say perfectly.. I mean the guards kinda spotted me but I was too quick for the old fucks, still, they're suspicious and looking for me with torches
>fuck em
>movie starts
>....
>10 minutes later...
>.....
>realises it's literally the worst movie ever created
>it's so bad I want to leave
>i HAVE to leave
>can't leave the way I came in because scared security will notice me
>decides the risk is worth taking, i cant watch this shit any longer
>starts heading for the exit
>hears a voice behind me
>"HEY!!! YOU!!!!"
>it's the security guard with torch
>starts running
>gets into the lobby, full of people, can't rememeber which way is out
>gets caught by different security guard
>gets thrown out and banned from the Odeon
>totally worth it

was this not a pasta on Sup Forums or did the pasta come from this tweet?

I was thinking that too. I literally just read a better,more detailed and funnier version of that story like a week ago in one of these threads

>and looking for me with torches
>it's the security guard with torch
How old are you gramps.

>torch

When was this, the MediEvil age?

>walk into cinema
>it aint me starts playing

That's what they call a flashlight in the UK

>Jurassic Park III released 2001
>14 at the time
>born 1987
>now 29/30

There you go Einstein

...

>reddit lingo

Fuck off

see

.... few years later

>be 16
>start dating an 11/10 qt
>when i say 11/10 im not even exaggerating, she was stunningly beautiful
>she looked like a hotter Rachel Weisz at 16
>virgin too
>anyway.. asks her where to go on a date, she says cinema
>we go not knowing what was showing
>everything looks awful except for "Enemy of the State" with Will Smith
>we get popcorn etc, go in, get comfy
>movie looks pretty boring
>5 minutes in.. my hand is down her knickers and shits getting pretty heavy
>she grabs my dick and whispers... "my parents aren't home"
>don't have to tell me twice niggar
>we leave, catch a bus, cant keep our hands off eachother
>almost run from the busstop to her house
>gets to the front door, i'm already pulling at her clothes
>she opens the door...
>her mum is sitting on the sofa
>"heyyyy mum!"
>her dad is there too
>"oh is this the new boyfriend? come in, come in.."
>spends next hour drinking tea with her parents answering awkward questions
>another 2 agonising weeks passed before i got the chance to fuck her
>on top of it all, Enemy of the State was fucking kino, wish I'd stayed for the movie tbqh


Yeah we call flashlights torches, faggots.

Literally never been to reddit in my life, so you're wrong there, dickwad.

I know the whole beans thing is a meme, but they really are the best theater food. The local cinemark is right next to general shop and they do all you can carry canned baked bean sales on wednesdays. Here's the thing tho, they open the beans so you can't reseal them. Also, most of the idiots around here have no idea how to properly enjoy a can of beans so they end up throwing them away.

So what we do is hit up the dumpster around 4 am and see what kind of goodies we get. Then we usually come back to the theater and set up shop on the side. We heat the beans with a coleman portable stove and then use an old popcorn tub to sneak them in through the side door that we prop open. And no, we don't leave the cans or spilled beans on the floor.

Based Dapper Pupper.

>refering to yourself in third person instead of omitting personal pronoun

Nice try, reddit

soundcloud.com/lazerbird-98477393/afternoon-at-the-kinoplex

Tip top kek

She trolled you good

I remember that, gold post in gold thread

Kek

>alaska
>black teenager
>beans

>try to watch Baywatch
>Previews just ended
>suddenly alarms start ringing
>falcons freak out in every row
>ushers come in with the theater police and drag every single out
>had two points deducted on my kino license for violating the policy 6 years ago so they drag me out as well
>after going through the dark corridors I find myself at the bathroom
>Robert shaves my head and pushes me into the shower
>I clean myself quickly and nervously
>get pulled out and dried by the bathroom guard
>put on cinema soldier uniform
>drill sergeant comes out amd starts barking orders at us
>only understand half of what he's saying, something about raiding an enemy kinoma to finally end the war
>he makes us shout the theater pledge of allegiance
>I memorized it so I'm good
>we rush into a bus, picking up rifles along the way
>20 minutes later we arrive, but the cinema bombs force our bus to crash into the theater lake
>swim to safety pulling a guy with me, couldn't save a neckbeard that drowned
>shoot down some enemies and advance to a capture point, but get knocked out by their Kino General
>spend the next three months in the popcorn mines until they let me go
>movie I wanted to watch isn't even in theaters anymore
>suddenly wake up
>was daydreaming the whole thing in front of two Stacies before another movie was starting
>had reenacted the whole thing in front of them too
>they look at me and laugh
>get dragged off to the penis inspection machine
>mfw

I would laugh so hard if I experienced that in real life

cringe.

This wasn't funny the 5th time

Anyone got a cap of the thread where an user went to a movie and ended up blowing a dude?

I remember when Return of the King came out I went with some friends to the midnight show.

I don't remember what part but I went to open a bag of skittles and it split in half...and we were in the top row. So you could hear allllll of them bouncing and rolling down all the way into the front row.

When you badly need a piss it's best to mentally divert yourself and not give it any attention of you'll end up like me ie in the theater with partially pissed pants.

>2008
>The Dark Knight just came out
>Smoke a lot of weed by myself at my house because i was an edgy 20 year old
>Go to the showing late, there's literally one seat left and my best friend is sitting next to it
>"Dude.. Dave Matthews is sitting right behind us"
>turn around, whole row is big black security guys on the ends, skinny white sound guys towards the middle and the Dave Matthews Band in the center
>i'm high as fuck and looking past Dave further down the row
>"i don't fucking see him"
>"dude he's right there, he's looking right at you"
>look back and he's literally right behind me staring right at me
>lifetime amount of cringe earned in one single moment

Damn..this got me thinkin...bout them beans

youtube.com/watch?v=vifYelSTlMo

tfw in the screenshot and came to the thread because I remember the beans

>opening night for Amazing Spider-Man in theaters
>big deal for the theater, they're giving away prizes and shit
>full-house and I'm sitting moderately close to the front
>female friend snuck in a bunch of booze for me in her bag so I'm having a good time
>suddenly: bloody nose
>fuck
>"hey, do you have any tissues or napkins in your bag?"
>no
>but she does have tampons
>fuck it, shove a tampon up my nose
>imokaywiththis
>have a nice little graveyard of empty bottles at my feet
>accidentally knock one over during a quiet part
>entire theater rings with the sound of an empty bottle hitting the concrete
>look behind myself
>everyone is looking at me
>still have the tampon up my nose
>get laughed at

...

>eat a bunch of cheese
>lactose intelorant
>need to fart
>wet shit comes out instead
>splatters all over my seat
>whole fucking row is crowded
>everyone starts gagging and this bitch starts screaming
>start crying and wanting to leave the theater
>mom takes me home and wipes my butt

I was only 6, but god that was embarrassing!

>midnight showing of last harry potter movie
>super tired so I get a large md code red
>sit down and immediately spill the soda all over the ground
>qt nerd girls start laughing at me
>shamefully walk out and get a refill