Don't forget, Captain America's black and can fly now because he's the Falcon.
Ms Marvel's a muslim, because we're sensitive.
Squirrel Girl is a reincarnation of Archie's Moose posing as a trangender pig.
Spider-Man's mexican (or whatever, I don't know, I can't keep up)
The Fantastic Four are missing in action, except for the Thing who hangs out with Kitty Pryde in space and married Star Lord, and the Human Torch who cucked Black Bolt.
Wolverine's dead longer than usual, although his son came back, and Sabretooth is still around even though he's been killed off lots.
The X-Kids are here, although they haven't fucked up the timeline yet, somehow.
Loki was a chick at some stage.
She-Hulk has a sword for some reason.
The Hulk is now Amadeus Cho, because Bruce thought it would be a good idea to give him Hulk powers.
No story lasts past 6 issues before the universe needs rebooting.
Gwen Stacy is alive and somehow has super powers.
I think Uncle Ben is a maniac depressive omnisexual with a penchant for obese multi-penised gay bears, but I could be wrong about that.
We still don't know why Thor isn't worthy to lift Mjolnir because nobody at Marvel has enough talent to think of an original story.
Everyone there lifts Greg Land's porn tracings.
Scott Summers is a terrorist, worse than Magneto.
Namor had his head ripped off, so he was dead for a few minutes. It really choked me up for a second.
Everything's all new and all different yet still the same old crap but with a different color for the Greg Land tracings.
There are new adjectives in front of the titles of a lot of books. Because that's exciting, apparently.
If you want a job as an artist at Marvel, make sure you can hold at least three pencils in your anus, because you'll probably be given multiple books to draw. If you're a writer, make sure you can jam a lot of feces in your urethra before ejaculating on the page and scrawling the letters 'SJW' with your dick. Even if you're a womyn.