ITT: we set up Family Guy cutaways and the next poster writes how the cutaway plays out. I'll start:

ITT: we set up Family Guy cutaways and the next poster writes how the cutaway plays out. I'll start:

>I haven't felt this helpful since I saved that whale using a forklift!

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youtube.com/watch?v=Y8EMndSFFMk
youtube.com/watch?v=BSDg2oSazNc
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Impales the whale on the prongs, gruesomely sloughs off as Peter drives into the sea before dumping a rotten half-corpse into the ocean.

>I don't like jerks. Remember when we ran into that clown at the cemetary?

Peter lifts up the whale with a forklift and everything is better

The end

Oh my fuck OP I didn't even look at your WebM before writing that post

Family Guy is so appalingly predictable jesus fucking christ

Peter walks in on a clown funeral, he starts pestering clowns to be funny. One abruptly shouts that the clown who died had aids and committed suicide.

>This is worse than that time I met Bill Cosby at that bar mitzvah

To be fair though, in the episode this part isn't a cutaway. He just straight-up butchers a whale as part of the opening "I'm a (x) guy now!" segment.

Peter turns around and goes "Oh my god Bill Cosby". Looks like they are about to make a joke about Cosby but then the chair dance happening in the background falls and smashes into Peter leaving Peter collapsed in a heap on the ground.

>This is just like that time I tried to be a bee farmer.

Cut to a calm scene of Peter watering a field of dirt, no crops to be seen. Suddenly hundreds of bees fly out of the ground at once and sting him all over, causing him to bloat up.

>This is almost as bad as the time I was stuck in an elevator with Jim Carrey

Cut to scene with Peter and Jim in an elevator.
>Peter: Boy this elevator hasn't moved since we got in.
>Jim: Yep.
Beat
>Jim: Did you push the button?
Peter's eyes widen.

>This is worse than that time I bought ice cream at Disneyland.

Cut to a scene of Peter and Jim Carrey sitting in an elevator. The clothes they're wearing are disheveled and what appears to be a pile vomit sits in one corner of the elevator. Peter turns to the camera and says "This isn't a joke about Jim Carrey. We just got stuck in an elevator for a long time once and it was really bad."

>Haha! I feel fit as a fiddle!

That actually got a mild smirk out of me
Cut to Peter contorted into the shape of a violin, screaming to his family for help. They all panic asking how this happened. Peter begins vomiting up blood and viscera.

>Meg you're just worse than a Libertarian at a bake sale

Peter buys an ice cream cone and licks it.

>Ew, butterscotch? I thought this was french vanilla!
>Aw, oh well, it's still pretty good

And then he's hit by a runaway rollercoaster. In the flurry of gore he drops the ice cream.

Alright:
>Man, this is worse than that time I tried to use memes

>Oh boy, a Michael Eisner popsickle!
>*he eats the popsickle and his joy fades quickly*
>Ugh, should have known it would be disappointing. Like that I time I was an understudy for Captain Crunch....

...Seth?

Cut to Peter and his friends at the Clam. They're talking about some atlete or someone and Peter says "He's a pretty big guy." The guys just stare blankly at him.

>I haven't had this big of a rush since last Black Friday

Cut to a hospital room. The Griffin family is standing together, except Peter, who's passed out and hooked up to an IV. A huge tumor is on his temple.
Lois asks Doctor Hartman if Peter will be okay, and Hartman says "Yeah, we just need to remove the big lumpy...bloaty thing on his head. He'll be fine."

>Well, aren't you all that and a bag of chips.

Which one?

Cut to Peter running out a Macy's with as many copies of 2112 as he can carry and then some. He turns toward the camera and says, "SOMEONE WAS PAID TO WRITE THIS JOKE."

>Yeah, right. You don't stand a Chinaman's Chance.

Peter is at a bank, speaking to a teller.
>Teller: Sir, this is not legal tender, I'm sorry, but we cannot take it.
>Peter: Why the hell not? These frogs are the rarest of the rare! They gotta be worth at least a couple thousand bucks!
>Teller: You're going to have to deposit real money. These are worthless.
Peter snatches the frog pictures backs, groans, and walks away.
>Peter: Thanks internet.

>Chris: Brian, you can't serve yourself cereal milk-first, you got to do cereal-first and then milk.
>Brian: Chris, that's silly. It really doesn't matter how I serve my cereal.
Stewie chimes in
>Stewie: No, he's really not joking, Brian. You really shouldn't serve your cereal milk-first, just look at what happened to the kid Lois and the Fatman had before Meg.

A Libertarian caricature goes on and on about capitalism at a bake sale, "Ah, yes, brownies, the symbol of the free market, the invisible hand the guides our lives-"

Eventually the salesman gets angry and yells "Just buy a fucking pastry!", to which the Libertarian grabs a bunch of cookies runs away saying "Themarkethasdecidedthevalueoftheseiszero..."

Peter is the Nyan cat. He's flying through space going "Nyan-nyan-nyan", which eventually turns into him singing the 1960's Batman theme. He flies into a black hole, but the camera pulls back to reveal it's actually a goatse, and Peter screams "Oh God!"

Peter is aboard Captain Crunch's ship, as they plunder and rape other cereal mascots to take their "treasure" (the treasure being bowls of cereal), Peter doesn't want to get involved, but Crunch threatens that he'll get "a balanced breakfast instead of a bowl of milk orange sugar shaped like a nugget" if he doesn't join in. As he stands in front of a wounded Trix Rabbit he unzips his pants and says "Sorry about this, but the boss says I gotta..." and we see him begin to lean down.

Peter is waiting outside of a store as it opens on Black Friday. He rushes his way in, punching out other shoppers, and pushing his way to the back of the store, and exits through a rear door. Out int he back alley he meets a man in a trench coat and exchanges cash for needles. As Peter shoots up with heroin, he says "I hope the kids like empty needles for Christmas!"

Cut to Stewie dancing with an anthropomorphic bag of chips. He turns the camera and says "Yeah, I... I don't know where we're going with this." The chips then bends down in front of Stewie and begins making fellating motions, and he says "Oh... Alright... Well... This has taken a turn..."

>I haven't been this upset since that time my ghost hunting show got canceled

>I haven't had this big of a rush since last Black Friday
Jerome and Cleveland doing this scene.
youtube.com/watch?v=Y8EMndSFFMk
Peter sees this and giggles like a schoolgirl.

>Well, aren't you all that and a bag of chips.
The All That intro.
youtube.com/watch?v=BSDg2oSazNc
But with the FG cast being each person. Bonus points if every one is played by one character (Peter, for example).

>This is worse than the time I could see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

>I haven't been this upset since that time my ghost hunting show got canceled

>Cut to Peter having a really uncomfortable and needlessly protracted exchange with a network executive, ending with him crying like a baby.

>This is worse than the time I could see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

>Cut to Peter asking, "Because it's got cinnamon-sugar swirls on every bite?" There's a beat, followed by a group of men in black suits screaming "HE KNOWS!," tranquilizing Peter with a dart, and dragging him away to the back of a van before throwing him in and driving off.
>"I dunno, Meg. Your father's right. Just look at what happened to Jonbenet Ramsey."

>Cut to show various people "ghost riding the whip" and being hunted by Stewie and Brian atop horseback.
>Brian: Are you sure this show will get picked up?
>Stewie: If not, we're at least going the world a favor. Like that time Peter took on Larry King.

>Cut to Peter asking, "Because it's got cinnamon-sugar swirls on every bite?" There's a beat, followed by a group of men in black suits screaming "HE KNOWS!," tranquilizing Peter with a dart, and dragging him away to the back of a van before throwing him in and driving off.

The sad thing is, that would have been pretty funny, and a likely joke in the pre-cancelation days.

I never realiy understood what Stewie said in the opening theme until i read the subtitles and saw it's "laugh and cry".
But that's bullshit, Stewie is supposed to have a British accent and say "laugh" like "lahf", but in the opening it sounds like an American "lef".
That's probably why i never understood it either, because i was expecting something british-sounding

>Lois: Peter's been using the Internet too much. He was up all night on that "Four Chan" message board.
>Bonnie: Really?
>Lois: Yeah, and been doing some stuff recently that I think might have had something to do with that website.

>Cut to Peter sitting on the couch. Lois storms in with Peter's iPhone and screams, "Peter! Why do you have a picture of your anus on here?", Peter responds "His post ended in 69, so I had to deliver."

>Lois: I forbid you from going on that website again!
>Peter: Man, this is worse than that one time I crashed a CIA agent's plane

Man I hate old people, hey Lois, remember that time we had Jimmy Savile babysit Stewie?

The scene's Peter being a stowaway on some CIA dudes plane, but he creeps out for a moment to use the bathroom and somehow manages to shit in the 'not toilet' pipe and cause a fatal blockage.

>This blows almost as hard as that time I met Todd Howard in person.

Peter is attempting to summit Mt. Everest. On his way up, he comes across Todd Howard. Todd says to Peter "Don't worry Peter..." Todd looks into the camera. "...every mountain can be climbed..."

>"I dunno Quagmire, I haven't done something that crazy since I tried to beat Maisie Williams in a big-forehead-far-apart-eyes contest!"

Cut to Roger from American Dad "it's me, the joke is its me'


>Woah Joe I've not seen you this mad since you Brazil Wold Cup!

Aw crap Brian, this is just like that time I started breathing and blinking manually and also lost the game!

>Peter is sitting on a computer and starts blinking rapidly and breathing louder and gives a quiet dejected "awww"

"You think this is bad? Remember that time I went fishing with Benito Mussolini?"

They're fishing in a small boat, but Churchill goes by with a yacht and a huge fishing net. He proceeds to flip them off. Benito says to Peter "Why must he always beat me in everything, relating to boats?"

"You think that's bad? Remember the time I started masturbating in front of the Canadian Prime Minister and he finished me off?"

>Peter is getting wanked off by the PM, when mayor Rob Ford approaches and asks "Room for one more?" and offers them some cocaine

This reminds me of that time that time my mom died because I didn't reply to this post on Sup Forums

>Peter sees a chain mail message saying horrible thing will happen if he doesn't reply. He doesn't, and hurts his knee. Cue "AHH SSS" for one straight minute.

this was more painful than the time I went to an italian plumber's go-kart race

>Peter is go-kart racing with what is implied to be Mario. He's in first place and his knee is hit with a blue shell. Cue "AHH SSS" for one straight minute.

Man, this sucks harder than when I was stranded on a desert island with Tom Hanks

>They're comfortable in a Gilligan's Island type of setup, but Tom keeps calling him Wilson.
>You know what? I'm just gonna fix this hole in the boat and leave.

This is even better than the time we went on vacation and left Meg home alone!

kys you fucking underage nigger.

>he doesn't have immunity cat

meg is walking around naked with her disgusting floppy tits swinging and sagging around and her rancid meat curtain labia slipping and squelching between her cottage cheese thighs. she lets out a disgusting stinky queef, followed by a pungent fart. she raises her arms to smell her hairy armpits, causing her to gag

>gee this is worse than the time i realized that you are starting to notice that a headache was growing, slowly but surely, somewhere in your skull. also, if you don't reply to this post, your pets and family will die in their sleep tonight

Family guy fucking sucks. And no, old Family Guy sucked too.

>Peter is sitting at a desk in an empty room starring directly into the camera
>"... think about it... is it getting worse... head hurts don't it... think you might die...."
>scene holds for solid 4 minutes

Aw geez this is more exciting than the time I ran into Les McKeown from the Bay City Rollers on a ski trip in Colorado!

This time Peter does reply to the threatening chain mail, but ends up hurting himself anyway

>that still wasn't as bad as the time I had to take care of Jon's fat cat

Cutaway of Peter babysitting Jon Jafari's bird, Jacques. Peter finds a stray cat and lets it in Jon's house. He leaves the room to do something stupid to see the bird is gone and the cat is disproportionately fat. Peter somehow couldn't tell that it was the stray cat that he just took in and instead assumes it's Jon's cat because it is fat and Jon is also fat.

>"Well this is a bigger surprise than when I went to that nightclub in Florida!"

Peter is just dancing along to the music, stops, looks directly at the camera and says "There's a lot of nightclubs in Florida you know."

>This is worse than the time I got my shoelaces stuck in that escalator.

Peter's shoelaces are stuck in the escalator. He panics as he is slowly pulled under, but instead of being gorily crushed, he is pulled down to a hollow earth land full of dinosaurs and cavemen.
Peter: Aw, cool!
Then a Brontosaurus walks over him and buries him in its shit. Then a T-Rex shits on that pile of shit. Then a tegosaurus pisses on the double shitpile. Peter screams in agony the whole time, somehow burrows his way out of the shitpile and vomits his guts out.

>That was worse than that time I took Lois to that Veal Farm.

>bee farmer
Beekeeper. Or apiarist.

Try something for this

>Peter: Boy, this is more awkward than that time I met the Powerpuff Girls!

It's been said that originally the line was "effin' (for "fucking") instead of "laugh and", and they changed it in...I don't remember, season three maybe?

Lois and Peter are looking at calves, Peter leans over, picks one up and gently pets it. Peter softly says, "Hey little buddy, well aren't you a little cutie.", then in a normal tone, "Alright this ones good."
Peter chucks the calf onto a metal table, where a butcher slices the calf into pieces, the calf crying in pain before getting its head cut off.
Peter concludes with "Ah, veal truly is sophisticated food."

>This is weirder than the time I met that mermaid.

Peter is shown staring at the girls and says: "So...HOW do you girls pick up a fork?"

>This is more embarrassing than that time I tried to be a Youtuber.

Show's a Youtube like page with a video playing that has Peter reviewing Family Guy cartoon stating issues he has with it. Ending it with "at least it isn't Robot chicken" and hearing Chris in the back ground shot "fuck you"

>Oh don't worry this will all work out like that one time Louis and I went to planned parenthood

Peter: So I just play video games and scream?
Brian: Yea.
Peter: And the thumbnail has to be a picture of me screaming?
Brian: Yea.
Peter: And people find entertainment in this?
Brian: Uhh yea.
Peter: Well alright then!
Cut to a still image of Peter's YouTube thumbnail. The background of the thumbnail is the security office in Five Nights at Freddy's, Peter is in the foreground, his face is replaced with the "no me gusta" face. It has 14,000,000 views.

>This is weirder than the time we had Louis CK as our flight attendant.

Doctors office where Peter and Louis are looking concerned at the doctor. "But you have to help us, this baby will ruin our our lives" Peter cries, Doctor looks discouraged "I'm sorry but this child is 42 trimesters to late to abort" pan out of frame to show Meg is behind Peter and Louis.


>This is more of a mess then when Quagmire went to that women's rights protest

Oh, God I kekked.

>Jimmy: "Have you ever heard of a rusty trombone?"
>Stewie: "Maybe."

>Scene cuts to Joe yelling at Peter in front of a field with Brazilian children playing Soccer telling him this isn't the World Cup.
>Peter responds with: "But there are two older kids playing."

>This is worst than that time I went to South Park.

>Quagmire is there just protesting like the rest of the women and beats a guy who told them to "Go back to the kitchen, skanks!" while the women cheer for him.

>This is more confusing than that time I watched the Cooking channel.

Five whole minutes of an actual live-action cooking show, with Peter giggling in the background from time to time.

>This is even funnier than that time I pranked Meg on April Fools' Day.

>Instead of making the instructed meal, Peter has the bright idea of instead putting the ingredients in his mouth, thinking that they'll form inside of him
>Cut to Peter in bed with a bad stomachache

>That was more painful than the time I was caught in the middle of a Smash Brothers battle royale

Meg open's a card that reads I love you my special little girl, she goes "awww" to be followed by Peter hitting her with his car. Her body twitching in pain Peter slowly rolls down the car window and states very calmly "No one loves you" to which then he drives off.

>This is better then that time I met Seth MacFarlane

>Peter and Mario are in this big battle among other characters
>Mario smashes Peter's head with a hammer, and you see Peter's head gushing blood and squished in a realistic manner
>everyone stops fighting and Luigi says "jesus christ, what the fuck, Mario?"
>Mario defends himself, Bowser and a few others take his side
>everyone yells at each other

>Family Guy art style makes the PPG look better than in the reboot

close up of Peter in which he looks very board "*sigh* So can we do something other than blowing coke of each other dicks today?"
"*long snort* AHHH nope"

Asshole

Frig off randy

Hey Brian, remember that time you and Stewie made a lemonade stand?

Peter is shown giggling while hiding in the kitchen. Meg walks by the living room with a "KICK ME" sign taped on her back. Suddenly, a clown car crashes into the house and the clown driving it emerges to stab Meg in the eye. Peter shouts "APRIL FOOLS!" off camera as Meg body lays unconscious.

>This is the best idea I've had since I opened up that massage parlor!

Cut to Peter dressed as an Asian hooker giving some body a massage. Peter does an offensive Japanese accent the whole time talking about random things. Near the end of the massage Peter looks into the guys eyes and whispers, "You want happy ending?" The guy is a cop and goes to arrest Peter.

> Wow, this is worst then that time me and Louis found a cursed treasure chest under the floor broads.

>The cutaway shows Peter getting arrested because he didn't do background checks on his employees. They are shown balding, wearing cargo shorts, and some have glasses and five o'clock shadows.

>This is funnier than that time I was a mall Santa.

Cut to Peter sitting dressed as Santa, as a dying cancer kid slowly staggers to his lap, clearly in pain and asks Peter for a new Skateboard.

Forgot to add a cutaway.

>This is better than that time I was Robert Downey Jr's drug dealer.

>Peter looks at a newspaper that says "Sam Rockwell Cast as Iron Man"

I want this to be real. "This worse then time When I was Batman."

Fuck you, Anonymous.

Why would you do this?