How to look alpha while buying condoms?

how to look alpha while buying condoms?
should i keep the eye contact with cashier all the time? i want to try some condoms on my dick before i start fucking whores

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Fucking with condom is like eating sandwich with a foil.

man there's a lot of ukrainians here now and i don't want HIV

I mean I get that it's sometimes compulsory,but the feeling still sucks bad.

you're having sex, presumably, that's pretty "alpha" in and of itself. Do not get the idea of being meek about buying condoms. Just act like it's any other item and that it's just part of your day to day life

Go to their website first and ask for the ones you like

Get them from supermarket toilet machines

Keep eye contact with every woman in the local when you gonna pay try make a face "i want fuck you" to the lady working on the pharmacy.

always make sure to buy some rope and mayonnaise with them
also try not to blink while maintaining uninterrupted eye contact

Buy them in a supermarket along with a week worth of groceries, she won't even notice them

order them from the internet

Say "I've got the condoms, now I just need the girl" then wink at her while leaning in for a kiss

Just fucking buy them you retard, nobody cares if you buy them just don't be a retard about it

This.

I tried and worked

rape doesn't count as "worked"

>using condoms
This is not alpha

getting AIDS while fucking ukrainian hooker is not very alpha as well

>having sex outside of marriage

you need to go back Ahmed

>having sex

>being inexperienced

lad, when you stop idealizing sex and relationships, you'll be in a better place.

>when you stop idealizing sex and relationships
But that's just the problem

Is bot rape if you're handsome

>tfw big dong
>normal condoms don't fit
>found out that plus size condoms are just a marketing ploy aimed at insecure dicklets and aren't actually that much bigger
>have to ordered tailored condoms online and get them delivered to my house
I would trade the insane paranoia of my dad accidentally opening my parcels for being embarrassed in front of a shop assistant any day of the week

I just endure it. I never get used to it and it feels awkward but I don't show it. Just peel it off like a bandaid and get the hell out of there.

don't you have something like Inpost in the UK?
you just order the thing on this machine's address, and when it's delivered they message you with a code that you need to enter and take out your package

safe and anonymous

...

forgot pic

Think of all the women buying medication for vaginal infections and realise buying condoms is literally nothing to worry about.

that's why fancy names for medicines exist
you ask for HAJDBAKDNBAKSJHDNLAN and nobody knows what it is for

hmm
I didn't know anything about this, but I'll look into it, thanks

youtube.com/watch?v=G-mK62LJ9zg
youtube.com/watch?v=7MFnXP2VG28

blast from the past

here the cashier is just some old arab guy so i dont honestly care

Do you have lots of gfs?

No I've only ever had 2. Bit weird for a 24 year old but whatever

It's not weird at all in Italy
Of all my friends only one had more than two gfs and we're 23

>His country doesn’t have self-checkout kiosks

>buy condoms for my first time
>want to use them on a qt one nighty
>already came while putting them on

...

>gf is all over me and wants me to get a pack of condoms
>get them
>fug once
>try to fug again
>nope
>nope again
>nope for a while
>wakes me up one night when I am super tired and is all over me
>really tempted to say nope because I'm so fucking mad but I don't know when she'll do it again

RRRREEEEEEEEEE

tell him i want cover my dick

just buy them like you would buy milk, show its nothing unusual

Boi she's gonna up and leave you then you'll be on here with us single autists crying how you didnt want to fuck your girlfriend

I did it anyways. Can I be part of #MeToo?

my first time buying condoms I had a problem with the self checkout kiosk and a worker had to come over and fix the machine.

Walk in the store naked with an erection
Drop exactly 249 unmarked bills in the register
Put them on in the store
Leave the store while flexing legs

Say to the cashier that they are not for you but for the bull

I jerked off with a condom a few times in high school, testing them out for the first time, honestly did not feel any different

then again, I'm circumcised, so.

that happened to me with lube and she was a girl that dropped her spaghetti

for me it was a black girl who didn't bat an eyelash. Entered her key thing, swiped her card, swiped my condoms and left.

>3rd world doesn't have self checkout
>3rd world can bulk order condoms online
>3rd world has to worry about HIV

man poland sucks

do they not have self checkout in Pooland?

1. be alpha
2. go get your condoms

condoms dont really work for me. not big enough i suppose. more often than not im able to convince the girl to let me continue. my pussy eating abilities certainly help

kek

Holy shit I wish we had this when I lived at home. Couldn't order any weird shit like a flesh light because parents were too nosey.

We have PO Boxes but so many companies refuse to ship to them.

I gave up on condoms after breaking them over and over again, even the "safety" brands kept breaking on me.
Finally my gf decided to get herself a contraceptive transplant instead of worrying about it, they are way more effective than barrier methods anyways.

>don't have to buy condoms because I will probably never have sex in my entire life
H.. h-haha... joke's on you............

my university has free condoms and I just shove a bunch into my bag every time I pass by

Just think of them as cookies or something

>dick too small for condoms

lmao just buy them you fag and act the same way as if you were buying ibuprophen or smth

pay for them at the self checkout

i have a friend who was convinced his dick was too big for condoms. he, much like you, is a retard and is wrong. he went bright red and get horribly embarrassed when i showed him that i could fit a normal 'small' condom across my entire arm. turns out he was just unable to put condoms on properly.

unless your dick is 4 feet long, it is not too big for condoms.

>amerisnip

>tfw can't jerk off with a condom

just buy them from a male cashier

>impressing the cashier

hell yeah you got it

I don't know

I really wish this had been a story about putting a condom on your giant donger in front of your friend