Sitting at uni café

>sitting at uni café
>hoard of americans comes in
>half of them are wearing backwards baseball caps
>speaking at annoyingly loud volume
>half of what they say is ''dude'', ''so'', or ''like''

Clapistani tourist horror story thread

There are no horror stories, just hilarious cringy shit

> Be in Budapest
> Winter
> American tourist in shorts complains how cold it is
> Says he's a high school football player and talks to random old Hungarians with a Californian accent, not even knowing how to use a map or read the Hungarian place names

> Be at the university
> An obese woman with weird coloured leggins (winter again), college sweater and a cap indoors talks to a professor, no doubt over her accent where she was from

Too bad I don't travel enough to encounter more hilarious Mutt travellers

>at uni
>talking in English with this American exchange student
>out of the blue he says “so you are italian? I thought you were supposed to be shorter”
>wtf
>I’m taller than him
>he spends a good 20 minutes trying to convince me that I must be some kind of northern italian/Austrian mutt

That was weird

>let me tell you about your heritage

are they american-jews?

Yeah, he got all fired up as well. Like dude, maybe you’re right, but I don’t really care

I don't know. They were all white (at least in american terms) and spoke in a cali accent. They are exchange students, but I also see black and asian american exchange students from time to time, so it's clearly not a taglit thing.

>I thought you were supposed to be shorter”
>>he spends a good 20 minutes trying to convince me that I must be some kind of northern italian/Austrian mutt

why are americans so american? it's like they're a different species

>Amerifjord asks me for direction yelling and chimping at me
>give him direction to gulag

funniest bit is how y'all just take it

I would be inhospitable to just brain a moron

That was the look I gave him

What would be the appropriate course of action? To yell at them to stop speaking goyese and to git outta muh country?

too much race mixing

too much soy mixed with high fructose corn syrup

Good work Ivan.

This. Americans are confident and alpha, just having fun and impose their way of life and manners on others, and the rest of the world just keeps obediently swallow it and impotently complain about gow much they dislike it (while in reality they can do literally nothing to stop Americans from behaving the way they do).
I am not baiting or anything, honestly, it must feel great to be an American.

>be anywhere
>american exchange student talks to me

the one on the left caught you

If he did he was too beta to stop me

He knows he has to bow down to Israel

America is Israel's bitch.

>complain about americans being rude and stupid
>just be rude and stupid in response lol what's the problem???
user...

>complain about americans being rude
literally soy tier

technion?

only met one american in my whole life and he was chill af desu

lol we win

>be 11 and at Kennedy space centre waiting for launch
>loudly arguing with sister about whether I'll be future president
>she tells me English people can't be president
>tell her George Washington was English
>a few people chuckle
>Ameribear-type man angrily tells me off

What the fuck man.
Clearly it scarred me because I still remember it for some reason.

>be me, at the bus on my way to work a few days ago
>two blonde, pretty Swedish girls are standing with a third uglier girl who is talking extremely loud
>unironically 50% of what she said was "like", she used the word "like" at least 50 times during those two minutes
>feel like punching her in the face
I do have some good experiences with burgers too though

As opposed to what? Telling you to be quiet? We do that, often

>Wearing hats indoors.
Just why?

...

>worked at a big, pretty fancy restaurant in Stockholm
>american guests come often, some are very rich ( but new money, not old)
>one evening a family comes in
>they are literally le 56% as far as physical appearance goes
>the dad tries to speak Swedish to me, says "tack så mycket" at least 3 times
>pretty cool I guess
>he then goes on to talk about how many Swedes and Norwegians settled in Delaware or something like that, don't remember the place honestly
>I act polite all the time cause it's my job
>their kids are screaming 50% of the time
>they tipped but lower than the custom is
oh well

>at philosophy lecture presentation thing on Wittgenstein
>at the end of the lecture there's a Q&A
>young black woman puts up her hand
>"yeah, language is important, i think it's important what we say, yeah" in an American accent
>lecturer does a polite "uh huh" because it's clear she didn't understand the lecture
>a few more questions and she puts up her hand again
>"I think philosophy should be more like social activism"
>everyone's a bit confused
>"uh, i'm an exchange student who currently studying social activism *blah blah blah* and i think with, like, trump, philosophy should be allying itself with activism, i think its important what we say"
>"oh that's an interesting opinion"
>she keeps putting her hand up and talking about trump and American politics

really bizarre, i don't know why she was even there

Is it still custom to tip in Sweden?

why are americans so stupid?

Yeah. Is that not the case in Denmark also? If we're talking fine dining restaurants.

Hmm.. At fine dining restaurants I don't actually know. In regular restaurants, it's not the custom.
I think most older people still tip, out of tradition and habit.
I never tip, however, and it's not very often you see young people tip anymore.

>Every single story in the thread involves an American
Please just fucking end us

I bet they're there on birthright. A lot of American Jews I know go when they're around 21-23.

Also, LA Jews are obsessed with hats and basketball jerseys, so that's who these probably are.

>goes to Italy
>expect Mexican/Arab looking supermario clones
>finds out Italians look like other Europeans
>get mad
wew lad, can't believe the "American arguing about heritage" meme is actually true

I would if I could, friend.

Seems like tipping at fancy restaurants is pretty common all over the world. It does happen here too (at expensive restaurants) but it's not really expected.

I guess it goes hand in hand with that rich-man philanthropy mindset, where rich people think that by tipping they're generous and also helping. It makes them feel generous but also reminds them of their power/wealth over the workers.

Believe me, I was dumbfounded. I thought he was joking at first

>speaking at annoyingly loud volume
This coming from an Israeli...

>Ameribear-type man angrily tells me off
>What the fuck man.
>Clearly it scarred me because I still remember it for some reason.

I apologize for our mentally I'll citizens.

All Americans are the worst. We're fat, stupid and ugly. We build our houses out of cardboard, have retarded roads, wear our shoes indoors, have a cancerous "culture". I wish someone would bomb us into oblivion so we could save the rest of the world from even having to deal with us. We're hideous mutts that only know how to race mix.

Ugh, nothing worse than a self hating american.

You're right. I forgot about that. You should invade us, it might help, but you wouldn't want to get infected. Bombing is still probably the way to go.

Hmmm, a massive landmass populated by simple, uneducated people. Time to claim it as a colony!

That just goes to show you how fucking loud they were

TAU

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muricans who come to Japan seem to be introverted.
I'm sure it's relatively difficult to distinguish Americans from others here.

>chinese guy asks me if this train is going to a particular station
>i say it is
>it really isn't

Well that is the point of the thread, what did you expect?

When I was in Japan, all Japanese people thought I was American, and all foreigners thought I was German ;_;

And they're all overweight. Kek

Ah yes we all seem to forget that in the United States of School Shooting the most common courtesy when faced with such a challenging group of indesirables is to just whip out your ar15 and start blasting everyone in sight.

>be in sweden 5 years ago
>volunteering at farm
>meet 3 americans overall
>an incredibly chill guy from minnesota
>a quirky, sometimes annoying girl from california
>a pretty hot but somewhat dumb girl from north carolina

I'd say experience with americans is quite nice. They were decent people and mostly pleasant to hang out with.

>2 americans in the group
>They start talking about pepe the frog,uganda knuckles and other memes
>My normie friends are absolutely oblivious to it while I get the references

Why are americans so fucking autistic?

I am not kidding, most of the people in this picture would be considered normal-sized in the US. I am also about the size of the guys in this picture.
178cm, 78kg for reference

>most of the people in this picture would be considered normal-sized in the US
They actually are normal sized.

all danes look like northern germans

haven't met many americans but they're more likely to ask people for help. I can somewhat guide them around the city, and they're never unappreciative or anything

>and they're never unappreciative or anything
Americans treat the people of the country theyre visting like store clerks in america. You're expected to lick their asscracks and then thank them for the opportunity

I could say the same about European tourists in Croatia.

No idea. Fuck croatian tourist areas - too many germans to enjoy anything.

nice trips but I don't know what you're on about
lol when I visited Croatia with my family they knew the language so it was super easy getting around :D

>sitting in metro
>bunch of overweight people come and take the seats next to me and in front of me
>out of 7 only 2 are of normal weight
>they start talking
>it's some horrible sounding perversion of English
>turns out they are burgers

You always hear americans before you see them.

Its because we look down on Eastern Europeans for some reason. Very irrational way of thinking.

>Last summer
>Be coming home from a family meeting in some Eastern border village
>Everything is nice and quit train leaves in a few hours
>Group of Californian women arrive
>Chimplike screeching fills the hall
>"OMFG SO LIKE ME AND CATHY OMG OMG SO"
>This continues until the train arrives
>Even the station alcoholic can't sleep despite being stocked

Why do they act like this? Even Somalian niggers are more civilized

Haha holy shit this is true.

I've never had a bad experience with American tourists, they're quite lovely actually. Can't say the same for a lot of Europeans.

>Finnish station alcoholic
not surprised by this after the Moldovan town rapist

to be fair, Israeli tourists, especially backpackers, have an absolutely awful reputation

>Be me
>Go to Swedish restaurant
>Speak English to the staff
>Don't tip
>Laugh

Probably because you speak English and share some culture more than rest of Europe. Here the tourists are very loud, expect everyone to speak English to them and don't learn many basic custom of Korea.

>American tourists come in restaurant
>Speak English with hard to understand accent to hostess
>Don't speak slowly and don't try saying anything in Korean. Hostess is old so probably don't know English at all
>Get menus
>Complain menu is in Korean
>Of course. This isn't a tourist part of Seoul
>Put backpacks next to chair
>Waitress almost trips because of backpacks
>Order food
>Mad they don't have doctor peppa, only cola and cider
>Complain they have to get their own water from water machine
>Complain side dishes are gross
>Where are muh forks? Can't use chopsticks
>Talk more loudly than rest of restaurant about sex and clubs and drinking
>Some younger parents who know some English with kids look annoyed
>Finish meal
>Don't take tray to tray return
>Pay with credit card
>Forget some money on the table
>Waitress tries to tell them but they ignore her and leave

>Go to work every day
>Estadounidense company in Germany
>Germans are retarded and autistic.
>Estadounidenses are easygoig and nice.

>Forget some money on the table
that was the tip

>wake up
>I am an American
>tfw

Koreans don't tip. To leave money on the table here is forgetting it here. If people try to give it to the waitress, she says no and give it back. It's a little insulting because it implies she's poor and can't make money herself.

>YO YO broh, let me tell you who isn't white, doooood

>sitting in the riviera
>an American family approaches me
>ask where this known tourist hotspot is, showing me a map riddled with pen made signs like it's a battle front set up
>the man's struggling to pronounce the consonant riddled word for the location, trying not to butcher the language, but he still fails miserably
>I smile, their son smiles and looks at his father
>The man quickly apologizes for the mistake
>Tell him not to worry, direct him and tell him where he can get top food for cheap, avoiding the tourist traps in that hotspot
>he continues the conversation, el classico americano: "We are from X, we came here from"
>I politely listen and ask him whether they're having a good time
>the wife interrupts: "Don't bother the man, honey. Thanks, young man"
>there is a glimpse of sadness in his eyes
>it looked for a moment as if he wanted to damn hug me
>I bid them farewell


>sitting in a cafe in the old town
>3-4 "dudes" dressed like it's drag ball sitting next to me
>"I hear one of them saying: "Ask the dude, go on, ask him, don't be a fag"
>"They turn around, their la creatura eyes and smiles literally flaying the skin from my face
>"Excuse me, my man, we just landed today, and we wanted to know where's the nearest hostel"
>Before I try to utter a response, they all start talking at the same time, waving their hands
>I tell them "You loud Americans. You're probably from California"
>They get fucking ecstatic like I guessed the one million cash prize question on who wants to be a millionaire
>"Yea, like, HOW DID YOU KNOW?"
>Tell them: "You're loud, you dress awfully and chew with your mouth open" while smiling
>not a sense of bother on their face, they keep smiling even more
>proceed to tell them the location to a hostel nearby
>I stand up to leave a few minutes later, and they stand up at the same time
>one of them looks at me and yells: "Why are these people so freakin' tall!!!!"
Good tourists

>work at hotel
>group of israeli tourists come in
>the women are short ugly fat trolls, look like literal untermensch, curly and oily hair
>men all are lanky and anonymous
>they complain about everything
>try to get stuff for free
>argue loudly and get angry when they don't get stuff for free
I knew from that moment, the memes are true.

Can I provide a reverse example?


>Be me
>Exchange student in Paris
>Waiting in line at concert with Host "brother"
>It's long and we are both hungry
>He tells me to go to the grocery store across the way and get some food
>I don't speak French
>I walk in
>It looks like I entered the exit as I'm by the registers
>Security guard dude says something to me
>I say, "Je ne parle pas francais" and look around desperately
>I find a register that's empty and walk into the store
>Find some food and drinks
>Wait in line
>Get to register
>Cashier says something to me
>I say, "Je ne parle pas francais" again
>she rings up my stuff
>I pay her in euros
>She hands me back a lot of coins, half of which I drop and have to pick up off the ground
>line of people behind me

On the plus side it didn't keep me up that night because the concert was fucking excellent (not to mention the beer I got at the concert)

For the same reason why we lost so few soldiers in the world wars.

>be out living life
>hoard of Jews comes in
>half of them are wearing kippas.
>speaking in annoyingly loud volume
>half of what they say is "oy vey", "6 million", or "it's like another shoa"

>be volunteering at a sausage sizzle (also had coffee machine)
>big line up im attending to
>alternating between cooking, preparing, and taking orders
>middle-aged american behemoth comes up behind me, underneath the gazebo for some reason
>asks me for directions to a cafe that is literally in her field of vision
>look at her with disgust and point at the cafe
>she appears offended and trots off
why

>behemoth
i meant to say she-behemoth

a beshemoth
if you will

kek, you got BURGER'D

Also I thought you gooks liked money

The same reason we are whom everyone else follows.

We have size, infrastructure, Manufacturing ability, but.
Most importantly, is our culture.

Other countries have customs, and history, & other such nonsense that holds them back from their full potential.
Americans live to take what they want out of life.

Now, while this is why many Americans are fat when compared to other nations.
It's also why we're the de facto world leaders (at least for the western world).
We simply do what the fuck we want, and we expect everyone else to keep their own best interests in mind as well.

So when Europeans pussy foot around each other in order to be polite, we just storm in and cause a ruckus.

>Vacationing in america
>Relaxing on a beach
¨>Family with young son walks by
>Son says damn
>Entire family stops and berates him
>"Paul Joseph Lebowitz you watch you mouth!"
>Mother comes over and apologizes to me, explains "he picked it up in Europe last summer"

For every chad there is a hundred beta boys

>tfw

Why are the back of their heads flat?

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