Kelly does it again!
Finally, something I can give people when I want them to know the truth.
Do I get a "Sophisticated Adults" t-shirt if I pre-order it?
In light of recent events...
>edited by Ward Sutton
heh heh heh
>amazon.ca 25.96
>amazon.com 15.41
sign!
Try again foreigners, our woman's soccer team sucks! We Win! Haha!
Wait, what? I don't see this strip on the site, is it for a special promotion?
oh shit, it's a book.
HYPE
Kelly opens up the vault to internet access-deprived serfs like you and me.
>get outskilled
>throw a tantrum
>insult other team
American all right.
I really hope this has an introduction by Kelly
That's something I would actually wear if I were still in college.
Does a kick to the balls really even hurt that much
Yes. Balls are designed to be really sensitive and when struck your body makes you reel over in order to protect them.
Consider yourself lucky for being able to ask that question.
>Implying playing soccer isn't considered a blow to american masculinity
10/10 You've done it again, Kelly
a kick hurts, but real pain is getting a golf ball hurled at your balls
Why don't you punch yourself in the dick and find out, faggot?
yes. and its a weird pain too that last some time
At best you're going to drop to your knees.
At worst that can be recovered from, it's worse than giving birth.
Somewhere in the middle, the pain will skip along the nervous system, go right to the diaphragm and make you vomit.
The best you can hope for is poor aim that will hit you in the dick(which still smarts) or goes past the balls to the taint.
How have you gone through life and not got hit in the balls
I don't think I've met a guy who hasn't been hit in the balls once
I remember the first time that I was kicked in the balls.
A neighbor kid did it. He was years older than I was and soccer-kicked me right in the crotch.
I puked up my breakfast and passed out.
I haven't taken a direct hit.
It's my life goal to preserve the streak.
The onion should sell more Kelly merch. All those t-shirt opportunities.
The testes are an organ and as such they enter into a period of shock response when hit. It's no different than any other organ being struck, except due to the hanging nature of testes the inertial forces pushed against it are not disseminated across a larger body or cushioned in any way, thus the impact is of greater magnitude than any other organ.
If you are an adventurous femanon and would like to get a sample of what it's like to be hit in the testes, do the following:
-Find your strongest male friend
-Stand upright with your torso tilted slightly forward and to the left and your arms up
-Have your male friend punch or kick you as hard as he can directly to the rear right lateral flank of your torso, right where the back curves into the side, and at the lower end of the ribcage
That's called a liver shot, and it is absolutely debilitating if done right. I can assure you that as a female you will have never, ever felt something as uncomfortable as this sensation. There is no body mechanism that proportionately compensates for the damage unfolding, unlike birth and the process of dilation. Your body will go into a uncontrollable state of shock, you will have trouble breathing, your ability to think will vanish, your body will jerk itself into a hunched position against your will, and likely you will crumple to the ground and very possibly begin vomiting. Your liver will put your body into a stress condition that starts to leech hormones into your bloodstream in an effort to fight the pain and rebalance itself, but it is never fast enough.
This is roughly 1/3 of the sensation of being hit squarely in the testes. Your flexible ribs cushion most of the direct impact put against your liver, whereas the testes have none of that. The fact that men can walk after being hit in the testes, an actual real organ like the kidneys and liver, is more of a statement of human toughness than is given credit.
That doesn't sound like a very fun adventure. And my strongest male friend could definitely kill me.
I think I'll just take your word for it
consider yourself lucky that you only bleed in the vagina every month fem-user
also show tits
It's weird. Other people are overstating it.
Yes it hurts, but there's a weird thing that happens after the blow. There's this really weird sense of nausea that follows, and lasts and last. It's the worst sort of nausea, like you're just about to throw up, but won't.
I guess it's natures way of telling you to avoid that situation at all cost. Don't know of any other way to explain it.
>tfw only have one fully formed testicle
>it doesn't even work since I don't have vas deferens
>it goes everywhere and I'm always accidentally sitting on it, causing extreme pain and nausea
I'd get my testicles removed since they don't do anything for me, but somehow I'd feel even more like a freak if I had to explain why I had no nuts to a girl when I took my pants off. But it would be great to not have balls... all mine does is get into bad positions and I end up squishing it unintentionally.
Its like having your heart outside of your body, I mean literally heart's worth of raw nerve endings that anyone can damage very directly.
The types of things you feel when they're damaged are very unnatural and hard to describe at times. Its considered to be close to the pain of childbirth, except much briefer and with hopefully less lasting effects.
>And my strongest male friend could definitely kill me
You'd live, your liver is surprisingly resilient. Off the top of my head I can only think of one boxer in modern history that died directly as a result of a liver shot.
You can get prostatic balls.
I once took a hit to the balls so bad, it gave me a goddamn fever.
>it doesn't even work since I don't have vas deferens
If it produces testosterone, it works. You'd be worse off without it, unless you're a really effeminate man and can transition without looking like a fucking freakshow like 99% of all trannies.
Then it'd be weird to have two fully formed nuts.
I guess the testosterone is still pumping then. I wasn't sure how much was from my nuts and how much was from my prostate. Also, I'm happy being a straight male... my mental health isn't so bad that I want to mutilate myself to look like a shaved gibbon with bitch tits, a wig and make-up on.
We should start posting these on Sup Forums and see who takes the bait.
Is this going to be a best of or complete collection?
It's sad, I just can't read this CTR shillshit anymore. Onion is a complete lost cause and Clickhole is barely tolerable anymore too.
Are you kidding? I once accidentally grazed my scrotum wrong while standing up and it ached for hours.
Testosterone is produced by the balls and supra renals. The prostate produces seminal fluid.
This makes me so fucking thankful I've never received a direct shot to my testicles.
>"Sophisticated Adults"t-shirt
>t-shirt
Kelly wouldn't aprove. Maybe something classy like a polo shirt.
I've somehow avoided a square full-strength nut-strike, by the grace of one or many gods watching out for me. But when I have been hit pretty solidly it goes like this:
>first the split second "oh shit" realization that I've been hit in the sack, it's almost certainly an instinctual feeling of impending regret/fear
>next after that instant, comes the first bit of pain the actual area, usually a quick pain that gets the point across very effectively that you should avoid letting that happen. Often there's an accompanying tenderness.
>now the part you may not have known before today, the pain travels to your stomach/diaphragm area, where it becomes a dull throbbing nausea-centric pain (while the other pain in your sack is still present by the way), like your body is diverting the real pain into the nausea so you don't pass out. I don't think that's what's happening, but at the time your more worried about recovery than the ins and outs of nerve-communication,
Keep in mind this is based on a jackass punching me in the crotch and getting lucky a couple times, I've yet to get a full-speed-and-strength sack-hit, and I hope I never do. I fear the day.
Any object hitting the balls will hurt.
>Flag Football
>I go long
>Guy throws it short
>Goes straight between my legs
>Puke and pass out.
No. Some men actually pay lots of money for fat women to do that to them. I happen to be one of those men
L O N D O N
Is soccer really such a pansy sport that the US has women do what other countries need their men to do?
Wait are you telling me the cartoons are now available in a non blog format.
Excelent
American men suck at it that's all. The woman are kinda good. But that's like being good at the paralympics.
>idw
I want a bunch of varient covers like they did for rom.
Kelly was a miracle of the universe.
Does Sup Forums know about Hope Solo's beef lips?
Getting kicked in the balls hurts so bad that they are generally mutually off limits even in street fights.
On pain metrics... Hm, it is momentarily worse than passing a kidney stone, it's like... Have you ever gotten an impact to your teeth so hard it cracks? It's that same kind of sharp lightning bolt pulse through your body and nervous system except it's in your crotch and it also sort of burns like skin with the top layer peeled off.
hey, the other countries need something too
Hurts a lot, just remember that if you can keep your shit together you can stay on your feet. This is pretty essential both for accidents (go sit down somewhere safe) and fights. (put the fucker down then go sit down somewhere safe)
For me, jumping up and down has helped. Impact of landing feels like it skews things into the right place. YMMV
You have no idea.
She's a little ass girl, not a boxer, retard.
Women are basically made of glass.
The pain spreads so much you'll think you've been kicked in the head, and you'll be unable to see and walk straight.
>tfw I have ridiculously long testicles and have avoided numerous testicle-related injuries by subtly moving my balls further down my pant-leg
I ended up becoming a bit of a celebrity in my highschool as "The Guy with Indestructoballs", but people eventually questioned whether or not I actually had testicles (having a high voice didn't help), so I had to end up revealing my long balls to everybody.
I also accidentally sit down on them from time to time, which really really sucks.
>mfw a soldier friend of mine didn't just get kicked in the nuts, he got fucking shot in the nuts and is now sterile, almost had to be a eunuch
He described the pain as something like the equivalent of having your legs put through a wood chipper from the sheer shock of the pain, a literal burning in your groins, and thst burning spreads to your stomach and even heart, like the entirety of your very being was set ablaze in agony. He described the sheer pain so suffocating he couldn't breathe and choked on some of his vomit. He says it was so deafening painful he felt like blood was going to come out of his eyes, ears, and nose. He felt like he had lost his mind. And then he blacked out. He had a really vivid nightmare about being on fire and being eaten alive by ants, and by the time he woke up he was lucky to be alive, let alone have a half functioning dick.
He's 28 and walks with a full old man walker. He pretty much just plays a lot of vidya these days. The divorce was rough but I think nothing phases him after what he experienced.
Damn.
So his wife was a bitch who divorced him for having no balls?
Fucking YES
I want one for "Perverted Sicko"
You would.
Well he can no longer fulfill his duty as a man, if he can take care of himself he should freely let her have a shot at finding happiness and a family instead of chaining her down out of his own selfishness.
Or you know, get a sperm donater or something instead of abandoning someone for having a horrible injury
cbr when
...
>subtly moving my balls further down my pant-leg
>not just tucking them between your legs, dick and all
People have tried to give me full on ball shots but they got nothing but thigh meat
As a male you do not have to deal with your uterus trying to remove itself from your body every month, but that only gets bad with certain people. A properly laid cunt punt will debilitate a woman still however, y'all just got the raw end of the deal with your bits being so easy to access so sorry for your dick senpai.
>A properly laid cunt punt will debilitate a woman still however
Jabbing them in the ovaries hurts them worse, trust me on this.I'm so glad I paid enough attention in sex ed to know where they are.
I'm confused why would be proud of them. They only managed to beat other women.
What will happen first?
Cyclops somehow being wrong of Kelly somehow managing to not do it?
>French guy laughing behind
Yeah, things are no better here
It's like getting punched on both tits and the face at the same time, but worse because there's no pound of fat or bone to protect it.
No they're not, retard. The human body will take what the human body will take. A 10-15% difference in mass doesn't all of a sudden make someone on the verge of death.
The difference is pain conditioning. Men have more of it spread across a lifetime due to situational risk factors, women experience it in short bursts and don't know how to compensate. If you punch a man, he gets mad and would react accordingly. If you punch a woman, she gets shocked and can't react.
Isn't there a thing about "in sickness and in health"? Fuck me, human beings know no end to their own selfishness and the rationalization behind it.
I've gotten kicked 5 times in my life in the balls, all from girls, 4 as a joke.
I slapped one of them in the tits really hard after she kicked me and I got suspended for a week and had to apologize to her parents aka her pissed off air force dad, meanwhile Barry and Wally never got an apology.
>aren't you the user that punch that poor girl in the tits?
That's how I was known after that for 4 years straight in school.
The US boys U-17 (Under 17) league routinely beats them year after year after year during practice matches. Like, not even close. But that's what is supposed to make them better than the rest of the world: the fact that they are practicing against much better opponents.
And yet they fucking blew it.
Kek, I would be pissy too if I kept losing to underage boys
Are they being shoveled into or out of the vault?
>Australia's national women's soccer team have suffered a devastating defeat in the lead up to the Rio Olympics - going down 7-0 to the Newcastle Jets under-15 boys side.
>What is particularly concerning for the Matildas is that despite resting some regulars, they were still able to field experienced international stars including former AFC player of the year Katrina Gorry.
>Despite the embarrassing defeat on Wednesday night at Valentine Sports Park in Newcastle, the Australian team will travel to Brazil as one of the gold medal favourites.
Its a sport that requires a lot of running, so its not really lucrative to contemporary white americans. Hell they gave Basketball to the blacks.
Well, yeah. Not just basketball and soccer, either. In baseball, base stealing was cemented as a black man's advantage thanks to super fast black people like Henderson (no, this isn't a race joke). And there's a disproportionate amount of black outfielders compared to infielders, where covering ground in short periods is an absolute requirement.
>tfw you're friends with Jake Barnes
How's Barcelona?