If everyone could take their seats we can finally begin.
I would like to thank everyone in attendance, your bids will go to the very worthwhile cause of curing butthurt in America. With enough funding butthurt could be wiped out as early as 2030. I would also like to thank everyone who donated items for the auction.
Our first item is a small talisman emblazoned with a rooster, we believe of Chinese origin made of indeterminate material. Allegedly this item allows its owner to levitate him or herself or other objects, though we have not verified such claims.
Regardless it is a impressive piece or ancient Chinese art and would make a lovely conversation piece at dinner.
Our opening bid is 1000 dollars, do I hear 1500 dollars?
Anyone? For a genuine piece of ancient Chinese history, for all we know it could have been owned by a lord, and maybe an ancient wizard.
Oh wow, I remember these threads...
1550.
1550! Do I hear 1600?
1550, going once!
Going twice!
Sold to the gentlemen sitting all by himself in the front row for 1550 dollars!
Woo hoo!
Now I just need the rabbit and I'll never have to pay for gas again!
Our second item is an oddity. Even though it looks like an ordinary modern day baseball cap it allegedly an ancient hat of Lemurian origins. Keeping with our transportation theme it is said to grant the "chosen" with the ability to teleport anywhere in the world. Even if that part is false it is certainly far older than it's basic appearance appears.
Starting bid at 500. Do I hear 600?
I dunno, I heard that if you get that one you have to hang out with a giant chicken...
What you do in your social life is not our concern. Now do I hear 600 dollar for this genuine Lemurian totally not a regular baseball cap?
How about 500 dollars? 500 for a real magical hat to impress your friends and loved ones.
400?
Boo! I wouldn't even bid 40 dollars on that hat!
Oh come on, it's really old. We carbon dated it and everything.
200?
100?
50 dollars?
25?
10?
5 dollars?
2 dollars?
One dollar for the ancient artifact that's probably very important?
Fifty cents.
A penny.
How about whoever wants it can just take it?
How about I give a dollar to whoever takes it?
Well darn.