Alias Storytime (Part 4)

Hey Anons, welcome back to more Alias!

The comic I spent all night looking for last time was O'Neil's Question. Luckily, I eventually ended up finding it.

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Oh, this should be good.

Jessica, you useless bitch.

kek insecure as fuck

Yeah, that's basically Jessica in a nutshell.

>"Just call the police, the police, yes? The police."
>"The police..."
>"The police..."
>"The police, yes."

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was that the same series that made Hub City more corrupt than Gotham? If so where'd you get it? I've been meaning to read that. Unless you can storytime that in the future?

Jessica, you know you're superhuman, right? You can probably handle whoever it is, especially if you have the element of surprise.

IM NOT A FAGGOT DAD

>was that the same series that made Hub City more corrupt than Gotham?

I found it on Demonoid.

I wouldn't have these suspicions if YOU were hiding a girl in skintight spandex in your room like Jessica was.

You know what the sad thing is? I think this arc is Mattie's last appearance before the arc that killed her.
Granted, I never read her "good" appearances, but still, being written by Bendis, and then dying? That's rough.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I actually chuckled at this.

>"I hate those female versions of already established male-"
>"Ugh. I know. Like She-Hulk."

Bendis, 2003.

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>same panel re-used three times
>maybe four if you count the eyes being changed in the last one

Okay, when was the last time you googled something, and got literally NO matches?

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>"Spider-Woman... oh, I ran Spider-Girl."

God damn it Jessica, you didn't even try?

Mattie Franklin was never a "good" character, but she deserved better than the raw deal she got.

>"Jessica, we can hear you. Don't do that."

Okay, cheap joke, but I got a chuckle.

It's telling that the 4th automatic fill-in for google when I tried searching for her was "mattie franklin rule 34".

Like I said, I've never read her series. But a series with a Spider-Man variant living with JJ? That COULD be interesting.

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In case you ever needed proof that Bendis didn't like Ant-Man, we've got this bit.

I feel like the shrinking panels is SUPPOSED to mean something, but the fact that it's Gaydos makes me think it's just him being shit.

And skipping the recap of the arc...

J Jonah Jameson, the last person to wear a fedora with no sense of irony.

Before you open this image, just LOOK at how many text boxes are on this page. Holy christ.

No, that's Tom Brevoort.

So this is just the comic that inspired Jessica Jones

it also took him a good twenty years longer than most to stop wearing a hitler stache

The SHOW, yes. But this is the first appearance of the character.

I can only assume he's trying to take it back, because otherwise? The battle's over, it's the hat of douchebags, as much as I love Indiana Jones.

Bendis is a man who can spend an entire page's worth of text boxes saying nothing in particular.

For those of you who don't know (and I'm actually surprised Bendis does), Norman Osborn once tried to buy the Daily Bugle (basically to ruin it) after Ben Urich published a book saying he was the Green Goblin. It's common knowledge now, but at the time, it was still a secret. Peter wasn't telling anybody because that would mean HIS identity would get outed.

Oh, THIS you can find.

As I said last time he showed up, he ended up being a much bigger deal in the show.

So does anybody say the word "incarnation" without feeling like a massive fucking nerd?

Remember when fucking EVERYBODY didn't have their own cell phones?

If you SEE her lost, why are you telling her to write down the address?
Fuck it, it's future sight.

To be fair, Indy's fedora is bigger than most.

So does Web actually have an assistant, or did Bendis invent this character?

Madame Web's more unknown power is to set up her own mood lighting.

Maybe it's because I read a lot of science fiction as a kid, but how dumb does Jessica have to be, where she needs multiple futures to be EXPLAINED to her?

Well it's too big to be a cowboy hat, you know?

This and the last page are basically why I want Jessica Jones and Teen Jean Grey to meet. If she's flipping out like this at someone who literally tells her "I can't always control it", imagine how she'd flip out on someone who CAN control it, but does it anyway.

We're 17 issues in, and we still don't know her backstory. That's pretty fucked up.

I am so damn glad this is the last 6-part arc in the series.

God damn it Scott...

And god damn it Jessica!

You didn't when it mattered, and spoiler alert: you never will

I don't know what I find weirder, that Scott almost immediately called Carol (are those two even close?) or that she then immediately called Jessica (who only seems to be Jessica's best friend because she literally has no other friends).

And flashback.

Not everybody gets a cool tagline, Jessica.

Cage only knows because he's known him for years, whereas Matt's only JUST met you.

Pages like this, where it could easily be compressed to a few panels, just annoys me.

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Y'know... if you just don't look at the magazine, it's stupid opinions won't affect you, Jessica.

So this know-nothing kid is a better detective than our protagonist, the professional. Good job, Bendis.

THIS IS WHY YOU AIM FOR CENTER MASS.

Fuck, a soup can to the spine from a Class 3 (I think she's about a class 3) should send him crumpling to the ground, possibly forever.

Yet ANOTHER one of these pages, but at least this time the "client" is clearly not in the same position.

Sherlock Holmes, the world's greatest detective, used street urchins too, real professionals don't do their own legwork, that's a good way to get killed

We don't have many feats from her, because she doesn't exactly TRAIN, but she was able to throw a grown man with enough force to hit the wall AND get full lift off the ground.

See, but at least Holmes actually finds shit out on his own. We're 18 issues in and the closest to real detective work she's done was the case with the mutant who wasn't a mutant, but just a lesbian, and she only had really ONE deduction.
Also? I just really like making fun of Bendis, and god damn, this series is really hard to sit through. At least The Pulse has characters I like.

FORESHADOWING!

I can only assume that was setting up this bit.

I get she's supposed to look hot? But fuck me with a munted pipe, NOBODY looks good when Gaydos draws them.

seems like it would have been easier to just break his wrist, and dissappear once she found what she wanted

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She looks like a cheap hooker

Remember, this is the Marvel Universe. It wouldn't be unwise to assume that everyone in a position of physical power is some kind of mutant, and end up pleasantly surprised when they aren't.

I think she's supposed to look like an attractive hooker, but... you know, Gaydos.

Good news, we're halfway through.

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if she can't tell she looks high as fuck and blasted out of her mind then she truly is the shittiest detective in comics

>"Are you a cop? Because if you are, you have to tell me or its entrapment."

I admit, I know about as much about the legal system as I do about, well, about Bowie-era rock as we discovered last thread, but this sounds like bullshit.

Just because she can't tell WHAT she's high on doesn't mean she isn't the worst. I mean, The Question would've solved this shit by now.

Byrne, Bendis and death?
Death was a mercy.

So the only appearance before this was Byrne? Man, that's rough.

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As much as I rip on Gaydos? This bit isn't bad.

If anything this just proves that Bendis really, really wants to be plowed by an enormous black cock.

>she starts beating on them after she knows they're on MGH

Reminder that getting high was only a secondary benefit, and MGH is primarily used to give normal people FUCKING SUPERPOWERS.

Yeah, this lasted as well as expected.

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Wait, have they met in this book yet?

I don't think this nerd worries about feeling like a nerd.
I think he worries about Jessica getting home while he's jerking off to her laundry.

He seems like the type who'd steal her laundry to do it in HIS apartment without being caught.

Turning Julia Carpenter into Madame Web was a bullshit move.

Remember that Bendis used a similar plot to this in his Uncanny X-Men, where Dazzler was used as an MGH farm.

Also, how does a detective in the Marvel Universe not know what MGH is?!

Because she's legitimately retarded I think.

Well, the good news is that if there's just One Future in her mind, that means she's ready, willing, and able to join Carol's Fascist war on free will, right?

Honestly, I haven't read much with either of them (only Madame Web I know about is in the Roger Stern Omni), and I haven't read any West Coast Avengers yet.

Yeah, she was a product of the late 90s Byrne Spider-Man era, and her solo book was pretty much all him.

And this is LATE 90s Byrne, after he had thoroughly turned into a grumpy old man forcing his headcanon down everyone's throats.