Describe the plot of this flick from memory

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quips

The fucking dance off was in the climax! FUCK! Oh God, oh God... please help me.

This is reddit this is memes

The main plot was that Mantis is cute.

Father celestial reunited with Quill while the yondudes are looking for the guardians because they stole some lightbulbs from the gold people and rescued Thanos daughterfu, then we see that the planet is actually just Ego and Mantis helps him sleep and then I guess Quill has celestial powers too but he doesn't wanna tumor anyone so oh and Racoon and baby groot and yondu get captured but they escape then go help quill fight Ego and they plant and baby griot detonates it and yondu saves quill and he dies so they hold a space funeral for him and then there's like 4 post credits scene I remember the one where the gold people create Adam oh and at the beginning Mr Blue Sky plays and they kill some monster and Baby Groot dances.

I thought it was really weird how right before they fight the villain, Chris Pratt turns to the camera and starts ranting about how abortion is murder and Christians need to fight back against their oppression in this country. It lasts a solid four minutes and I was shocked to see very few critics even mention it. How did that make it into the final cut? Even his costars look bewildered.

Wait, this movie exists?

Kek, this. I literally though that this came out in November or some shit.

Epic starman's dad is fucking dirty skanks on every inhabited planet in the galaxy, I'm talking raw dogging the shit out of them and knocking them all up like some dirty preggo fetishest and then out-niggering every nog in the world by not just knocking them up and high-tailing it out, but the fucking planets themselves, leaving them to errupt in a giant bukkake explosion after he stabs the star man with his rape tentacle which somehow was all the power he needed to shoot his tidal waves of white hot cum across the universe, which makes me wonder why he even tried to convince starman to join him in the first place, like who cares?

anyway, disney decided the dancing baby groot at the end of the first film was a hot demographic with children, teenage girls, and the elderly, so the entire opening scene is him doing a little dance to an epic old song which the oldies will remember and clap in glee for remembering and the kids will later look up on youtube and masturbate in the comment section about how they were born in le wrong generation.

then there's some dumb shit about the retarded green chick and her sister but nobody cares.

then the raccoon and the mohawk man bond for some reason and starman realizes mowhawk man was truly his daddy all along before we see a giant, soulless special effects eye rape festival where raccoon man happens to have a perfectly sized bomb and the perfect plan to kill the demi-god starman dad. then they kill the starman guy and HEY REMEMBER ZUNE? HAHAHAHA. A NEW GENERATION OF SONGS TO SHILL, GUYS.

fuck you james gunn

They fought a monster and stole some batteries. Ben Browder showed up a put his Peacekeeper accent to use. Gamora got mad that Quill wanted to see if the gold chick had a pink pussy or a gold one.

The gold dudes find out that Racoon stole some batteries. Kurt Russel saves them from the gold dudes' assault. Meanwhile, Taserface doesn't like Yondu and plans a coup while they're recruited in an attempt to go after the Guardians.

The Guardians crash on Endor and Kurt Russell shows up. He takes Gamora, Drax, Mantis and Quill to his home planet which is also his body. Racoon and Groot stay beind to fix the ship with a paint sprayer.

Lots of fluff happens with Quill and Russell. Russell is his dad. Rooker and his aliens attack the racoon but Taserface takes charge and kicks both of their asses.

wew

That one's not hard to remember and it's pretty recent. You should have asked for the plot of Thor 2 for a challenge.

>Young kurt russel bangs some ho and plants his literal seed, both inside her and on the planet
>30 years later in space, group kills squid monster while ELO plays
>they want the batteries
>gold bitch wants to fuck Ben Browder
>He ain't having it
>they get the blue bitch I wanna fuck
>steal batteries
>gold people go after them
>a literal fucking poop joke
>crashland on planet
>they split into different stories
>meme titan goes after his dad and brings green bitch, blue bitch I wanna fuck and Drax
>Furry-bait and christmas gift follow based Tobias into whatever
>Kurt Russel is god
>Viet chick is cute, miracle of the universe-tier
>Story splits yet fucking again:
>Reddit P. Worrell and Snake bond
>Drax and his new daughter bond
>Green bitch and blue bitch I wanna fuck bond
>MEANWHILE
>Papa Smurf meets Stallone and gets [Character Development]
>Goes to jail
>some shitty jokes
>pretty good music scene follows
>they escape into a wormhole in what's possibly the craziest scene in Disney history
>back to 9gag, they discover that the dad is evil and is gonna literally destroy the universe
>he turns into real-life Kurt Russel for a second and then breaks the walkman, oh noooooo
>everything is blowing up to absolute insanity in what's possibly the craziest finale in Disney history
>oh shit the heroes are about to lose
>AND IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME NOW
>YOU WILL NEVER LOVE ME AGAIN
>turns into fucking Pacman
>Papa Smurf finishes his development and sacrifices himself for the team
>A powerful emotional ending follows that neatly ties up all the character arcs so far and point them to some more development in the future


The Guardians movies are pretty good actually, it's a shame they have to be connected to Marvel's bullshit.

Everyone keeps telling Quill what an obvious bad guy Kurt Russell is but he isn't buying it. Groot and the raccoon are basically forced into slavery. Michael Rooker drools a bit too.

Oh. I forgot about the blue lady. She was the prize for killing the monster at the beginning. I guess I forgot about the flashback to 80s Missouri too.

Anyways, she's on the ship with Rooker and the Racoon and everyone. They all stage a daring escape and head to Russelland.

They do some fighting. Quill gets mad. Russell gets naked. They fight. "Meme off, dad. You and me" happens and Quill makes Pac-Man. I would have made Galaga instead because of the space theme, but that's just me.

They save the day and make sure to leave room for a few obvious sequel hooks. I forgot about Michael Rosenbaum playing a CGI character and Sly Stallone doing things. Really, there's a lot I forot.

I've seen this picture posted before. I don't understand what's remarkable about it. Is it the quality of the cooking? Is it the quality of the butchering?

goldfaces hire the meme gang to fight space monster
rocket steals batteries
they crash land on a planet
its starlords dad and he takes them to his planet
turns out he doesn't care about memelord and he's just one of his many many children
le i put tumor
BANG BANG BANG
everybody fights including the goldfaces
mary poppins and the walkman die
the end

Weird portals open between realms because the planets are aligning, hershlag goes into one of them and awakens some magic infinity stone and that wakes up some ancient elves who go to assgard and kill thors mom so hershlag, Thor and Loki escape and loki (((dies))) so they go back to earth but the elves are attacking so with some >le science shit
Hershlag, the scientist and boobs mcgee fight the elves and Thor helps so at the end the assguardians sell the infinity stone to the collector.

nigga eating a screaming monkey

The titty jew doesn't get her tits out.
Not even one cleavage.
The end.

This, although it did tie into his rant about cultural marxism and critical theory in the first movie.
Who knew James Gunn was so conservative?

With our powers combined, I can become Captain Genocide.

Vol 2 in a nutshell:
Combine your powers with me or I will turn you into a fucking tree