In celebration of getting rejected by Heavy Metal today...

In celebration of getting rejected by Heavy Metal today, I'm going to storytime my comic THE HELLGORYTHM ISSUE ONE - BETTER WITH TIME.

I'm the writer. Artist is SickJoe - sickjoe.deviantart.com/

Tell me if you like it. Tell me if you hate it.

Other urls found in this thread:

heavymetal.com/submissions/
sickjoe.deviantart.com/
twitter.com/AnonBabble

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wowo how sad.

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oops

is anyone readin this trash?

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ANDDDDD THAS IT BOYOOOO

>The person I loved died a long time ago
>*Kills person*
A bit cliche but so far the art is cool and you've got my attention

I was going for a kind of cliche neo-noir feel for the dialogue. Bad guys saying bad things. Bad girls doing worse things. Whether that's a good thing or not is up to you.

Alright not bad. Not sure why you had two stories around one character and a third seemingly completely unrelated. Also the title of the issue went right over my head

There's supposed to be a fourth unrelated story as well.

Better with Time because the first story is about a guy being told it gets better with time. And it's also the future.

It's bad. Try to do your own thing that this stupid ironic shit of "I know it's bad but it's MEANT to be bad". There's potential, but it doesn't feel "you", if you know what I mean. Like, it feels done to appeal to someone else and the
>I was going for a kind of cliche neo-noir feel for the dialogue. Bad guys saying bad things. Bad girls doing worse things
really cements it

Keep at it, but try to put yourself in the pages more. Art is quite cool even if it feels unpolished for the most part. Practice makes perfect.

Fuck this is pretty.
I'm liking it Writer / Author, sorry to hear you got rejected.

Really like the coloring.

ay yo fuck it, here's a completely unrelated comic i did.

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I like it. Good work, user. Sorry you got rejected
This is also good.

ITS YOUR ONE WAY TICKET TO FEELIN RIGHT

OP whered you learn to draw like that?

I liked this. Poor kids.

You've shown part's of this before right?

What they say about why they rejected it or was it just the usual polite "try again" we look forward to rejecting you in he future letter.

I see what you're going for in the dialogue but its still a bit clunky and could therefore use some work. There's not really a natural flow to it.

Also the MC is a little too much of a cliched McBadass. I thought Sabot was pretty rad though.

Art was fucking DOPE

I like the setting you chose, you have the bones of a good story I think you just need to polish it more imo. Keep making comics mah nigga

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for you.

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OP HERE.
I'm the writer not the artist. But I asked and he said "Image comics, broooooooooo."

I dig the neon scheme. Noice art m8. The writing can be abrupt and somewhat hard to follow but it's got the juice

I feel like you've got a knack for Older Gods type of shit, but it's so niche these days that it'll be hard to pitch.

bump

Well how do you write like that, its pretty good from what ive skimmed through.

How do you send a pitch? Do you just mail them the script or what?

As a guy with a Heavy Metal Subscription-- what the fuck are they even doing.
This is better then the shit I'm actually getting in my magazines.

The Hellgorythm stuff is interesting. Sci-fi'd up bounty hunters doing the ultraviolence is cool, but I think you really need to flesh the world out a little more to differentiate it.


That said: artist is fucking solid.
He got a website?

Heh... I was about to say that OP is good but really not a heavy Metal class at all, maybe get a foot in the door at Image or something?
But I haven't really read Heavy Metal since 1995ish, so there's that.

too edgy

I've been exposed.

read a lot, write a lot

Seriously motherfucker, help an aspiring fellow writer out here.

Heavy Metal fucking sucks now, I'm not renewing my subscription. That four page story from Morrison's first issue with the copy pasted meme images was the worst thing I've ever read, even if it was published ironically.

Putting a comic together is better than not ever completing anything at all, so there's that.

I was left wondering who the characters were and why they mattered. Not trying to be a hater.

read the submissions page for the place you want to get published in.
heavymetal.com/submissions/

dude just submit to 2000AD, way easier to get into, plus this would suit perfectly

The art is scattered and all over the place, I have no idea what the fuck is going on during half of these pages, the light sources are all over the place and everything is smushed together. The writing seems like it only exist as a vehicle to get to "cool" moments

5/10 comic. average. my biggest complaint is too much style over substance

My biggest complaint is about the same.

So we have those disconnected characters, and, eh. I guess by volume 6 all their stories come together.

Kinda uninspiring to read that, knowing vol 6 is never coming.

As for the art it sometimes DID convey the "woah, that's cool", but other times it was more of "what is this shit, I can't even".

Sabot is your [team's] greatest achievement here.

These two get it. The art can be really cool in places, but sometimes the colorist really needs to learn to turn it down. The first two parts have kind of weak writing, the third gets a lot better. Sabot is actually fun, if still a tad cliché, and his design is god-tier. It'd probably be better to focus on just one character (preferably Sabot) at first, and branch out to explore other people later.

I liked the art, personally. There were a couple times where it took a minute for everything to click, but it was never jumbled enough to not be able to tell what the action was. Very stylish.

Did you use an editor, OP? Some of the dialogue and text boxes are a little clunky sounding. The woman saying "when I was a child" followed by "childish" is jarring enough to bring the narrative to a pause.

Sorry for that user
Keep trying and I'm sure you'll get it one day
I have Faith in you

It's kinda disorientating how often the colors change every single page especially since you choose very bright colors. Try to have consistency to let the reader familiarize themselves with the setting.

I'm digging it. Yeah I agree with the other user I that the dialogue could be better, but you nailed the atmosphere and tone really well. I fucking LOVE the art. It feels like if Perturbator made a comic.

It is pretty A E S T H E T I C. Thing is, to make it more coherent and fit a good story board, they'd probably have to make it a good 1/3 longer, maybe more. Doesn't necessarily sound like much, but adding 1/3 to 1/2 of the current page count would be a large investment for the artist. That's one of the sticking points.

Hellgorythm is a nice setting and there are good concepts there tho. Same goes for the eldritch sort of themed short comics.

The artist's main site is sickjoe.deviantart.com/

He has most of his work up there.